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Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 7:40:44 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		hmmm I wasn't exactly sure how to title this, so maybe after writing the post a title will "appear"---My post is about "fantasies" and "fantasy sharing"---I know we all hate the ones who send a first email with a fantasy choreographed out and the line that says" interested?"---
 
My irritation comes with the hmmm pushing of commitment to a fantasy--( I think that is the best way to say it)--I don't mind if a boy in chatting wants to share a fantasy--it is the --"well what do you think Mistress", " is that doable Mistress"---" would you like that Mistress"--  when little if any personal contact has been established--well heck anytime in the relationship----I may want to do CBT on one boy and yet I am not inspired to do so on another---and I sure as hell don't want to be cornered in to choreography. Yet I do want them to feel free to express their desires---where is the balance, or am I a picky cantankerous bitch?
 

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Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 7:49:38 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		My general response to people like that...because they exist in real life and FemDommes aren't the only victims of stuidity gone wild....is "Thanks...I'm flattered. That's a cool idea AND I don't know you well enough to talk about your fantasies or my fantasies THIS way." This way meaning: in a way the is pushing for you/me to be the one to fulfill said fantasy.

The way I discuss and share my fanatsies with MsK (so that we touch both sides of this) is to tell Her what I like. Things that turn me on. sex and play for me starts in my head. And I'm wordy at times...so I take time to tell Her all the details and then be sure not to mention it again unless we're talking about fantasies. She's often the One to use the information "against" me. It's also at Her discretion how these things may or maynot happen and what it will look like when they do happen.

For example...I told Her one day about my personal kink for body fluids..."I just think it's hot...I mean...piss, blood, cum and spit...there's no closer bonding and it totally gets me going." She grinned and told me She'd remember that. I'm grateful for that. She instructed me shortly there after to write down some of my fanatsies in as much detail as possible. What happens when what it looks like etc....and promptly informed me that if any of these things were to happen it'd be on Her terms...not mine. Cuz She's in charge.

Pretty simply to me.

(in reply to LadyHathor)
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RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 7:52:49 AM   
WalterRego


Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

 am I a picky cantankerous bitch?
 


That is one of Your greatest charms and attractions.

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A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel

(in reply to LadyHathor)
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RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 7:58:25 AM   
chezzy52


Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		Lady Hathor...i have perhaps only one one fantasy and it has spinoffs if you will.I was always pissed at the idea and of the Hollywood establishment that women are always weaker not only in body but mind as well.I think you know where i am going with this..the good old Femme Fatale...captured or kidnapped by thugs..bound and gagged for half the show or a part of the movie.Perhaps in our early years...us boys if you will needed an Emma Peel or a Lois lane to be bound and gagged to stir our interest even more.I can't speak for others but for me...i used to picture myself as Emmas and Lois's captive and i was bound and gagged somewhere secret...my gosh it just thrills me so.And so that is what it is...i have this captive/kidnapping fantasy..and of course the spinoffs would be oh..a Lady thief breaking into my home and  having some fun with me.It is probably the only thing i even think of...because it may not be doable and it is afterall all about the Domina..is it not??

(in reply to LadyHathor)
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RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 8:26:09 AM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

or am I a picky cantankerous bitch?


If you are, then that makes 2 of us.
I don't mind someone listing interests.  However, when they keep trying to redirect the needed "get-to-know-you(me)" conversation into an online discussion of detailed kink scenarios, I get perterbed.  And, it has been my experience that these are ALMOST ALWAYS the tactics of a *wanker* on the other end of the chat. 
As soon as I cease the activity and continually re-direct the conversations back to the appropriat level of intimacy that I feel we should be at, they usually dissappear or then pull back into responses of "yes, MsV....no, MsV......whatever pleases you, MsV."  They don't want to discuss any personal things about themselves.  It begins to feel like pulling teeth and that's when I stop.  Why?  Because that wasn't their intention to get to know me in the first place.

So, like you, Lady Hathor, I find detailed discussions of "fantasies" between two people who are only doing on line chat and have never even gotten so far as to meet in real life as a possible prospect, inapproprate.  And, an indicator of other intentions. Like WANKING!!


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Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to LadyHathor)
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RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 8:34:34 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WalterRego

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

 am I a picky cantankerous bitch?
 


