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RE: The difference between us - 3/20/2008 8:42:52 AM

littlebitxxx

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What is normal anyhow? And why do you think you are abnormal for wanting something that fits your "niche"? There's someone for everyone out there, patience is all.....it's called "not settling" for something when you can have it all. Why not? Are you not worth it "all"? I know I am. I waited and got it all.

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RE: The difference between us - 3/20/2008 11:32:12 AM

CreativeDominant

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You say you wanted it all but stop and think for a few minutes...was not your all something that could reasonably be found? Yes, it was something that probably required more patience on your part and more dedication but you did not set impossible standards. Go back and read the OP's entry again...he admits to wanting nearly-impossible-to-attain perfection in looks and behavior. And here comes the quandary...that is what he wants but what if he finds her and she DOESN'T want him?

I may be cynical but I am not a believer of the idea that there is someone for everyone. What little good I can see in that idea is diminished even more when you set your standards impossibly high. No...I do not want to settle either; in fact I have been so bold (foolish?) to put the following on the boards "I know what I want. I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than to be with someone who only wants part of me and not all of me...someone who does not want the sex life, the BDSM, the D/s that I want. And I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than go back to vanilla just because I cannot find what I want in the D/s world". But within that spectrum, there is a lot of room for a fit.

I stated what I consider normal to be but like others on here, normal is what is dictated by society and what you take from that. I consider very little to be abnormal except when it goes against not only society at large but against the "general" idea of D/s, against psychological extremes, etc., etc.. The reason I call my love for D/s and BDSM and my love for hot rods a "niche" is that, despite their popularity, they still do not fall within the mainstream (for lack of a better term) of society. Let's face it...when you are driving down the highway on any given day, how many hot rods do you see versus how many "normal" cars? When you look around at your friends and co-workers and family, how many are into D/s and BDSM and how many lead "normal" lives? And that's O.K. by me. I don't mind being outside the mainstream...hell, when I decided to follow my father into the profession I am in, I knew I was outside the "mainstream" of health care. That is why they call my branch of health care...along with accupuncture, naturopathy, homeopathy...alternative health care.

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Post #: 42

RE: The difference between us - 3/20/2008 11:36:29 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

What is normal anyhow? And why do you think you are abnormal for wanting something that fits your "niche"? There's someone for everyone out there, patience is all.....it's called "not settling" for something when you can have it all.

That was precisely my point when I said. "I'm the normal one here the rest of you are fucked up". The irony was lost on some.

BadOne

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RE: The difference between us - 3/20/2008 1:24:15 PM

CalifChick

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There may be someone for everyone ("a hand for every ass"), but doesn't mean that particular someone will ever find you. Cynical, realistic, whatever you wanna call it, that's my abby-normal view of the world.

Cali

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Post #: 44

RE: The difference between us - 3/20/2008 3:30:03 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TearCollector

Here is what Id like to discuss. What is normal? What is niche? and why do you feel that way about it.

i am only attracted to abnormality.

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RE: The difference between us - 3/22/2008 12:14:59 PM

TearCollector

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Go back and read the OP's entry again...he admits to wanting nearly-impossible-to-attain perfection in looks and behavior.

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RE: The difference between us - 3/22/2008 12:45:17 PM

TearCollector

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
Go back and read the OP's entry again...he admits to wanting nearly-impossible-to-attain perfection in looks and behavior. And here comes the quandary...that is what he wants but what if he finds her and she DOESN'T want him?

I have somehow misscommunicated what I meant by perfection even though I specifically mentioned that looks or body was not that important. Several people have commented on this thread as well as messaged me personally that I wont find the perfect body attached with a perfect face with perfect behavior.

Quote from my initial post: "I am looking for perfection. Not so much in a body although I am a freak when it comes to really thin women."

I thought I was pointing out that “perfect appearance” was not my main objective. It was and still is mostly behavior. Of coarse I would like to have an attractive partner. Who wouldn’t. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So, that is something I need to see to know if Im attracted. With the only exception being thin. The thinner the better. (Its a sex thing).

Perfect behavior in my eyes is; never complaining , whining, or giving me grief about anything. Being what I want, when I want, with out issues or excuses. I want a relationship completely void of drama. I dont want to hear that she is intitled to a mood swing because she is on her period. I dont want to deal with the ugliest word in the human language (shopping). I dont want to be quizzed about where I was or what I was doing when I get home. I dont want hard feelings because I forgot a birthday, anniversary or some commercially trumped up holiday. I want peace.

After proof reading what I just wrote, it sounds like I want a german shepard with a cute smile. But regardless what it sounds like, it as honest as I can be in text and I think it clears up the misconception of what I mean by perfection. I would like to add though that it would be sad indeed that if I found her, she wasn’t interested in me. I am who I am. I have to concede that I am not perfect and hope that her standards are not as high as mine. But if she barks, it could be an indication that “The One” has found her way to my door step. LOL

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RE: The difference between us - 3/22/2008 12:55:57 PM

Smoothicen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TearCollector

Isnt it obvious that none of us are the same and nothing about us is normal? When I say us, I am not talking about BDSM community. I mean the human race. Every single one of us has different ideas and ways of thinking. BDSM is a niche in human interests is it not? And inside BDSM we have extremes, which would also be niche is it not? And inside those extremes, dont we have individualism? My point is difficult to really put into words. But I have observed so many different things here just on Collarme that i felt it warranted a discussion. Some of the folks here feel BDSM means a certain thing and outside of that you are a phony or a wanna be. In some cases Id say that’s probably more true than not. But arent these oddities a type of BDSM niche? Like the guy who says ' A new Training tool for Slave Girl" is standing on her toes for an hour and she will beg him for what ever". Ok, that’s not my idea of domination. But it is obviously his and if some girl wants that, hasnt he found a pair in his BDSM niche? I know there will be some eye rollers out there but there are these types out there. Id call it a niche if they find a pair.

