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Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too much? - 3/27/2008 12:53:14 PM

kentaro1980

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline

Hello everyone :)

I have had an amusing message exchange the past 2 days during which, among other things, I was informed that my profile (30 some lines, not exactly a novel) is way too long for a "real Lady" to read. (her words)

So the question that is really already answered by myself but still I'd like some input -

What is an appropriate profile?

I have had some help from another Dominant on this site who gave me a few pointers and changed some text and told more about my person than my sexual preference and preferred activity, yet this was exactly what that woman wanted to know:

"write more about how you would serve your mistress".

Personally I find that a bit tasteless and it ranks right up there with posting detailed photos of the crotch.
Sex (or more widely: playing), even though important in any relationship, isn't the only thing that I gauge a potential Mistress on.
I also like to exchange a thought or two and I don't want to hold back on a debate about any subject just because she's the Mistress and "Mistress in always right" <- this is out of scene...I'm talking about a debate like Firefox versus Internet Explorer..which is the best way to make a snowman...why do people do retarded things and so on.
Yet when I explained my point of view ("I disagree. I prefer reading profiles that give a little hint about who the person is rather than a short profile that has 2 or 3 cryptic quotes") I was told I'm being argumentative.

To wrap it up...what do you prefer in a profile? Both from the length of the text and the content?

Do you prefer short profiles that get straight to the point?
Do you prefer longer profiles that give more insight?
Do you prefer profiles where preferred sexual acts are not just hinted but written in bold red letters
Do you prefer profiles with little to no reference to playing?

Sincerly,

Kentaro (not japanese)

Post #: 1

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/27/2008 1:14:41 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

Bet you donuts to dollars that's not a "lady," but a fat bald plumber from Jersey named Joey who thinks you've got a purty mouth.

(in reply to kentaro1980)

Post #: 2

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/27/2008 1:18:07 PM

hopelesslyInvo

Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline

well your profile is roughly the same length as mine but i've never heard anyone other than myself say it is too long, but due to how long mine is i can't say yours is too lengthy. you have things broken up enough it's not terribly daunting to read through, but if you wanted to slim it down i'm sure there's a good bit you could omit while still preserving what you wanted to say. it's really up to you to present yourself however you desire, and to provide whatever information you find pertinent, but most people do prefer a bit of "light reading" in this sense. it doesn't mean straightforward and to the point, just that what you write is relevant and not going off on tangents.

what i think is preferable is to do nearly exactly what you have done, tell people "who you are" rather than "what you do or want to do". if some activity is an important part of your life then by all means mention it because is it a part of who you are, even if it is sexual; just mind how you word it~

what seems too long to me is your interests, it's like you checked every single option. the stuff that is a non issue would do well to remain blank. just like your profile, if you have too much clutter it'll pull attention away from what you do want people to notice. it's sort of like writing a resume; you want to tell people who you are and what about you is noteworthy. you don't want to just spout off what "they want to hear", and chances are high that they won't care at least immediately about the "arbitrary".

less is more, more or less. but i said before about profiles, if you don't have much to say about yourself, that's not saying much.

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 3/27/2008 1:26:04 PM >

(in reply to kentaro1980)

Post #: 3

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/27/2008 2:00:27 PM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline

I'm a writer, so if somebody wants a guy who's short with their words...yeah, probably not the sub for them.

You seem like you've a good profile their, duder. Honest, concise, not coming off all troll-y or desperate. A profile is neither too long or too short, it displays precisely as much information as the writer is willing to convey. If soembody doesn't want to take the time to read one of length that's got actualy substance to it, do you really want to deal with that person?

_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)

Post #: 4

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/27/2008 2:20:34 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

Decided to read your profile. It looked fine right up until you admitted that your submission was grounded in a woman's superficial appearance/fitness status. When I see that on any man's profile I move on. Nothing personal, I just don't share or conform to those particular values.

As for your major question--I don't think length is an issue, and I think a real "lady" is capable of reading a profile of any length for the sake of a man she finds interesting. The main problem with long profiles is that the longer you talk, the more likely you are to say something--as in your case--that turns a specific woman off and causes her to stop reading and move on to the next profile.

Personally, I consider it a necessary marker of politeness to read a person's profile and respond appropriately to it, regardless of length--this includes journal entries in some cases. A woman who is genuinely interested in you will read the whole thing in the hopes of getting to know you better. In your case, I would say the profile is perfect; I can easily read it and respond appropriately by not bothering to contact you. Any woman who isn't comfortable with your attitudes toward women will do the same.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to aidan)

Post #: 5

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/27/2008 3:18:04 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

From penis length threads to profile length threads, i'm beginning to think that us guys are way to obsessed about length.