That is one of Your greatest charms and attractions.



well someone gets Me! LOL

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to WalterRego)
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RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 8:48:58 AM   
chezzy52


Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		Alright..i need to edit here a tas...what i wrote was my own fantasy and that is not what Lady Hathor was seeking for a response..so i would say stay as you are and don't change for anyone.Why would you suddenly entertain fantasies right out of the gate when you haven't before.As you said there needs to be a balance.I wouldn't totally admonish a boy for wishing to ask about a fantasy but well into the getting to know period and not like  half hour into speaking with a boy.I personally feel that if you are on speaking terms for a month or more,then there is no reason why if asked by the sub politely that a fantasy cannot be discussed.My own opinion of course...Peace

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 8:51:03 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		When I first met my Owner, the subject of fantasies came up.  She asked me what mine were, so she could get a better idea of what I'd like to start out trying.  Now, I'd had hundreds of diverse fantasies previously...  Do you know how many I could communicate to her with any detail?

0.

They really didn't seem that important to me at the time.  I guess I was way too happy just with the fact that somebody was taking me seriously.  I wanted to try and fit her mold, and not have her fit mine.  Granted, I've also learned that telling her my fantasies is not me dictating things...it's merely showing her how I thing and what I find entrapping.  At this point in time, I really don't have fantasies anymore.

...yeah, as I wrote this all I got a very interesting image of her holding me down, easily as she always does, and having her way with me.

Yeah, being 20 is totally random sometimes.

Seriously, though.  I still have desires, is what I mean.  I just don't have these overwhelming fantasies that I play over and over again in my head.  If I did that too much, they'd be --all-- that I desire, you know?

DV's Fox

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 9:03:03 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chezzy52

Lady Hathor...i have perhaps only one one fantasy and it has spinoffs if you will.I was always pissed at the idea and of the Hollywood establishment that women are always weaker not only in body but mind as well.I think you know where i am going with this..the good old Femme Fatale...captured or kidnapped by thugs..bound and gagged for half the show or a part of the movie.Perhaps in our early years...us boys if you will needed an Emma Peel or a Lois lane to be bound and gagged to stir our interest even more.I can't speak for others but for me...i used to picture myself as Emmas and Lois's captive and i was bound and gagged somewhere secret...my gosh it just thrills me so.And so that is what it is...i have this captive/kidnapping fantasy..and of course the spinoffs would be oh..a Lady thief breaking into my home and  having some fun with me.It is probably the only thing i even think of...because it may not be doable and it is afterall all about the Domina..is it not??


There are a lot of femdoms that have similar fantasies - or at least some concepts - that are very similar to this.  Where some subs fall short is trying to understand what it is about those scenarios that turns her on or pushes her buttons, so he can adapt accordingly.  Very few submissives ask me questions beyond "What are you into?" and "what do you like to do?"  I don't know if this is just because of the way the male mind works.  But the questions should be, "What about that excites you?  What are ways a submissive can respond that make it more exciting to you?  Do you enjoy resistance or surrender, in what amounts, and what timing?  What do you look at when a man submits, what are you watching, what affects you?" 

I want to abduct a man and make him my 'prisoner.'  That's one of my most core fantasies.  I make it a reality by using force, bondage, gags, and a sinister attitude.  But that does not turn me on - the *process* does not turn me on -- simply DOING it does not turn me on.  What must be present for me to get turned on are these things:  An attraction to the man I am doing it to (whether it be lust or affection or some combination), a reaction from him that is not contrived, predictable or self indulgent, and finally, as I mentioned in a thread previously, *authentic vulnerability*. 

Too many submissive men believe the process begins and ends with the act of surrender or submission itself; it does not.  I'd argue that MOST dominant women, who are wired to enjoy this, are seeking fulfillment that comes from some sensual, emotional place inside them and is greatly impacted by the style, manner and attitude of the man who is submitting - not just the fact that he's submitting.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to chezzy52)
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RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 9:54:58 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Manipulative devices are used by all kinds of people-identifying with all sorts of orientations and roles. The short answer is always............
 
 "You get what you put up with"

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My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 9:56:41 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Where some subs fall short is trying to understand what it is about those scenarios that turns her on or pushes her buttons, so he can adapt accordingly.  Very few submissives ask me questions beyond "What are you into?" and "what do you like to do?"  I don't know if this is just because of the way the male mind works.  But the questions should be, "What about that excites you?  What are ways a submissive can respond that make it more exciting to you?  Do you enjoy resistance or surrender, in what amounts, and what timing?  What do you look at when a man submits, what are you watching, what affects you?" 


