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is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 12:32:47 PM   
Taintedblood


Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		I spent the best part of the week with my 'Daddy' I use the term loosley - he dosn't subscribe to labels and thats fine.
 
I had 20 minutes of 'cornertime' while i was there as i put 4 things back in the wrong place in the bathroom (i got 2 minutes for each item put back wrong) I made a noise after i had been told to be quiet which i also got 2 minutes for.
 
I recieved 10 minutes for not cleaning the bath out properly - I had cleaned it twice and simply forgot to do it again in the morning - no excuse. and he slipped in the bath and hurt his back (he already has a slipped disc).
 
He didn't shout at me - but I was really upset all day and it is still getting to me 2 days later.  I thought the 'cornertime' may have helped me but well it didn't appear to help me at all.
 
I feel really guilty - and that I haven't been repremanded enough for my mistake.
 
Is this normal?
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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 12:46:17 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		Hard to say whether something 'normal' or not.

I'd feel guilty if I'd inadvertently caused someone pain, but if I were forgiven I'd move on.  How badly was he hurt?  Are you just craving punishment/attention from your Dom? 

(in reply to Taintedblood)
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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 12:50:39 PM   
Taintedblood


Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		He hasn't specifically said he was angry with me or specifically said i was forgiven...
 
I don't think i am particularly craving attention from him as we are pretty close and i have attention from him alot.
 
I'm not sure if I am craving punishment but i feel really upset about it - and i was really worried the whole time i was there.



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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 1:06:18 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Some people just don't handle negative reinforcement at all well. I don't so he doesn't use it any more. Does he know how upset you still are?

For stuff like that, I doubt I'd be punished because it wouldn't teach me where to put things. It isn't as though you did this deliberately sticking the baby powder in front of the band aids instead of behind and snickering to yourself that he'll never find them. More effective to get paper and pencil and write a list of where to put things.

If he's that unsteady in the shower, he'd do better to solve the problem once and for all by getting a grab bar that attaches to the side of the tub.

But we're into finding solutions to problems so they aren't problems any longer.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 1:08:54 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		As much as I loathe punishment, cornertime is my "preferred" method on the rare occasions the girl's actions actually anger me.  So a few observations of your dilemma....
 
My cornertime dynamic is not your Daddy's; I doubt I'd banish you for not putting stuff back where it belongs, unless it became habitual.
 
If I hurt myself because my girl neglected her duties, I also doubt I'd banish her when there is a far more effective corrective remedy available - her own guilt...!  So I'd use my own temporary discomfort as evidence that I'm all knowing and enlightened etc and that's why her place is to obey without question...  ;-)
 
Lastly, it sounds like your punishment dynamic hasn't been defined.  IE, if I do have cause to punish my girl, she's been taught (trained, if you like) that once her time is served to my satisfaction, *ALL* is forgiven and she gets a clean slate and a hug to reinforce that she's welcome by my side once more.
 
I think your Daddy needs to verbally (and sincerely) state that all is forgiven because I won't abide by my girl continuing to punish herself through guilt.  Punishment is entirely *MY* domain; she only gets to do as she's instructed...!
 
Focus.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 1:12:09 PM   
Taintedblood


Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		thank you for your answers

i think that i will tell him how upset i am about it and see what he says.


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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 1:18:50 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
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From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Nose to wall is my answer to all.

If I have to go deeper than that then I have to wonder how important it is to another person that they not do something I don't like so if corner time is not enough to fix the issue I have to wonder why the mistake keeps being made.

As Always

Steel

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 1:20:43 PM   
Taintedblood


Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		putting the things back was something i had offered to do and i knew i would get something wrong and it didn't bother me plus this is the first time i have been punished

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 2:04:15 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
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Status: offline 		Obviously you need to talk about it with him as it seems to be normal for HIM to do.

For me, I dont waste my time and energy punishing unless there's already been some serious training, input, discussion and mutual understanding involved.  I personally would think 20 minutes spent training you how/why you put things in your house a certain way would have been a better use of time for both of you and had the added side effect of spending happy time together rather than sad time apart.

I understand your guilt- but you need to recognize your guilt serves no one and only allows you to stay stuck in your own head and make it all about you.  But don't get guilty over feeling guilty :)  Talk about it with him and see what he may be flexible on and what his philosophies are behind his methods.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 2:12:41 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe you should install a walker in the tub so that the guy won't fall again. There are things that are his fault and there are things that you might be responsible for. I'm sure that the blame for his slipped disk probably lies at your feet as well.....Maybe the guy doesn't know how to take responsibility for his own actions.

