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PsyVamp -> RE: TPE=Trust, Responsibility, Commitment (3/13/2008 1:30:33 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MistressVnus
to be Dominant wasn't just about control, or taking, or "playing."
It was serious. It was a huge responsibility to take a slave, or sub, or Alpha, or Princess, or Prince. Whatever you want to call the person who is conceding their will to you. It meant that they are trusting you with their well being and that it is my responsibility to insure that their well being is maintained. Mentally, physically, spiritually. It meant that someone is trusting Me with their life. Looking to me for guidance, training, and trusting that some of the paces I put them through will make them a better person, all the way around. Even if they don't see it at the time. And, it meant having my own ducks in a row in order to do so. So, should we ever part, there isn't a bad thing one could say in regards to My integrity, trustworthyness, or taking the responsibility of their well being lightly.
It meant that I must stay aware. Know when to push. Know when to back off. Recognize a boundary, even though it has been unspoken. That I am being trusted to have the skill, and connection, to see it. It doesn't need to be said. And, also trusting that if something does need to be said, that I am listening. It means that the one who has relinquised their will to me is trusting that I will have their best interest at heart. Even if I make a mistake. And, that even when they may make a mistake, they will endure correction, not abandonment.
Find the vulnerabilites. Find their sensitive spots. Tread carefully around those spots. And to recognize when a slave is suffering in a way that is not conducive to my goals for "us" but is unwilling, or afraid, to speak up for fear of displeasing me.
I was taught that as much as I expect my slave to commit, that I, too, am committing. Just as deeply. It isn't a game.
There are needs we are fulfilling for each other that the outside world doesn't understand. And through this, we tighten the binds. We grow. We make mistakes. We process our struggles privately to maintain each others dignity. We forgive. We move on to the next step. But most importantly, we stick to our committments. We maintain our integrity. We maintain our honor.
If we do that. No matter what happens....neither one would ever walk away in an undesired light. Or, feeling they weren't good enough, or sub enough, or Dominant enough, or human enough. That we loved, fulfilled, and brought enlightenment to each other. No matter how short, or long, the time together may be, for whatever reason, it would be a time that neither party would ever have wished they hadn't experienced.
What does a TPE mean to you? What do you see as the essential elements for a sound foundation to a TPE relationship? Whether you be one taking the will or surrendering the will, what is your ideal TPE relationship? What do you hope it brings to you? What do you hope to impart to the other? What do you hope to fulfill for yourself and your counterpart? How would you want it to end, if it did?
*sighs*
I do so love to hear from others who take it to the same level of commitment that I believe in. Thank you for starting this thread, no matter where it goes. It reminds me that there are others who believe there is so much more than just playing.
I need the commitment to the dynamic, the willingness of the submissive (by whatever name) to follow my lead, to trust me completely. I need to be true to myself, to know when to push buttons and to know when to back away.
If one comes to me, it is always my hope that should they leave, they will be in a much better position in life than they were at their arrival.
In my dynamic at this time, I can honestly say that if he were to leave today (even though he has a long way to go) he would still be in a much better position to make a better life for himself than he was when he came into my life.
To me, this means that yes, I must have my "ducks in a row". I do not believe one can be a Master (by whatever name) if one cannot take care of ones self first. How can you take care of another if you can't take care of yourself?
This does not imply that a physical disability would prevent a person from being a good Master. A person bound to a wheelchair can still be a Master, given the resources (ie mental/emotional/financial etc) to handle their own life with minimum interference from others.
Yes, bad luck hits all of us from time to time. Temporary set backs aren't what I refer to in the above paragraphs.
Here is an example. If one doesn't have any means of income, no place to live, no viable skills but is pushy and demanding.. that does not make one a Master. Being able to top does not make one a Master.
I could go on and on, but in the end, it is really only my own moral code- to each his own. I hold myself to certain standards, not ever to perfection though. I make enough mistakes of my own, and I own up to each and every one of them.
I guess I could blame the porn industry, lol, for making D/s or M/s all about sex. I didn't learn from the porn industry though so for me, if any playing has a sexual overtone, it is a side effect as opposed to the main purpose.
M/s, on the other hand, is not playing. It is a way of life for me.
I hope that makes some kind of sense.
Lady Jag
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