RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress



Message

SweetDommes -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/16/2008 6:56:38 PM)

But you seem to be missing the point - which is that even without it being poly, some of the same issues apply (see DV's last post).



teekaygold -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 12:46:34 AM)

You need to try me and you know there is something called perfect.Plus i have a 9+inch cock.



chezzy52 -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 1:07:21 AM)

I was recently approached with a poly relationship..twice in fact.I just can't do it.It is not my cup of tea and never will be.I cannot get past this vision in my head that there would be this "friendly rivalry"bullshit game going on with the Domina saying "can you top this"???I know it sounds childish but perhaps it is a result of my own family.My brothers were much older than i,almost 13 and 12 years respectively.So i wasn't an afterthought..mom wanted a girl and the folks got me.So by the time i reached kindergarten,my oldest brother graduated high school and the middle brother quit to become a jockey.I was isolated and on my own to please the folks if you will.If i told you all my childhood and my experiences..you'd probably say to me...chez..you should make a movie out of this.Well they already have and no i am not saying which movie it is but suffice it to say..when my brothers came back into the fold for a very brief time..outside of my dad i was the alpha male in the house with respect of course always going to the elders.I just feel that when you come from this sort of structure..it is hard for someone to change and so i am just being honest about it all and to each their own.



MistressVnus -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 3:52:38 AM)

quote:

I was recently approached with a poly relationship


For the THIRD TIME in this thread, I am NOT REFERRING TO A POLY relationship.
I am referring to a 1:1 relationship, and if the Bi Mistresses who have had both sexes, at one time or another, found their 1:1 with a m/slave to be different than their 1:1 with their fem/slave!!!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I'm certainly not getting the feedback I was seeking in regard to the thread.
Everyone keeps talking about the poly dynamcis.
I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT POLY!!
Did anyone hear me this time?



SweetDommes -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 4:25:19 AM)

And have you actually paid attention to the replies that you have gotten?????  DV had a VERY good post about an experience that she had with a girl that she was one on one with - which is something similar to the issues that we have seen with poly relationships .... so if you would quit getting so shitty about the poly experiences that have been posted and READ THEM along with DV's posting, you might actually get the point that has been made - which is that you have to be VERY VERY careful when picking a femsub and you might not like how it turns out.



AS11 -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 4:37:59 AM)

I have but one comment and its very short, if your not getting what you want from the males in your life...perhaps you should look to yourself and your training. The Mistress is judged by the conduct and behaviors of her slave, therein her training.



MistressVnus -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 4:40:06 AM)

quote:

so if you would quit getting so shitty about the poly experiences that have been posted and READ THEM along with DV's posting, you might actually get the point that has been made - which is that you have to be VERY VERY careful when picking a femsub and you might not like how it turns out.


I'm not being shitty, I'm expressing frustration.
Except for DV's one post, all others are referencing behaviors in a poly relationship.
And, I can't say that I would call the jealousy thing that DV pointed out to be necessarily a female trait, as I have had my m/slaves to the same behavior.
And, I agree about being careful when choosing, however, I think I need to be careful when picking a sub of ANY gender.
I was just wondering if those who had 1:1's with both sexes had found a difference in their service that could have been linked to their gender.  Or, was I just lucky to have chosen a good femslave my first time around.
Not, how do they respond in a poly situation.



MistressVnus -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 4:45:16 AM)

quote:

I have but one comment and its very short, if your not getting what you want from the males in your life...perhaps you should look to yourself and your training. The Mistress is judged by the conduct and behaviors of her slave, therein her training.


Of the slaves I've had, I've gotten much satisfaction.  All of them.
It is within my new search that I am finding frustration with the men I have been interviewing.  Perhaps it's my own tolerance level at this point, and perhaps it's not. 
It is the frustration I am finding with interviewing m/slaves that has taken me to pondering the gender question.
Not any deficiency I had found in the slaves I have had before.  If the m/slaves I have had in the past had been undesirable, I wouldn't be seeking a m/slave in the first place.



