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Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 7:37:36 AM

submissiveone30

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I was just wondering does being Dominant come naturally or can it be learned?

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 7:47:39 AM

OsideGirl

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Well. there's two sides to this. I think you're either an Alpha or you're not, and it cannot be learned. I believe that a lot of "Doms" out in the world are not Alpha, and use D/s to ease some other issue within their lives.

That said....you're not born knowing how to be "A" Dominant, therefore that has to learned.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 3/13/2008 7:48:59 AM >

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 7:52:30 AM

akisha

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You can learn to Dominate with out being a Dominant, and you can learn to submit with out being a submissive. But in those cases you are taking on a role for a duration of time. It's not a natural part of who you are.

The amazing things about switches and they seem to do both with ease.

Also... you can be an Alpha personality and still be a submissive. I am very dominant in my professional and outside life but I'm very submissive in my personal life and to my partner. Even when I was in non D/s relationships I tended to be submissive towards my partner. Just who I am.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 7:52:47 AM

colouredin

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Yeah I would agree there are people who are born with a natural dominant streak, as Oside said they still have to learn :D

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 7:58:40 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissiveone30

I was just wondering does being Dominant come naturally or can it be learned?

It depends on who you ask. Some people believe that it is inherent; others believe differently. It does not really matter though, what others believe; only what you believe.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 7:58:58 AM

LadyLynx

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lol, well that depends on the switch, and whether they lean more towards one end or not. (and of course a whole bunch of other variables.) I think it is possible for a Dominant personality to be developed, though.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 8:08:42 AM

amayos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissiveone30

I was just wondering does being Dominant come naturally or can it be learned?

It can be learned, yes, but without the right impetus it will tend to be an academic study, wooden and passionless and failing to have the energy needed to perpetuate itself. The second equation in dominance is will, a far less tangible force which cannot be learned from a book or a class. The sail may be built technically perfect, but without gray-eyed Athena's favorable breeze, it is merely an ornament unfilled.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 8:10:35 AM

variation30

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissiveone30

I was just wondering does being Dominant come naturally or can it be learned?

I have no idea...

however, if you weren't naturally dominant (whatever that means to you), why would you want to learn it?

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 8:16:14 AM

SailingBum

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Leadership can be learned. doms I think not.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 8:18:45 AM

kinkypuppy2

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Naturally not in all cases, In many it is a growth, a learning of ones own inner strengths and a un-learning of what one is taught/indoctrinated over years of growing up.
Can it be "taught" no . Mentored and guided most definately.
Most of us were brough up to treat all as equal and that the word respect is actually to belittle ones self in the face of another. That has to be unlearned.
You have to learn confidence in who YOU are. and that goes toward both sides of the equasion. Many submissives are brought up to "be in charge"

No wonder we are all screwed up as a society.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 10:30:34 AM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissiveone30

I was just wondering does being Dominant come naturally or can it be learned?

If you don't have the calling, even if it's buried somewhere deep inside, at best you can become technically proficient at activities but, imo, you will never thrive as a dominant.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 10:41:03 AM

FRSguy

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Yes it can be learned. There are a lot of different aspect to all of this. As long as you feel comfortable doing the things that you do than all can be well you just have to be carefull not to extend yourself into things you are not comfortable with. Make your relationship your own so to speak. You are allready in an established marriage so choose the parts of the lifestyle that you enjoy. As far as the non-sexual side of being a Dom... That is something the Dom has to struggle through and he may need some support.... not the kind of support where its like how do I treat a sub but more on the lines of.... How do I take care of this bill, where do I invest my money, how do I raise my voice to the IRS. How do I ask for help in something without feeling like an idot. These are all learned things that some people miss out on as they evolve and some people need to back up a bit. There is a huge emotional part of it as well ... as long as the person is willing to recognise and address those emotional issues its cool. Now the tough part of learning about it is that by definition he cant use your help So he is the one that has to be on these boards not you so to speak... in other words... someone can learn... but not by the person they are in a relationship with... you both kind of have to go to your own corners and explore it on your own and meet together and explore together. That would be an emotional stretch for both of you and its a very bumpy road .... but damn is the spices good when you reach your destination.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 12:14:09 PM

masterfixer

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doms are learned behaviors that come naturally.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 12:59:27 PM

Gemini1766

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Leadership can be learned, and taught, the military proves that time and again.

