Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

what do most domanant women look for in a submissive male


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> what do most domanant women look for in a submissive male Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
what do most domanant women look for in a submissive male - 9/29/2005 12:07:28 PM   
BatteredSub


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		i am an 18 year old submissive who was in a bad abusive relationship and am looking for whays to figure out if a profile i see is someone who might be intrested

also as to signs as to indicate that the person might be abusive before i end up to deep
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 9/29/2005 12:29:33 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BatteredSub

i am an 18 year old submissive who was in a bad abusive relationship and am looking for whays to figure out if a profile i see is someone who might be intrested

also as to signs as to indicate that the person might be abusive before i end up to deep


One thing you can do to help is tell what you see as "a bad abusive relationship". Expectations differ; what you didn't like, some might.

Generally, my dominant female friends tell me they are looking for an intelligent, strong, respectful person with whom they can be proud to be seen.



_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to BatteredSub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 9/29/2005 1:07:46 PM   
firefey


Posts: 144
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline 		a few things. i would advise you to re-work your profile in a few areas. first and foremost i would take out the bit about your being fresh from an abusive relationship. (ducking behind a desk to avoid the flames) the main reason i say this, is it implies you haven't had the time to regroup and work through your issues. and while i'm sure there are pleanty of dommes who wouldn't worry about a healed abuse survivor, the raw wounds are something few are going to want to deal with. but don't hold back from discussing it in either your journal, or after the first e-mail or two. let it be known, just not as the very first thing a person reads about you.

second. talk about your interests. and i mean the kind you do with your clothes on. do you have a burning love for french poetry? do you hate frogs? what are your goals and general aspirations? WHO ARE YOU? because lets face it, every sub/slave on this site wants to be the best sub/slave they can be. and every sub/slave wants to be the most pleasing to their master/mistress. but after the scene, if i (and many will agree) don't find you interesting, i'm going to get very bored very quickly.

and lastly, write to dommes that catch your interest. comment on something they said in their profile. make an effort to personalize your intro. remember, this is your first impression. talk to them like you would in person. "you are gorgeous and i want to be your slave," rarely gets more than a roll of the eyes from me. now on the other hand, if an aplicant were to tell me they saw i was into pony play, and they have always wondered about it, and asked me about my writing and costuming, and told me an interesting story or set of thoughts that somehow related to what i have to say in my profile...i'd be hooked.

best of luck, and try not to jump into something unless you've had time to heal.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 9/29/2005 2:09:39 PM   
MistressXD


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Generally, my dominant female friends tell me they are looking for an intelligent, strong, respectful person with whom they can be proud to be seen.



Amen, and amen some more. I don't want a pushover or a doormat. I want to spend my time with people who are as strong and intelligent as I am, and that includes the men who serve me. It's flattering to be served by one who will serve only you and not just anyone.

XD

(in reply to firefey)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 9/29/2005 3:40:41 PM   
BatteredSub


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		i was verbaly and at times physicaly abused for 9 months the the point where i started cutting to get rid of the stress i was under fromthe abuse thanks for the tips

ps i have had time to heal and help from my friends at my local much and in the local pagan comunity

< Message edited by BatteredSub -- 9/29/2005 3:42:08 PM >

(in reply to MistressXD)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 9/29/2005 7:53:44 PM   
BatteredSub


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		i'm gonna post my new profile info so that you can see it and tell me if it looks better

Hello I am an 18 year old mild autistic Submissive male who is recently recovered from an abusive relationship.

I enjoy playing kitty to a loving mistress but not being a puppy.

I’m looking for a mistress who WILL take care of my needs as a submissive while I take care of hers from the shelter of her loving arms.

I am a loyal Subbie who enjoys hiking, paint balling, shooting, camping and woodland play, making paddles and I want to learn to make crops and floggers, I enjoy a good conversation, I enjoy games that involve strategy as well as a Farley decent cock if you don’t mind someone who doesn’t use measurements and eyeballs stuff.

What I am willing to do to go the extra little mile:
1 learn the basics of cooking the types of foods a Domme likes. PS I know a professional chef who is willing to teach me.
2 read up on topics that a Domme is interested in and do my best to be able to discuss them.
3 I will try and learn some thing about a Domme’s taste in art.
4 do my best to understand her moods and try and keep my mild autism from interfering with my service to her and her happiness but some times I need help to cope but it doesn’t interfere with my ability to serve only to understand social cues.

