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is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 12:22:43 PM   
BBWnNC72


Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline 		I recently had a guestion regarding my purchasing a nice ratton cane for my Dom.  In hopes of "waking" something up that has been dorment lately.  Not His fault nor mine.  i was talking to my former mentor about it and He said that if His sub was to purchase a toy that He would consider it "topping from the bottom" and that if He wanted a new toy for Hiself and her that He would either buy it or tell her to do so.  Now, my Dom and i have worked it out, He doesn't think that i am trying to TFTB. 
But i am wondering what You all think about a sub buying a new toy for her Dominant in hopes of spicing things up? Is it a case of her trying to control the play and relationship?

Thank You for Your time
respectfully
kat

< Message edited by BBWnNC72 -- 3/24/2008 12:23:47 PM >

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 12:25:59 PM   
Luciferica


Posts: 231
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		Not really topping ...they were just trying to considerate and show they were still intrested in me.

(in reply to BBWnNC72)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 12:28:20 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		TFTB only exists if the dominant allows it to exist, in which case...well you're pretty much just topping. 

I buy my Master toys quite often.  It is his choice whether to use them or not.  Some of them he has chosen not to.  Some he has enjoyed.  Some he has chosen to use more evilly than I had considered when I bought them!

So no, you were not topping from the bottom by buying a toy or even by asking for or suggesting its use.  Seems your dominant confirmed that for you, too.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to BBWnNC72)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 12:28:52 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I don't think I could say much about it being topping from the bottom or not without knowing you.  It does seem you bought it with intent, as in, for him to use it on you -- sometimes that could be considered topping from the bottom. 

If I were to receive something like that from my boi, I would smile... look at it and know she's letting me know something. Input is not a bad thing.

If you bought it and said, "could you use this on me now, please" I'd say that's clear...

some will find it topping from the bottom, others will find it a good gift...

(in reply to BBWnNC72)
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RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 12:41:17 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I don't see anything wrong with a submissive buying a toy.
 
As long as you don't EXPECT him to use it on you, or tell him when or how to use it!

lol


That is different then the submissive that arrives in a new relationship with a flatbed truck FULL of toys and says, "Here are MY toys, now use them on me!"
Damn it, "Do me baby!"


_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to BBWnNC72)
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RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 1:06:02 PM   
sirguym


Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline 		I'd take  it as a hint, that I was free to pick up or ignore.

Though I was rather puzzled when an admirer bought me a sword.

Corporal punishment is OK by me, but I thought a sword was a tad extreme!

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 1:21:04 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		There are a couple of threads about this that you might want to look up. I personally think the idea that buying your owner/top/whatever a toy is TFTB is one of the more silly things I've heard. If I buy him a movie that I will enjoy as well, is that topping from the bottom?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BBWnNC72)
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RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 1:22:16 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I've bought stuff, he's bought stuff. Some of the stuff he's bought I can't handle and it doesn't get used. Some of the stuff I bought he's uninterested in and it doesn't get used. We know that we both like doing this, and neither one thinks it inappropriate to contribute to the bag.

In addition, for subs not in a committed relationship, it is only sensible to have your own bag where you know nobody else's blood or other intimate fluids are contaminating things. After all, you can't autoclave leather.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sirguym)
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RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 1:47:12 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline
quote:

Corporal punishment is OK by me, but I thought a sword was a tad extreme!


I keep hoping Master will play me with his sword. He has given me a couple of nice whacks with it, but, GG, it is a sexy thing! (Yea, and you should hear some of the other stuff I'm in to. When i was unowned and looking, my profile said i was searching for someone to burn me at the stake. Master says He is working on figuring out how to do it safely!)

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to sirguym)
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RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 1:52:38 PM   
MasterGreg43


Posts: 79
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Fla, Ga, NY, NJ, MD, VA, now PA
Status: offline 		buying anything without the Master permission is bad, and to by a toy for him to play with on u could be consider TFTB, but if your Sir allows such an act then u are 100% in the right to assist in ur training and play time, as long as ur Master agrees then no one else opinion matter.

