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RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 5:08:37 AM

Sadisticforslave

Posts: 26
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline

You can talk online for years and never really know someone. If you take a online collar then you are just playing at it and not for real. The only way to really know someone is to be with that person in real life. If this so called slave/submissive is worried about a so call Dom that she has never been with in real life then she has more trouble then she is worth. she can not tell real from fake. sit her ass down and tell her she has a choice. stay with you or leave. if she chooses to stay with you then crack down on her ass and move her in.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I am just amazed that someone could be wanting to collar someone after a mere 8 weeks. The consideration collar is supposed to be for 3 years.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 21

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 5:23:40 AM

Viridana

Posts: 754
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
The consideration collar is supposed to be for 3 years.

says who?

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 22

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 6:38:50 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Viridana

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
The consideration collar is supposed to be for 3 years.

says who?

You right its just a protocol. But if one wants to jump into something half cocked and about to collar someone after 8 weeks these things are bound to happen. I dont think you have a depth of understanding about compatabilty at this short a junture. Those that meet up and have instantaneuos connection that lasts are in the monority and its more a function of luck.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Viridana)

Post #: 23

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 6:45:19 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

Respectfully said, I have never heard that protocol, just as some do and don't believe in consideration collars or protection collars or training collars. There are all different "protocols" and are individually made and decided on. There is no "lifestyle wide" rules in our lifestyle anymore than in the nilla lifestyle world.

edited to add: It's just like saying it's hardcoded that an "engagement period" in the nilla world is supposed to be "x" long.

< Message edited by kc692 -- 3/16/2008 6:46:17 AM >

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 24

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 6:51:17 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

Respectfully said, I have never heard that protocol, just as some do and don't believe in consideration collars or protection collars or training collars. There are all different "protocols" and are individually made and decided on. There is no "lifestyle wide" rules in our lifestyle anymore than in the nilla lifestyle world.

edited to add: It's just like saying it's hardcoded that an "engagement period" in the nilla world is supposed to be "x" long.

I would have to retract and say you are right. I hate those that say,"if you dontdo it this way you are not a true...."
I just think that in my experience things that I have gone into in a rash way, did not work out well. All of my Instantaneous and intense love connection relationship may have been intense, and brightly shined for about ten seconds and then was over. Its really hard to make a rational decision in the throws of the ecstacy of the first part of a relationship where your partner is perfect and can do no wrong.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 25

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 6:53:55 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

That we both agree on.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 26

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 7:50:04 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If he's been threatening her, then call the authorities. Get the phone company involved for the harassment. Otherwise, have her change her phone number and put it on unlisted, and change her email and screen names so he can't contact her.

But if she's this clueless about how to get him out of her life, are you really sure you want her. I'm also wondering if she isn't thinking she would rather be his one and only instead of your third.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 27

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 9:10:13 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

The consideration collar is supposed to be for 3 years.

Luscious, I love you to death, but...where is the Dom/sub handbook that states this? Everyone does things in their own time.

That being said; Op, I know it seems odd that she should be so torn, and some are very surprised at the bond she seems to have with someone she has never met in rl. But for many of us who meet on the internet, and spend a lot of time in talk and chat before rl, that bond that is formed can be incredibly strong.

I kind of agree with the others that say, back off a bit, and give her time to read her own heart. Sometimes it can be very confusing, especially if you are falling in love with two people. (and yes, that does happen, even to 'nice' people)

I'm sure things will work out well for you.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 28

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 9:30:52 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I never put stock into someone elses supposed to be's. If i belived in collars, I would take a collar when we're both ready to have it be offered, not on some one elses timeline.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I am just amazed that someone could be wanting to collar someone after a mere 8 weeks. The consideration collar is supposed to be for 3 years.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 3/16/2008 9:39:01 AM >

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 29

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 9:43:30 AM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

Ok Luscious ..... I usually agree with you or agree to disagree with you .. but this time I LOL want answers .. where did you read/ hear / etc that a consideration collar is to last 3 years? After 20+ years in the lifestyle and very old school trained that is a new one to me .... and you have my curiousity up....

Now so I wont be accused of hijacking the thread ... I think you already know your answer .. if a phone call from a former Dominant that the submissive/slave has never met can cause such turmoil she is NOT ready for anyones collar..... accepting a collar should be an unwaivering commitment.....just my opinion.

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 30

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 10:00:09 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

I suppose I'll get a lot of crap for this.. but SHE is the problem, not so much the other guy.

She's with you, and she even bothered to answer the phone when he called, talked enough to find out he wants her back? She's considering this? I can't tell, but I don't believe she'd be in turmoil if she wasn't.

Two days to calm her down? over some guy online who dropped her? an over reaction in my mind...

She needs to (not you) she needs to end that part of her life, including changing things like emails and such in order to move on. And she won't do it with you or anyone else until she does.

I wouldn't even bother to engage with him, its really not appropriate for you to do that.

