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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/17/2008 4:50:22 AM

Twstdkinkerbell

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"Where does he get those wonderful toys?

Joker - Original Batman

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/17/2008 6:41:12 AM

Twstdkinkerbell

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"Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?"

Also Batman Original - Joker

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/17/2008 9:53:51 AM

chaosforge

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Blade, "Some mother fuckers always gotta skate up hill,"
Blade III, "You horse humping bitch,"
FightClub, "The first rule about fight club, is we do not talk about fight club, the secund rule about fight club, is we do not talk about fight club,"

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/17/2008 12:55:04 PM

softness

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"I am not a woman with whom to fuck"

edited out of Aliens .... thinks its fantastic ... used to have it as a sig line i love it so much

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/17/2008 10:16:56 PM

ManInTheBox

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From Dumb and Dumber I don't remember the line but the scene when they're trying to remember Mary's last name and that it started with an S and Harry tells Lloyd to look and the briefcase and see if it's on there and he goes oh here it is...Samsonite!

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/17/2008 10:23:39 PM

GreedyTop

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the hairball scene in Shrek.

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/17/2008 10:32:41 PM

KyttynTheMynx

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Ohh...at the moment, the second line of my sig. It cracks me up everytime I think about it.

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/17/2008 10:54:43 PM

seekingsoulemate

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In keeping with the Joker theme, the sexiest line from that movie is when he is primping in the mirror and the woman comes from behind him and she says "You look great" and Jack Nickelson as the joker turns, and says "I didn't ask..."
OMG that is so fuckin sexy as hell! That came out when my friend and i were in high school and it turned us on then. OMG...such memories...

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/17/2008 11:55:29 PM

girlygurl

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Do you get a free bowl of soup with that hat? ~ Caddyshack

A red rose how romantic ~ Blazing Saddles (of course to say this correctly you would want to round your lips when saying the r words)

Franks and Beans!!! ~ There's something about Mari

Who's your buddy, who's your pal? I am aren't I. ~ Stripes

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/17/2008 11:57:21 PM

GreedyTop

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Blazing Saddles:

Lily: Is it twue what they say about you people?

(sound) zzzzziiipppppppppppp

Lily: It's twue!! it's TWUE!

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/18/2008 6:10:53 AM

postulant

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Oh my gosh, what a great way to start the day! I'm giggling my ass off here at all of the great quotes that have been shared so far!

Blazing Saddles has been a classic in our home for years. "What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on around here!" Or I've been known more than once to break into, "I'm tiwed...tiwed of being admiwed..." etc. And of course, it's always nice to hear, "You use your tongue prettier 'n a twenty-dollar whore."

From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, "So long and thanks for all the fish!" In fact, I'm often unable to resist and just outright sing the damn song. And now that I've thought of it, I"ll have it stuck in my head all morning, lol!

Also from The Princess Bride, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

p.

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/18/2008 9:05:10 AM

lighthearted

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I love Blazing Saddles.

Reverend Johnson: Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I'm leaving.

anything Madeline Kahn says in that movie should be in the f-ing Smithsonian. she was brilliant.

Lili Von Shtupp: Willkommen. Bienvenue. Welcome. C'mon in.

Lili Von Shtupp: Would you like another schnitzengruben?
Bart: No, thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.
Lili Von Shtupp: Well how about a little...
[whispers in his ear]
Bart: [shocked] Baby. I'm not from Havana.

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/18/2008 11:06:10 AM

Mercnbeth

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Trying to be more obscure and a tad self serving.

There were many from the old, when he was funny, Woody Allen movies. In particular from 'Sleeper', a movie about a man being revived in 200 years in the future of when the movie was made in 1973. Luna, Diane Keaton, is Miles, played by Allen, girlfriend:

Luna Schlosser: Sex is different now. There are no problems. Everyone is frigid now.
Miles Monroe: So all the men are impotent.
Luna Schlosser: Pretty much, except for those whose ancestors were Italian

Quite a few others from the movie:
Luna Schlosser: I think we should have had sex, but there weren't enough people.

Luna Schlosser: So then, what do you believe in?
Miles Monroe: Sex and death - two things that come once in a lifetime... but at least after death, you're not nauseous.