I think you've hit the nail on the head here AAkasha---subs share fantasies then its, well? well? does that sound like something you'd like to do to me--with out the level of questions you mention above----and as I said, when these come out early in the relationship--it becomes very apparent, its " me me me me me"---when I am asked by a boy to share My list of interests, I come back with---tell Me about the man behind the sub----that usually sends them away---but then as Walter says, I am a picky cantankerous bitch--hear Me roar!

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 10:31:22 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

 or am I a picky cantankerous bitch?
 


So many of us were separated at birth, it seems..........   <G>

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[page 23 girl]



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RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 10:35:31 AM   
DelilahDeb


Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
What must be present for me to get turned on are these things: An attraction to the man I am doing it to (whether it be lust or affection or some combination), a reaction from him that is not contrived, predictable or self indulgent, and finally, as I mentioned in a thread previously, *authentic vulnerability*.

Too many submissive men believe the process begins and ends with the act of surrender or submission itself; it does not. I'd argue that MOST dominant women, who are wired to enjoy this, are seeking fulfillment that comes from some sensual, emotional place inside them and is greatly impacted by the style, manner and attitude of the man who is submitting - not just the fact that he's submitting.

Akasha


LadyHathor, yes, you are picky and cantankerous and a bitch; never stop! After all, you've described some of a domme's best qualities. And you've also described one of the frequent signals of a self-serving sub. Fantasies in a first or second message to me are likely to get a sender blocked.

Akasha, your analysis of where the turn-on lives is right on target. Emotional honesty, true accessibility, "authentic vulnerability." openness: they all describe what is hottest for me. Many unfortunate men haven't yet learned how. Taking such a risk is foreign to their souls.

Submitting...well, I scened once with a service sub who got something out of scening that I didn't get. Ten minutes of aftercare were the high point of the scene for me, because that was when he opened up, became vulnerable, instead of being heroically stoic. Everything before that was target practice.

By contrast, in a scene with a long-time friend and sub, I let myself go a little extra and found I'd not only seized his spine in my teeth, I'd applied a near-wrestling hold to get him in position for the bite. And as I grasped him, I felt him silently yield as he assented, accepted, enjoyed--almost, was relieved--that I was in charge and he was not. Now that was hot.

Delilah Deb

P.s. Certainly I wanted to be Emma Peel when I grew up, but my fantasies centered on grace and martial arts and catsuits. Same thing that the producers saw in Diana Rigg: M appeal (really...that's how the character was named.)



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--from the Charge of the Goddess, a Wiccan teaching

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RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 10:35:35 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		heh....ever offer up your own fantasies Ladies?...lol...MsK had a hell of a time when She found out I was working to make Her's reality. See? Some of us are talented enough to be absorbed in our own fantasies AND try and get your's in there too. Then again...not everybody can multitask.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 10:39:59 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I won't rush to the fantasy discussion.  With an email box full of do-me-this-way email and a sick-to-death of the mistress-playtoy attitude... I don't want to hear what someone's fantasy is.  Not until I know I even like them as a person and am truly interested in their fantasy or sharing my own.  Too quick to the fantasy talk... just tells me they are more interested in cyber or sex addiction than me as a person.  I don't care what the fantasy is, go enjoy it... but not with me.

Cranky or down-right bitch... I care not...

If I want porn, I will write it or go to someone who writes it well and who isn't asking me to supply the leading part of providing a self focused playtime with someone unknown to me.

(in reply to LadyHathor)
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RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 11:37:09 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

heh....ever offer up your own fantasies Ladies?...lol...MsK had a hell of a time when She found out I was working to make Her's reality. See? Some of us are talented enough to be absorbed in our own fantasies AND try and get your's in there too. Then again...not everybody can multitask.


Yes, in fact.  Not to hijack the thread, but the answer to this question brings My reasoning as to the way I'd respond to the OP.

I really don't do a lot of fantasizing.  Generally, if I have a thought in My head that I want to do, I do it.  The only thing I keep as fantasies, are just those things I haven't accomplished yet.  The one I have currently, I don't share with random folks.  If I'm thinking correctly, there are only three people who know of it.  My husband, My sub, and a friend.

This goes back to My answer for the OP.  I'm more than interested in a fantasy that someone close to Me wants to share.  If I'm the subject of the fantasy, even better, since then, it might come true.  Still, there has to be a closeness involved for Me to want to talk about that with another person.  If the intimacy isn't there, it's generally not a subject for Me.  There has to be a ground level, before going to the stars.


