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RE: The difference between us - 3/18/2008 8:44:57 PM   
ZenDragoness


Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TearCollector

snip

What I want may not be realistic or even exist outside the movies. But continue to search. But isn’t my search for this a Niche of sort and not just a basket case wasting his time?

snip



If your search is one or the other depends on the time you spend searching and the way you feel inside. For some it is not possible to get into a relationship, when there are too many factors that are not right.
My ex husband for example, is a men who reacts very seldom in a sexual manner when he sees or meet a women, because he is an artist, he has a very precise prey picture:-). So there is always some time between women in his life, because short time relations with women who are not nearing his ideal are not possible for him.

But, on the other hand, that means he spend time and at the moment 2 years alone, without sex, tenderness,day to day life, the way you talk and so on. As far as i know him, he has not really a choice. So he has accepted his personality.

If it is the same for you, you are a niche inhabitant, if on the other hand you created a picture, that is not possible to find, an ideal that shields you of real connections with real women, i would choose basket case.



_____________________________

aka Morgaine289

http://goldenerkern.blogspot.com/

(in reply to TearCollector)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 2:04:05 AM   
TearCollector


Posts: 108
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		Im nearly at a loss for words after reading the posts here. Some great insight and delightful responses all. But I would like to choose one that stood out to me above the rest. It was brief but did not lack magnitude." Normality is like beauty. Its in the eye of the beholder.' If this thread had to end, I would like it to end with that exact phrase. Thank you Kirren especially for that thought.

I also think kdsub captures my own thoughts with the perspective that "in the end, what difference does it really make". Not kdsub's exact words but I think along the same lines. Its kind of how I feel about it.

I believe MasterBlueTiger has an interesting point. That society is changing. We are growing. And maybe individualism is being embraced where it wasnt in the past. Interesting observation MBT.   And lastly but not the least, The Zendragoness. I surely hope that I am not a basket case. But, I am well aware that most basket cases are unaware that they are indeed a basket case to begin with. So, if I am a basket case, maybe I’ll be fortunate enough to live out my life in ignorant bliss. Because any other way would be cruel.   I don’t know how much more can be said about this topic. I think it was covered well. Im glad I posted it  Thank you.

_____________________________

BY conquering jealousy and Mastering forgiveness you will defeat loneliness.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 4:39:40 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		normal is just an other word.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 5:04:25 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		to be honest, whatever normal is, i hope im not it. normal conjours up such images of safe homogeny, stayed, respectable, unprepossesing and boring.

normal are those that do not express themselves fully because normality prevents them. 

i could be normal in that i could deny myself the spiritual and sexual elements that make up me, i choose not to.  doesnt make me a basket case, it makes me an individual, as you are OP.  if you have a high and romantic bench mark then cool, enjoy who you are, you are unique and that is to be celebrated.

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 6:19:30 AM   
manwholuvs


Posts: 30
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		Ah the topic of "normal".  How many times in our lives have we heard someone say they wish things would get back to normal.  It is my observation that normal is a state of mind at a point of time but there is no static place or condition or person who is the same as we perceive it to be.  As I think back about my life, I am reminded of the 60's when free love and experimentation was dominating much of what was going on.  There were those who thought it was wrong based on their perspective and others who thought it was exactly right.  That was the time when color tv came into existence and the old "normal" of black and white was pushed aside.  That was a time when there were few computers and those that did exist filled buildings.  There were no cell phones and trips into space were thought to be so new and unusual that we all watched every mission.

Today all of those things have changed and we have a new paradigm of normal.  My point is that we are human beings and live a dynamically changing life and nothing stays the same.  The most normal thing in my opinion is that "change" is always happening and we can either embrace it and live a long and rewarding life or resist it and be miserable.

_____________________________

Respectfully
Manwholuvs

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RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 6:21:01 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

to be honest, whatever normal is, i hope im not it. normal conjours up such images of safe homogeny, stayed, respectable, unprepossesing and boring.

normal are those that do not express themselves fully because normality prevents them. 

i could be normal in that i could deny myself the spiritual and sexual elements that make up me, i choose not to.  doesnt make me a basket case, it makes me an individual, as you are OP.  if you have a high and romantic bench mark then cool, enjoy who you are, you are unique and that is to be celebrated.