(in reply to MissHarlet)

Post #: 31

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 10:04:04 AM

mzbehavin

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline

Hmmm....i'm going to be in the minority on this one.... Before making moral judgement on someone not known to me personally, i have to say i feel compassion for her. Crazy as it may sound its entirely possible for someone to insinuate themselves to a high degree into a girls mind and heart over a long distance. 3 years is a long time.
Her abandonment/release (?) was probably a complete nightmare for her. Maybe she finally felt ready to move on then *boom* HE is back? Probably telling her is he coming for real this time...
If i were you DearSir, i would use a combination of love and direct force. Chances are 1 in a million the overseas Dom will ever surface in real life. In her heart she doesnt understand that.
Love her tenderly, put her over your knee and show her you are HERE now with her, then claim your woman. Also i would let the other guy know you are for real and he has missed out. If she feels safe and protected, and has your loving arms around her and a tight leash, she'll get herself sorted out in no time.
This is what people dont understand... The long term effects of emotional sadism are very difficult to overcome.
It is not impossible.
I wish you the best of luck!

(in reply to MissHarlet)

Post #: 32

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 10:25:55 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Well Velcro Collars are In this season so maybe it's a fashion statement who knows.

Steel

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Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to mzbehavin)

Post #: 33

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 10:29:30 AM

SinergyNstrumpet

Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

But if one wants to jump into something half cocked and about to collar someone after 8 weeks these things are bound to happen. I dont think you have a depth of understanding about compatabilty at this short a junture. Those that meet up and have instantaneuos connection that lasts are in the monority and its more a function of luck.

Here is a study for you, people having extended courtships (lasting over one year) are more likely to divorce than those who have whirlwind ones... I know it flies in the face of common sense, and when I heard about it on the news I was rather surprised. My relationship is approaching year two, so I am not trying to justify anything... just saying that whirlwind commitments are not as bad as you might think them to be.

julia

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 34

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 10:34:36 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

All I can say is WOW. There are a ton of wacked out concpets in this short thread. OP when I said ManUp that's in reference to the girl not with any other area of your life I've lost a couple of ppl very dear to me. I wish you all the best.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to SinergyNstrumpet)

Post #: 35

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 11:02:25 AM

SinergyNstrumpet

Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

All I can say is WOW. There are a ton of wacked out concpets in this short thread. OP when I said ManUp that's in reference to the girl not with any other area of your life I've lost a couple of ppl very dear to me. I wish you all the best.

BadOne

All I can say is that most of your posts you go out of your way to be as demeaning as you can of other people and their opinions. You are indeed very negative.

I can guess your response maybe one of telling me you do not care what I think... yadda yadda yadda,... and sincerely, I do not expect you to. Here is some food for thought... the more insulting you are to people who post here, the less that tthey will want to read you. One day you will log on here and discover no one responds to you anymore, no one wants to converse on threads with you, and no one rises to the flame bait anymore.

Like I said, I do not expect you to give a rat's ass what I think, just an observation.

julia

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 36

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 11:51:50 AM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ScottishLord

To SailingBum .... I have had to MANUP more than you could imagine my friend, I have been dealing with cancer for quite sometime now and this just through me to a point that I was in two minds as well. I really do care about this lass and I was just so frustrated that I could nee think straight myself.

I must thank you all... for what you have said, aye even you Sailing Bum.. I now am thinking straight again and I know what "I" must do to sort this out.

Sometimes that which is closest at hand is hardest to see. Good luck and God speed -- to all of you.

Regards,
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to ScottishLord)

Post #: 37

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 11:59:41 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
The consideration collar is supposed to be for 3 years.

Um come again?

I'd say only a minority of relationships use a "consideration collar" to begin with and there's certainly nowhere near an agreed upon time frame. I'm sorry if you believe this to be some canon law, but it's just one idea amongst a gazillion.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 38

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 12:03:09 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Yeah, exactly. If she's not sure she wants to be collared by you, just let her go back to the other asshole. Why would you even want to pursue anything with someone who is ambivalent?

quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

Too much drama.

How many minds is she in? If it is more than one, flush her and walk away.

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 3/16/2008 12:06:14 PM >

(in reply to OldBastardly1)

Post #: 39

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 12:04:49 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

All I can say is WOW. There are a ton of wacked out concpets in this short thread. OP when I said ManUp that's in reference to the girl not with any other area of your life I've lost a couple of ppl very dear to me. I wish you all the best.

BadOne

All I can say is that most of your posts you go out of your way to be as demeaning as you can of other people and their opinions. You are indeed very negative.

I can guess your response maybe one of telling me you do not care what I think... yadda yadda yadda,... and sincerely, I do not expect you to. Here is some food for thought... the more insulting you are to people who post here, the less that tthey will want to read you. One day you will log on here and discover no one responds to you anymore, no one wants to converse on threads with you, and no one rises to the flame bait anymore.

Like I said, I do not expect you to give a rat's ass what I think, just an observation.

julia

Are you flirting with me??? I know it's hard to believe some ppl do agree with me and say so in their post. I'm not for everyone but then agian I don't try to be. I'm pretty much delusionary but I consider it being my own man.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to SinergyNstrumpet)

Post #: 40

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