RE: are you experienced ?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: are you experienced ?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: are you experienced ?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 9:40:06 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

charlotte and I had a crazy weekend. We spent some time with a girl who was fairly experienced in D/s, but had never been to a dungeon. We brought a friend who I'm working with, who is a brand spanking newbie (har har har) to the dungeon. I had a great time talking to another girl who is very experienced in the lifestyle. Not once did I think "she's too/not experienced enough for me."

I love showing new girls how to serve me, because for me it really is a blank page to work with. But experienced girls have new pages to add, as well, and I find it easy to show someone who shares my views on the lifestyle how to serve me in a manner I enjoy.

Bottom line; it doesn't matter anymore than if she's Asian or Hispanic, tall or short, dark haired, or light. I'm more interested in who she is, than what she might/doesn't know about BDSM or D/s.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 21

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 10:54:24 AM

MasterWilliam55

Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline

Good point FRS

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 22

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 11:21:39 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

I actually do prefer someone with experience -- that said, willingness and for me, self knowledge are more important -- a balance is what I seek

(in reply to MasterWilliam55)

Post #: 23

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 11:39:23 AM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

Everyone starts somewhere...

I have experience in some areas and others I do not...

There are advantages with someone with *experience* as well as disadvantages..

I agree with some others....honesty,willingness...stay openminded...

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 24

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 11:40:31 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I look for someone with an open mind. A little exprience helps. That way they do'nt begin yelling before youl swing the flogger down.

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 25

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 11:47:55 AM

lilabbotsfordgrl

Posts: 140
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline

Attitude > Experience

But if I had to pick, I'd go for less experience, please.

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 26

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 11:50:30 AM

ClitCutter

Posts: 27
Joined: 12/6/2006
Status: offline

Have you ever BEEN experienced?

(Probably predates most of you! :-)

< Message edited by ClitCutter -- 3/17/2008 11:51:27 AM >

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 27

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 12:23:41 PM

MasterWilliam55

Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline

Self knowledge is not always that easy to come by. But I agree.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 28

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 1:05:18 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

i have noticed a big difference in the sort of doms who contact me now compared to when i was totally new. they are very much more genuine, polite, gentle and thoughtful.

im not completely sure why, but it has been a real pleasure meeting them and they have made this time around a million times more enjoyable.

perhaps with a little experience comes a wealth of self knowledge and self knowledge seems to be a powerful commodity in this lifestyle.

(in reply to MasterWilliam55)

Post #: 29

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 1:16:28 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Self knowledge rather than experience is what is important to me. I could care less how long they have done D/s or BDSM as that rarely is an indicator of how grounded they are. I want someone who when they say "I love X and hate Y" that that is truly what they mean and that I can count on that. I don't want to have to waste my time trying to interpret or guess what they really mean or what they are really offering. In short, I need to trust they know what they are communicating and that there is no hidden message, conscious or unconscious embedded in it.

That said, I have played with a woman who truly came out of the "old days" and it is a bit intimidating but that is also part of what makes it hot. To me, dominating newbies is a bit like cradle robbing, it is easy to impress someone who has nothing to measure you against. Which is why I prefer women my age, even if new to bdsm they bring a wealth of life experience to the table and their bullshit detectors are a bit more sophisticated.

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 30

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 1:19:06 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

Self knowledge is not always that easy to come by. But I agree.

I agree... but to me, this life requires a great deal of self-examination and coming to the conclusion that you're no longer the norm, something we homos have to do very early in our lives...with self examination, sometimes can come the knowledge...

to me, its important -- of course the ability and willingness to communicate that knowledge is also important

I'm tough

I want it all

(in reply to MasterWilliam55)

Post #: 31

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 4:54:25 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

Self knowledge may not be *easy* to come by, however...if one does not dig deep within...what are they going to have to offer another....

Its a must...

To many do not want to do the work it takes and would rather have someone else *fix* them, and my experience with that is...it does not work.

Whats that saying...To your own self be...true.

