handling those who are doing it for the first time

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

handling those who are doing it for the first time

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> handling those who are doing it for the first time

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

handling those who are doing it for the first time - 3/17/2008 5:13:51 PM

searchin4love

Posts: 47
Joined: 3/15/2008
Status: offline

how do you handle those who are submitting for the first time in their life.ill be scared if do that for the first time.idea of giving up control is indeed exciting but indeed scary for the first time..

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time - 3/17/2008 5:29:09 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Good communication is always the first step. Know in advance what types of things to expect, let the person know your hard limits, have a safe word prepared, and then just enjoy. One session does not mean that you are turning yourself over for life.

_____________________________

(in reply to searchin4love)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time - 3/17/2008 8:37:26 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

With my current sub I went slow, explained what I was doing and allowed him to progress at his own pace. Now after a few years, I don't have to explain what I'm doing nor do I have progress slowly (unless it is something new we are trying). His confidence and trust in me and his self has grown by leaps and bounds.

I feel its very important to make a new sub feel comfortable with what you are doing so that they don't get frightened or turned off to the experience.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to searchin4love)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time - 3/17/2008 10:05:43 PM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

I think lengthy negotiation is a very good idea. While some people want to just rush into playing, sitting down and talking about limits, desires, etc can do a lot to work those issues out. There are also those handy little worksheets floating around online that you can fill out if talking about some things is too intense or embarassing. If you think you might need a lot of aftercare, it's a good idea to bring that up during negotiations with a top so that she knows what to expect also.

(in reply to Lashra)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time - 3/18/2008 12:19:23 AM

hopelesslyInvo

Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline

i'd imagine it would be quite natural to someone submissive, even the first time around. the acts are what are possibly overbearing. it's always nice to break-in your things, but you don't want to actually break them~

trust and comfort come first, and they come at varying speeds.

(in reply to searchin4love)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time - 3/18/2008 1:53:08 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

For those who are bottoming for the first time, I talk to them a lot. I ask questions about what they're interested in, what they hope might happen and what they fear will happen. I'll pick a thing or two (or four) from their list of interests that I'm interested in too and talk about those. I show toys, I let them ask questions and I make sure they know they can stop what's happening at any time if they get overwhelmed.

For those who are submitting/serving for the first time, we talk about what they can and can't do as well as what they are and aren't willing to do. I lay out my expectations and we discuss them. Then, if it seems to be working, I make a list, sometimes ordering the tasks in a specific way, and let them work on it.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to searchin4love)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time - 3/18/2008 5:40:05 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

Honestly, I just don't. I've been doing wiitwd long enough that I don't have the patience to coax a nervous doubtful newbie along - it's a great deal of investment and energy on my part for someone who is more than likely to flake no matter how I handle it. While "relatively new" is ok, I do look for someone who has been to a munch or three, played at least a little bit, and has started to get past the "fantasy of BDSM".

How do you handle YOURSELF and your feelings to make sure you're not wasting a Domme's time?

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 3/18/2008 5:42:42 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time - 3/18/2008 7:42:40 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

I tie them to a tree and beat them senseless--for three days in a row--if they don't scream for Mama, they have potential--

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time - 3/18/2008 11:38:19 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Ask for a velcro collar just in case it dose'nt work out. You will be glad you did.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time - 3/18/2008 12:53:41 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Send them to LadyHathor

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to searchin4love)

Profile

Post #: 10