What I will not under any circumstances:
1 give up my faith.
2 betray my friends or family.
3 give up who I am.
4 allow someone to step on me emotionally.

I have some wood working skills and am vary loyal if cared for and loved.

I will not take to being insulted, degraded or being neglected I believe if a Dom is worth there weight they WILL put an equal effort into the relationship. I am a strong person and won't let my self be abused a again so if your looking for a victim back off if your looking for someone the cherish and love drop me a line.

(in reply to BatteredSub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 9/30/2005 7:37:51 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I would second the recommendation and removed the mention of a previous abusive relatinship -- it is something you must bring up when you discuss you past kinky relationships but putting in your profile may immediately turn off good potential partners.

This is where you have to dance that fine line between too much and too little information. Any potential dominant will ask about your past and you can tell her then.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BatteredSub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 10/1/2005 7:57:53 AM   
MistressKay


Posts: 51
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BatteredSub
i was verbaly and at times physicaly abused for 9 months the the point where i started cutting to get rid of the stress i was under fromthe abuse thanks for the tips
ps i have had time to heal and help from my friends at my local much and in the local pagan comunity



Hello BatteredSub - I think something here needs to be clarified and is too important to not mention. I am not implying that you caused your situation (I am not blaming the victim) but you should be aware that the only one who can keep you safe from abuse is YOU!

In bdsm humiliation play is a common fantasy for many and what is humiliation for one is verbal abuse to another. You need to clarify your limits up front. The only thing that seperates what we do from abuse is CONSENT - did you allow her to verbally abuse you by remaining in that situation - she may have seen it as humiliation play NOT abuse. You have the right and the obligation to walk away if a partner ever crosses your boundaries (or hard limits).

I hear the world "abused" used often in context to bdsm exploration - and it leaves me to wonder - is it actually abuse or is it a failure to communicate. What we do is only a "consent" away from being abuse. Without the consent it IS abuse - with the consent it is BDSM. You need to make sure you establish your boundaries firmly. NO ONE has the right to abuse you - but that starts with you taking responsibility for your own self. It is YOUR responsibility to make sure you keep yourself safe. It is YOUR responsibility to walk (or run) away if a partner ever breaks your trust.

Perhaps before jumping into another situation where you are going to put someone else in control of your life - you need to put YOURSELF in control of you life. Evaluate what you just experienced, find ways to avoid putting yourself in a similar situation, ask yourself - what could I have done differently? what should I have done differently? discover why you stayed after you felt it was abuse, learn what motivates you and what you are willing to endure for that elusive Mistress. When fantasy crosses from erotic dreaming to reality it isn't always what one expects. You may discover that BDSM isn't a lifestyle for you - or you may discover that you really do need this in your life... whatever you discover never forget that you are the only one responsible for your life and the choices you make along the way. To give your submission to a Mistress requires a level of trust that should never be given blindly.

Be wise darling and remember not all are abusive - but certainly there will be those who will take advantage of you if you don't care for yourself.

I wish you all the best in a speedy recover,

Lady Kay
Ottawa, ON Canada

"All will be rewarded ... not all rewards are pleasant!"

(in reply to BatteredSub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 10/1/2005 5:24:15 PM   
BatteredSub


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		problem was when it happned i didn't know how bad it realy was because i was to scared to consider leaving and i didn't know how many people cared about me but you learn from it and move on

(in reply to MistressKay)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 10/1/2005 8:40:47 PM   
ManOwner


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		If you don't like puppy play, then what's with the puppy dog face?

(in reply to BatteredSub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 10/1/2005 9:03:11 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BatteredSub

problem was when it happned i didn't know how bad it realy was because i was to scared to consider leaving and i didn't know how many people cared about me but you learn from it and move on


This is generally what happens in abusive relationships.

To the outsider, it appears to be sudden and obvious.

Inside it is often slow and subtle, when you finally realize something is wrong, the abuser has tried to strip you of your ability to leave or stand up for yourself. This is assuming you even have enough of yourself left to realize there is a problem.



