RE: I am in two minds.

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: I am in two minds.

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: I am in two minds.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 6:22:48 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Good god man, get off your ass and go confront the other guy face to face.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to ScottishLord)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 7:08:51 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
Good god man, get off your ass and go confront the other guy face to face.

Right because surely that behavior is exactly what will force the girl to become the perfect lifelong match.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Leatherist)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 7:12:14 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
Good god man, get off your ass and go confront the other guy face to face.

Right because surely that behavior is exactly what will force the girl to become the perfect lifelong match.

Because if the other guy is the issue-and she's waffling on the fence-what else DO you do?

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 7:14:53 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The other guy is NOTHING. The GIRL is the one to make the choice here, and she is choosing to let the other guy have control. Eliminating the guy does NOT eliminate the lack of clarity within the girl. If the girl were confident and clear, this never would have happened to start with.

What do you do? You say "Hey, I'm here, but this is your choice and you've got to decide what's right for you. You know who I am, you know what I offer, and I'm here for now for you to decide." And then you let her make her choice.

Sheesh "men"

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 3/16/2008 7:16:09 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Leatherist)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 7:45:06 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I think I'm on thread overload.

To the OP. I happen to agree with what some other folks have posted here. The issue really isn't the other guy. It's the girl who is letting him have control. She's the one who's giving it to him. I'm not saying that some of it might not be justified. From the post, it seems that she has some fear issues, and this is from someone that she's never physically been with.

If he was only involved with her online, then released her when going overseas, well, My first suggestion would be to find out how legitimate those fears are. In other words, start investigating. This is one of those places where message archiving and saved messages can be a great benefit. I'm not saying don't take her word that there might be an actual threat, but find out what it is. If authorities need to be involved do so. Don't get Me started on non-consent.

There really is another issue at hand, and that is that the girl might not be ready for a collar. Maybe this whole situation is a variation of 'cold feet'. It just happened to be a coincidence that this is when the other guy calls. You and the girl need to have some serious talks.

Now, I can get to the hijack portion. Maybe, luciouslips, you can clear Me up on this three year consideration rule. I've never heard of such a thing, other than the opinion that three years is a nice round number. That may be a personal standard for someone, but I can't say I've ever come across it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 8:18:23 PM

nwcutie102

Posts: 162
Joined: 1/13/2008
Status: offline

maybe let hergo? i do believe she will return to you quickly... then it is all behind you....start your life with her again, no looking back

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 9:18:12 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

I just want to know what the op decided to do, what the issue was with the other dude and anything else juicy the op would like to add.
(for the record I am being silly here no need to flame)

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to nwcutie102)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/16/2008 11:38:28 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Right because surely that behavior is exactly what will force the girl to become the perfect lifelong match.

Well....

if it's a slave in question it *would* be a question of a property rights violation.

I wonder if Rothbard ever touched on this.

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/17/2008 3:31:02 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

All I can say is WOW. There are a ton of wacked out concpets in this short thread. OP when I said ManUp that's in reference to the girl not with any other area of your life I've lost a couple of ppl very dear to me. I wish you all the best.

BadOne

All I can say is that most of your posts you go out of your way to be as demeaning as you can of other people and their opinions. You are indeed very negative.

I can guess your response maybe one of telling me you do not care what I think... yadda yadda yadda,... and sincerely, I do not expect you to. Here is some food for thought... the more insulting you are to people who post here, the less that tthey will want to read you. One day you will log on here and discover no one responds to you anymore, no one wants to converse on threads with you, and no one rises to the flame bait anymore.

Like I said, I do not expect you to give a rat's ass what I think, just an observation.

julia

Are you flirting with me??? I know it's hard to believe some ppl do agree with me and say so in their post. I'm not for everyone but then agian I don't try to be. I'm pretty much delusionary but I consider it being my own man.

BadOne

julia:

He's got a dry and sometimes acerbic wit. It may not be your style, but it is just fine for others. And just like I don't agree with or find humorous every single post you write, so too will people not agree with or find humorous every post SailingBum writes. In the end, so what? He can put forth his opinions the same as you have.

And it occurs to me that if you don't really care what he thinks of your views, then why did you feel the need to inform him of them?

