little bit lost

little bit lost (Full Version)

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mhawk -> little bit lost (3/17/2008 11:14:38 AM)
there's no reason to go into the full situation here but i cannot for the life of me figure out why if i make a mistake and try to correct it or say something wrong and then try to "fix" it or apologise why my Master makes me feel worse about things than i already did. no matter how hard i try i can never seem to get His forgiveness and He won't punish me but yet someone on another board can cross Him and He can accept their apology and forgive them. i've begged,i've written Him,i've asked Him directly and all i recieve is an emotional breakdown. does anyone else see something wrong here or is it just me?

GreedyTop -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 11:15:57 AM)
sounds to me like he's having issues with you becoming the third. Can you ask Her? maybe she can give you some insight.

mnottertail -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 11:18:05 AM)
yes. very one sided, no details or depth or breadth of explanation, and receive is the way it is actually spelled. hope this helps, Ron

LadyRainfire -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 11:22:09 AM)
Based on what I'm hearing here, mhawk, it doesn't sound right either to me. It sounds like there is more going on with him but what, I would have no clue. Communicatin is a 2 way street though and he must be willing to communicate with you and if he's not doing that, then you have no way of resolving the issue. I hope things get resolved for you one way or the other. It's not a good thing to be left in this position. I know that I have (on quite regular occasions it seems) times when I can do or say nothing right. I'm currently in such a phase.... [8\|] Good luck.

mhawk -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 11:36:20 AM)
spelling aside i think that's the least of things. this has been building.you want full details shall i send the email i just recieved about this? i get taken out in the car every couple of weeks,driven to a place i used to like but don't anymore,told i can't do anything right no matter how hard i try. i try to explain that i feel at times my slavery is more to His wife than to Him and says He's allright with that but will work on things.when that time comes. i cook,i clean,i get His bags ready for work every week and help His wife everyday get ready for work and help Her on Her job twice a week. She has told Him that my submission to Him would be easier if we could find common ground but it doesn't happen.when i ask questions to be sure on something i'm in the worn for doing so and told i need to re think what i wanted here.when this has come up before i have asked what we should do about it and i hear only i don't knows and the like,His iwfe actually intereacts with me on the Owner/slave level when this is what he wanted,She wants it as well but can't be "on" at all times,He is spposed to be a part of this as well.the only time He truly interacts with me is when She asks Him to. i get sick i'm told by one to take it easy and just get better,worry about all the house stuff when i am well,then be told by the other that i am not living up to being the slave i am expected to be becasue i've been "down" thanks to a bad cold. i can't even compliment Him without it being turned on me. i really don't understnad any of it and haven't been able to get clear answers from Him in weeks.

foxhole -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 11:41:55 AM)
hi mhawk fox here, please don't jump on this bushy tail of mine, but Master may in His persomal possesion of you prefer it like this, seeing you eat yourself up. All Masters are different, but then so are their possessions. What works for One, does not for another. So i suggest, after having made some error, own up to it as soon as possible, then accept whatever punishment you receive, like a child being given candy. Afterwards forgive yourself, don't re-live it over and over, but learn not to do again whatever it was. Then do something, preferably spontaneous, to please Master, something He will be positively surprised about. Maybe something you know He enjoys, but you have maybe some personal reservations. i'm quite sure, what this could be. He will be then proud of His possession, as in spite of the error, you have then given him reason again to love you. sorry, didn't really want to go on so long back into the fox's lair

lusciouslips19 -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 11:48:53 AM)
It sound to me like no matter what the slave says to apologize, the slave is not getting a fair shake from the Master. the question is, if things dont change and it stays this tense , what will the slave be prepared to do about the situation?

mhawk -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 11:58:12 AM)
lucious, at leat to my last understanding when this all started a few months ago was if i was to ever be released my Master would give me the means to go where i wanted to and enough to get a really cheap place or be with friends.i've got a friend who is more than prepared to meet me should that ever happen.when i asked Him a few weeks ago about this,what He wanted to do,He said,He's going to work on things between us but i have yet to actually see it.buying ice cream for us friday when he came home knowing we were sick doesn't really count in my book but that's just me.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 12:03:25 PM)
I think there is only so much you can do. You can try to be a better slave but what does that mean? The Mistress thinks you should relax, the Master isnt happy. Sounds like you are caught between a rock and a hardplace. Maybe you can get the Mistress to intercede on your behalf? Maybe can speak to him frankly? Other than that, it takes both parties or all 3 parties to make it work. I am glad you have set up alternatives. It seems that you have given up much to make yourself a part of their world.

mhawk -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 12:11:28 PM)
truthfully i did but at the time it was a change that was neccessary.She told me this morning She wants to talk tonight after She gets in.She has a small idea of what's goign on.we had it set up for al of us to talk "frankly" or just as humans not Owners /slave. it worked the first couple of times but hasn't happened since,i'm going to find out from Her if that can be started again. and to be honest here i really dont want to loose either of them we have great times together it's just right now this is a huge bump that i don't know if we can get past or not,i'd like to get past it.