Seriously, your profile is an expression or yourself; if you like it, keep it. If it doesn't get you anywhere after 3 days, delete your account and start one as a dominant.

*darchChylde removes his sarcastic hat*

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 6

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/27/2008 3:27:34 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

3 words...

please COLLAR ME!

there my perfect profile is done..... oops wait gotta add Disclaimer: Mistress only.

few....dont wanna get all them unwanted emails

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 7

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/27/2008 3:29:27 PM

kentaro1980

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline

Thank you for all the replies :)

I guess it speaks for itself that this "real Lady" blocked me after her last message to me and your replies have reinforced my thoughts and ideas about the profile.

ShaktiSama, thank you for your insight on how you understood that line..as i feared, it was misunderstood ;) so i removed it..there's really no way to explain this without going into great detail what i actually meant..and the profile is the wrong place for it:)

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 8

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/27/2008 5:07:36 PM

KindLadyGrey

Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

I don't think I've read one profile yet and thought "Wow, I know way too much about this guy," but I often read profiles and think "I wish there were more here about who he is."

Your original tendency is the best way to go in my book, although I can't speak for all Dommes on the planet. I am much more likely to respond to someone, or even message them first sometimes, if their profile reveals them as an interesting and individual in a well rounded sense.

(in reply to kentaro1980)

Post #: 9

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/27/2008 5:41:57 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kentaro1980
ShaktiSama, thank you for your insight on how you understood that line..as i feared, it was misunderstood ;) so i removed it..there's really no way to explain this without going into great detail what i actually meant..and the profile is the wrong place for it:)

I'm sorry to make you self-conscious. I honestly can't say what's wrong or right in that regard; this is strictly about my own biases and preferences. Generally when I see any wording of that sort of thing in a profile I assume the person is simply being honest--his/her submissive feelings are triggered by a certain visual stimulus, or they have a certain set of moral/personal values about physical fitness. They cannot feel submissive or loving toward someone who does not meet their standards.

Unfortunately, I am not really looking for a person who judges me and measures my dominance by my appearance, so I steer away from profiles that mention weight or fitness automatically. Other women may find this attractive, I suppose, if they are very into their fitness or appearance--I am always speaking solely for myself in these matters.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to kentaro1980)

Post #: 10

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/27/2008 8:12:06 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

*Just* on the profile length (I think I'll save the penis length discussion for when I need a laugh) I have to say that I'm not a huge fan on long profiles. That's just My personal style. I'm much more interested in a conversation, than a monologue.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 11

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/27/2008 9:45:12 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: kentaro1980
ShaktiSama, thank you for your insight on how you understood that line..as i feared, it was misunderstood ;) so i removed it..there's really no way to explain this without going into great detail what i actually meant..and the profile is the wrong place for it:)

I'm sorry to make you self-conscious. I honestly can't say what's wrong or right in that regard; this is strictly about my own biases and preferences. Generally when I see any wording of that sort of thing in a profile I assume the person is simply being honest--his/her submissive feelings are triggered by a certain visual stimulus, or they have a certain set of moral/personal values about physical fitness. They cannot feel submissive or loving toward someone who does not meet their standards.

Unfortunately, I am not really looking for a person who judges me and measures my dominance by my appearance, so I steer away from profiles that mention weight or fitness automatically. Other women may find this attractive, I suppose, if they are very into their fitness or appearance--I am always speaking solely for myself in these matters.

I didn't read the OP's profile so I don't know how he phrased it...but I think it's fair for a submissive to admit he needs to be physically attracted to someone to want to submit to them. But most of us realize that what one finds "attractive" can shift - sometimes dramatically - when you get to know a person. Of course there are some barriers that cannot be crossed (for me, it's generally more about hygeiene, and the way a person carries himself - confidence, on some level), but I think most of us have found ourselves attracted to someone we never thought we would be -- and turned off by someone we thought was "HOT" and realized once they opened their mouth he was not attractive anymore.

I was fanatical in my 20s that my model for attraction was so ingrained it was almost a fetish: I liked dark haired or brown haired men, thin to too-skinny/waify, under 6ft, hair long enough to pull (A MUST) or slightly hanging in the eyes, pretty boy looks, brooding. Think poor-woman's Johnny Depp,that's what I wanted. I ended up falling head over heels for a tall, athletic, blonde haired, blue eyed, SHAVED HEAD fellow...c'mon! You could no get farther from my ideal. When I first saw pictures my exact words were, "oh...uh, well, he's *cute* but not MY type."