SailingBum, just wanted to say....delusionary is sooo right. lol

btw: The ice on some of the canals is breaking up. Was such a nice sight to see.

To the OP, I wish you well in all of your efforts, however they may turn out. Out of curiousity, does this submissive see her submissiveness in the same fashion you do? I took a moment to glance at your profile and noticed that you combine servant with submissive. I know that some see it as that, and others see submissiveness as a personality trait and are looking for someone that they can feel comfortable with, who understands their needs, but that they don't necessarily see themselves as a servant. Could this be the difference in the hold the prior person has over her, regardless of whether they've met or not, regardless of how he treated her?

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 3/17/2008 3:33:00 AM >

(in reply to SailingBum)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/17/2008 4:04:10 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

i think you need to step outside the box for a bit and look at the whole thing logically.

with any relationship anywhere, if the bird gets flighty when the ex rolls into town you have to ask yourself why. just because you have invested 2 months into the relationship doesnt alter the fact that she is now behaving like those two months arent as cemented as her feelings are for her ex.

if she was happy that the end came with her ex then she wouldnt be acting this way. she'd remaine tuned into you and that would be the end of it.

after all, what can he do. bang your door down and drag her off, thats called abduction and is illegal. if he doesnt have to drag her off because she's willing to go, then you have youre answer right there.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/17/2008 7:58:26 AM

ScottishLord

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

If I had known that this would nearly cause a War I would have pmed a few friends instead..lol

Well here is the update,

I have confronted the (cough cough) other guy by phone last night. He got all defensive and then aggressive when I told him that she is with me now and that his interferrence is not going to be tolerated. He tried to big note himself with grand statements etc and what he would do to me, which donna impress me in the slightest. I suggested he actually check my profile first so he could see who I am and what I did for a pasttime before suggesting we take it outside and settle it like men. It took a few mins of semi silence then he just slammed the phone down. I guess he checked my profile

Well this morning my lass did get an email from him and we read it together at my place where she has been since he called. I wont say exactly what it said but it was nee very flattering to either of us. I am sure he knew I would be reading it as well by the last comment he made. "Fighting for a brainless slutty slave like her that I discarded once is not worth my time or effort, there are plenty more sluts where she came from." Which only confirms my opinion of him, he needs help as soon as possible and has no respect for women or the lifestyle.

I now know what he did to her and what caused her to turn into a gibbering mess, but that is something I promised her I would nee discuss with anyone else. All I will say is I would nee do that to my dog let alone a woman who is bring up a child on her own.

Believe it or not guys but you did help me in a way to get my head cleared and do what I already knew I needed to do. And for those of you that said she is not worth the trouble, that is your opinion and you are entitled to it. For me I donna see helping someone to be trouble or a burden, everyone is worth the efffort from someone that cares enough about others.

Thank you for your help and be well.
ScottishLord

(in reply to lally3)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/17/2008 8:19:44 AM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

All I can say is WOW. There are a ton of wacked out concpets in this short thread. OP when I said ManUp that's in reference to the girl not with any other area of your life I've lost a couple of ppl very dear to me. I wish you all the best.

BadOne

All I can say is that most of your posts you go out of your way to be as demeaning as you can of other people and their opinions. You are indeed very negative.

I can guess your response maybe one of telling me you do not care what I think... yadda yadda yadda,... and sincerely, I do not expect you to. Here is some food for thought... the more insulting you are to people who post here, the less that tthey will want to read you. One day you will log on here and discover no one responds to you anymore, no one wants to converse on threads with you, and no one rises to the flame bait anymore.

Like I said, I do not expect you to give a rat's ass what I think, just an observation.

julia

Pot=Kettle?
uh huh.

_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to SinergyNstrumpet)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/17/2008 8:33:20 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Seriously-if someone stepped on my toes like that-I would be on his ass like stink on shit until it was resolved one way or the other. Mine or not-there is no MAYBE in my world.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to domahpet)

Profile

Post #: 53

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/17/2008 8:38:40 AM

MasterWilliam55

Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline

Albatross, I couldn't agree more. The OP is a puppet on a string right now. To hang there, will solve nothing.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 54

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/17/2008 8:46:29 AM

Bound2One

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline

Thank you so much for coming back and sharing the outcome with the boards. All too often the OP is never heard from again and inquiring minds always want to know! lol I'm glad you were able to iron things out, and I hope all goes smoothly for you from now on!

