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RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/14/2008 8:35:30 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I read somewhere and I can't remember where.  The average time doing the deed is 3 mins.  So me of course being puffs out chest way better than average I can last going from zero to money shot in 1.3 minutes.  That my friends is no lie or exaggeration.  cali are you gonna block me now???

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 3/14/2008 8:38:01 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/14/2008 8:54:48 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		4 hours not an exaggeration, I have had upto 6 hours as a single session  but includes aftercare as well and 3 sessions in a single day but not as long...mileage will vary depending on you and your partner and works best if you and your partner has matching staminas and like in vanilla relationships sex may be more frequent early on and then taper down, life also gets in the way if you have children in the home your sessions may not be as long or as frequent, also careers will play a role, a dominant that works out of his home doing consulting work may want to have sessions frequently  through out the day compared to a dom that goes out to work but has a more demanding physical job 

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/14/2008 10:45:30 PM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		I'm not going to claim any great amount of experience here, but I can tell you what little I've learned so far. 

Sometimes, when My Lord's mood is right, a "session" will stretch two or three days.  Other times, it's several hours, other times not so much.  Time and numbers have no interest for us.  It's about intensity and mood, and we are almost always in sync. 

I don't think there is a standard.  Whatever works for us is our standard.  That's good enough for us.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/14/2008 10:46:46 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Like others, I am a bit fuzzy on what the OP's definition of "play".

Four hours for a scene isn't unheard of.  The reason I know this is because My husband has been a spectator of them in the past.  Otherwise, I wouldn't have much of a clue how long they lasted. 


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/14/2008 11:07:16 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		One of my favorite posters wrote once that BDSM is a lot like high school: according to what people say, everyone's getting great sex all the time, but the reality is that a handful of people are getting some sex some of the time, and a lot of people barely get any.

In real life, life happens.  I've been in 4-hour scenes, yes, and am planning one for this weekend.  But they were never full-on sex-get-me-hard for four hours.  There are times that are silly & giggly, water breaks  -- and sometimes no matter how well you plan, something intervenes.

I think Leatherist and Steel should be commended for being honest.  Do sexual things enough times, and sometimes a male won't come, and sometimes a female won't come.  If you're constantly competing with yourself, and you "fail" if you don't "climax" then you're literally missing the fucking point.  Relax and enjoy the ride, not just the destination.


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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/15/2008 12:00:06 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

  Relax and enjoy the ride, not just the destination. 


They are not mutually exclusive.
One can enjoy the ride and reach many, many ‘destinations’. 


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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/15/2008 1:26:08 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		At op
I decide when we play....and how often we play.......

teasing mode at Knight of Mists
quote:

but I would say it averages more than once a day but less than two.

1 1/2??


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/15/2008 1:43:56 AM   
DelilahDeb


Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		I don't qualify as a lifestyler, because I don't live only in and for BDSM. (Have family, friends, spirituality, classes, sleep, medical necessities.)
But.

At local play parties, I'm usually present for 4-5 hours, active in 3-5 scenes during the evening, and observing and socializing with other scene folk the rest of the time. That's probably 2.5-3.5 hours of play time per party. Also a weekly play date with one sub takes up average 1.5-2.5 hours another night. Then there's 1 or 2 munches per week that I get to...not playtime but scene time in a way. And finally a weekly scene open house with plenty of play opportunity and chances to learn new techniques...and that runs 6 hours on average of which I'm there for 2-5 hours.

Now...being that I am poly and dom but without live-in sub/s or switch/es...15 hours of play time per week might be high (so far--play partner list is growing, huzzah!); 15 hours of scene time per week is probably about right for the party weeks, and more like 4-7 of scene time per week on non-party weeks. Except when I travel...and then it might be 2-4 hours per *night* of scene time. Last week away, that was about right.

As to the orgasm question...you really are new at this, aren't you? I'll just say (I've covered the topic elsewhere on these boards) that I don't count individual orgasms during a scene. I tend to lump them into how long I'm in "orgasm space"...so far I've topped about 75 minutes continuous. Usually takes fisting as one component of the action to make that happen.

Delilah Deb

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question for experienced lifestyles - 3/15/2008 2:58:45 AM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		It all depends on what is happening in life.  Some months we are only able to find long periods of time to have extended scenes a couple of times.  However we always find time to have shortened versions,  on average a couple to three times a week.
Lets not forget M/s sex.  That is very different to vanilla sex - far more satisfying and with much better results.

Once in a live in 24/7 relationship other distractions tend to get in the way.  When not living together I think the timing is different in that you do not have as much connected time and you tend to make sure you have more time for actual scene like play. That is my experience anyway.

As with anything else in a relationship you each need to decide together what is important, when it is needed/wanted and just make it happen.

Owned

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/15/2008 4:21:27 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

One of my favorite posters wrote once that BDSM is a lot like high school: according to what people say, everyone's getting great sex all the time, but the reality is that a handful of people are getting some sex some of the time, and a lot of people barely get any.

In real life, life happens.  I've been in 4-hour scenes, yes, and am planning one for this weekend.  But they were never full-on sex-get-me-hard for four hours.  There are times that are silly & giggly, water breaks  -- and sometimes no matter how well you plan, something intervenes.

I think Leatherist and Steel should be commended for being honest.  Do sexual things enough times, and sometimes a male won't come, and sometimes a female won't come.  If you're constantly competing with yourself, and you "fail" if you don't "climax" then you're literally missing the fucking point.  Relax and enjoy the ride, not just the destination.