_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BatteredSub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 10/1/2005 9:09:42 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BatteredSub

also as to signs as to indicate that the person might be abusive before i end up to deep


Here are some things that are RED signals to me.

Idea of there being one universal or "real" or "true" way to do things.

Wanting to jump into 24/7 without a dating or training or trial period.

Uses language that sees "all" of any group as though they are the same -- all men, all subs, all slaves, all Q (fill in the blank).

Can't or won't give you information about past partners so you can contact them and feel them out.

Refusal to meet in a public venue the first time.

Speaks down about safewords and limits.

Only speaks about ex-partners in a negative way or only says they were wronged by the exs without taking any of the cause on her/himself.

These are just some off the top of my head.

Sadly a skilled abusive will know how to avoid this signs and won't be strange until some relationship has started.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BatteredSub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 10/2/2005 6:18:39 AM   
BatteredSub


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		why cause i'm trying to look sad and i don't know how to do a sad kitten

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 10/2/2005 8:39:27 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BatteredSub

why cause i'm trying to look sad and i don't know how to do a sad kitten


I didn't ask the question about your photo but since you brought it up -- why do you want to look sad?

What is the message you trying to send?

Is that message being sent by said picture?

Just a personal reaction to it. While you are cute, the sad look actually turns me off. Life has enough sorrow. If I accept someone into my household I except them to bring service with a smile. Now I don't except it to be all sunshine and butterflies but since the profile might be to "sell" yourself you should consider what audience you are trying to attract.

My own picture may not have been the ideal but I chose it for a few reasons. First it is a recent picture (I hate having my picture taken) so it gives a more honest impression of what I look like. Second it is a fun or cute picture (or so slave and spouse tell me) and since much of what I write is very serious I wanted to show I could be fun too. However is it too sexy? Considering I don't have sexual contact with 90% of the people I've trained or owned, perhaps it sends the wrong message?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BatteredSub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 10/2/2005 12:09:07 PM   
BatteredSub


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		it is supposed to show of my innocence as well as it's the only pic that looks good tha is reasent lol

also i can't seem to get a good pic of me being happy because latly i've been going through a random state of mild depresson because of being cheated on and abused but i'm slowly recovering i just can't get a pic that looks genuinly happyuntill then

but i can be vary playfull

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 10/2/2005 1:18:28 PM   
ManOwner


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		I concur, the sad face turns me off.

(in reply to BatteredSub)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 10/2/2005 1:50:06 PM   
MsPurrmeow


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline
It is true that part of being in an abusive relationship is simply choosing to be there.

Everything about your profile says that you have good experience being abused. The name, the photo, even part of the profile. Abusers will look for those who show that they are willing to deal with it. The number one way to avoid it is to show your strength. Abusers are not interested in strength.

By the way, while I personally love (and GET) the "kitten play" aspect and the attempt to be cute, with the name on the profile and focus on abuse, it doesn't seem "cute" as much as sad and battered. You need to get yourself into a positive, happy place in your own heart and mind before you can attract someone who can foster that happiness and optimism.

Get yourself to the place where you can enjoy your own identity. Be a "happy, playful kitten". One that can find entertainment in the simplest loose thread and you can start putting out the kind of positive feelings that will attract those who can relate. A sweet, service-oriented kitten looking for a Dominant Mamacat figure would be attractive to me, but one that looks hurt and abused and high-maintenance doesn't. It's all in the attitude.

Good luck, and feel free to write more or correspond.

Purr

(in reply to BatteredSub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 10/2/2005 1:51:01 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline 		After reading his profile, I thought it was suppose to be the "adopt the poor sweet kittycat" look.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to BatteredSub)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 10/2/2005 2:31:32 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Mspurr, empty wallets are a good toy to play with too, they're so battable, and the slide across the carpet in funny ways that will make kitties scamper all over, or I did at least lol.



I agree the poor me look is a put off. I was abused all my childhood, but it's not the first thing I choose to project. I project charm and a happy loving person, my abusew can come up later when relevant

< Message edited by FelinePersuasion -- 10/2/2005 2:37:21 PM >

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: what do most domanant women look for in a submissiv... - 10/3/2005 11:49:58 AM   
BatteredSub


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		i took the advice and created a new porfile it's AlderTheKitty

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> what do most domanant women look for in a submissive male Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109