Kirren -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 4:46:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

Yes, I'm searching for a new slave. 
I am pansexual in the sense that I can become sexually excited by all, and enjoy Dominating all.  However, after several differnt types of slaves, I perfer male or female (born) for my 24/7s.  I usually have to choose "bi" due to limited choices on profiles.
However, due to social conditiongs and limited female relationships, I think I lean towards the m/slaves out of habit.  I have humorously coined this "hetero with the option to bi."
And since I have begun a  new "active" search for a m/slave, my tolerance has grown tired of the "male ego" and it's constant need to be quelched, or placated, in some way.  Even for the most "sincere" m/slaves (best described as having the attributes of a slave's heart, as I desire it) I've engaged with, at some point (usually many points), they have to rear that "male ego" and, even though I'm the Mistress, I have to deal with it, recognize it, and placate it in some, way, shape, or patronizing form (*snicker*). 

I've been weighing the pros and cons of the m vs f slaves I've had, (I've only had 1 fem/slave) and I have to tell you, looking back, she was probabaly the "best" slave I have ever had, versus the males (plural).  And, if other issues hadn't gotten in the way, I would have kept her forever.  Sexual excitement isn't an issue for me with females.  No sirreeeee.  I think I just act more out of "comfort zone" and "habit" to lean towards the men.

I shared this thought with another Mistress, today, who has had both genders for slaves, as well, and she said, "Geesh, you know, I think I agree with that!!"  And, she shared her experiences, which seemed very similar.

I am considering revising my profile to seek either/or. 

So, to all you bi, or pan, Mistresses out there.  What are your thoughts on this?  Do you find this to be true in your experiences?  For you male slaves/subs, do you think you can relate to this particular obervation I am having regarding the male ego?  (BTW, I'm not saying it's a bad thing.  Just an observation.  However, it's getting tiresome, to me.)
For the fem/slaves subs, do you think there is something in the female dna that predisposes a woman (no, not always, in general) to be able to surrender with more ease?  And, for anyone else, please share your thoughts.




Keeping in mind that I have not read all of the replies....

I can state simply this...I have a female submissive. She is the ONLY submissive I have at this time. But I am also married...to a male Dom....For Me that is poly enuff....

However, when it comes to the idea of male vs female subs...I will take a female hands down.

Why? For the most part they can anticipate your needs before a male will. You have the advantage of having the sub as a friend, a lover, and as a sub....and you also have some one that is yes, more willing, IMO to train and do as told.

It seems to Me that male subs are harder to work with, but again this is based only on My experience, due to the fact that they want what they want and some at some point or another try to break the Dom card out at some point in time or another.

But in all honesty, this is very much a matter of personal preference and the same could be said on the opposite side of the coin. It just depends on what the person has been thru.


Edited to add....Yes there is a difference in their service....At least that I have seen. The males I have worked with claimed that they could take any and everything I could and would dish out with a smile, and then shit talked Me behind My back becuase I wouldnt fuck them.

The girl I keep is happy no matter what we do...be it sit and chit chat....session or cuddle....no matter what....



MistressVnus -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 4:55:27 AM)

quote:

Why? For the most part they can anticipate your needs before a male will. You have the advantage of having the sub as a friend, a lover, and as a sub....and you also have some one that is yes, more willing, IMO to train and do as told.

It seems to Me that male subs are harder to work with, but again this is based only on My experience, due to the fact that they want what they want and some at some point or another try to break the Dom card out at some point in time or another.


I only have 1 experience with a female slave and I found my experience to be similiar to yours.
And, although you are married, it is to a Dominant and I am guessing that your slave is your only slave.  So there are no issues regarding jealousy of other slaves or "who is apha" to worry about.



