Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Expectations or just offering chocolate


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Expectations or just offering chocolate Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 7:52:14 AM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		We have had a Ad in collarme for about 8 months looking for a "3rd (or 3rd and 4th). Most of the competitive ads we see are offering a prospective slave wht it comes down to free room and board. My question is it unrealistic to expect a possable slave to work as hard as their Masters. We work for a living as many do and to have a slave (of any gender) expect to sit at home and wait for their Masters to come home and not assist in the family income just seems wrong. A few of the couples we know who do have a third that third after a short honeymoon is sent out to find a job. Yes there are those who make over 100k and can afford a luxury but what about us honest working class people who do not. Or do all those who place the ads for free submissives expect to just be offering them in with chocolate then when bonded to them put them in the workforce. ?  How many of those looking for a couple actually expect the free ride and only the best wine.

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 8:02:53 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Dude,  I tend to be suspicious of "Wannabe live in slaves" these days-having been burned by the exact sort you speak of in the past. The vast majority of these women do seem to be perpetual teenagers-who want to be kept as sex toys and NOT do anything responsible, or god forbid-contribute anything of value to a household.

A freeloader is a freeeloader-never take one in-it's only asking for grief.



_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 8:03:35 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		It's up to the individuals concerned.  Some dominants desire a slave to be a housekeeper and deal with maintainance - if it rocks for them and they can afford for their partner to stay at home then thats their thing.  I have never personally met any s-type who expects a free ride.  I don't believe in giving new s-types 'honeymoon periods' then demanding they go work.  Its something that should be set out before hand, not changed once the relationship has been established.  The only time that would be acceptable is if there was sudden loss of income somehow, otherwise its just misleading.  Settling in periods are cool, but pretend honeymoon periods are no way cool.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 8:08:01 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		The heck with the couple. Give me a rich model who worships the ground I walk on.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 8:20:57 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Good slaves are expensive, but worth it.
*lol* j/k, but, yanno, it does seem to be a luxury.
Think of it as bringing in a live-in nanny. Except that she will be looking after you, and not the little ones.
I find it can be a full-time job taking care of HM's needs and going to school as well.
And yah...I know...I'm gonna get cruxified for this, but, really, I don't care. It works for us.
To answer your question, I'd say, just take your time and talk to people and find out what they're about. If you find a sub/slave who lives for what they do (their occupation), then they will probably want to work, even when they're with you.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 9:30:30 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I think like anything else it has to be a combination of realistic expectations and compatibility.

I certainly do not believe being a third in a relationship means not having to contribute to the household but serious talk about duties and what amount of money to contribute needs to be set.

At the same time I saw profiles and messages to me where a lot of couples were not only expecting the third to hold down a job and contribute income but that job was not allowed to interfere with the other’s duties which were usually all the domestic duties like a live in submissive would have.

It comes down to reality of the people. If a couple want a live in not to work and be responsible for most if not all of the daily chores and find a submissive interested in that who does not care about health insurance and a future if things do not work out that is great.

With couples expecting a third to work and contribute as they need to realize how that impacts the dynamic and want to live with those constraints.

Personally from what I have seen both on the Internet and looking in a local community years gone by is often couples and people interested in couples often have done very little serious thinking through things in terms of reality and what they bring to the table for the other.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 10:49:23 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		I have had this exact same issue with people who have been interested in us before we started looking and now that we are looking the problems are always what the person who is going to be the addition to our home is willing to do.

I think the majority of my frustration is that we are looking for a partner in the purest sense of the word We want someone who is going to equally involved with both of us as we will be equally involved with her and what we get are these e-mails saying I would be interested if you I could do this with you and this with her and keep it seperate that way.

I know what I am looking for is different and we are looking for someone very special but I question if they think having those kinds of stipulations will make them more deseriable. I am not gunna just settle here I want something specific. I am willing to look forever to find it.

The person has to work because once they move in everything goes up Power, Water, Gas. and We would need a bigger place so Rent as well. In this day and age I wish I could support my family so that only I had to go to work but everyone has to work toward maintaing the home which means everyone picthes in.

Just my opinion.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 11:01:42 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Make out a list or contract of what you expect from them. Have them provide you with the same. It will give you a ideal of how compatiable you are.  

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 1:03:07 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		It does depend, imo, on what you expect of your slave. If you expect a spotless house, pressed clothes, the garden kept, gourmet meals on the table, your schedule kept, your life kept worry and stress free, then, in essence, you are looking for a live in maid, butler and concierge, in exchange for the joy of serving as a slave. that is a full time job.
If you expect a more reasonable partnership, where you are served and enjoy having a slave, but, hey, they have a job and a life and they get done what they can, and you negotiate reasonable expectations, then why shouldn't they work and contribute?
also, many are afraid of being 'pimped out' (even though the work may be totally non-sexual), being expected from the beginning to turn all money over to Master. if that is the way it works out after trust and relationship are built, that is fine, but be prepared to answer questions about that early in the negotiations.
Honestly, i don't see anything wrong with your slave having a job, anymore than with you having one.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 1:24:11 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		You mean there won't be chocolate?!

Deals off.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 2:22:31 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
I find it can be a full-time job taking care of HM's needs and going to school as well.
And yah...I know...I'm gonna get cruxified for this, but, really, I don't care. It works for us.



