Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills

Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (Full Version)

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yellowseeksred -> Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 8:16:50 AM)
I'm fairly new and don't remember posting to the boards so hello! I'm so frustrated talking to Doms. I really am. I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to rant since it may seem "rude" agaisnt him, but I'm just so frustrated! I was talking to a Dom and it all crashed and burned. Basically instead of asking questions to be sure we were on the same page, he just assumed he knew everything. We'd only talked maybe 5 times before then for maybe 20 minutes each time, so it wasn't like we knew each other for very long, but suddenly he was declaring that my pussy, ass, and mouth belonged to him despite us NEVER agreeing to such a thing. Much later (after trying to resolve the problem logically) when I told him he seemed to lack communication skills since he never asked, we never agreed, he never said anything about it until then, he basically told me he doesn't hold any blame and it isn't his fault. I'm so sick of this passive agressive bullshite. I'd say I've talked to 50 Doms on this website since I became a member and I'd say 40 of them acted exactly how he acted. I'm not saying I blame him for anything, but I was very careful to not agree to anything because I barely knew him and suddenly I 'belong' to him. Blame and reality are two very different things. If I do something wrong, I acknowledge it and strive to better myself and to never do it again, but most of the Doms I've talked to have a holier-than-thou attitude when they don't even know me. All I want is a little respect and to actually be heard instead of having people just jump to conclusions and completely ignore things I say (or fabricate things I never said). I'm tired of this superiority complex some have when they don't even know me. In real life, would these people walk around just assuming they know everything? Woud they jump to conclusions? And if so how sucessful can you be if you do something like that? If this is your lifestyle, wouldn't this be real life, too?

SailingBum -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 8:20:11 AM)
GoodGobblyGooup. Do you feel better now? BadOne

yellowseeksred -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 8:21:32 AM)
Is that helpful or necessary?

colouredin -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 8:24:51 AM)
Block, Delete, Move on there are people like that, jsut dont associate with them, we all experiance it

honeygirl -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 8:29:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred In real life, would these people walk around just assuming they know everything? Woud they jump to conclusions? And if so how sucessful can you be if you do something like that? If this is your lifestyle, wouldn't this be real life, too? Yes. Yes. Don't know. Yes. :) Seriously, I think there are a lot of people like that in real life, too. Think about how much time you saved by finding out you were incompatible during the early stages!

yellowseeksred -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 8:38:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: honeygirl quote: ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred In real life, would these people walk around just assuming they know everything? Woud they jump to conclusions? And if so how sucessful can you be if you do something like that? If this is your lifestyle, wouldn't this be real life, too? Yes. Yes. Don't know. Yes. :) Seriously, I think there are a lot of people like that in real life, too. Think about how much time you saved by finding out you were incompatible during the early stages! Thats what I keep telling myself. "Thank god I found out now instead of later when it may have cost me something."

GreedyTop -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 8:50:01 AM)
yellow.. it's the nature of the (human) beast. As was said, block, ignore delete. eventually, you'll find someone who actually HEARS you..ok, so ya gotta wade through a buncha crap to get there, but think how much more you'll appreciate the gem when you find him! :)

SailingBum -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 9:16:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred Is that helpful or necessary? I thought so. As it's already been posted oh about a zillion times. so I figured you wanted to improve your typing skills. Whining is decidely unattractive. As far a your whine went it was FanFuckingtastic. BadOne

xxblushesxx -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 9:17:14 AM)
You gotta kiss a lot of highandmightyuberdomlydoms before you find a real Dom. (you don't really haveta kiss 'em. that was an expression)

fluffyswitch -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 9:21:16 AM)
personally i just play with them...it makes my sadistic side happy. but yeah you have to deal with the dominants that think they know everything, the ones who will blast you for saying things you don't like, and the ones that cross the line practically before you have time to draw it. block ignore report whatever makes you happy.

peppermint -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 9:31:42 AM)
What makes you think that those you have chatted with from this site are Doms? Is it because they checked the little box that says "Dom" rather than the boxes that said "submissive" or "switch?" This is a free site. You'll find all kinds of people here. There are Doms, subs, switches, those who haven't a clue, and those who just like to perv the profiles. This is the internet where people can have an alter ego. Before the internet they just daydreamed. The best advice i saw in this thread is to delete and block and get on with your life. If you want to cut down on the imposters and the posers, attend your local munch. The percentage of people looking for a D/s relationship at a munch is much higher than you'll find at any internet site.

CalifChick -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 9:38:13 AM)
You're 22 years old and female. Get used to it. Cali

Dnomyar -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 9:52:07 AM)
blushes you don't have to kiss me. Just nibble on my ear. Op your just getting started. You are going to see a lot more of the same. Im probably the only good Dom around who is'nt taken. Be like Cali she is used to it.

