RE: bdsm and sex and oh my

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Justme696 -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/14/2008 9:42:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: adoracat quote: ORIGINAL: Justme696 Putting energy in a person and getting non returned..then it is time to stop this....it hurt to read it. but it was extremely timely at the same time. thank you. kitten, who apparently will be relocating in the future..... I am sorry to read that

tsatske -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/14/2008 9:43:18 AM)
My last owner released me when, after living together for 3 years, (after being ld for 4 before that), he decided he could not live with my mental illness. This is why I am VERY upfront about my mental illness. Almost always when I am talking to someone new, I talk to them about that BEFORE we ever meet. If it somehow gets pushed aside and we meet fairly soon - say if they are local and we meet for coffee after only a short amount of talking - and I didn't 'get around' to talking about it, talking about it on the first meeting is the absolute latest. It is a hard limit for some, and that is okay with me. That breakup was hard for me on several levels. With a Master in my life, I had been more stable than I had ever remebered being, and it was not enough for him. I found myself afraid that no one would ever be able to live with and deal with it. I think it went okay for a long time, till the stresses got bigger and the symptoms were a little more visable - I was trying to go to school, which was an added challenge. In the years between that relationship and my current wonderful Master, there were several who did not work out for several reasons. I feel so much what colouredin siad. I refuse to continue a relatinship if I can not tell that they are truly interested in me, instead it just being easier to go along than to tell me it is not thrilling them. So, I don't mind calling, going to see them, and all the rest, but it has to be returned. There was one gentleman who lasted almost a year even though he only found time to see me twice. His excuses were excellent and built to make me respect him MORE, not less, for what he was busy with. But eventually, it is just too much, you know? And, yes, ownedgirlie, I have had conversations with Doms who seemed to think that, if you were a true (weal twue) sub, who or what YOU were would not matter, since they were going to mold you into what they wanted. I want training and molding, but by someone who already truly likes me, for who I am. Although, your guy sounds more like he had a fetish for breaking someone down emotionally. I need someone in my life who wants to build me up, not the othe way.

Pyrrsefanie -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/14/2008 9:48:38 AM)
I didn't notice the warning bells with my ex until I caught him fucking/Domming one of his students. To clarify, he taught middle school. Apparently he had been faithful to me up until the point that I turned 18, then decided I was too old for him and went looking elsewhere. Looking back, I probably should have noticed: the late night phone calls, the strange emails and IMs, odd sites bookmarked on his computer, the fact that he pretty much stopped doing anything with me, and the fact that someone well over the age of 20 would try to dom a 15-year-old (me, when we met).

Daddyslilpookie -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/14/2008 9:55:40 AM)
My other D/s relationship went south because my Dom couldn't commit, plus I always caught him in lies, for example he said he had somthing to tell me.Anyways that he went and played with this girl that lived by him and he told me sex didn't happen. Well that wasn't true, eventually we all played together and we became friends she told me the truth sex did happen alot. Eventually I dropped all of them.

BitaTruble -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/14/2008 10:08:05 AM)
Learning to recognize incompatibility. Celeste

CreativeDominant -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/14/2008 12:49:41 PM)
I have one more to add to my list...there are probably other warning signs but these are the big ones for me. Jealousy: I like women. I know, big surprise, right? But I do. I like the way they speak, I like the way they think, I like the way they look, I like the way they smell, I like the way their body parts fit mine. I like to talk with them about serious subjects and I like to joke around with them. I am also a flirt. I have never denied it. There are plenty of flirts on this board...BUT I DO know the difference between jokey, even sexy flirting and the more serious flirting with serious intent. I have women friends and I don't like the idea of having to give them up every time I begin speaking to a different submissive, although I recognize that if I enter a D/s dynamic that is becoming deeper and deeper, my relationship with those friends will be altered. But...I WILL still be friends with them...speaking to them, joking with them, and occasionally flirting with them. But that is it. Just because I talk to women and flirt with them does not mean I want to sleep with every single woman I speak to or enter into a relationship with every single woman I flirt with...and even with the ones I might want to sleep with or play with, if I am involved elsewhere, I respect the commitment I have made elsewhere. I know that there are many that do not think so but I am one of those who happens to believe that you can have relationships with the opposite sex without it being a prelude to a deeper, sexual relationship. God...if it does mean that, then I have been cheated out of a lot of sex. My ex did not get that. She even began to resent my woman patients. She just could not comprehend that I could be that friendly with someone of the opposite sex without trying to get up their skirt or them trying to get into my pants. She also had this idea that if a woman came on to any man that most men would not not turn her away and respect their commitment elsewhere, they'd fuck the woman. It created a lot of friction in our final years of marriage and helped to further erode what was already disintegrating. I won't go through that anymore. If I am confronted with my flirting or behavior and can honestly be shown where it has been out of bounds...I have apologized and toned it way down.

DesFIP -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/14/2008 2:30:30 PM)
D/s or not, a relationship is a relationship. These fail for the same reason other relationships fail. There is nothing special about relationship skills, nothing exclusive communication wise just because you're in a power relationship. Nothing.

