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CreativeDominant -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/14/2008 7:46:34 AM)
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For me, it has taken some years to figure out what I consider to be the warning signs that are relevant to me. Some of them have been mentioned on here...
1. One-sided expenditure of the right energy into the relationship: If I am the one making all the effort to call first, to write first, etc....then that doesn't work for me. I have read all the posts before about submissives feeling "wrong" about making the first contact...O.K....but once you have been contacted and have started the process of getting to know each other, it seems to me that the submissive needs to make some effort also. Now, the reverse of this is true also...if I find that they are the ones exerting all the effort to spend time with me, then that is a pretty good indication to me that I am just not interested.
2. Dishonesty: Let me state that I am not a big believer in full honesty. There was a thread on here once about full disclosure and honesty and for all the big, important stuff, I agree. As an example, if I am in the process of getting to know a submissive but she is not yet my submissive or we have not made a commitment to each other and/or we have not seen each other, I always assume...unless told...that there may be other dominants interested in her that she may talk to. I don't insist that she tell me about it nor do I necessarily tell her about speaking to other submissives unless she asks me right out. I don't consider that to be dishonesty, I consider it to be the way of life. But let's face it, there can be a lot of hateful, hurtful things that can be said under the umbrella of "TOTAL honesty" that really do not need to be.
3. Lack of interest in things other than me. As flattering as it might be to some people to be the total focus of someone else's interest, it is anathema to me. I have many interests...not the least of which the submissive I am with BUT she is not my only interest. And I do not want to be hers. I want her to have outside interests, I want her mind to be curious...in MY world, that makes her a much better submissive to me for it feels like her submission is done more from want to serve me rather than need to serve someone.
4. Lack of interest in play: I love D/s. I love BDSM play. I've told people I would rather spend the rest of my life alone before going back to vanilla life. On the same line, I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than spend it with a partner whose drive to explore D/s and whose drive to explore the BDSM play and the sex play does not match my own. Been there, done that, got the monk's habit to go with it from the last several years of my marriage. Won't go there again.
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