Luna Schlosser: What's it feel like to be dead for 200 years?
Miles Monroe: Like spending a weekend in Beverly Hills

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 3/18/2008 11:10:30 AM >

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/18/2008 11:08:06 AM

GreedyTop

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omg, Sleepr is one of my allllllllllll time favorite movies! *adores you for knowing of that movie*

ETA: loved the scenes with the Orgasmitron, and the Bug going over the cliff

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 3/18/2008 11:09:03 AM >

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/18/2008 11:14:02 AM

camille65

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From the movie Saving Grace:"We love Grace" (said by two stoned lil old ladies in a shop as they dissolved into laughter and sank behind the counter.) From Cold Comfort Farm:"I saw something nasty in the woodshed" "THERE IS NO BUTTER IN HELL" (said in a hell n brimstone voice)

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/18/2008 11:51:18 AM

parttimehotty

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"We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz"
"Because, because because because,because...because of the wonderful things He does"

***Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain*****

< Message edited by parttimehotty -- 3/18/2008 11:56:14 AM >

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/18/2008 1:08:54 PM

SteelofUtah

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From Real Genius one of Val Kilmers First Movies

Chris Kinght is Val Kilmer = I believe this movie prepared him for the timing necessary to pull of Tombstone, yet another GREAT Movie.

[To a girl at a party.]
Chris Knight: Don't eat that. Eating that can cause very large breasts. Oh my God, I'm too late!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris: You didn't touch anything, did you?
Mitch: No.
Chris: Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under 'H' for "toy.
Mitch: What is it?
Chris: It's a penis stretcher. Do you want to try it?
Mitch: No.
Chris: I'm just kidding. It's yet another in a long series of attempts to avoid responsibility.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dr. Dodd: Why is that toy on your head?
Chris Knight: Because if I wear it any place else, it chafes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Knight: This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mitch Taylor: The weirdest thing just happened to me.
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you were standing in sort of sun-god robes on top of a pyramid, and there were hundreds of naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch Taylor: No...
Chris Knight: Why, am I the only one who has that dream?

**Muttling You Bastard I actually thought that was your Kink, I didn't even notice it was Stolen, However I like the Brand you specified ...Attn See Wierdest kinky things you fantasize about thread***

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Chris Knight is trying to hit on Susan, a beautiful woman he finds in Professor Hathaway's house]
Chris Knight: So, if there's anything I can do for you, or, more to the point, to you, you just let me know.
Susan: Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?
Chris Knight: Not right now.
Susan: A girl's gotta have her standards.
[She walks out]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, "I drank what?"

It was an 80's movie and I still laugh my ass off when they turn the Professors house into a Jiffy Pop!!!!

God I love this movie.

Steel

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/18/2008 2:27:53 PM

Monkeyontuesday

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Man... I love all these movies... I feel reeeeally young.. Anchorman was the first movie that popped into my head, lol.

Ron Burgundy: Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.
Veronica Corningstone: No, there's no way that's correct.
Ron Burgundy: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.
Veronica Corningstone: Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?
Ron Burgundy: No. No.

---
Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.
Ron Burgundy: I'm not a baby, I'm a MAN, I am an ANCHORMAN.
Veronica Corningstone: You are not a man. You are a big fat joke.
Ron Burgundy: I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.

---
Peter La Fleur: [after Patches hits Justin in the face with a wrench] Yeah, uh, Patches... are you sure that this is completely necessary?
Patches O'Houlihan: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter La Fleur: Probably not.
Patches O'Houlihan: No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste.
Peter La Fleur: ...Okay.

Bah-haha. okai. I'm done.

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/18/2008 2:35:21 PM

outlier

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-FR-

There are many great Mae West screen moments with W.C. Fields.
Classic never to be duplicated exchanges of one-ups-manship and innuendo.

We just had a Mae West thread here which had many great lines in it.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1710944/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1711109

Here it my post from that thread. It is one of my favorites. and
I think one of the funniest lines of all time.

She enters an old fashioned nightclub by coming down an amazing staircase.
at the bottom is what was called a "hatcheck girl". A woman who took
coats and hats and hung them up for the patrons.

As Mae is giving the woman her fur the woman notices an outrageous
diamond ring on her finger and exclaims in surprise: "OH, My goodness!"

Mae looks at her like an innocent child and as she turns away laughs
slightly and says: "Goodness, had nothing to do with it honey"

Perfect.

Outlier

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RE: What are your funniest film quotes? - 3/18/2008 2:57:29 PM

SteelofUtah

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This is not a movie quote but one of the Funniest Damn things I think was ever recorded

Said Lady Aster to Winston Churchill

"Sir, if you were my Husband I would poison your coffee!"

Said Winston Churchill to Lady Aster in Reply

"Madam, if you were my wife, I am sure I would gladly drink it."

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