Justme696 -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 9:54:13 AM)
Assholes making themself look like assholes..is a way of good communication actually

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 11:00:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick You're 22 years old and female. Get used to it. Cali Amen. Lotta the people who will line your inbox with junk are not worth your time of day.

stella41b -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 11:24:02 AM)
O Boze. Jak to moze byc? Jakis Dominant nie umie komunikowac sie z ulegla kobieta w necie? No to w sumie zdarzy sie, wiesz, ze ludzie nie potrafia sie skomunikowac ze soba w Internecie, zwlaszcza tutaj w tym portal tak zwany Collarme. No to coz... That was Polish in case anyone's wondering. I sometimes wondered in the past whether I would get a better response here on CM if I rewrote my profile in Polish. Communication is based on interaction - expressing one's thoughts and feelings through words (or non-verbally if in person), thinking, and also listening and reading. It's a transaction, an exchange. Assumptions are usually misleading, and here we're talking very simple basic assumptions, that someone who speaks English as a native language is able to communicate with another person who speaks English as a native language. Assumptions usually lead to misunderstandings. I spent years believing that Jimi Hendrix was a homosexual. Why? Because I was so sure that in the song 'Purple Haze' he was singing 'Excuse me while I kiss this guy.' Let's take another one of his songs, 'Hey Joe'. For years I thought he was singing 'You know I've kind of been messin' around with another man' (actually 'You know I caught her messin' around with another man') I had this idea that ZZ Top didn't like science fiction, because in a song about clothes they sing 'Every girl's scared of a Star Trek Fan'. It's like in that Mamas and Papas song 'Creeque Alley' they sing 'And in the coffee house the bastard sat' and I never worked out who it could be. But seriously, I cannot deal with people I cannot communicate with. And it's like erm, power exchange, exchange of power.. so how can someone be a Dom if they can't even exchange straightforward thoughts and feelings? More to the point, why spent time dealing with someone who cannot communicate with you? This I don't understand. I wouldn't get involved, for instance with a Dom who couldn't speak English. Why? Because we would have to mime or use sign language, and this makes a scene far more complicated. Besides, if he's holding a whip whilst we are trying to communicate he might do himself or me a nasty injury. If there's no communication, there's no possibility of a relationship.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 11:48:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx You gotta kiss a lot of highandmightyuberdomlydoms before you find a real Dom. (you don't really haveta kiss 'em. that was an expression) But...but...but...what about just us "uberDoms" who have not reached that almost-impossible-to-attain "high and mighty" status? Will you still kiss us, blushes? [;)] Seriously, I can't tell the OP anything different. Be grateful you learned so quickly. 5 talks for about what, 2 hours in all?...that is not a great deal of time invested. Wasted time, yes...but there again, how much of our 24 hour days are spent 100% productively?

CalifChick -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 11:54:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant But...but...but...what about just us "uberDoms" who have not reached that almost-impossible-to-attain "high and mighty" status? Will you still kiss us, blushes? [;)] OMG, he is trying to use that innocent, angelic tone again. Pssttt!!! CD!! It doesn't play in writing any better than it does verbally... nobody is buying it! LMAO! quote: Seriously, I can't tell the OP anything different. Be grateful you learned so quickly. 5 talks for about what, 2 hours in all?...that is not a great deal of time invested. Yeah, that should have told you something right there. ONLY two hours over FIVE convos??? Sheesh. When you hit two hours PER convo and THEN it goes bad, cmon and bitch about it. LOL. Cali

SailingBum -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 1:05:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Seriously, I can't tell the OP anything different. Be grateful you learned so quickly. 5 talks for about what, 2 hours in all?...that is not a great deal of time invested. Yeah, that should have told you something right there. ONLY two hours over FIVE convos??? Sheesh. When you hit two hours PER convo and THEN it goes bad, cmon and bitch about it. LOL. Cali Actually I much prefer the bitchin that goes on after 1 email. I'm like get real folks. I swear if i read block ignore del one more fucking time I'm gonna shoot cali. BadOne

katie978 -> RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication skills (3/13/2008 1:11:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred I'm so frustrated talking to Doms. I really am. I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to rant since it may seem "rude" agaisnt him, but I'm just so frustrated! You're not allowed, sorry. It's clearly stated in the D/s Handbook that no person who qualifies as a twue submissive would ever, EVER say anything mildly rude towards a dominant. Especially if said "dominant" was merely an online player who lured naive newbies into sexual chat. Those kind of "dominants" must never be spoken ill of. Just a heads up, the BDSM police probably issue you an official citation later.

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