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Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 12:15:32 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

First off, i'd like to make the disclaimer that this is an academic question and i ask it out of curiosity alone.

Ok, there are apparently two equally extreme ideas about sexual desire (and any expression of) in male submissives espoused by the female dominants that love us. Too bad for the fellas, these are also the polar opposite of one another. Equally unfortunate for us, most men fall way deep down in the middle.

A) It's just not submissive for a guy to want sex and cocks are worth nothing other than a delicious target for pain and humiliation. As men have long been the sexual oppressors throughout all of history, it's my duty to figuratively and literally stomp out the male libido; and if i were to so deign to get my rocks off, it certainly wouldn't be with a submissive, but a real man.

B) My submissive better constantly want me and be rock-hard at a moments notice; he's gotta be a dynamo, a battery-free vibrator who will never get a tongue cramp.

Now, i know that women (even the dominant ones) are all greatly varied and that most don't actually subscribe to either of these ideas. So, where do the female dominants fall on the subject of your submissive not only desiring you sexually; but expressing that desire?

*darchChylde steps off of his soapbox and tries to get some sleep, making room for others to speak up*

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

Post #: 1

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 1:22:03 AM

Goddess2002

Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline

Personally I subscribe more to B...I love being sexually desired yet always somewhat out of reach to a submissive male. That being said, I also realize his humanity and know that there are times when he is sick, tired, etc. that his service as my own personal vibrator may need to have his batteries charged.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 2

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 2:33:17 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

First off, i'd like to make the disclaimer that this is an academic question and i ask it out of curiosity alone.

Ok, there are apparently two equally extreme ideas about sexual desire (and any expression of) in male submissives espoused by the female dominants that love us. Too bad for the fellas, these are also the polar opposite of one another. Equally unfortunate for us, most men fall way deep down in the middle.

A) It's just not submissive for a guy to want sex and cocks are worth nothing other than a delicious target for pain and humiliation. As men have long been the sexual oppressors throughout all of history, it's my duty to figuratively and literally stomp out the male libido; and if i were to so deign to get my rocks off, it certainly wouldn't be with a submissive, but a real man.

B) My submissive better constantly want me and be rock-hard at a moments notice; he's gotta be a dynamo, a battery-free vibrator who will never get a tongue cramp.

Now, i know that women (even the dominant ones) are all greatly varied and that most don't actually subscribe to either of these ideas. So, where do the female dominants fall on the subject of your submissive not only desiring you sexually; but expressing that desire?

*darchChylde steps off of his soapbox and tries to get some sleep, making room for others to speak up*

Neither apply to me.

I find that my requirements of the individual varies depending on the nature of our relationship, his situation in life, and other factors that I consider. I can't say that I'll ever have a real cookie-cutter answer to this question, other than to say that I prefer to be able to have use of my submissive. That's a fairly broad (and flexible) brushstroke.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 3

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 5:56:36 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I can't say I fall into either category. I don't want to stomp out anyone's libido, I just want to control it. If it's gone, there's nothing to control. As far as expecting him to be rock-hard at a moments notice....well I'm a realist and I know this just isn't possible and I'm not generally sex oriented anyway. Do I want him to desire me? Of course. How do I want him to express it? Through obedience.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 4

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 6:14:27 AM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I adore males.. so I am not A.. but neither am I a dynamo go it all the time kinda gal. I love men in all their moody silly ickkyboy manly ways..I love it when they act like they are in charge all bluster and balls and I love it when they are soft and cuddly like a pup. I find that my dynamic with them is an individual thing dependent on personality and circumstance.

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 5

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 7:02:16 AM

MamaDomme1

Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

I want my submissive/slave to fall some nice cozy place between those two descriptions.

Yes, there are some s-types that I meet and would just love to do nothing but stomp them-- but that's just a personality thing usually, not something that I desire to really fulfill. And yes, when I was ProDomming, there were many clients that came to me just to be beaten and humiliated. Wasn't my cuppa but that's what they wanted and needed.

And yes, I certainly wish to be admired and desired sexually-- but not to have that as the central focus of the relationship.

I really do seek a partner that we can delve into many different facets of the relationship. All done in a Female-led situation, of course. ;)

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 6

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 7:19:15 AM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

First off, i'd like to make the disclaimer that this is an academic question and i ask it out of curiosity alone.

Ok, there are apparently two equally extreme ideas about sexual desire (and any expression of) in male submissives espoused by the female dominants that love us. Too bad for the fellas, these are also the polar opposite of one another. Equally unfortunate for us, most men fall way deep down in the middle.

