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BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:01:22 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		There are (as usual lol) threads floating around with a basic theme of sex & BDSM along with a variety of views and responses.It made me wonder about something in regards to those for whom BDSM and sex are strongly linked. If you could not have physical sex would you remain in the same lifestyle (for lack of a better word) that you are in now?Is the lure or need for the BDSM strong enough to stay with it even without any sexual activity?Or would you end up drifting away from it all?

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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:07:22 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't even like parties now where sex isn't allowed. 

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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:08:50 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I don't even like parties now where sex isn't allowed. 


How about dinners?

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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:10:36 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I don't even like parties now where sex isn't allowed. 


How about dinners?
 I don't mean public gatherings, I mean quite literally if you couldn't have sex anymore would you still consider yourself as a part of WIITWD, BDSM, Power Exchange or whatever you call it all.

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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:13:31 AM   
ToysAndTies


Posts: 124
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a sadist more than anything else, so BDSM play doesn't inherently involve sex.

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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:17:45 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		If I was already in a relationship where emotional bonds had been formed and then something happened to prevent sex in the future, I'd probably stay, though it would be difficult.

I would not consider beginning a relationship where sex wasn't a part of it.

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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:17:51 AM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, I'd still do wiitwd even if I couldn't have sex anymore.  I find the power exchange, for me, goes way beyond sexual, and if I couldn't have that part of it, I'd still want the rest.  Would I be happy about it?  Hell, no!  lol 

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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:18:18 AM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		NO i totally wouldn't....that would be like asking if i would be in a vanilla relationship that was sexless...Sure i have friends i don't have sex with, but not my main M/f relationship, there HAS to be sex there

But, i will say, if i had to go back to being vanilla, or that i had to choose between the two....i would just remain single and have casual partners for the different aspects i need and crave...being in a D/s-free relationship would be just about as impossible to me as being in a sex-free one.




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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:21:49 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		frankly I havent ever mixed sex and my scenes, no i have had sex with Sir, rough hard treat me like a dirty girl sex, but no other then breath play, holding me down and spankings during the deed....no sex in my scenes

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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:27:12 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Sexual needs don't really "need" to be met by other people-we just want them to.

I've done a lot of kink stuff as art. I don't just see it as a way to get my dick wet.



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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:27:36 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		I think I read the question differently.  I read it more as "if you were physically incapable of having sex, would you still pursue a BDSM or D/s relationship?

I dated a virgin once.  She had strong moral & religious beliefs against premarital sex.  We did just about everything except intercourse.  I know that I could not be happy in a monogamous, asexual relationship again (if I was capable of having sex.)  If I wasn't capable of having sex, I wouldn't expect my partner to be monogamous (even if I was.)  Regardless of my sexuality, I expect my relationship to be at least D/s aware (if not D/s oriented) and to include activities that fall under the BDSM header.

Stephan


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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:28:04 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		ToysAndTies I completely understand that although it has always been mixed together for me. Omega, that is close to the type of answer I'm looking for.. thanks. Bound yes yes. I've learned that the power exchange has superceded sex for me even when the lack of sex is not voluntary. cherry physical sex is really important for most people I think. Thanks for your response. Sunnyfey if you don't mind me asking, do you get sexual gratification in your scenes even though you don't have sex?

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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:29:35 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		well... my gut instinct tells me ,, HELL NO!
but thinking about it calmly for a second i can see that ... HELL NO!

I am an intensely sexual person, I adore fucking ... If I was in a dynamic where fucking wasn't happenning .. I would very quickly turn into a unhappy unmotivated cunt ...literally. No one wants to own that now do they?
It would be like being in a dynamic where I wasn't required to use my intelligence... I could live without using it, but I wouldn't want to own me after a few months of intellectual brain death ... I would be a nightmare.

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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:29:56 AM   
Gemini1766


Posts: 991
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline 		But the question was about sex never (again) being part of your BDSM D/s M/s relationship. Not just scenes.

I have a vanilla relationship, I love my partner dearly, but I will admit I would probably have not gotten so involved, though I love her very dearly, had I realized that sex would be few and far between. She just doesn't have much of a drive. It makes it difficult as hell to be a good loving partner to her and not fuck around, but so far 7 years, I have not. I'm human so I won't say I won't.

That being the case, hell no I would not. But as OmegaG stated, if it existed and then the sex came to an end due to some accident or such, I would stick with it.

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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:30:01 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I think I read the question differently.  I read it more as "if you were physically incapable of having sex, would you still pursue a BDSM or D/s relationship?

 You read the question exactly as I attempted to ask it. Sometimes I think I'm lacking clarity with my posts... and apparently today is one of those days lol.Thanks for assisting in that.

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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:36:13 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		I'll again pose the question. If it is not "sex" - what is it?

But I decided to make sure that there was some foundation for my position that BDSM activity IS sex. I looked up the etymology.
Using "sex" as a noun:
quote:

activities associated with sexual intercourse
all of the feelings resulting from the urge to gratify sexual impulses;

Yup - that fits into the BDSM activities I enjoy.
Using "sex" as a verb:
quote:

to arouse sexually
stimulate sexually

Yeah - that happens every time too for me and my partners.
However, if you limit the definition to "Sexual intercourse"; then no I don't need that act to occur, although it usually does. 

The definition quotes come from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sex .

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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:38:17 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		I don't even want to entertain the idea of me not being able to have sex.  I may be a masochist but I'm safewording out of that thought, to horrid.

However, on the one hand if I were to stumble into a relationship (or continue the one I was in) there would still be the service aspect that I enjoy, so I suppose the dynamic could continue.

On the other hand, I've spent many years alone without sex and without companionship so I may choose that path at the time and over compenate for my inadequisies with bigger and better home entertainment systems.

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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:40:14 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

I'll again pose the question. If it is not "sex" - what is it?

 What is it (to me)? It is my connection. The way to fill my need for balance which requires a power exchange. I have NO sex drive. I cannot orgasm no matter how hard I try, or how hard he tries. No matter what toys/lack of toys etc are involved. That made me curious as to just how important sex is, and if others for whatever reason they have for no sexual activity are still of the mind that WIITWD is a vital part or the whole part of their world.

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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:42:54 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65
Sunnyfey if you don't mind me asking, do you get sexual gratification in your scenes even though you don't have sex?



I do sometimes, though not through any form of overtly sexual means, I am a bit of an exhibtionist so theres that part of it, I have from floggings alone had sexual gratification, and from full body bondage. But its not like a regular orgasam from say haveing sex, its more a heavy emtional and physical stress release, I may not actually forgive the phrase get off in the literal sense, but there is a profound release at the end of a scene, anything from crying, to laughing to just a warm happy feeling that I get from leaveing subspace. at the end of a scene I generally feel, phyiscally, emtionally and sexually saited.


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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 8:43:19 AM   
AMaster


Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		My need to Dominate is very strong.  I'd still be in the life.

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