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How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm to co... - 3/19/2008 2:10:16 PM   
Kasdrup


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/19/2008
Status: offline 		Hey

I'm submissive in bdsm (never really done it, but love too read novels etc about being submissive), the problem is I also want to bee a Alpha Male.

I've got the looks, muscles, height, voice and all that (sorry for the bragging) for being a Alpha Male, the problem is just I like to read about being submissive, but I want to get rid of me being submissive inside me. At school etc I act dominant towards the females. Also, I try to be in control of every situation I am in. By the way I am a virgin could that be the reason?  

Anybody who know this situation, what I should do with it?

Thanks for answering
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/19/2008 2:30:46 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Accept who you are. According to my therapist, it is not at all uncommon for those who are in charge in daily life to gravitate toward the submissive role. From my point of view, it's an incredible break in my stress to have him take charge.

Now if you want to learn how to top people, you can do that. That's just technical and you can buy books, read posts and go take workshops on how to use a flogger safely, or a singletail. But it won't give you the high that a dominant gets.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Kasdrup)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/19/2008 3:18:10 PM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		I think you need to sit down and really assess who you ae inside.. NOT outside

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to Kasdrup)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/19/2008 3:38:18 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasdrup

Hey

I'm submissive in bdsm (never really done it, but love too read novels etc about being submissive), the problem is I also want to bee a Alpha Male.

I've got the looks, muscles, height, voice and all that (sorry for the bragging) for being a Alpha Male, the problem is just I like to read about being submissive, but I want to get rid of me being submissive inside me. At school etc I act dominant towards the females. Also, I try to be in control of every situation I am in. By the way I am a virgin could that be the reason?  

Anybody who know this situation, what I should do with it?

Thanks for answering


What is your age?

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Kasdrup)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/19/2008 4:27:59 PM   
foxhole


Posts: 18
Joined: 3/15/2008
Status: offline 		the fox advises:
STOP READING and get on DO SOMETHING.
and forget about being the ALPHA MALE, unless you already own your own Gorean Farm.
there are only few subs in need of alpha males, its a natural Dominance thats essential, not looks.

the fox,
shakes his body and howls at the moon

PS this fox begs forgiveness from the Dominants supplying the answers, for butting in.

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/19/2008 5:44:21 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasdrup

Hey

I'm submissive in bdsm (never really done it, but love too read novels etc about being submissive), the problem is I also want to bee a Alpha Male.

I've got the looks, muscles, height, voice and all that (sorry for the bragging) for being a Alpha Male, the problem is just I like to read about being submissive, but I want to get rid of me being submissive inside me. At school etc I act dominant towards the females. Also, I try to be in control of every situation I am in. By the way I am a virgin could that be the reason?  



dude...I mean DUDE you got it all going on ....with a attitude like that you will go far.  I'm so humbled by your presence.
I think they forget to card the OP.

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 3/19/2008 5:46:39 PM >

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Kasdrup)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/19/2008 7:01:38 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Dude,

Many people act macho to hide how small they feel inside.  Don't fall for society's rules, make your own.  You can be a strong powerful man AND be submissive to the right woman.

As for the control issue, trust me, many submissives are FAR more controlling than many dominants.  Male submissives are even worse, which is why many have to PAY for it!

So, relax, get comfortable in your own skin and just be you. 

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/19/2008 7:19:32 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Alpha Males aren't about physical looks. Alpha Males are about presense and how you project yourself.

Being a bottom doesn't mean you can't be an Alpha. I know many Male Masters who are masochist.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Kasdrup)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/20/2008 6:32:50 AM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline 		no profile yet...
i really wish the
age of consent was at least 21

_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/20/2008 6:40:56 AM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

What is your age?


Not to mention, just joined, one post....this is it.  Again....DUHHHHH!!!



_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/20/2008 7:10:57 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

Anybody who know this situation, what I should do with it?


Wait until you start shaving more than twice a month. 


_____________________________



(in reply to Kasdrup)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/20/2008 7:11:06 AM   
IronOre


Posts: 24
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline 		Why change your mind? You see something wrong with being submissive? And why do you feel a need to control every situation you are in? My opinion is that your problem is not that you have a desire to be submissive at all. Because that is not a problem. There is nothing wrong with it. Your problem, I think, is that you believe that because you are a young physically fit male you should be in control of others at all times. That is bull. That IS a problem. I am a violent, agressive person who enjoys doing all sorts of degrading, humiliating, painful things to people. However I am a quiet, polite, generous person and I do not feel I need to control everyone. I am both people. Or rather I am me, and those are my character. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypuppy2

I think you need to sit down and really assess who you ae inside.. NOT outside



_____________________________

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil: For this is My valley.

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/20/2008 7:45:27 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasdrup

Hey

I
I've got the looks, muscles, height, voice and all that (sorry for the bragging) for being a Alpha Male,



I wasn't aware that "Alpha males" had a particular look. Most I've met come in all colors, shapes and sizes. But that aside, do you have the MINDSET to be a  good dominant? You can look the look but do you have mentally what it takes to make good, solid decisions? Can you take care of another human being, treating them well and with respect?

Also why would you want to change your personality? Either your submissive or your not. If its something you try to mask, eventually that mask will come off. What I mean by this is you will become frustrated and angry. I know this because I have a male sub who was a "Alpha male Master" for years. It wasn't who he truly was, but he thought it was what society expected of him and what women expected from him. He was utterly miserable. He took the mask off when he met me because I am a Alpha female, I don't get into relationships with Alpha males because I have to be in control and I don't want to deal with a bunch of arguing.