MontrealPhoenix -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/15/2008 6:39:54 AM)
Well, in the case of the last "dominant" i connected with, he turned out to be a total psycho with a horrible temper who left me a mental and physical wreck. But then again i didn't check him out properly before meeting, something that won't be repeated. Phoenix

Justme696 -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/15/2008 6:57:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MontrealPhoenix Well, in the case of the last "dominant" i connected with, he turned out to be a total psycho with a horrible temper who left me a mental and physical wreck. But then again i didn't check him out properly before meeting, something that won't be repeated. Phoenix don't blame yourself, for others mistakes. Some people can hide their "badness" for ages.

adoracat -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/15/2008 7:30:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Justme696 quote: ORIGINAL: adoracat quote: ORIGINAL: Justme696 Putting energy in a person and getting non returned..then it is time to stop this....it hurt to read it. but it was extremely timely at the same time. thank you. kitten, who apparently will be relocating in the future..... I am sorry to read that thank you. i guess it boils down to finally seeing that you cant make someone else love you...no matter how much you love them. kitten

Justme696 -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/15/2008 7:50:19 AM)
yes exactly....none the les..it is painfull...when your mind and heart collide

adoracat -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/15/2008 8:40:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Justme696 yes exactly....none the les..it is painfull...when your mind and heart collide nods and Daddy has said QUITE firmly that i am always his, no matter where i lay my head at night. that is a huge comfort to me. thank you again, for those timely words. kitten

VMistressV -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/15/2008 11:29:50 PM)
He said if we ever got married and I got fat, that was going to be a problem. That was the first one, I've got better ones, but I think I won't bother you guys with them.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/16/2008 8:50:27 AM)
What everyone else said. Lack of interest in me as a person, not just a dominant.

HerLord -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/16/2008 9:00:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 A lot of people on here are hard to figure out they are either very transparent or very stuffy or into there own mind set a brick wall could not phase them. I know a lot of us have wasted time on being with the wrong person. wither it be a sexual attraction or his or hers bdsm skill set such as mental knowledge. What were some of the warrning bells you saw that said hey you really suck and making my life suck so i need to move on kinda of thing. was it sexual, or was it more abusive or was it other things that caused get to go south ? As we are repetative about; If it feels good, Do it again. When you find yourself not enjoying more than what you are, you need to adjust something. Find what shares the most commonality in the unenjoyables and remove it. Sometimes it is as simple as the person(s) you keep company with. Never be above looking inward as your unrest can also set the tone for failure. (Sometimes this means your the reason your relationships suck.) quote: ORIGINAL: STORMSSLAVE "Did it feel good? Do it again."

MD1Master -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/16/2008 9:39:15 AM)
I think the answer is rather simplistic. When your life is no longer happier with the person than without. It is also a lot about communication, reaction, and respect. Does the person listen/communicate with you? When you express a desire or issue, does it receive the attention and response deserved? Do you feel you are respected, this is true of either a Dom(me) or submissive? I also think it important to view time spent with someone, not as a waste, but rather an experience from which you have learned. If you learned nothing more than less tolerance for some behaviors, that is a positive. Time is linear, once it is gone, it is gone. Try to not view time as wasted but as an experience that should not be repeated.

UncleNasty -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/16/2008 4:22:15 PM)
I don't look for reasons or excuses to end relations, or to stop them from beginning. I look for ways to facilitate good relationships, for solutions, for ways to overcome obstacles and challenges. That being said I don't sell myself out in order to maintain a relationship. Being the product of a dysfunctional family (who among us isn't) I've realized the importance of knowing my own feelings. For me relationships are foundationally about feelings. Enough good ones and we continue - too many bad ones and we have to part company. Among the things that will cause me to move away from someone are: dishonesty, emotional transferrance, emotional projection, lack of accountability, disregarding of my feelings (theirs too actually), lack of courage in confronting issues/problems, denial, unilateral decision making (isn't it a partnership?), consistently saying one thing and then doing another, bad faith negotiating, reacting instead of responding. It usually has more to do with the dynamics than the details. I'm not rigid, don't expect perfection, and I'm typically a bit more patient than I later on think I should have been. I think love should be patient and I feel that people are worthy of that.

Lumus -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/16/2008 6:31:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Probably the guys I caught her in bed with. Ditto. Amongst over, very graphic things I wouldn't post here because that drama is over, why resurrect it?

TreasureKY -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/16/2008 6:50:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant 1. One-sided expenditure of the right energy into the relationship: If I am the one making all the effort to call first, to write first, etc....then that doesn't work for me... Exactly. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/image/s4.gif[/image]

OnlyMels -> RE: bdsm and sex and oh my (3/16/2008 7:06:03 PM)
I was with my first boyfriend for a little over 4 years and he was a total idiot controling and a drunk he finally went to jail for a year for DUI and I decided that I didn't need him and I didn't want my son growing up around someone like that. But I have since found my daddy and am happily engaged to him

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