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a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 3:28:15 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		I still consider myself as a very inexperienced dom, I have finally found a girl that I would like to call mine. I would like to have a more experienced Dom to take me under their wing, show me a few things, make sure I am not making bad assumptions.

Did you have a mentor when you were inexperienced?

How would you react to being asked to mentor someone?

What would you look for in the potential student that asks you?

Thanks for the imput...
Phin

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"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin
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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 3:33:02 PM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline
I feel mentoring is a GREAT idea,
 Wish I had one 20 yrs ago.
Would be more then honored to be even asked to mentor someone


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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 3:35:31 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		I Myself was guided ( or better..corrected) when I was young by subs and slaves. More or less they were my mentors.
I never had a Dom guide me.

Beeing asked to be a Mentor...mm..I guess I would be honored. But personally I think you should know the person well, because it feels to me..as something close. A peek in your mind and thoughts.

If I would mentor a Dom, I would like a healthy discussion. Why he followed advise..and why not. Time given, should be returned...
If you are friends..then it is eassier to talk openly.
ON the other side....a "stranger" might be eassier in judging.

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 3/19/2008 3:36:53 PM >

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 3:37:06 PM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		I didnt use a mentor and not really sure how I feel about it.  I would mentor someone if I was qualified to do so however I think mentoring would be more on the line of keeping thoughts in check and less on the floggin how to's as all you have to do is attend a public event to get that.  I really think you have to somewhat mold yourself around your sub as far as what and how you do thing... kind of line there that shouldnt be crossed if you know what I mean. I think in some ways it would hurt more than help.

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 3:42:35 PM   
mzbehavin


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline 		Hi Phin~
No i did not have a mentor when i first started.
I would love to mentor a new sub if asked because i didnt have that kind of support and it sucked.
I would look for sincerity.
Apologies in advance if this is meant for the Dom/mes to answer.
Also, to sidenote**
It was later pointed out to me that a "true" Mentor does not and should not expect or even ask for sexual service. So i'm curious....
What do ya think of them apples?

Ps, the "true" thing is in italics because thats how it was worded to me, its not my personal opinion.

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 3:45:42 PM   
mzbehavin


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline 		Woops, i just realized this is the Ask a Master thread.... i had just clicked on the post that showed on home page...
* Hands in my "im new and dont know how it all works yet card* slinks out...

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 3:57:55 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		Justme, I do plan on asking someone I know, I actully have someone in mind, at least I think I do... I am courious what you mean by time given should be returned.

FRS, that is the kind of mentoring I had in mind, I am still learning on play, but I am more conserned with keeping things in check...

MZbehavin, your comments are welcome thanks...

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"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 4:01:09 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

Justme, I do plan on asking someone I know, I actully have someone in mind, at least I think I do... I am courious what you mean by time given should be returned.


OH I just mean, when you spend time to teach some one, you expect an interaction. Not just..thank you...bye.
YOu should discuss together..evaluate.

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 4:06:38 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The main point is to know what you want to be mentored in and find someone who is good at that.  Basically, if you don't know what you want in a mentor or how to use good judgement, then you are doomed at the start.

Which is perhaps 1 in 500 of the actual people who would call themselves a "mentor" to you.

Why the need to find ONE person, rather than taking something from everyone?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1577017/mpage_1/key_mentor/tm.htm#1577857
mentors (3)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_519882/mpage_1/key_mentoring/tm.htm#519990
What exactly is a mentor supposed to do for/with a submissive?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_95421/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#95421
Mentors/Protectors for newbies dom/domme?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_139851/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#139851
Out of my depth, patience and its virtues

http://www.collarchat.com/m_149477/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#149477
My advice for novice female submissives

http://www.collarchat.com/m_210166/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#210166
Mentors, what are they and how do they help?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_283883/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#283883
Mentors

http://www.collarchat.com/m_493886/mpage_1/key_mentors/tm.htm#493886
Mentors (2)



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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 4:09:01 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

I still consider myself as a very inexperienced dom, I have finally found a girl that I would like to call mine. I would like to have a more experienced Dom to take me under their wing, show me a few things, make sure I am not making bad assumptions.

Did you have a mentor when you were inexperienced?

How would you react to being asked to mentor someone?

What would you look for in the potential student that asks you?

Thanks for the imput...
Phin


I have had and continue to have mentors (less formal these days).  I think its a GREAT idea.

I am not sure how I would react -- it would really depend on the person.  In terms of that, I would look for the thing you look for in most relationships -- connection of some sort.  I couldn't mentor someone I didn't respect or like.

good luck!

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 4:26:17 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		Did you have a mentor when you were inexperienced?

I did not. I'm sorta a figure it out on my own kind of guy. The closest thing I've ever had to a mentor in any of this bdsm stuff would be that guy who ran the Insex site. I absorbed a tremendous amount of influence from the videos and pictures he published.

How would you react to being asked to mentor someone?

I suppose I would be flattered that someone would ask and I would try to share with him as much as I could. Showing the tech side of the activities would be pretty straight forward. I have a knack for teaching people and would enjoy the demo aspects of needles, electrical play, breath play and suspension and the like.

On the philosophical side of things I have some very black and white viewpoints that frankly do not tend to mesh well with the fetish rank and file. I would be sure to make that clear and would encourage him to also seek out other dominants as mentors so that he could gather different perspectives.

What would you look for in the potential student that asks you?

Nothing more than a willingness to listen and learn.




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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 6:14:25 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		Thats awesome Phin!
 
Did I  have one...yes for a few years...only one in this area of my life. I am in a rural area now....face to face is impossible. Thats always subject to change when the need arises again.
 
I also have two today, for two different areas of my life...
 
Mentorship  to and for me means accountability...accountability breeds responsibility.
 