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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 12:43:29 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

heh....ever offer up your own fantasies Ladies?...lol...MsK had a hell of a time when She found out I was working to make Her's reality. See? Some of us are talented enough to be absorbed in our own fantasies AND try and get your's in there too. Then again...not everybody can multitask.


Yes, in fact.  Not to hijack the thread, but the answer to this question brings My reasoning as to the way I'd respond to the OP.

I really don't do a lot of fantasizing.  Generally, if I have a thought in My head that I want to do, I do it.  The only thing I keep as fantasies, are just those things I haven't accomplished yet.  The one I have currently, I don't share with random folks.  If I'm thinking correctly, there are only three people who know of it.  My husband, My sub, and a friend.

This goes back to My answer for the OP.  I'm more than interested in a fantasy that someone close to Me wants to share.  If I'm the subject of the fantasy, even better, since then, it might come true.  Still, there has to be a closeness involved for Me to want to talk about that with another person.  If the intimacy isn't there, it's generally not a subject for Me.  There has to be a ground level, before going to the stars.



I'm curious how many femdoms fantasize, and what they fantasize about. I fantasize all the time, and definitely before bed, as soon as I kind of do whatever mental checklist I have to go through for the day or what I need to think of for tomorrow.  It's never anything elaborate though, but I definitely do spin little images in my head, and often get hooked on one theme and re-play it over and over and over again until I get bored of it. It's never overtly sexual, though, and generally more focused on surrender, bondage, helplessness, fear, vulnerability.

When I was younger, before the days of TIVO and DVDs, I would replay bondage images from TV shows over and over again in my head when I was going to sleep, or imagine what additional scenes could be added.   Anyone remember the scene from "Goldfinger"?  I got a lot of mileage out of that one.

Akasha


_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 12:46:39 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		If you are "a picky cantankerous bitch" then I'm much worse because I don't think there is any place in the initial getting to know phrase or even early negotiations for sharing of fantasies.

I form relationships, not fantasies of relationships. Sharing fantasies can come later, when we know each other better and have developed more trust and understanding. Fantasies in my experience are often edgy and darker than what we want in the every day life so they take time to truly share.


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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 12:49:58 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Isn't this what various checklists are for? To peruse each other's interests and decide if you have enough in common?

That way you know what he's focused on, and what would be best as a reward. And if you haven't any interest in it, then you don't need to discuss it any further. You just aren't compatible play wise.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Sharing Fantasies - 3/20/2008 12:51:36 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

heh....ever offer up your own fantasies Ladies?...lol...MsK had a hell of a time when She found out I was working to make Her's reality. See? Some of us are talented enough to be absorbed in our own fantasies AND try and get your's in there too. Then again...not everybody can multitask.


Not sure how tongue-in-cheek you meant this...but isn't it kind of true about multitasking?  I know submissives hate it when I compare them to vanillas, but I have to for a second to illustrate a point.

The first few kinky relationships I had with vanilla guys (really, I was feeling my way around it as much as they were, the blind leading the blind) they were very curious about the hows and whys of what I was doing.  Why did I want to tie them up so bad? What was I getting out of it?  Why did some things turn me on more than other?  Why did I keep asking them to hold their breath for random reasons, was it some interest in control that was not obvious? Why did I keep putting my hand tightly over their mouth and tell them to struggle?  The questions were endless, and a few boyfriends really took that information and tried to build on it to figure out how to make it better...after all, it was clearly turning me on, so they wanted to know how to do it better, more, or understand why I was "weird" that way....

Fast forward to many submissive men (not all, thank god) and there were less questions about why, and more about what next.  I found that submissive men were often very overhwhelmed by the reality and that their arousal could be very distracting - they were shot out of a cannon, whereas a vanilla guy would be more focused on juggling his situation with staying in my head so he could figure me out.  I call it the ability to "multitask" when a submissive could be very aware of my buttons while also dealing with the huge distractions of being incredibly turned on, being distracted by his own fantasies and "I hope she does this next..." or whatever...that's got to be very distracting.

It's always been a trade off -- with vanilla guys, there are huge limitations with regards to intensity, and understanding how important the desire is, and that it's not just 'a thing' I do.  With submissive men, it's finding one that really is interested in knowing the hows and whys -- and not just the 'when' and 'how much'.

Most of the regular posters here (submissives) fortunately don't fit into that mold -- the interest in actually reading non-sexual analysis, like this thread, shows a genuine desire to understand the femdom mind. So good work boys!!

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 20
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