I will use myself as a good example. I am looking for perfection. Not so much in a body although I am a freak when it comes to really thin women. Because human beings are flawed by design, I will probably never find exactly what I want. Although I thought I was close once. What I want may not be realistic or even exist outside the movies. But continue to search. But isn’t my search for this a Niche of sort and not just a basket case wasting his time? Someone will say “you can train what you want”. My reply would be this. You can not train the flaws out of a person. You can only train them what is right and wrong in your eyes. To some that’s enough. For me it isn’t.

Here is what Id like to discuss. What is normal? What is niche? and why do you feel that way about it.

Im a very busy person who spends most of my time away from a computer. Sometimes a day or two. But, I will respond to any posts. Just give me some time.

A final note: I wont get into a pissing match about anything. Especially about what it is I look for. I welcome any kind of replies. But if your looking to chastize and get my blood pressure up it wont happen. I have ice water for blood.

I see the point you're trying to make and to some degree agree with you.

Normal in my opinion is a fluid concept. It changes depending on whom you ask. So is niche.

If anyone wishes to know what I'm looking for or what some of my interests are, that information is easily available on my profile.

One parting note: We humans have a tendecy to see, understand and organize things through our own eyes and experiences. What I mean by that is that each of us instinctivley tries to fit actions or viewpoints that they find foreign into their way of seeing the world. This is how we define normal or niche.

I often try to remind myself to view the big picture and understand where someone's coming from in light of their view of the world and experiences. I find that it helps me understand how people see things or why they do things.

My 2 cents

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Post #: 48

RE: The difference between us - 3/22/2008 1:36:45 PM

sirguym

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... Should be celebrated, not form a basis for judgement. To me, power relationships, etc. are normal to just about everyone on this planet.

We're 'abnormal' because we recognise and celebrate it for what it is.

We just do it and do not try to camouflage or obscure it or (mostly not anyway) justify what we do by some fiction that some claim as 'holy writ.'

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RE: The difference between us - 3/22/2008 1:54:01 PM

TearCollector

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Smoothican
You may have stumbled onto something here. I never really thought about why I had these strict guidelines or criteria. But your post pointed out that ":experiences" tend to shape what we desire. I was married for 14 years. She was definitely a strong submissive. I searched for her over the entire globe before there was the internet. I found her on a small island in the South Pacific living on a mountain top that was an active volcano not that many years ago. I wanted someone I thought would never leave me under any circumstances. Would never argue and cause ill feelings in the family. When I found her, we dated for 6 years before I committed to marriage. We never argued during those 6 years of dating and through the first 10 years of marriage. Never a single argument. She was “the one”. Anything I wanted. Anything I needed. She was an angel. I have lived that experience and can have nothing less now. But what made me look for such a woman that spanned the globe was the experience I have seen with my father and his three divorces. And my mother and her four divorces. The break ups were absolutely horrid. A battle feield that would turn the stomach of a Navy Seal. I wanted to avoid that at all costs. Hence my strict criteria. My marriage ended after 14 years. Her friends, whom all had terrible relationships convinced her that I wasnt treating her right. That I needed to be buying her gifts and spending as much as I earned plus more to show my love for her. It didnt happen over night. It was over a bout a 4 year period. I should have stepped in and denied her access to these friend. But I didn’t want to lock her in a closet and I thought our relationship was unbreakable. I was wrong. The erosion took place slowly over 4 years. When I realized it was getting bad, it was too late. And the end was the worst thing you could have possibly imagined. My ex-angel turned psychotic domestic terrorist. She snapped. She hired an assassin. She had my home burned to the ground. She managed to have criminal charges filed against me and nearly had me locked up for 15 years. She fed the media anything they would listen too. I was front page news, head lined the media both radio and TV for quite some time. She was relentless and called my customers, visited my friend homes and threatened my employees leaving no stone unturned for destruction. I lost my business and plunged into debt that I thought I would never recover from. This problem would have never been an issue back in the main land USA. But on a small island here, everyone is related. Its a population of only 70k. Im an outsider. Its not hard for the AG to attempt to prosecute someone without physical evidence if the person being prosecuted is not an local islander. I couldn’t and wouldn’t leave my children. So I stayed and fought against odds that would sicken a gambling addict. I got lucky. I won the case. I divorced the women. I won the kids in the divorce trial. We had the same judge for the divorce so he was well aware that she was responsible for all the problems. She got nothing. No money, no kids. Just the Judges foot in her ass. My business has recovered and Im back to about level.

I went into that experience because its extreme. And I think that’s why I seek extreme. My experience is driving this criteria that I have. And settling for less is not an option. I just cant.

Thank you for pointing out the origin of my abnormally and my insane quest for perfect behavior. I genuinely feel at ease that I now understand why am I what I am.

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