Whomever you ask will be honored...and know what kind of privilege you have bestowed upon them as well as the responsibilty that goes with it.
 
How can you ever mentor someone if you have never been....
 
The best to you and your Phin!

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 6:18:56 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I never had a formal mentor, but I was surrounded by folks who knew lots of things and were happy to share what they knew.  I have tried to follow their example by helping the "community" and teaching those who ask. 



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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 6:24:24 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Mixed feelings.  I've been mentored in some areas of my life.  As far as my kink goes I by gosh by golly it.  Kinda like raising kids.  You can read about it. get advice from others.  Until your in the middle of it, your pretty much clueless.

BadOne

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 6:27:43 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin
Did you have a mentor when you were inexperienced?

How would you react to being asked to mentor someone?

What would you look for in the potential student that asks you?

I did have a mentor when I started out. She was wonderful, and thanks to her, I am a very successful Domme. She did not teach me everything I knew, not by a long shot. She did, however, teach mea good bit to start with, give me oppertunities to learn whatever else I wished to know when sh could facilitate it, and helped with my confidence to strike out on my own.
I have mentored several Doms, male and female, as well as mentored a few submissives. I enjoy it, I think it is a very helpful thing for people to have access to. I know I wouldt be where I am without Sami, so I am more than happy to take on someone I believe has potential.
When a student comes to me, the main thing I take into account is how serious they are. Are they wanting to learn to make themselves better, or to get themselves off. I have no time to devote to someone who is learning for the wrong reasons (in my opinion). However, anyone who really wants to learn and wants to put effort into the learning process instead of just me handing them knowledge does well with me.

DV



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Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

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VampiresLair

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 7:09:58 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin
Did you have a mentor when you were inexperienced?


I never looked for much instruction on how to do things although I took lots of classes

quote:

  How would you react to being asked to mentor someone?


Depends on who asked but I tend to be pretty free with my advice, not many dominants dislike talking about themselves!

quote:

  
What would you look for in the potential student that asks you?  


Someone who is doing their best to be real or whom I feel I could break through the layers of bs and genuinely help.  Someone for whom my advice would be relevant.

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 7:24:40 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

Did you have a mentor when you were inexperienced?

Yes, I did. I learned a great deal from her, both about what I did like and what I didn't. I've also gone to formal training programs such as Master Taino's Master's Training.

quote:

How would you react to being asked to mentor someone?

It would depend on the individual and what they expected out of the relationship. Being asked to be a mentor by someone who has shown themselves to really not be who they think/say they are or who is full of drama would not be something I'd accept.

quote:

What would you look for in the potential student that asks you?

A certain degree of commitment.
An idea of what they want out of the relationship.
A clear understanding of the rules of the relationship, whatever we decide they are.
The ability to apply the learning to real life.
A willingness to become more self aware along the way.

Master Fire


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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/19/2008 11:25:32 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Mentoring is an interesting concept.

Can a Mentor teach you to be Dominant? No, he can teach you to emulate HIM being Dominant.
Can a Mentor teach you to understand Dominance? Yes, as long as they understand themselves. again this can also backfire and you can be taught how the Mentor understands Dominance.

I had what I was asked to call My Pedant. He gave me very exact answer to the questions I asked as long as I asked correctly. I could never ask "What is this?" or "What does This mean" or "How should I do This?" I was required always to ask "How do you do this?" and "What does this mean to you?" and "How would you go about doing This?" and then I was given an exact answer.

When it came to Skills and Artistry with tools and Rope I was sent to learn by people who were skilled in what I was learning. I had many different Tutors and Trainers when it came to Various play styles such as Single Tail, Bull Whip, Flogging, Caning, Shibari, Bondage, and Various other activities. Because of this I find I am at very least proficient in these many skills, however because My Pedant did not Mentor me to enjoy these activities I find that I am skilled at them however do not require a relationship that includes them.

This very idea ingrained in me a very different flow when it came to dealing with the desires of various subs, I feel that I understand what it is that they are looking for and am able to introduce them to things that I do enjoy that illicit similar yet different responces while always being able to offer them the exact activity they request and turning it into a completely different and new Kink by taking the activity and shifting the nature of it to something that I found that I did enjoy.

Mentors are good to have as long as they have what you want. By this I mean they have an air about them that you wish to emulate not that they have a slave you wish to have. My Pedant had the life I always wanted and so I have always turned back to what he taught me to help me find balance in what I want.

Are they for everyone? No Certainly not. However they can be something worth looking into if you can ever get yourself to admit that first, you need to learn something and do not know how, and second that someone else is better qualified than YOU to teach you something.

Being Teachable (Read Humble) can open up worlds within worlds for people in this lifestyle.

As Always

The Constant Student

Steel

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/20/2008 1:27:36 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

Mentors are good to have as long as they have what you want


Not sure if that is fully correct.(perhaps I just read it differently from what you actually mean). A mentor doesn't have to be in line with all your thoughts. Guiding/mentoring..can mean that you disagree. A good mentor does dare to correct, but also accept other pov's.
It might feel uncomfortable by times.....but hé....it is falling and standing up again.

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/20/2008 5:02:01 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I never understand the 'need' for a mentor when there are many mentors/teachers etc out here in the big wide world.  No mentor knows or can teach everything.  I would much rather learn from someone with experience and in depth knowledge in a certain subject, than throw all my concentration on someone who knew little bits of everything.  I have been asked to mentor - and each time I politley refuse to take anyperson on one-to-one.  Anyone who needs to be told what and how to do, without having the ability to watch and learn and do hands on without hand holding has less potential.  In my world, you don;t try and emulate someone - you learn from many and take what works for you, utilise it and discard the rest.  I am not impressed by 'Protégés' - they tend to be name droppers that rely on the source rather than themselves.
 
the.dark.

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