So you need to do some inner reflection and find out who it is you are inside. You could be a switch which means your both sub and Dom depending upon who your involved with and the energy exchange between the two of you.

Good luck

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Kasdrup)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/20/2008 9:19:21 AM   
Kasdrup


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

Anybody who know this situation, what I should do with it?


Wait until you start shaving more than twice a month. 



Haha, I am not egen going there man.

To those who asked, I am 19.

Lashra: I believe I am an alpha male inside me too. I alwasy think about how I can pass my gens the best way. For instance, I work hard at school in order to have money later for my family and me. Moreover, I life weights in case anybody threatens my family (looks can scare people of). I also like to slam people because of my size. I think I think I am dual character.



< Message edited by Kasdrup -- 3/20/2008 9:25:27 AM >

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/20/2008 10:26:30 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		None of those qualities make you a natural leader. Submissives work to take care of their families also, they are also very protective of their loved ones. Being a natual leader in your interpersonal relationships means the other person will normally defer to you and you will prefer (and enjoy) being in charge. Since you don't enjoy it, you aren't naturally dominant.

As far as you using your size/weight to physically hurt others nonconsensually, this doesn't make you an alpha, it makes you someone out of control, not in control. And in desperate need of anger management classes before he gets in trouble with the law.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Kasdrup)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/20/2008 1:39:12 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		From what I've read, your social/sexual orientation is probably that you're submissive.  What you see and interpret from the mirror will never override a mind and imagination that wants to follow a very different path.
 
Your "dominance" seems more to do with being an immature teenager.  Most get over that with time and the inevitable realisation that *every* bully eventually disrespects the wrong "mark"!
 
Focus.

(in reply to Kasdrup)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/20/2008 3:53:53 PM   
sirguym


Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline 		To the OP; just go out and do it, and learn from the experience.

You won't understand yourself thinking about it, you need the mirror of other people's reactions and the feedback from them.

I thought I was a submisive until I tried it and found it worked much better for all concerned when it was the other way around.

The opposite experiences is often more true; thinking you're a Dominant before you try it and finding you're a submissive.

My experience too is that the more prominent and  responsible your public life is, the more you'll want to 'go sub' in private.

Vice versa applies too. When I was a humble engineer, soldering up circuits on the bench and writing Test Specifications I went into politics.

As a 'Meetings and Reportss Engineer' jetting all over to chair meetings and supervise subcontractors I made remote-control bondage kit in the garage.

Now I'm stuck behind a desk and computer screen selling kinky kit and running BDSM events. Pattern?

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/20/2008 6:10:46 PM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasdrup

 I believe I am an alpha male inside me too. I alwasy think about how I can pass my gens the best way. For instance, I work hard at school in order to have money later for my family and me. Moreover, I life weights in case anybody threatens my family (looks can scare people of). I also like to slam people because of my size. I think I think I am dual character.



   To be honest, being an alpha male doesn't mean that you have to be dominant. There was a thread in the submissive forum about why all submissive men feel a need to make themselves out to be "alphas". You can take charge in real life, be a leader in activities, and still be submissive. Everyone I've come out to as a submissive were shocked because they assumed submissives are naturally meek and -how do I say this politely- wimpy. They're not. Submissives come in every size and shape and disposition, as do dominants.

    As far as striving to provide for your family, I see that as neither a submissive nor a dominant trait, really. Perhaps you should read more about submissive men and you might find out that a) some of them are damned looking, and b)they may be wimps, but that's not a requirement. You seem to have a lot of preconceptions about submissives that make you seem very, very young, a high school mind-set. Perhaps the very fact that you're so full of yourself and so determined to be something you're not is the...reason you're a virgin?

  That was a bit out of line, perhaps. Please don't "Slam me". But you certainly seem to have some growing up to do (and I'm only 22-not an adult looking down her nose, but a peer).

(in reply to Kasdrup)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/20/2008 7:46:55 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have to agree with katie978. My sub is in no way wimpy looking  He is 6 foot 4 and 250lbs of muscle. He submits to me because I bring that out in him. He is secure in himself and his submission. He has done the "alpha thing" and put it behind him. Most male subs are like that, as well as intelligent.

Yes do some soul searching but also get out there and try things, only be careful you don't want to hurt yourself or anyone else in the process.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to katie978)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How to change my mind from liking submissive bdsm t... - 3/20/2008 7:51:32 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasdrup
I've got the looks, muscles, height, voice and all that (sorry for the bragging) for being a Alpha Male, the problem is just I like to read about being submissive


Butchard snip, but I think the relavent bits are there.
Why do you assume being an Alpha male means you cant be a submissive?
Fox is my Alpha male. Angel is an Alpha Male in his every day life, from the descriptions of what it takes to be an alpha male.
You are throwig around a buzz word, but with nothing behind it.

So, define what you believe it means to be an alpha male. None of wat you mentioned is particularly alpha behavior. Being a defender doesnt make you an alpha. Being smart enough to save money, and working hard in school to better yourself doesnt either.
Do you want to be dominant? Do you want to submit to a woman, and be her Alpha slave perhaps? Could you be a switch and enjoy being Dom to some and sub to others?

DV

< Message edited by DiurnalVampire -- 3/20/2008 7:53:59 PM >

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Kasdrup)
Profile   Post #: 20
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