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Stephann -> RE: For women: how to find a man here (3/13/2008 8:21:02 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet
quote:
Of course, your milage may vary.
Mine varied. I did what you suggested, and what I found was that men that I contacted were far less into me than men that contacted me first. Just my experience, and I know it isn't universal.
julia
edited to address this point
quote:
Keeping a profile on is great, too, but I strongly recommend liberal use of mail filters (with occasional checking of the bulk mail, especially for forum warriors.)
I wouldn't recommend filters, it is fairly easy to scan an email to see if one should read a profile, and if one glances at a profile then they can further cull which ones they want to respond to. I know there are people on here that set their age to 99 on CM, or they do not publish their exact locale. I wouldn't want to miss out on someone because they did not list a weight, a height, played with their location a little, or their age.
Just my thoughts if I was looking again
Oh, sure. Again, my suggestion isn't the best way for all. Different people have different amounts of time to invest in their 'search.' My suggestions are aimed at a sizable minority who clearly feel that the quality of men they've been talking to isn't up to snuff. Meeting people online can be daunting at best. Yet I've been extraordinarily fortunate in my online experiences in the past year, and feel that these suggestions might be of value to others. It's not so much 'how' one is found, but rather the spirit behind it; that there's clearly a large pool of men for women to draw from. If they're only looking at the men who wash ashore in their mailboxes, they are missing out on a great number of possibilities.
Hi Treasure!
I wasn't assuming all women having trouble aren't doing any work. I'm not suggesting this is strictly a submissive, or even female issue. I'm saying that the men who are writing, do so because they aren't usually getting unsolicited messages. As mentioned by others, there is a prevelant attitude that the man is supposed to write. It suggests that women aren't empowered to do the research that they are certainly entitled to do.
Additionally, my post was aimed at posts made by submissives who wonder why a guy flakes out, starts acting weird in email, etc. I've had this happen in the past, and I've learned that it usually happens from people who aren't particularly established here. The older the profile, the more posts they have, the more likely they are to actually be whom they represent themselves to be. I think many women do use "he has to write me first" as a major criteria.
The point I'm making is that I believe when you write people who pique your interest, and you don't reduce your standards, you vastly increase the chances of that person responding, and having something to share with them. Most of the great interactions I've had that went from online to off, have been made with people who wrote about themselves in their profiles, really shared their interests and expectations, and listed interests and activities that I know I shared. I wasn't writing a note saying "I don't know you at all, but I'd like to"; I was writing "I've read your profile, and I also LOVE camping/live music/whiskey/irish music/south park/dungeons!!! If I know we're starting with a common base outside of just BDSM, I know that there's a much greater chance of having that spark with them, even if it leads to just friends.
Warm Regards,
Stephan
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