A) It's just not submissive for a guy to want sex and cocks are worth nothing other than a delicious target for pain and humiliation. As men have long been the sexual oppressors throughout all of history, it's my duty to figuratively and literally stomp out the male libido; and if i were to so deign to get my rocks off, it certainly wouldn't be with a submissive, but a real man.

B) My submissive better constantly want me and be rock-hard at a moments notice; he's gotta be a dynamo, a battery-free vibrator who will never get a tongue cramp.

Now, i know that women (even the dominant ones) are all greatly varied and that most don't actually subscribe to either of these ideas. So, where do the female dominants fall on the subject of your submissive not only desiring you sexually; but expressing that desire?

*darchChylde steps off of his soapbox and tries to get some sleep, making room for others to speak up*

Great post dC - was the pun intended in the title? LMAO

I think it is very true - that there seems to be these 2 schools of thought, but in reality, I wonder how many relationships - the ones that are D/s as well as Vanilla - really fit into either. My boy NEVER made advances - thinking it was not his place, but I didn't ALWAYS want to be the one telling him that I was "in the mood" - then never knowing if he was just doing as he has told or if he really WANTED me. I literally had to give him permission to initiate sex, and he does so now by kissing my neck (so MY thing) and asking how he could take care of me - since there are quite a few options I have. I love it. I joke with him that I may lose my right to carry my Domme membership card sometimes - because of all the labels and rules others seem to place on what is/isn't right in a D/s relationship.

Sex can really be an issue that couples have problems with, but we can communicate so openly now, I can't see it ever becoming a problem. In 13 years of marriage, he never felt he could bring up his fetishes - and I LOVE the control it gives me when I make his fantasies reality. Even once out and exploring BDSM - there were other things (1 kink in particular) that he has yet to find anyone else that shares it - and never even felt he could share it with other play partners. Knowing that he felt close enough to share it with me and I am the only one that has ever done it give me a sense of power that I totally get HOT whenever I do it. I think what works in the dynamic of our relationship may be good for us, but not for others. WE are happy. That is all that I need to worry about. I always have the final say, and he always trusts that I love him enough to make a good decision for our relationship.

Thanks for the post!

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 7

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 7:26:17 AM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

I'm a sex slave...though I wouldn't say my Owner is of a Type B mentality. Of course, with Angel, there isn't a sexual relationship at all between them.

In any event, sex is not the crutch of our relationship. Just because it's often and rather vigorous doesn't mean that it's more important than anything else. The most important part of our relationship is our capacity to love one another for all the rest of our qualities.

DV's Fox

(in reply to AtlantaMistress)

Post #: 8

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 8:00:45 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

Now, i know that women (even the dominant ones) are all greatly varied and that most don't actually subscribe to either of these ideas. So, where do the female dominants fall on the subject of your submissive not only desiring you sexually; but expressing that desire?

I condition my slaves to be sexually responsive to myself and many of my ministrations. I like sex with my slave (personal slave) both orally and penetratively. Depends on my mood and whether I'm having an extended time of tease and denial with him. As for the way he expresses his desire? Well, I think his cock will express it for him just fine..*chuckle* After all, it DOES have a mind of his own.
I particulary get a kick out of it when he might say..."Awww, geeesh, Mistress!! That hurts!! Please stop!!" And, I look down at his cock, which is standing at full attention and say to him...."If you hate it so much, why is your dick hard? Hmmmmm?"
At this point he just lets out some whimpering sounds of frustration at his own body for betraying him. *chuckle*

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 9

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 8:14:22 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

I want him to be true to his desires. I don’t want to get rid of his libido very far from it, there is a reason he calls me evil. =D I also want him to desire me on a sexual level as well as others. But I don’t think that’s an odd thing at all, after all he is my boyfriend as well as my pet.

The reason that I don’t want to force him one way or the other it makes me question if he is desiring me or lack of desire is expressing his true feelings for me. I know his personality and if we weren’t compatible then we either need to work on that or move on to a different person. There was only one request that I have made that was a shift and I don’t think he mind making that change for me.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 10

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 8:32:37 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

When I was still a Mistress I expected a male sub to be hard as a sign of respect to me, but I would not allow him to touch me sexually. I would lead him through masturbation during the session while also doing other things that he had fantasized about. I think that falls squarely in the middle.

_____________________________

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 11

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 9:18:21 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I'm a B kinda gal, I love rough sex and frankly when I want it I want it NOW. He knows this, accepts it and provides what I want and need. I wouldn't want to supress a man's sexuality, I like mine to be horny and wanting me.