Prepare for a lot of corner time.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 2:17:44 PM   
Taintedblood


Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		All the time i have known him he has had a slipped disc he is waiting for an op on it.

he is rather new to the whole D/s dynamics of a relationship.

i will talk to him though.

thanks


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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 2:21:03 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		he's just treating you like a child....you said he was Daddy.  course you feel guilty for fucking up...who wouldnt?

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 2:26:27 PM   
Taintedblood


Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		i guess so

thank you :)

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 2:28:48 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl
he's just treating you like a child....you said he was Daddy.  course you feel guilty for fucking up...who wouldnt?

I wouldn't, but then it's very rare for me to feel guilt.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 2:41:03 PM   
TracyTaken


Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline 		[
quote:

ORIGINAL: Taintedblood

I had 20 minutes of 'cornertime' while i was there as i put 4 things back in the wrong place in the bathroom (i got 2 minutes for each item put back wrong)


Because you didn't know where stuff belonged?
 
quote:

I recieved 10 minutes for not cleaning the bath out properly - I had cleaned it twice and simply forgot to do it again in the morning - no excuse. and he slipped in the bath and hurt his back (he already has a slipped disc).


His lack of coordination (or failure to see a slick spot) is not your fault, IMO, but I don't understand this dynamic.

If my Dom got hurt in the bathroom and blamed my cleaning, I'd be friggin' devestated.  No amount of any kind of reprimand would make me feel better.  He wouldn't do that though.

What was the point of the exercises/corner time?

edited because I can't figure out fonts.  :(


< Message edited by TracyTaken -- 3/15/2008 2:42:25 PM >

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 2:50:32 PM   
Taintedblood


Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		 
I use the bathroom frequently and there was a lot of stuff to put back.

I knew i hadn't cleaned the bath properly because there was baby oil in so it would need more than 2 wipe downs etc - so I know that was my fault as i would have been pissed at myself if i had slipped in the bath and hurt myself.

it isn't the corner time that bothers me - it really dosn't i think it's the fact that he didn't shout i would have rather been shouted at - all i got was i have just gone over in the bath and silence (he may have cried I'm not sure) then he was silent so i walked out of the bathroom and i felt isolated through my own fault for the rest of that day.

I think it is that I am struggling to let go of the guilt that he hurt himself when his back is already bad.

hope that makes sense

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 2:59:05 PM   
OnlyMels


Posts: 115
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline 		I'm with you corner time alone doesn't really feel like punishment I experienced it for the first time not to long ago cause I called my daddy a liar but I got a whipping with it and if it had only been corner time I don't think it would have had the same effect. But if your dom isn't upset with you anymore than i would just accept it and move on. OR he might wan't you to feel bad as a punishment kinda toying with your emotions. My daddy does that sometimes if I do something to hurt him ( we horse around alot and accidents happen ) but he'll act like its all fine and it drives me crazy.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 3:01:50 PM   
Taintedblood


Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		I have never experienced corner time before so it could be that - it just didn't feel like punishment at all.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 3:12:43 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Sometimes some people need a more physical type of punishment to feel right.  This is something you and your dominant can work out in time.  But sometimes you just carry the guilt, and I would think that because he was hurt, you would feel much worse and it complicates things.  Sometimes we take on the guilt and punish ourselves more than what the dominant would ever wish to do.  Communicating is the only answer here.  But once you have been punished, you are taking on your dominant's role in a sense and most don't want you to do that.  Try to release yourself of the guilt and if you need more severe or physical punishment, maybe thing can be adjusted.

I know in the beginning, I have had to do more physical punishment than I would typically do just because of how the submissive relates to everything.

Some shampoo's and conditioners can be awful at leaving a slippery tub.  Even while in the shower one can be slipping and slidding.  Even a towel or those shower mats or sticky things can be of help in the tub.  Maybe with your dominant's back issues, this might be a good quick fix.

I wish you both well in all that is going on... but try to remember... we all make mistakes and what's done is done.  Try not to hold on to the guilt because it typically means you will mess up more just because you aren't in a calm state.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 3:33:24 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Taintedblood

I have never experienced corner time before so it could be that - it just didn't feel like punishment at all.


Well your still upset 2 days later... seems pretty effective to my way of thinking.  The whole point of punishment is NOT to be enjoiable.  It's supposed to make you reflect upon your actions.  So your dom has accomplished his goal very effecttive.

BadOne

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