Did deep within....experience can then begin.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 32

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 5:46:19 PM

MasterWilliam55

Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline

It's always tough to develop insight with regards to one's self. Society in general considers anything that challanges it's norms to be a perversion. We are raised with those prejudices. Yes, it's difficult to accept one's self, and choose to learn who we really are and then embrace it and move to learn everything there is to know about it.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 33

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 6:09:47 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

Okay I am answering this question as a sub rather than as a dom

Not matter who the sub is they are coming into the lifestyle usually with some type of experience be it through past vanilla relationships . sexual relationship even interactions with with bosses and other authority figures ...no body is a total blank slate.

It really has to do with adaption to change and willingness to please.... it does not matter if you are a newbie and had been married or in a relationship were you were taught missionary is the only correct way to have sex or the sub that has been with a master for 20 years if you are not willing to make changes to meet your new doms pleasure your not going to be very desirable to him. So newbie does not mean necessarily better than experienced sub/slave or vice versa what matters truly is your willnessness to serve in the manner they desire... of course compatibility has to be established first to find out if your BDSM interests are the same for example if you want a monogamous relation and the dom wants poly it, you would have a hard time pleasing and chances are your not going to be happy in the relationship or having bi sex if you are straight, so lots of discussions should take place prior if what you are looking for is a long term relationship and not just a play partner inorder to determine if you can serve this person in the way they want without having to breaching your own values.

Because each sub is an idividual starting with different sexual experiences, life experiences even the dom is learning while with you, they have to learn how your body responds, how you react to certain stimuli and your emotional reactions/response to a variety of stuff to tailor the training to you as an individual ...so training/learning is not just a one way street. it is a growing experience for both

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 34

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 9:27:19 PM

Kirata

Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline

Are you experienced?
Have you ever been experienced?
Not necessarily stoned, but beautiful

~Jimi Hendrix

(in reply to sabirah)

Post #: 35

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 9:35:54 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

People tend to talk about BDSM experience--especially online--in a way that seems to be co-opted from online role-playing games. This is not fucking Dungeons and Dragons, and you don't get higher and higher powers by accumulating experience points. Oh, I just flogged my first girl, so that means I've advanced to the next level and have more hit points now! Yay for me!

Experience without reflection and wisdom is pretty worthless.

(in reply to Kirata)

Post #: 36

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/17/2008 9:37:30 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Is there and experience level for jerking off to porno on a computer? We have a LOT of twue masters out there-if so.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 37

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/18/2008 5:04:35 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

Not matter who the sub is they are coming into the lifestyle usually with some type of experience be it through past vanilla relationships . sexual relationship even interactions with with bosses and other authority figures ...no body is a total blank slate.

It really has to do with adaption to change and willingness to please

i agree that noone is a blank slate and that our personalities react to different people. ive had relationships with domineering vanillas, but none were dominant and plenty of irritatingly obtuse bosses with enough arrogance to send my submissive tendencies into quick reverse.

it is about adaption and change and willingness to please, but before you can do that you have to learn to put your ego away, drop the 'i' and the 'me' to let the power exchange flow. ego is a fundamental facility in all people, it allows them to survive their day and deal with all situations and personally speaking, it is something that i have had to learn and am still learning to hush down.

i learnt a very basic fact in my last relationship, but i couldnt have learnt it without being there, no matter how much i read about it or second guessed it - without hushing my ego, power exchange is impossible. he could flog me, spank me, make me kneel for what seemed an eternity, all of those physical things i could do, but the submission of 'me' was much harder and made the power exchange impossible for him.

obviously i can only speak for myself on this one, but through making that mistake and reflecting on it i can now go into my next relationship with a much better understanding of how to be me with my ego hushed.

insidiously potent is the hushing of an ego, by letting it hush the submissive starts to feel the power exchange flow into her. maybe im just an awkward cuss, maybe it takes me too many times to learn something that others learn in no time atall, ive always had to learn the hard way. or maybe ive just learnt it from Him this time around and its all just the luck of the draw who you meet along the way.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 38

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/18/2008 7:46:39 AM

MasterWilliam55

Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline

Good point. Training is a two way street.

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 39

RE: are you experienced ? - 3/18/2008 3:54:16 PM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

This is not fucking Dungeons and Dragons, and you don't get higher and higher powers by accumulating experience points.

Ok, we warned you about this. -4 on your Willpower saves until you come to your senses.

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: are you experienced ?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078