I don't know..you are just beeing yourself..that is pretty normal

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RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 6:50:38 AM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		When I was a teenager my mom thought that she was normal and anything not like her was not normal and could be made normal through force of will. My older sister learned that I was not allowed to shave my legs because Mother didn't have hair on her legs (bear with me here) and was convinced that if I didn't shave then the hair would go away. A big blowup was followed by my sister giving me a razor and shaving lessons - along with a life-lesson in what "normal" didn't mean.

Now my body has a different number of limbs than is the norm. For me, now that I've been this way for three years, that is normal. I don't refer to persons who have two legs as being "normal." They are "able-bodied" (or "temporarily able-bodied" TAB) or "someone with two legs."

I once saw a bumper sticker that said "Why be normal?" More and more I agree with that.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 6:58:55 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		beeing yourself..that is pretty normal
 
for me, yes, i spose it is.....


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 7:17:49 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Normal is a state of mind which imprisons us. I don't want to be normal, I want to be me.

I have lived a life, by and large, which is full of imperfections, failures, misunderstandings, rejections, mistakes, and illusions. But I have always had good intentions, and I am living mainly for the growth, the development, the things I can learn and find out, about myself, about the world, about life, and about other people and also for the growth and development of the relationships I share with other people. I live for the happy moments, the successes, the relationships borne out of need, out of struggle, out of loneliness, despair, and fears - fear of rejection, fear of loneliness, and the constant fear that I will somehow live and die and nobody will ever have found any benefit from my existence. These fears are of course irrational, for reality and my own perception have taught me that I do bring benefits to others as they bring to me. And so I live my life, life which has its difficult moments, its ups and downs, but a life which is interesting, and it is this interest which makes me aware that I am indeed very much alive and living.

There will always be a tomorrow. Each night when I go to sleep I assume that I will wake up in the morning, to be part of the world, to be part of a new day, a day when there are opportunities for something new.

I am not a perfectionist, because perfection is nothing more than an illusion and to strive for perfection is to look at what is in a negative way and to desire something which will never be. I just want better, progress, development, that step forward, nothing more. I chase my dreams and follow them, relentlessly, dreams which are realistic, and I follow them either to their fulfillment or until I realise that they cannot be fulfilled.

Normal is comfortable, it's familiar, it's the house where you live, the bed which you sleep in, the computer you are using to read these words. So okay, you live in your house, you sleep in your bed, and you sit in front of your computer, and is this really all you need in life? Someone else sleeps in that bed with you, every night, and with that person you have a normal relationship. Is it really all you need to be happy in life?

I feel that normal isn't consistency - change is consistency. Change to me is the basis for life, because when you embrace change you embrace life and you are living. This world is imperfect, which is why I enjoy being part of it, and people are imperfect, which is why I enjoy being among them, I am imperfect, which is why I enjoy being me. You see imperfect always gives you an opportunity to change, an opportunity to live. Isn't this what life is all about? Isn't this what brings people into your life, or you into their's, that desire for change?

If I was happy with normal, I wouldn't be writing these words, I wouldn't even be here. I would be just content to to do the same things at the same time with the same people and just maintain the status quo. But I'm not, I'm looking for opportunity, I'm looking for change, and this is why I'm happy to be different than I was last week, last month, 10 years ago, and why I'm happy to accept that tomorrow I will be a little different to who I am today, as for next week, next month, next year - who knows? Who cares? I don't.

But I know one thing for sure. I know that when that time comes, when I feel my life force slipping away, and realise that I am about to embrace death, and I look back on my life, through the years, that if ever the word 'normal' is the most appropriate word to describe my life I will be bitterly disappointed.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
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(in reply to TearCollector)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 7:24:08 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I always laugh when people fantacize about a "tolerant bdsm community". We are simply too diverse and wierd to ever really have any sort of group adhesion.So I tend to avoid people with this fantasy-they are a pain in the ass.

While I do like thinner women for thier ease of handling and geometry for bondage-I could still see thinning down a fat one-if the body isn't too ruined by the obesity. Sometimes, it's so bad that the skin will never recover. Be that as it may-the outlook and attitude has got to come first.

Mental flexibility and creativity count for a lot in my world-and a rigid outlook based on untenable expectations will make a ten-a minus ten.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to TearCollector)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 12:12:35 PM   
TearCollector


Posts: 108
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		I have really given a lot of thought to all the posts here. I have read each one and some of them twice. To my pleasant surprise, a few have written me personally and not posted publicly. They had some interesting things to say as well.

"Normal is in the eye of the beholder" is now my answer and definition for this subject. As far as my "Niche", well beauty is in the eye of the beholder as well. In my eyes, subservience and submission is attractive. A female that takes that to a new level is someone I find extremely attractive and I will continue to keep the light on for.  

