RE: Sub with more experience than her Dom

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RE: Sub with more experience than her Dom - 3/24/2008 5:55:40 AM

ThunderRoad

Posts: 231
Joined: 3/15/2006
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Get involved in the community and look at attending an educational/play event like Kinky Kollege. The best way for a new Dom to learn is to observe and be instructed in person, IMHO. It's what worked best for me when I was new.

Also, make sure you are VERY clear about what you want him to do. He's probably skittish about how hard he can hit and whether it is "ok". You'll need to reassure him it is. Given time, he'll develop the confidence to make it all his own. It may be a little frustrating, but if you look at it as a mutual journey and agree to laugh at the goofups together, you'll have a closer and most-positive outcome.

(in reply to sirsholly)

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RE: Sub with more experience than her Dom - 3/24/2008 7:22:51 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
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Ditto to just about all the answers above. But.....being a willing guinea pig and practise dummy is all well and good, but he's gotta do the work of learning himself. Why should you spoon feed him when he's quite capable of doing the research and asking the questions?

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RE: Sub with more experience than her Dom - 3/24/2008 11:25:08 AM

mellian

Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
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It is one of my concerns as well when seeking out a Domme, at least in the area of being more knowledgeable in bdsm, what to watch out for, safe play stuff, and more experience with a bdsm community...despite the fact I am inexperienced in practice.

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RE: Sub with more experience than her Dom - 3/24/2008 6:57:05 PM

justt13

Posts: 25
Joined: 12/24/2007
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Ok...my potential Dom read this thread. We had a fight...then we had a long talk over two days and will probably talk some more. We think that many of you are right, that we have to figure out if we are compatible. It's so hard, because I really like him and I want it to work...and I think he does too, but we don't want to make the other compromise too much. I wish we would have met first and gotten to know each other in the vanilla world really well before trying to bring in the D/s side, but who knows if that would have made a difference. It really freaks me out that through my selfishness and arrogance I will probably lose him. He is the first guy that I've met in a long time who rocks my world in so many different ways and I could introduce him to my mom and dad! Thanks again for all the support....and even the doses of harsh but true reality....

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RE: Sub with more experience than her Dom - 3/24/2008 7:28:55 PM

ThunderRoad

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How about you both just relax and enjoy things instead of getting so caught up in the details. Life is too short to let imagined drama and other bullshit ruin a potential good thing.

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RE: Sub with more experience than her Dom - 3/24/2008 7:33:19 PM

justt13

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That's kinda what we are hoping to do.

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RE: Sub with more experience than her Dom - 3/28/2008 6:04:20 PM

ShellyD

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Joined: 3/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I provided all the information I could and showed him where he could get more information. He soaked it all up.

I have recently begun a relationship with a man who is new to the lifestyle as I know it, he was into lighter kinky sex before hand, but I love it harder. We talked about the things that make me go swooon, and more. Luckily he is the type of man who has read and absorbed information well and has surprised me in his progression, mmmmm yummy hard spanking and cropping and flogging has come naturally.

Like you, I didn't think I could 'teach' him how to be a Dominant, and as I am not, of course I couldn't, but I did lead him to the water, he drank by himself.....

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RE: Sub with more experience than her Dom - 3/28/2008 6:08:17 PM

ShellyD

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I forgot to mention the other side of WIITWD being Dom/sub is coming much slower, preferable to me as I have had previous bad experience in astrict 24/7 Master/slave relationship that almost had me leave the lifestyle altogether. I find that I contribute by asking his preferences, how he wants things and serving unobtrusively. Of course, doing as he asks immediately and without argument has helped.

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RE: Sub with more experience than her Dom - 3/28/2008 6:29:27 PM

ShellyD

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Now that I have read to the end of this thread I see my response is probably superfluos (sp?) sorry to bump it up.

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Post #: 49