SteelofUtah -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 12:14:09 PM)
mhawk, I think there are a few things that are getting brushed over here, Do you admit you make mistakes? Then there is something that is not working. Now I am NOT saying that this whole issue is your fault because it is not however I do wish to address what you have said seperatly. 1st you say you make mistakes and try to correct them quickly, however if you keep making these same mistakes and are able to correct them right away I ask you why you are unable to keep from making the mistake in the first place. I do not know what mistakes you are making but for awhile I had a girl who liked to make comments about other people, The comments were rude and I don't allow negativity toward others in my house the basic "If you can't say something nice then say NOTHING at all" applies in my home a LOT. well she was unable to keep from making the snappy remarks and eventually it became obvious to me that MAKING the comment was more important to her then Respecting my wishes and yes it was for THAT very reason that the relationship ended. 2nd it would seem to me that you are unable to communicate to your Master and that is a HUGE issue. This seems not to be your fault however I am unaware of how this actually works in your home perhaps there is something in your tone or perhaps when you discuss things it comes out as an Excuse rather than you trying to communicate your issues with him. If that is the case I can understand why things are not working. I think a good idea would be to get the wife involved with the communication someone who will help keep things calm. Ask her if she understands your frustration and if she owuld be willing to help you work this situation out. If she is then you have a good chance of having a conversation without anger if not then you need to find a way to get him to Talk to you on a PERSON TO PERSON Level remove the Master slave concept for a few hours and discuss exactly why you are upset and the things you have issues with and why he is upset and the things he has issues with and then WRITE THEM DOWN and give both of you a copy and then WORK ON EACH AND EVERY ONE!! Give him no more reasons to get upset and if things still don't work then it should be obvious to you that it isn't your service he is angry about it is you personally and you should seek release. As Always Steel

mhawk -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 12:25:10 PM)
i asked Him that a couple of weeks ago. He made that coment i don't know what to do with you.so i asked Him then what are we doing.He told me then that He wants to work on things.Only time He says that is after His wife gets involved in these things. example,there is a certain way He wants the table set. i started getting it right after a few attempts, and the set up changed on me.and then gets changed to what it ws the week before. as with everyone pitching in cleaning after meals on the weekends,then suddenly it stopped,buttering the bread one way and getting it consistantly right,and that being changed back and forth. half the time i don't know if i am doing things the right or wrong way.i try to ask poilitely why that is and get told i'm being unreasonable.i thought if we didn't know how to do something especially when it constantly changes that we are supposed to ask or did i get a different manual?

SteelofUtah -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 1:01:53 PM)
Wow this is a very different situation. Without knowing your Master I cannot say for sure, but it sounds like he is pushing you to breaking and is setting you up to fail. Does he ever beat you for your Mistakes or is it all Mental because in one situation it would seem he is looking for reasons to punish you like it is some kind of kink of his and in the other it would seem he is trying to break your will which is unnecessary for a slave trying to serve. I think you really nee to look at the situation you are in and ask yourself if you REALLY want it. Steel

mhawk -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 1:24:16 PM)
Steel, He won't beat me for anything and i mean anything.the last time i felt His hand on the riding crop was because His wife,my Mistress asked Him to,not out of punishment i should add,beatings are a for His or Her pleasure basis, and the was right after the winter holidays so getting close to 3 months now. there are times too i ma beginning to wonder if this is what i want and when i doubt that is when His wife and i talk and She reminds me of how happy She is to have someone here to take care of Her during the week. He constantly states He refuses to punish me for anything. it seems to be all mental with Him,when His wife has told Him where my submission comes from but He still won't unless She asks Him to use anything on me.i've mentioned this at home before that i am beginning to feel that She is more truly my Owner than He is and i dont like that feeling at all,it was supposted to be both of them being as such not just one. all i know if things can't or don't change soon i am going to have to make the choice i really don't want to have to make but all i all slave or not i still have to take care of myself at the end of the day if that makes any sense.

OmegaG -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 1:27:03 PM)
OK-- this makes me kind of mad, mainly because I read the original story when he posted it not that long ago. He laid the ground work, he asked you to sacrifice everything-- to go on faith to become a member of his house and now he seems to lack the will to work at making it work. I'd love to find out what is going through his head.

mhawk -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 1:29:18 PM)
if i knew i could tell you Omega,i thought i did

xxblushesxx -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 2:38:46 PM)
Sounds like passive agressive bullshit to me. Jealousy, insecurity and not living up to the expectations he led you to expect. I would become very hard very quickly in such a situation.

daddysliloneds -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 4:42:43 PM)
the so called 'dominant/master' sounds jealous of you to me! nothing more, nothing less!

DesFIP -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 5:20:13 PM)
He's being passive aggressive because he doesn't want to tell his wife that he doesn't want another man there. It's not ever going to get any better because he's trying to force you out without standing up to the plate and telling everyone the truth. You deserve better than this. So does she for that matter.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: little bit lost (3/17/2008 5:54:32 PM)
How about a summit meeting with everyone present and bringing everything on the table? It would be a start at least. Unless everyone learns some better methods of communicating, it's obviously doomed.

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