BoiJen -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 6:22:02 AM)

Okay I know you're not talking about poly...I'm just make statement though about the "alpha" thing real quick ten go on topic for you. "Alpha" is a place that men get threatened at as well. Not just women. And men , in my expereince often react worse to that place being threatened. To me also "alpha" is not a promised position...it's earned...every minute of every day. Then again...so is the position of servant. This isn't just in poly situations...it's in monogamous one's too...that's why people leave eachother for things better than what they're getting then.

Now onto the topic...I'm not a D-type in any sense. However, often I get told..."you're the best boi ever." And MsK and I joke about us meeting....it was that you KNOW type feeling. She said She wanted to walk up to me and say "There you are. I've been looking for you. Now get your things it's time to go home." Inbstead it came out as sex walking to me and saying "Hi...you're boijen"

I don't "surrender"...I'm not "submissive"...I serve. I get rewarded with fun things and often just get to be me. Do I think it's a DNA thing? Nope...I think it comes from a combined set of expereinces that shape and form an individual.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 8:14:28 AM)

I have been thinking a lot about having a female pet, and the whole drama thing keeps getting in the way.  I work hard to keep all extra drama out of my life.  Overall, I think females are better at serving, and heaven knows they are great to play with.  I wouldn't give up one for the other, but I know that I would spend a lot more time getting to know the girl.



Pyrrsefanie -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 9:55:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus
Except for DV's one post, all others are referencing behaviors in a poly relationship.


Shows how well you read MY reply.  Hmph.



AFlyInYourWeb -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 10:55:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

Well, here's the thing, I'm not necessarily speaking about a poly household.  I'm speaking more in terms of a 1:1 relationship.
Domme and m/slave or Domme and f/slave.



You could femme a male slave, and get a two-fer.  [;)]

The ego problem you mention may have something to do with the role-reversal for the male inherent in the FemDom situation. 

In my early years of submitting, I had moments of rebellion.  I feel that was caused by fear that my submission was somehow eroding or compromising my masculinity.  It took a couple years of therapy to overcome that fear by reducing it to the ridiculous.  After all, we all submit to the State, to social customs and norms, bosses and clients at the workplace, and sometimes religious dogma.

My conflict was that my choice to submit to a woman conflicted with social norms and customs that dictated that the woman should submit to me.  Once I accepted the fact that society's custom had no more validity than what I wanted and enjoyed, I was able to resolve the conflict.

Perhaps you should look for submissives, either male or female, who have done enough self-examination to accept and enjoy themselves as they really are, and not as Church, State and Hollywood would dictate they be.



LaTigresse -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 11:01:10 AM)

Having been around male slaves/submissives and had two female submissives, and now talking to several female slaves.........this is my experience.

From what I have seen, finding a sincere service oriented male is not easy. MOST are far too focused on fetishes and what you are going to do to them, with all things sexual, being their number one common ground. IE: I want to clean your house....in a french maids uniform, heels, fishnet stockings...while you watch me dressed head to toe in black leather cracking a whip at my ass that is peeking from beneath the uniform and call me your naughty slut. BUT, when you find a good one, he is a treasure and totally devoted.

I've seen far more sincere female slaves. Yet the draw back with so many, is much more subtle than the males. Trying to get them to communicate beyond sexual service and their unique fetishes can be surprisingly difficult. They get coy and flirty, especially when you bring them back to the topic you wish to discuss, or they just shut down completely. Some can also can have a more elevated sense of how very special they are........I think because they are in demand. Questions like: "will you keep me in a cage at night?" or "I need hard sexual use often" get old. I've also seen SOME that are always open to a "better offer".

While I understand the validity of learning all aspects of the potential service. I question the importance of frequency of sexual use over more common sense, daily living, issues.

All of that being said, I am talking primarily about my experiences with contacts online. In person, the females tend to be more responsive to nonkink communication in the beginning, and the men tend to get bored and wander off. Yet, I must agree that the drama and emotional crap with a female slave is pretty much guaranteed. Men in general, are less emotionally high maintanance and less inclined to the drama.



