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do i go no limits - 3/24/2008 7:24:04 PM

happysub68

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/20/2008
Status: offline

i want to be this Doms slave for Him to train. i have played with AHim before and i trust Him but i am scared as he wants no limits or say. i have told Him that i would do but i need to do slow in order to break them down i dont have that many limits just the normal(blood, knives, scat,kids and animals and breathplay).i am scared if i dont accept this i will lose Him and i have the chemistry with Him and feel that He is the on . can anyone please help me on this one
thankyou
happysub

Post #: 1

RE: do i go no limits - 3/24/2008 7:51:03 PM

lilacs

Posts: 46
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Me? I don't believe there is a thing as "no limits." I do believe there is a thing as "very few limits."

Limits take time to expand, move, change and such. To be honest, if this person isn't willing to understand and accept the relatively few limits that you have just said above is he really worthy of you placing your life and welfare in his hands? To be blunt, our limits are there to keep us safe - not just physically, but mentally. Sounds like some communication is in order. You have your limits - they are there for a reason. Try to determine what of these might be soft limits (things that you just aren't able to do right now, but might be able to see yourself doing with careful work as time goes on) and what are hard limits (things you can't imagine yourself ever doing) and give him that list. If he isn't able to accept that, he isn't really accepting you as you are.

Limits do change over time, but we never really know for certain if our hard limits will change nor if our soft limits will change into hard limits once we try them once.

Just my two cents.

(in reply to happysub68)

Post #: 2

RE: do i go no limits - 3/24/2008 8:05:58 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

My feelings are that if he were the right one, then he wouldn't be trying to blackmail you into doing stuff you aren't ready for. The right one would know that it is about the journey, not the destination. And that it doesn't matter if you're not ready for needle play today, because next year is soon enough.

(in reply to lilacs)

Post #: 3

RE: do i go no limits - 3/24/2008 8:08:18 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

You don't consider death or permerant injury as parts of your normal limits? I would think about adding them to your list. Those are two that you may want to consider always keeping.

Mike

(in reply to lilacs)

Post #: 4

RE: do i go no limits - 3/24/2008 8:33:57 PM

Daddyslilpookie

Posts: 498
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: OC, California
Status: offline

Hello there and welcome

First off I would like to say this, a real Dom will respect your limits if he cares about you he will respect that. If he is just in it for his self and his own pleasure then he will push you anyway he can and how far he can. I have been there, they wont respect you. There has to be limits in everything not just D/s. If this guy cannot respect your limits he is not worth the time of day to worry about. Don't waste your time on him tell him to respect your limits or go screw himself. best of luck to you.

_____________________________

Princess Andie

"A Woman Loves Only Her Master"

(in reply to happysub68)

Post #: 5

RE: do i go no limits - 3/24/2008 8:36:15 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

No limits falls outside of safe, sane and consensual. If He is worthy of you He must be willing to listen to you; likewise you to Him. For instance, some Doms have limits of no penetration during intercourse. I wouldn't beg a man to do that if I knew it was a real turn off for Him. Or you may have a soft limit because you have a cold and can't handle something oral because you can't breathe. Both people's limits should be taken into consideration and respected. Anyone asking for no limits is looking for a way not to be blamed if something goes wrong, because - after all - you never told them that they couldn't do it.

_____________________________

(in reply to happysub68)

Post #: 6

RE: do i go no limits - 3/24/2008 8:59:12 PM

happysub68

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/20/2008
Status: offline

thankyou all for Your help i really appreciate it and am going to look right into all of this and take in everyone advise

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 7

RE: do i go no limits - 3/24/2008 9:43:33 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Ask him what his limits are....Tempting

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You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to happysub68)

Post #: 8

RE: do i go no limits - 3/24/2008 9:51:26 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

There is a big difference between entrusting yourself to another and know this other person holds your safety and health in high regard , VS a no limit way of thinking .sure this other person may push limits and keep you on edge .By no limits you may wish to ask for the other person definition if your unsure ,does his idea of no limit means he can cut off body parts ?remove your liver and show it to you before donating it for a transplant patient ?Be aware of who your giving yourself and your well being to , be weary of wishy washy open ended you shall do whatever i say ways of thinking .Everyone has a limit .I asked one sub/bottom upon the first exchange i did with her what her limits are and her pain level ..her response was i can take anything and have no limits .I said really ? so i can let a rattle snake bite you over n over again til you pass out .She looked shocked and said NO !!
I said then try again and think of what your limits would be , and suddenly came a whole list of things she did not wish to experience .
The point was made and though i had no intentions of ever allowing a snake to bite her repeatedly it did do the trick of making her think .Best wishes on your journey

(in reply to happysub68)

Post #: 9

RE: do i go no limits - 3/24/2008 9:59:39 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

I would never drop my limits unless I felt 100% safe with the person I was with.

You clearly don't feel 100% safe. The face that he is pressuring you indicates he probably wants to break your very allowable limits.

I wouldn't do it. You probably shouldn't either.

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 10

RE: do i go no limits - 3/24/2008 10:11:22 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

If you aren't sure, why the need to make the choice? I assume you both want to make sure this is the right thing, so what's wrong with waiting 6 months, or a year?

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to katie978)

Post #: 11

RE: do i go no limits - 3/24/2008 10:37:47 PM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied
I said then try again and think of what your limits would be , and suddenly came a whole list of things she did not wish to experience .