_____________________________

Master Greg
PA Dominant King
Dominant King of Sweet Palace of Pain
Master of Sweet House of Pleasure & Pain

(in reply to BBWnNC72)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 2:18:46 PM   
BBWnNC72


Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline 		Thank You all for Your opinions, i very much so appreciate Your thoughts and i hope they keep coming..  As i stated before, we have worked it out, i was just really interested to hear what others opinions are on the subject.



_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.


(in reply to MasterGreg43)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 2:32:54 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		I don't consider it topping from the bottom. Topping from the bottom is an overused term quite frankly in my book. I don't see how giving a gift can be considered topping from the bottom. I think it's a kind gesture and even more so by giving something that is definately and knowingly within the recipents field of interest. 

(in reply to BBWnNC72)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 3:23:51 PM   
BBWnNC72


Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline 		update:  we picked one out. i really wanted the round heart shaped ratton cane, but He said it might break with as hard as He hits.
So here is the one we picked out:
http://www.cane-iac.com/items/rattan-canes~straight/mcsr32-detail.htm

Thank You all for Your responces.

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.


(in reply to Viridana)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 3:46:55 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		It's in the eye of the beholder. I personally would not consider that TFTB. It's my choice whether to use it or not. Your dominant also feels that it is not TFTB but your former mentor does feel that it is TFTB so in his home or relationship it would be. Different strokes. If I bought a new toy and your reply when you saw it was "Nope, you can't use that thing on me"  - that's what I would call topping from the bottom. But that's just me personally. It might not be the same elsewhere.

(in reply to BBWnNC72)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 4:02:01 PM   
lilacs


Posts: 46
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		In our relationship, this would be an offer, not topping from the bottom.  Now, if I bought a toy and said "Use this now!" that would get me in some trouble.  If I gave it to him and said, "I thought this might come in handy for you sometime, Sir," I think he would be appreciative and even a little bit amused. :)

(in reply to BBWnNC72)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 4:10:30 PM   
BBWnNC72


Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline 		i was talking to my mentor again today, and He said the reason He stated that He felt it was TFTB was the reason i wanted to buy the new cane.  That i was trying to "tell" my Dominant how, when, and what to play. 
But as i see it, i will listen to my Dominant, and my Dominant doesn't see a problem with me buying for that reason.  He says that He knows that in my heart and head i wasn't trying to be toppish when i was thinking about trying to "wake" things up, that i was just being me.  The caring, worrying, greedy monkey! LOL.

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.


(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 5:32:59 PM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		No its not a case of topping from the bottom.
It is a case of giving a thoughtful gift that would be appreciated

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to BBWnNC72)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 5:35:53 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BBWnNC72

i was talking to my mentor again today, and He said the reason He stated that He felt it was TFTB was the reason i wanted to buy the new cane.  That i was trying to "tell" my Dominant how, when, and what to play. 


I still think that is silly. Does he think his girl is trying to tell him how, when and what to watch when she picks up a movie she thinks he will like? If I buy Val candy randomly without being asked am I telling him when he can have candy?

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 3/24/2008 5:36:34 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BBWnNC72)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 5:36:15 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Little Puppies bring leaves, sticks, and all other goodies from outside to their masters all the time.

For a gesture like that to be considered topping from the bottom, one must feel the dominant is in 100% total, unadulterated control and understanding.  Ergo, he is completely aware of every and all feelings of the submissive.

This rarely happens.  As I told My Pet... she can always ask, as long as she's willing to hear "no."

I think thats a very healthy and submissive gesture to show there's something you want.  Wanting is natural, and it is natural for submissives to want.


_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to BBWnNC72)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: is it a case of topping from the bottom? - 3/24/2008 5:45:54 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		FR

I just had a thought, I send m'Lord my dreams and fantasies in which I describe in detail an encounter that hasn't happened, both what I am doing and what he is doing to me.  I guess this whould be considered TFTB to some.  Especially since some of them have been adapted and used by him.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)
Profile   Post #: 20
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