I can't help it, but I keep thinking of that comedy bit about viagra. 

"If your erection lasts for four hours, seek medical attention"

Heck yeah, cause the guy would want to show it off.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/15/2008 5:01:05 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelilahDeb
I don't qualify as a lifestyler, because I don't live only in and for BDSM. (Have family, friends, spirituality, classes, sleep, medical necessities.)


I don't know ANYONE who lives "only in and for BDSM", including myself. We all have lives. I don't think that is what defines what is to be considered "lifestyle".

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/15/2008 5:36:45 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Well, since we play emotionally as well as physically, I'd say our sessions can last for days. Since he enjoys me squirming and struggling to understand the difficulties, he'd probably say weeks. And since both of us have been sick and unable to see each other we've kept each other on edge now for over a month. As far as us being together in a session? Well, from beginning rituals to the time we say good bye, it can be anywhere from 4-8 hours. Easily.

juliet

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/15/2008 6:23:04 AM   
tomf22033


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I'd love to say that I play 15 hours per week, but it's probably like 15 hours per month in a good month right now if I was able to make time for all of the things that I wanted to. More likely 8 hours or so. But it does vary. Before I returned to grad school, and when I had a regular Domme 15 hours a week would be on the low side if you figured a party or going to the BDSM club per week and getting together a couple of times a week with 2 to 4 hour scenes which really aren't that uncommon if you consider how much time it takes simply to tie someone up!

As far as orgasms, that also depends. I had a sub that I tied up, and got her going where she was having them one after another. Actually crying for me to stop. On the other had, I've subbed and had it where one MAJOR intense orgasm was much more enjoyable than several small ones. And recently I submitted where I was milked to the point where I couldn't cum, and played with. This was pretty amazing as I was in such an intense mind space that it was like a prolonged edginging. So like everything else it just depends. If you only look at things directly you'll miss so many posibilities with this lifestyle. My personal belief is to try things. Enjoy, as some things you'll love and want to do again, and others you wont. But you won't know until you try.


As others have said, it really just depends on your life, what you have going on etc.

Tom

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/15/2008 7:16:53 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We have five teens between us. Obviously we're on the low end of the spectrum. We're lucky to get the toys involved once a week. On the other hand, it isn't uncommon for me to have more than ten orgasms at a time if it's early in the evening or in the morning. Last night it was after midnight and I had maybe 3 or 4 before I was falling asleep on him.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/15/2008 7:43:10 AM   
MasterExperience


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline 		When a slave and I live BDSM 24/7, we have play activities daily, which can last from a few minutes to several hours.  It is not unusual, to have lifetyle friends visit to play, and that play last more than 8 hours at a time.  Since I like to swing and very often mix swinging with BDSM activities, it's quite normal for play to last many hours, with various playmates involved.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/15/2008 12:35:03 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		there is no such thing as lifestyle only what you preseve things to be

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/15/2008 1:30:35 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5172
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

So I didn't want to neccesarily know what you did personally but what you may have observed in others'


Quite frankly, i don't observe my friends, lifestyle or vanilla in their private bedrooms.  They certainly don't tell me about the time they spend being sexual or how many sessions they have per day or week.  This is not a normal topic between friends.

As to 10 orgasms in one day....for some that would be highly unlikely.  My personal experience is that this is not unusual at all and a greater number can be achieved with a multiorgasmic woman.  Ten of course would be a stretch for someone who normally orgasms once.   Then there are times when neither partner orgasms at all...but it was sure a lot of fun!!!

Now...to try to answer the rest of your question. (and for the life of me i can't imagine why the number and time others do activities has any bearing on what you might do or should expect to do with your partner)  We engage in sexual intercourse from 0 to 5 times per day.  We do sensual BDSM activities from 5 to 10 times per day with each 'session' lasting 30 seconds up to hours, but normally only a few minutes.  What we consider 'play' is an actual scene with flogging, caning, and other sensation play and these scenes are only when the mood strikes.  Our play time is not the same as sex time because those are 2 entirely different activities for us. 

Some people take 10 seconds for intercourse.  Others may take 4 hours.  Is either unusual or not desired?  It depends on the needs and wants of those involved. 



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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/15/2008 6:27:52 PM   
MissMenagerie


Posts: 66
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline 		Our actual sessions (sexual) can be five minutes (before work) or five hours. I can have 10-20 orgasms in a session, but it's always been reasonably easy for me. Some women almost never have orgasms. I think it's funny that I have more than most men.
I would say the other D/s aspect, the service and submission is 365 sessions per year, lasting about 24 hours, but then, that's not just 'play.' It's life.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/15/2008 9:15:36 PM   
littlelostbunny


Posts: 141
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline 		We're lucky if we can even be together once or twice a week, in a vanilla setting or not... and I don't want to speak for Master and my sister, since they live and have more time together.

Our sessions, when we have them, can last from half an hour to an hour, depending on the activities. If he's doing rope bondage, it takes extra time. *shrugs*


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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Question for experienced lifestylers - 3/16/2008 12:18:32 PM   
subby2008


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/14/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks very much to everyone that has contributed to helping answering my question :)
4 hours seemed like alot to me.
I guess BDSM is like anything else,some people give it more time than others.

(in reply to littlelostbunny)
Profile   Post #: 40
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