Because I can't possibly think of every cruel and unusual thing a Dom may think up, I've made my hard limits non-specific but clear. Nothing that breaks the skin (I'm diabetic, and wound care is an issue); nothing that leaves a permanent scar; nothing that leaves a mark or bruise where a vanilla friend, family member, or co-worker could see it; nothing involving bodily waste; no animals (other than human); no children; if there's sharing, the other party(ies) involved must be disease-free; condom at all times (except possibly during oral). These limits are not from squeamishness; they are based on a medical condition and a desire to avoid any complications from nasty buggies or other stuff.

That does not mean that I would let a Dom whip the snot out of me on a first play-date. The tolerance I have for pain from a certain Dom may not carry over to the next one - his technique may be slightly different, and the chemistry will definitely be different. I would discuss things with the Dom before any play begins, and we would agree to start slowly and build over a period of time until we reach a mutually agreeable level - or we would not play.

That's just my opinion. YMMV

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 12

RE: do i go no limits - 3/24/2008 11:53:22 PM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: happysub68

i want to be this Doms slave for Him to train. i have played with AHim before and i trust Him but i am scared as he wants no limits or say. i have told Him that i would do but i need to do slow in order to break them down i dont have that many limits just the normal(blood, knives, scat,kids and animals and breathplay).i am scared if i dont accept this i will lose Him and i have the chemistry with Him and feel that He is the on . can anyone please help me on this one
thankyou
happysub

you know that fear is a redflag don't ya hon? A relationship based upon fear, is Never gonna work. What is it with forced no limits?
Isn't a sub allowed to think for herself?
How about kids animals death, cuts , blood, and other rediculous shit...
Any normal person has limits.
Don't step into this out of fear,
or you'll get burned hon.
Take it from one who has been there.

Give yourself time, to see who He truly is,
and if He can accept your beautiful self,
with limits.

If not...?

Then you've your answer.

I wish you wisdom.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to happysub68)

Post #: 13

RE: do i go no limits - 3/25/2008 1:33:17 AM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Me personally would say tell him that you are open to trying things he might suggest but will use your safeword if its to much to handle. If an potential owner asks what my limits are I tell him what I have on my list. I also try to make it well known that I NEED to engage in play that will not harm me or that isnt dangerous. If something I do not feel is safe is suggested I ask if they are willing to do it on themselves. If they do, then its Usually a safe bet its just something Im fearful of not something that will harm me. When in doubt, think about it. If I tell him No I have no limits will he chop off my fingers when I do bad. Will he honestly harm me if I do this or that. If the answer is yes. Run, run as fast and as hard and as far as you can from said person, block their emails, block their phone number, tell them you have moved to east jabip and will never return. If he is pressing for no limits and you know you can not do certian things. Let him know this. Also if its something that they need, but you mesh well.. as much as it might squick you, offer help him find a partner for him to do said task to or offer that over time you will try to get over your fear to engage in it. They will then know you are doing your best to please them even if it might make you feel a little uncomfortable.

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 14

RE: do i go no limits - 3/25/2008 1:49:05 AM

novabunny

Posts: 57
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline

A "No" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please.

A true Dom respects His property and pressure would not be applied, trust me i've been where you are honey. I now know Master wouldn't push me more than i would ever want to be pushed, He helps me grow but wouldn't want to break me. As my gift to Him is my submission and that i give willingly and freely.

x novaslave x

(in reply to happysub68)

Post #: 15

RE: do i go no limits - 3/25/2008 1:57:31 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Is the emotional attachment you feel worth sacrificing your sense of self worth? In other words, are you willing to sell yourself for this relationship? The Prostitute archetype is one that we all have...it's a matter of our survival. However, it doesn't have to have the negative influence we might think it does. Your doubt is your Prostitute saying, "Hey! You're worth more!"

There are others. Trust me.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 3/25/2008 2:00:53 AM >

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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to happysub68)

Post #: 16

RE: do i go no limits - 3/25/2008 1:57:40 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: happysub68

i am scared if i dont accept this i will lose Him and i have the chemistry with Him and feel that He is the on[e].

Which is greater, your fear that you will lose Him or your fear for your own safety? If your safety is a concern and you fear He won't respect that, then how would He the "the one"?

What is the worst that can happen if you maintain your limits? This particular Dom might be poof...gone. Do you honestly believe there is not one other single Dominant out there who could be 'the one'? What is the worst that can happen if you agree to no limits? In all reality, my dear, agreeing to no limits is NOT a guarantee that the Dominant will love you forever and you will sail off to the land of bliss. Establish the relationship first and then limits may dissolve on their own.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to happysub68)

Post #: 17

RE: do i go no limits - 3/25/2008 2:16:26 AM

happysub68

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/20/2008
Status: offline

thankyou again all i have thought about your answers and i have put it to Him and i have said that i cannot do no limits push them yes non no. thankyou all again for Your help and advise

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 18

RE: do i go no limits - 3/25/2008 2:37:52 AM

MRandme

Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

Everyone has limits. A wise Dominant understands that. What is best is to find one whose limits match your own. If your limits and His limits are the same, then there can be no fear and you can give yourself completely without any reservations.

Listen to your gut... your subconscious mind has analysed the situation and reads something to fear here. Follow your instincts and be safe.

i wish you well,

g

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to happysub68)

Post #: 19

RE: do i go no limits - 3/25/2008 4:45:02 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

I am with the majority of those here, to Me no limits says one does not respect themselves, their lives ot their potential disabilities----a good Dominant respects limitations no matter what they are--an arrogant sob thinks he can conquer the world and you with it---beats his chest, I can do as I please to her and she can't stop Me--pfftttt, its too late when you are in the morgue.

A sub to Me that has no limits is living in the middle of Maxim or some mag with the fantasy ever present--the dream state of the ever perfect scene---nope, nada, uh huh, no way--come to Me with limits, that shows Me at least part of you lives in reality.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to happysub68)

Post #: 20

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