Plus my sub IS a real man, honestly he was born with a cock and I really enjoy it! But what works for me won't work for the next Domme so everyone has to make their relationships work as best they can for them.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 12

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 9:21:03 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Well, I'm glad you realize they are the extremes. Being so, I know you do see that there are a lot of us that don't fit into either.

As unfair as it is, I'm going to throw some of your own words back at you. When it comes to Dominant women, many are so focused on the Dominant and forget the woman. Now, how many women do you think are out there that don't enjoy the rush of feeling sexually desired in some form? Yes, that might be used in different ways, anything from power to denial to endearment, but take that desire away and I can bet you that most women will feel it's absence. It removes part of the essence of who a woman feels that she is. This can be true even for those who don't engage is sexual intercourse with their subs. It is not the act of sex alone that makes a woman feel desired. Take that desire away, whether real or implied, and I can promise you that a woman will be attempting to re-balance herself.

Granted, the extremes do exist, but I think there are abundantly more of us who fall somewhere in-between.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 13

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 9:35:13 AM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

I'll vote for B, but yaknow, we live in the real world here. Sometimes neither partner is going to have the energy for marathon kinky sex sessions, or even for a quickie, if they've had the work week from hell. It doesn't make him less submissive or her less dominant if all either of them can muster at the end of a long workday is to microwave dinner, watch some TV and fall into bed. And in the real world that's going to happen when both people in a D/s relationship have demanding jobs.

In an ideal world I'd make twice as much as I do and be able to keep the same standard of living while keeping a hot sex stud to clean my house naked with a constant hard-on.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 14

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 7:39:33 PM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

Definitely not A and probably not often B.

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 15

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 7:42:43 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

A? Never.

B? Pretty much. If I ever go back into the having sex with submissives camp, it will be because he is hot and hung! Or at least knows how to use the damn vibrator the way I like. I have no interest in orgasm control/chastity or smashing the libido.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to khem)

Post #: 16

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 8:04:04 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

I have no idea what to do with this question, but since I am not aroused by men who don't get hard, I guess I'll go for B.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 17

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/27/2008 8:40:06 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

I can be either A or B. Some of my submissives have never had sexual contact with me. Some have been strong sexual partners. Some of my sexual partners are not submissive
to me, but rather "friends with benefits".

Much depends on the level of emotional intimacy between us.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 18

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/28/2008 8:54:19 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I'm definitely NOT A and have no desire to be that. I'm also not really B but I'd be heading closer to that end of the continuum. It's not realistic to expect him to always be hard and ready though I enjoy trying to get him that way when I want him! I resonate a lot with what Sandy said ... I want My sub to desire Me and express that desire freely. I want to know that they are not being sexual purely out of obedience alone but that there is a fire burning inside them for Me. I tend to paraphrase what My Mum taught Me years ago which was "It's the boy's place to try and the girl's place to deny". OK, Mum was pushing for abstinence LOL ... but I see it as "It's the sub's place to try ... and the Dominant's place to deny or say Yeah baby", whatever floats their boat at the time! Being on top of the power structure, I would tend to feel uncomfortable if I was ALWAYS the One initiating sex, I want to be wanted. On the other hand, I don't mind doing the initiating some of the time, in fact I enjoy it, especially if I see that flash of "ooh wow yessss!" in their eyes.

From a sub point of view ... i'm doing the trying LOL ... with Master being unwell at the moment though (He has Ross River Virus, a mosquito-transmitted viral disease for which the only treatment is rest and multivitamins), i'm up for more than my fair share of denying. That's frustrating for sure, but He is making sure that i know that i am still loved and desired ... the mind is willing but the body is weak! i can handle that. And while usually i don't mind initiating, i will confess that on the occasions that He grabs me and actively takes me ... wow! Takes my breath away!

So ... in summary ... it probably works best overall if both parties do their share of initiating ... and showing desire is good!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 19

RE: Slipping Through the Cracks - 3/28/2008 3:30:03 PM

LadyJeelys

Posts: 99
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

A) It's just not submissive for a guy to want sex and cocks are worth nothing other than a delicious target for pain and humiliation. As men have long been the sexual oppressors throughout all of history, it's my duty to figuratively and literally stomp out the male libido; and if i were to so deign to get my rocks off, it certainly wouldn't be with a submissive, but a real man.

B) My submissive better constantly want me and be rock-hard at a moments notice; he's gotta be a dynamo, a battery-free vibrator who will never get a tongue cramp.

Now, i know that women (even the dominant ones) are all greatly varied and that most don't actually subscribe to either of these ideas. So, where do the female dominants fall on the subject of your submissive not only desiring you sexually; but expressing that desire?

Well, I'd rather have two subs with different requirements. Essentially, one horse for show and one for ride.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 20

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