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 12

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/27/2008 10:45:25 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kentaro1980

Hello everyone :)

I have had an amusing message exchange the past 2 days during which, among other things, I was informed that my profile (30 some lines, not exactly a novel) is way too long for a "real Lady" to read. (her words)

WOW, just out of curiosity, i counted the lines of my profile; it's over three times as long as yours (100 plus lines, possibly a novella) . As if i actually needed another reason to consider myself fortunate for having been grabbed up by such a wonderful woman.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to kentaro1980)

Post #: 13

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/28/2008 2:25:53 PM

kentaro1980

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I didn't read the OP's profile so I don't know how he phrased it...but I think it's fair for a submissive to admit he needs to be physically attracted to someone to want to submit to them. But most of us realize that what one finds "attractive" can shift - sometimes dramatically - when you get to know a person.

Which is why i re-phrased it a little...I don't have the dream-mistress-body in mind, it's the little things that add up :)

quote:

I'm sorry to make you self-conscious.

You didn't. But you did show me that I needed to rephrase it..it did sound like i'm superficial enough to judge by appearance alone, which isn't true. (It does play a part, though.)
And for what it's worth, I think you are attractive. It's not about fitness and hourglass figure and D-cups defying gravity. It's about the whole package.

I have met a Dominant in Everquest (2 actually..they are everywhere :p) and we hit it off really well, we were the same wavelength, had the same ideas about fun and it was all good and great until we exchanged photos.
She simply wasn't my type. It's not like she was ugly or grossly misshaped or anything, just not my type. Nonetheless, we did meet, we had a good time outside of playing but scening didn't work out. For me it was just an ongoing input of various stimulations (like pain, heat, icecubes etc) but there wasn't any submission I felt or humiliation or...well..anything except "ok..what's next?".
She did the right things, lived out her fantasy, the pain was exactly right but I was missing this little something that made the whole scene enjoyable. As I said, we did link outside the proverbial dungeon and we still talk and are friends.
So it's not like i didn't try to look past the shell ;) It's just that the shell is part of the package for me.
I hope I made sense and didn't ramble too much on this little digression :)

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 14

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/28/2008 4:12:46 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

LOL What does having to read something have to do with a lady? Then to judge you on her misconceptions... lol... nice!

Don't get worried about yourself and the length of anything! lol I personally like a long profile... saves this lady... lots of time. The more you say, the more I know. On the other hand... a short profile... well I just won't respond to. I want substance and a few short lines doesn't denote shyness or anything but a little hint to me that I will have to force conversation and I hate that! lol Do your thing... don't worry about it and the ladies that are afriad for whatever reason to read and put some effort into YOU.

(in reply to kentaro1980)

Post #: 15

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/28/2008 7:19:11 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I didn't read the OP's profile so I don't know how he phrased it...but I think it's fair for a submissive to admit he needs to be physically attracted to someone to want to submit to them.

Yes, that actually goes without saying. Literally! And cases like yours are the exact reason that it SHOULD go without saying.

If a person keeps the negative remarks about potential partners OUT of their profile, their possibilities increase. The worst case scenario is that (*gasp!*) they may have to politely decline an occasional date or a scene with someone who isn't attractive.

The best case scenario is that they find true love in an unexpected package.

Not really sure what the big pay-off is supposed to be of driving people away before they even dare to speak to you, especially if you are a man--I'm always hearing men on this forum say that they hardly get any emails as it is...

P.S. I used to play Everquest! But I was always just gaming, not picking up men. Silly me...

< Message edited by ShaktiSama -- 3/28/2008 7:21:13 PM >

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 16

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/28/2008 7:20:15 PM

SL4V3M4YB3

Posts: 3506
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline

You get out what you put in; RSI.

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Memory Lane...been there done that.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 17

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/28/2008 7:35:53 PM

pineapplesub

Posts: 39
Joined: 11/23/2004
Status: offline

I feel that a profile is simply an expression of your personality. I find that people who don't like my profile generally don't like me. This isn't to say people who enjoy my profile love me; simply that profiles are yet another form of self-expression that help draw or repel people from you. Similar to clothing, or conversation style. People with very brief, to the point profiles tend to be the same ones who have brief, to the point conversations.

(in reply to SL4V3M4YB3)

Post #: 18

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/28/2008 7:45:36 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If it's interesting and engaging, length is pretty unimportant. Mine's kinda long. It's a filter to find those who really get what I'm saying and who have my words resonate with them.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to kentaro1980)

Post #: 19

RE: Profile length..whats good? what's bad? what's too ... - 3/29/2008 12:23:26 AM

MistresssAria

Posts: 165
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

I like longer profiles (mine is ridiculously long...that's what happens when too many idiots write you & you add more & more rules.........).........but ones that start out stating what you're basically looking for.
I like polite ones though - not crudely written sexual things. And ones that tell a little about the person aside from their BDSM interests.

_____________________________

"It never got weird enough for me." -Hunter S. Thompson

~*~*~Mistress Aria~*~*~

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 20

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