MistressVnus -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 11:07:42 AM)

quote:

Perhaps you should look for submissives, either male or female, who have done enough self-examination to accept and enjoy themselves as they really are,


Amen to that!!  Thanks for sharing your own experience.  And, I agree that social conditioning is probably the major factor in the behaviors I come up against with the m/slaves from time to time.  And, most definately finding someone who has come to terms with their submission during the interview process is proving to reveal a small ratio.

I shall perservere.



Bloodrose88 -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 12:43:54 PM)

As a female sub, I can say that for me at least, it is not a hard-wired thing for me to serve.  I don't know if I serve better or worse than the average male...all I can do is focus on serving as best as I might.



solvr70 -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 1:45:07 PM)

i'm not sure what You mean by the "male ego" rear itself.

i do my best to be as open and detailed in my interests, limits (hard and soft) up front as possible. then, let the Woman "drive" Also doing my best to be very active and enguaged in activities that i notice that She finds particularlly exciting.

all the while, there being constant communication as areas of shared interests are realized. not trying to top from the bottom. constant communication just seems to be a key element to me



BitaTruble -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/17/2008 7:16:51 PM)

~FR~

Without question, I would choose a female slave over a male slave. I haven't found a lot of drama in my dealings with women but then I cut that sort of thing out of my life as soon as it rears its head. I love submissive women. They're soft, tender and they smell good (at least those with whom I've been involved) and they never get a 5 o'clock shadow. I love to listen to women laugh, cry and giggle and I can gag 'em when they talk to much. [;)]  I like men, but I adore submissive women and they will always be my first choice. If I ever find myself single for whatever reason, I doubt I'll get involved with another man in my lifetime.

Celeste



Gwynvyd -> RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave (3/19/2008 5:17:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

quote:

most of the poly relationships we've observed/heard about with a female Dominant


Well, here's the thing, I'm not necessarily speaking about a poly household.  I'm speaking more in terms of a 1:1 relationship.
Domme and m/slave or Domme and f/slave.
This would remove the factor of jealousy or Alpha drama.
That is more the situation I am seeking experiences of.



ahhh

Well I have a girl.... and a couple of boys on the side.. But my girl is the primary and main one I deal with since she lives with me and is not long distance.

As with anything it takes balance.

It all depends on a person by person basis. Sometimes people fall into the same paterns when looking for and finding subs. That super needy type of person will be draining no matter what chromosomes they have.

The males have jealousy and ego issues a bit differently from the girls.. but girls can have them too. Just do a very good screening and never accept someone you are not willing to work on thier issues with and help develop them. We all have baggage and issues.

I prefer female slaves/subs/bottoms. But all people I deal with I chose wisely and have to come with the idea that we are all equal as humans. None of this " I am a lowly worm" bs. The emotional baggage, backlash and seething that comes from those undercurrents ( esp when it is *thier idea*) is just not worth me dealing with. That take years of therapy to break through.

Plus I just find the female form and mind to be deliciously wicked and fertile.

Nothing like a moaning, gasping and slick with desire lass underneath your tender administrations.

Them being horny and needy for me is a turn on.. males being horny and needy is sometimes a nusance. *shurgs* it is akin to what LaT said... the males say I will do XYZ in service but these conditions must be met. Females tend to need the sex and all but no be so damn specific.. and fucking needy to every one of thier kinks on some great check list being marked off before they do shit.

With my girl I put down what was and was not acceptable before we started our realtionship. Drama and jealousy she knew would get her booted. She stays away from those things. Even when I came home the other night after the sun was way past up from being out drinking with a buddy and talking she was upset.. but controled herself as best as she could.. and we talked. Our usual thing is back before the sun rises. I was not sober enough by then to drive. It was a saftey issue. There was no argument. No big drama.. just some softly spoken words.. and an explination. All was then fine.

The best I can say is just chose wisely.. there are boogers in both camps.

Gwyn



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125