(in reply to ScottishLord)

Profile

Post #: 55

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/17/2008 11:27:07 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet

All I can say is that most of your posts you go out of your way to be as demeaning as you can of other people and their opinions. You are indeed very negative.

I can guess your response maybe one of telling me you do not care what I think... yadda yadda yadda,... and sincerely, I do not expect you to. Here is some food for thought... the more insulting you are to people who post here, the less that tthey will want to read you. One day you will log on here and discover no one responds to you anymore, no one wants to converse on threads with you, and no one rises to the flame bait anymore.

Like I said, I do not expect you to give a rat's ass what I think, just an observation.

julia

Are you flirting with me??? I know it's hard to believe some ppl do agree with me and say so in their post. I'm not for everyone but then agian I don't try to be. I'm pretty much delusionary but I consider it being my own man.

BadOne

julia:

He's got a dry and sometimes acerbic wit. It may not be your style, but it is just fine for others. And just like I don't agree with or find humorous every single post you write, so too will people not agree with or find humorous every post SailingBum writes. In the end, so what? He can put forth his opinions the same as you have.

And it occurs to me that if you don't really care what he thinks of your views, then why did you feel the need to inform him of them?

SailingBum, just wanted to say....delusionary is sooo right. lol

btw: The ice on some of the canals is breaking up. Was such a nice sight to see.

To the OP, I wish you well in all of your efforts, however they may turn out. Out of curiousity, does this submissive see her submissiveness in the same fashion you do? I took a moment to glance at your profile and noticed that you combine servant with submissive. I know that some see it as that, and others see submissiveness as a personality trait and are looking for someone that they can feel comfortable with, who understands their needs, but that they don't necessarily see themselves as a servant. Could this be the difference in the hold the prior person has over her, regardless of whether they've met or not, regardless of how he treated her?

juliet

Thanks you babeeee! Yep pretty soon the boats heading back in the drink.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Profile

Post #: 56

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/17/2008 11:29:34 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

The consideration collar is supposed to be for 3 years.

Luscious, I love you to death, but...where is the Dom/sub handbook that states this? Everyone does things in their own time.

That being said; Op, I know it seems odd that she should be so torn, and some are very surprised at the bond she seems to have with someone she has never met in rl. But for many of us who meet on the internet, and spend a lot of time in talk and chat before rl, that bond that is formed can be incredibly strong.

I kind of agree with the others that say, back off a bit, and give her time to read her own heart. Sometimes it can be very confusing, especially if you are falling in love with two people. (and yes, that does happen, even to 'nice' people)

I'm sure things will work out well for you.

it would be nice if you guys could read the whole thread before razzing me. I retracted my statement .

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Profile

Post #: 57

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/17/2008 11:31:08 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet

Ok Luscious ..... I usually agree with you or agree to disagree with you .. but this time I LOL want answers .. where did you read/ hear / etc that a consideration collar is to last 3 years? After 20+ years in the lifestyle and very old school trained that is a new one to me .... and you have my curiousity up....

Now so I wont be accused of hijacking the thread ... I think you already know your answer .. if a phone call from a former Dominant that the submissive/slave has never met can cause such turmoil she is NOT ready for anyones collar..... accepting a collar should be an unwaivering commitment.....just my opinion.

Again read the whole thread. I retracted my statement or rephrased on post #25

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to MissHarlet)

Profile

Post #: 58

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/17/2008 11:32:18 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

Albatross, I couldn't agree more. The OP is a puppet on a string right now. To hang there, will solve nothing.

Ahyep. Hence my ManUp remark. She is controlling the dom not the other way around.

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to MasterWilliam55)

Profile

Post #: 59

RE: I am in two minds. - 3/17/2008 11:39:44 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

Appears the OP took control of the situation and its resolvin gitself for a positive outcome...

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to SailingBum)

Profile

Post #: 60