RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences?

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RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? - 3/16/2008 10:32:56 AM

littlebitxxx

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I don't know if it's because Sunday is my brain's day off, or lack of caffeine...but I still don't get why anyone would deliberately set someone up for failure. I've re-read your posts and, so far, Steel's is the only one that made sense. His was an intentional method of getting her to realize that, even though she had technically "failed" at her task, she still did more than she thought she could. It was a drastic way to learn, mind you, but maybe that's what she needed.

IMO, setting someone to a task you know they will fail at with the result being punishment is psychologically cruel and the actions of a control freak. If it is done with the intention of showing them "their place", again there are other ways I think more beneficial. If it is done as a result of needing a drastic method of showing her she really can't do everything like Superman, and to just relax a little and enjoy life, well..that's a little more tolerable.

Please explain, I would really like to understand this. It sort of falls part and parcel in with punishment vs discipline, and even a bit of the humiliation aspect. Things which I'm trying to get my head around. Thanks for any help.

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RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? - 3/16/2008 1:52:18 PM

StormsSlave

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It wasn't presented to me as, hee hee, I can't wait to watch you fail. It was presented as another game we were going to play, like so many other games we are going to play. The challenge for me was not to have an orgasm. We could stop if I needed, but I was not allowed to orgasm. Of course, I finally did, and he wanted me to, and we both enjoyed the eventual "discipline" which eventually followed. It's all in good fun.

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RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? - 3/16/2008 4:55:07 PM

Tigrita

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Thanks for all the comments, it is good to see a lot of different perspectives, I'm getting something out of pretty much everyone's point of view here. A big point in the workshop I mentioned was that everyone responds differently to different kinds of humiliation play, some can take and enjoy certain things and to others it is destructive, and that is obviously being echoed here. I think some of the types of 'set up to fail' scenarios here I'd be able to handle and others would be destructive to me. I think I'd need to know ahead of time, and get constructive support after as people have mentioned.

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RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? - 3/16/2008 5:30:22 PM

AquaticSub

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I enjoy it as part of playtime, ie. "Don't orgasm" when he's doing things that will make sure I do. However, I think it if were applied elsewhere there is a strong chance of it having a negative effect for me.

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RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? - 3/16/2008 9:36:53 PM

Owned1

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I have read all the posts and to some degree it helps me to understand humiliation type play. I am still having difficulty understanding how this could be a positive. Perhaps I am one of those perfectionist type individuals, however I know it is devastating for me to feel I have failed at anything, even more devastating to feel I have failed my Owner.

I am unsure if it would be better if I knew it was a something He knew I would fail at, however I doubt it.

I will continue to read this post perhaps more insights will come.

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RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? - 3/16/2008 11:39:43 PM

fairerthanshe

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Greetings,

Sometimes its important to remember how closely associated humility and humiliation can be. This is a topic SJ and I discuss with some frequency.

Not only is it okay to fail and realize that one is not perfect - it's okay not to be perfectly in control of everything which happens within one's relationship. One of the most difficult lessons for the control freak type slaves to 'get' is that the slaves concept of slavery is not necessarily relevant to anything that will actually occur within their enslavement once the steel is snapped shut.

Recently, I faced a situation which was for me extremely humiliating and to endure it I had to humble myself and let go of my own control issues. When I can fully and completely trust the one I'm with, the humility it takes to accept my failings can be quite stirring. The reward for it can be as simple as knowing that I did what was asked of me, to the best of my ability, and learned something along the way.

Emotionally, the intensity level that can be reached is astounding. Delving into the most shameful parts of my psyche and opening that up to SJ is terrifying and yet nothing compares to it in terms of true intimacy for me.

well wishes ~ fairer than she

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RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? - 3/16/2008 11:46:53 PM

Leatherist

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NICE.

One of the hardest lessons a slave has to learn is that property is not in control of how they are viewed by an owner. That an owner can have contempt for false pride-or cherish you for showing your very worst.

Because that is the moent when the shell cracks,the armor disintegrates-and your core is there for the taking.

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Post #: 27