_____________________________

BY conquering jealousy and Mastering forgiveness you will defeat loneliness.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 3:25:29 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

"Normal is in the eye of the beholder" is now my answer


also when 30 people think other wise? then the real struggle begins, when people judge.



_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to TearCollector)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 5:28:46 PM   
vampchick88


Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline 		 With me and pet its our level of how "odd" or how 'demented' we can be that brought us together. I'm not "normal" never have been and I'm fine with that. pet loves that about me, he has the sweetest most demented soul that makes me melt and want to over power him, its a match made in heaven. Everyone is individualistic even if they're trying to fit in, its all about what makes you tick. Embrace what seperates you from the rest of everyone and enjoy....its nice to know we're different together.

_____________________________

Proud owner of rubberpet, the best investment of my time, trust, and heart that any Domme could ever dream of.

(in reply to ZenDragoness)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 7:25:47 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		In the miniseries, John Adams, the wise Ben Franklin is asked if he doesn’t think everyone should speak his mind. Ben, basically says, “Hell, no. I find it only creates problems when I do that.”

So much as we talk about how we don’t care to be normal, we all type about the same message on this thread. I think we tend to blend in with the crowd around us. We may feel BDSM play is different and not part of the norm, but around here it would be abnormal to say you are not into it. Around vanilla associates and friends, I suspect most of us blend into that other norm.

So in order to be different and to shout our praise of BDSM we come here among likeminded individuals. We pick our setting where we can be abnormal while appearing normal to those around us.

Of course Ben Franklin knew what he was doing. He ended up living in Paris and spanking French women all in the name of helping the Revolution.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to TearCollector)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 8:07:04 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Hey...think he engaged in any electrical play?

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The difference between us - 3/19/2008 8:10:02 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChainedExistence

Hey...think he engaged in any electrical play?


Heh, heh, heh. Everyone thought he as just trying to fly the kite in the storm to capture electricity when he was actually working on the first tens unit. 

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to ChainedExistence)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: The difference between us - 3/20/2008 4:46:14 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		  from stella: 
quote:

But I know one thing for sure. I know that when that time comes, when I feel my life force slipping away, and realise that I am about to embrace death, and I look back on my life, through the years, that if ever the word 'normal' is the most appropriate word to describe my life I will be bitterly disappointed.


this is one of the many reasons I admire you---I could not have said this better----Bravo!

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: The difference between us - 3/20/2008 5:22:45 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		I don't know why people want to be "special"and enjoy beeing called "special" instead of "normal".
Some sound that they really try forcefully to be "different". Just be yourself. Who cares about the label.

btw to the vanilla world you might look special, and here...you might be normal.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: The difference between us - 3/20/2008 7:52:51 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

The world would indeed be a lovely place if everyone could find someone to scratch their "niche."


~groaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn~

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: The difference between us - 3/20/2008 7:59:28 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenDragoness


quote:

ORIGINAL: TearCollector

snip

What I want may not be realistic or even exist outside the movies. But continue to search. But isn’t my search for this a Niche of sort and not just a basket case wasting his time?

snip



If your search is one or the other depends on the time you spend searching and the way you feel inside. For some it is not possible to get into a relationship, when there are too many factors that are not right.
My ex husband for example, is a men who reacts very seldom in a sexual manner when he sees or meet a women, because he is an artist, he has a very precise prey picture:-). So there is always some time between women in his life, because short time relations with women who are not nearing his ideal are not possible for him.

But, on the other hand, that means he spend time and at the moment 2 years alone, without sex, tenderness,day to day life, the way you talk and so on. As far as i know him, he has not really a choice. So he has accepted his personality.

If it is the same for you, you are a niche inhabitant, if on the other hand you created a picture, that is not possible to find, an ideal that shields you of real connections with real women, i would choose basket case.


Nicely said, ZenD.  When I read the OP, I felt much the same way...here is another person explaining why he cannot be in a relationship, not asking but asking if he's normal, etc.. 

I am me.  In my world, I am normal in comparison to the "standards" I have set for myself which come from what I have learned, experienced, been taught by others who I respect.  The D/s and BDSM is a niche, just like my interest in hot rods.  The people and cars that I fit into those niches though are not so very specific as the OPs.  If they were, I would never be with anyone or be working on a hot rod because I can't find the perfect submissive or the perfect part.

(in reply to ZenDragoness)
Profile   Post #: 40
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