If you get cruxified for doing what your Master wants and being happy - fuck 'em is all I say.  Some people like to knock things they don't get nor enjoy and deride it and even try to make people feel guilty to be working from home.
I LOVE serving Darcy.  I don't go 'out to work', admitedly I have my artwork and photography, but the most important thing to him is that I am serving and maintaining his home and our environment so he can concentrate on what he desires - his writing, photography and music.  If I have to sacrifice my art to do what he wants, that is all that matters.  There are people who do not understand the pleasure this can give someone, nor the fulfilment.  It rocks.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 2:31:28 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		It's not wrong at all to expect to stay at home and not work earning an income. Plenty of people, on both sides of the leash, feel that working outside the home means that the owner is not actually in charge, they play second fiddle to the boss who cuts the checks. Some believe that you should never take on a slave that you can't pay for completely. However, it does make them wrong for you.

That's about it. Ask for what you want, but be aware that there is another school of thought and neither are wrong.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 2:41:57 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I think most possible thirds would prefer to keep a job, and have a nest egg in case it doesn't work out. What they don;t want is to work an 8 hour day plus commuting, come home and do four hours of housework and have their paychecks taken away. Being a fulltime housekeeper is a very demanding job, if you're adding in car repairs, gardens etc then you need to see what it would cost you to hire someone to do these jobs for you. Now if you're looking for someone to join you as one of the family, then it's only fair that everyone contributes in whatever way they can, adjusting the incomes for parity, and that everyone helps with the chores.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 4:03:19 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Yanno, Aquatic, now that I think about it, every time I had ANY kind of job, (except one in which I made my own schedule) it always seemed to be EXTREMELY inconvenient for HM.
At times I felt as if He were trying to keep me from working, even though He claims to want me to.
Oh well...I don't graduate until late fall, so...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 4:23:54 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Considering how short shafted most "thirds" are when entering a solid first-time poly relationship to start with, I think it's actually a nice bonus to help make up for it to be able to not have those worries and responsibilites and be able to focus on home/family life.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 5:43:39 PM   
scarlettjinx


Posts: 117
Joined: 3/14/2008
Status: offline 		I think it really depends on the people. When Papa and I began O/our adventure, we both had jobs. He did not wish for me to quit mine because he knew how important helping animals is to me. However, as things progressed, He saw how unhappy I was at the shelter I was working in (I had to change jobs when I moved closer to Him), and He realised how much joy I got from managing His household, and taking care of the tedious and mundane things He disliked, so He asked if  I would be williling to go part time at work. I did that, and after awhile He realized how much he enjoyed coming home to a healthy, hot meal, clean house, happy pets (we have three animals), and whatever perk he wanted that night (hot bath, massage, 'fancy dance', ect.). when W/we got pregnant, He saw what a hard time I was having with my job (animal hair makes me really sick right now), and how I was struggling to do everything without falling apart, He asked me to quit my job for now, and after the baby comes, W/we will reevaluate if He wants me home, or if He wants me to get a part time job. But He says he prefers having me at home, taking care of things, and I honestly enjoy being home because I feel I serve Him better by making sure his home is the way He likes it.  But He always took care of the finances anyway, My money was always my own, so me leaving the workforce didn't change our finances that much.  I just can't Ebay as much.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 8:06:00 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypuppy2
How many of those looking for a couple actually expect the free ride and only the best wine.


Define "free ride"...

I know the first couple of months when I moved into the house I did not work, but I certainly did not have a free ride either.  I was expected to keep the house clean, do laundry, cook meals and get things organized.  He initially did not want me to work for the first six months that I was here, but then I was offered a job that was too good to pass up and he had me accept it. 

In many ways, now that I am working I have more of a free ride than I did when I did not have a job.  Alandra works part-time a few days out of the week, so is required to do most of the house work and cooking now.  I take care of the cats, do laundry and help with projects on the weekend.  The paycheck that I get from my job goes into the bank for retirement, play money for the house and an allowance for Alandra and me.  He does not use that money to pay for the household bills or for my room and board.

On the other hand, the only expectations that I have within this relationship is that he will not intentionally harm me (this is an expectation that he gave to me).  I don't have any other expectations over how he chooses to utilize my service to him.  For a time it suited him to keep me at home, now it suits him to have me work.

Knight's Kyra

p.s. on another note, my Lord and Alandra were together for 17 years before I became a part of their family.  If you are looking for quality then it will take as long as it takes...

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/19/2008 8:13:04 PM   
whipkicksmai


Posts: 16
Joined: 3/17/2008
Status: offline 		I think it all depends on what you want from your slave, personally for us, we want someone that will stay at home and help me with the looking after the home and my business which I run from home, having a second person to help with that will be a god send for me. But  we are not opposed to sending her out to do a part time job as well, just so that she can have friends on the outside and we can have a bit of us time, which I think is needed to keep the household happy. My Dom works away from home a lot of the time, so having a slave here would also be company for me. But there should be a settling in period especially if they are coming from another country.








(in reply to scarlettjinx)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/20/2008 8:17:47 AM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		My main issue is the huge amount of ad's placed by other Domanant couples looking for a submissive (a third) And clearly stating that they are willing to cover all expenses and many make mention that the submissive will NOT have to work. But once they get the submissive moved-in then its time for them to get a job.
So in us being more honest and upfront we are at a huge disadvantage in our search. So do those who are looking for such a position really beleave all the sugar coated ad's ? 

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to whipkicksmai)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Expectations or just offering chocolate - 3/20/2008 8:17:53 AM   
ThunderRoad


Posts: 231
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		We personally want someone that  wants to be productive and contribute to the household.  If that means they stay at home and take care of the house and we (all of us) can afford that, great.  However, if we need the income, then people have to work and find ways to make the everyday happen.

The household is a partnership.  it's not about how much money everyone brings in, it is about making sure you're doing your part.

At least that's our dynamic.  Of course, if we win the lottery, then we all get to stay at home and lounge around and get fed grapes and bon bons while watching Oprah.  :P

(in reply to whipkicksmai)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Expectations or just offering chocolate Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094