Natural dominates, they definately exist. That doesn't mean that they are naturally successful.

The answers, my friend, are blowing in the wind.

Mmm, blowing... where's cali and those blowjobs...

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 1:21:03 PM

daddyncherry

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i definitely think and know that the play skills can be learned, like just about anything else if you have the apptitude and desire but, i don't think that makes you dominant but it may make you a good Top....but then again, it could help you be Dominant to someone.

i have seen over the past year or so many more Dominant types than i had in the past, and in some it seems sooo effortless, meaning their way of being seems to be inate, fluid (this isn't meaning during play, just what they exude)...However, i have seen others who just seemed to be very forced as if they were donning a hat or a mask for a party like they weren't totally comfortable in their skin so to speak....it didn't come from within, it came from without and i noticed these differences in some of them.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 1:36:12 PM

Lumus

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Hmm. I'm of the mind [which echoes most of the sentiments already offered] that a person can be a natural Dom; however, I think the slant of whether training makes you merely a Top depends on how one might view the 'Mentor' thread...

I didn't have a natural affinity for some of the skills I have since developed; I don't believe that makes me "merely a Top". To me, that label indicates someone who doesn't have the desire and just acts the role - for money or love, or whatever other reason may lurk out there. Personally, I think everybody learns, that no one pops out perfect in any venue or aspect of their lives.

So a Dom can naturally be a Dom; may have to learn some skills but to my mind, that doesn't banish the label, 'Alpha'; and that anyone who has to learn everything without any natural affinity wouldn't fall under the label of 'Dom', as I understand it. I'm interested in seeing the definitions of others.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 2:01:58 PM

daddyncherry

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lumus

Hmm. I'm of the mind [which echoes most of the sentiments already offered] that a person can be a natural Dom; however, I think the slant of whether training makes you merely a Top depends on how one might view the 'Mentor' thread...

I didn't have a natural affinity for some of the skills I have since developed; I don't believe that makes me "merely a Top". To me, that label indicates someone who doesn't have the desire and just acts the role - for money or love, or whatever other reason may lurk out there. Personally, I think everybody learns, that no one pops out perfect in any venue or aspect of their lives.

So a Dom can naturally be a Dom; may have to learn some skills but to my mind, that doesn't banish the label, 'Alpha'; and that anyone who has to learn everything without any natural affinity wouldn't fall under the label of 'Dom', as I understand it. I'm interested in seeing the definitions of others.

i didn't say merely a top or just a top, i'm sorry if that was implied in your perception, it wasn't meant from mine.

my point was this,.....someone can learn all kinds of things, hell i was a pro domme for quite a long while, but i was never actually Dominant, i was a submissive doing activities of a dominant.

i believe that if it is in your soul, whether you have the skills to begin with or not (cause NOT would be the case with all of us who don't come out with a flogger in hand at birth)....but if you have it in your soul....if it comes across as being comfortable as a favorite pair of old jeans or worn in boots, then it is who you are....that is not something that is learned, though comfort, over time can be learned within a certain realm (play for one example).

But, if someone is really amazing with all kinds of toys and all types of play, it doesn't mean that they are a dominant, they are doing dominat activities, but, they appear to be in costume, like they aren't being true to themselves...seem like a facade.

This of course is all my own opinion from my own experiences as a pro Domme and as a 24/7 slave to a very naturally alpha male...so my perception may be skewed.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 2:40:44 PM

Lumus

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No offense taken, cherry; I was only stating my view. I might have latched to the word from seeing it in your post, but there was no implication of any sort. I'm more of a blunt person, I'd say if I disagreed specifically with ya.

*whispers*

I think individual perception is skewed by its inherent nature.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 3:32:11 PM

Gemini1766

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lumus
*whispers*

I think individual perception is skewed by its inherent nature.

Lumus, that's something that everyone needs to realize. It's also at the core of the discussion (if you can call it that) about online being "real" or not. Truth is what you get when facts are skewed by personal (and often societial) perceptions.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 5:33:15 PM

Lashra

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I have natural dominant traits, I learned to be a leader and a decision maker. So in my opinion it is a mixture of both.

~Lashra

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