RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom

RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

subtee -> RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom (3/28/2008 6:57:00 AM)
I would suggest that you speak to her from a position of strength: "I'm apologizing to you because I have done this thing that is unacceptable to me and that I deem unacceptable to you. I'm a man and I stumble, but when I do I want you to know that I will be catching myself and making it right." It seems to me this would give her more trust in you (instead of "sweetie I'm so sorry"), and will allow for future, inevitable mistakes. She will know that you may err, but that when you do, it will be handled. Very comforting, that.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom (3/28/2008 7:06:22 AM)
We are all human and make mistakes. Talking about and apologizing to the one you hurt is a good way to start. First be human and admit to them what you did was wrong. Sometimes trust can be repaired sometimes it cannot. When we make a decision to do something we have to live with the consequences of it. I can respect someone more for admitting their mistake and talking about it with me openly and letting me get out my feelings about it then I can someone that hides behind a title.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom (3/28/2008 9:24:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YourDaddy123 What do you do when you've made a big mistake and betrayed a trust given to you. No not abuse in anyway, just broek a trust bond? Can a Master/Dom ever get it back or is it lost forever? I myself am a human being, I'm not perfect and I make mistakes. I think this is true for all of us. It's a difficult fork in the road when you realize you failed at being the best you can be, or that you have damaged anothers trust. Be this an unintentional act or intentional act. There generally is a root reason behind breaking trust, it's important that you come clean with yourself as to why you did or said something to break the trust. Perhaps, you broke trust for a good reason or not. Perhaps, you were having a struggle with some issue you were avoiding being open about. It's difficult for any of us to give you the advice you really need. In terms of trust being broken, it could be broken forever or perhaps it can't regained. What's important is that you realize and accept what you did, and the root reasons to what happened. To take the Good from this bad experience for yourself. If this has damaged the relationship, that it can not be repaired. Then at least you will be a better person for your next relationship. There may be a chance, that your actions/words that damaged trust really are masking a deeper problem, that you yourself have been either avoiding, in denial about or were struggling with. You made it clear that you had no abusive intentions. Perhaps you were just trapped between a Rock and a Hard place. It's strange how us human beings can enter into agreements with somebody. At times we are sincere and honest and then start to experience some internal conflicts, dealing with issues that give us second thoughts or doubts about the agreement we made. Keeping these issues to yourself and not sharing them with your partner may not be the best thing to do. On the other hand, there are times when I us human beings enter into agreements, selling ourselves short of our own wants, desires and needs just to please another human being. At times, some of us Domly characters can get caught up in the role of playing the White Knight, wanting to Love protect and make things better for our partners. I'm tossing out a lot of generalizations here, with the hope that it gives you something to mentally explore. It's up to you to figure things out more. In terms of breaking trust and gaining it back. It's up to the other person if they let you back inside enough to work things out. Some people, after trust is broken will walk away and retreat. Basically, it's their own means of self preservations and a form of self protection. You have to accept this behavior for what it really is. I hate to say it, there is a price to pay for our own actions or lack of actions in life. We don't always want to pay up when it comes to relationship checkout time. The reality is that no matter how hard you try, you just might never regain their trust again. I'm not saying all hope is lost. Just be the best person you can be. Last piece of advice to consider, don't beat the other person up verbally, if they are not accepting of your apologies, if they refuse to see your side of the matter. If anything place yourself in their shoes for a moment, and consider how you would have reacted.

Leatherist -> RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom (3/28/2008 9:29:13 AM)
I have learned to be very careful about making casual promises I am not sure I can back up. But if I say I am going to do something I do my best to-even if it hurts. I think a lot of stuff happens in the heat of the moment-and we often say things without thinking. A great deal of self control is actually about pausing to think for a while. No mattter what other pressures others are putting on you to conform, or submit to them. And being ready to say NO if you feel that your boudaries are being crossed.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom (3/28/2008 9:46:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YourDaddy123 What do you do when you've made a big mistake and betrayed a trust given to you. No not abuse in anyway, just broek a trust bond? Can a Master/Dom ever get it back or is it lost forever? YD, "Forever" is a long time. Admitting, as many have said, and standing up to being at fault is the first step. You say the situation was one of trying to control something you had no "right to control". Was that defined going into the relationship? Were there too many assumptions and not enough discussion and confirmation of expectations? Then you say you "tried too hard". I don't think that should be possible, except under one condition. If your dominance is an 'act' then its work to maintain; hard work. Again, make sure whatever your agreed upon relationship dynamic; that its one that you are comfortable. Make sure that its you with no acting involved. Nurture or nature has always been a debate topic. How you got to be in the position you are isn't as important as after getting there its natural to your personality and identity. Getting over the mistake isn't the make or break aspect of your relationship. What is will be if your submissive can get over the doubt created by the breach of trust; and can you. Things work between people not because they don't make mistakes, but because they don't doubt. Trust doesn't insure infallibility. The discussion you need to have is with her and with yourself. Will she "forever" doubt you? Do you "forever" doubt yourself? You won't get those answers from anyone on a message board. Good luck!

Justme696 -> RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom (3/28/2008 9:59:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cuddlemesoft Who were you trying to benefit by controlling the situation? Was it for your subs best interest or yours? That is a double question not. Because as a Dom you can do a lott for your own interest. As a person..yes..then it might be viewed differently.

Sweet1Maybe4U -> RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom (3/28/2008 2:13:07 PM)
A Cherokee Legend An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed." Hot Damn!...(oops..didnt really mean to cuss, its not really my style) But that's a great one Leatherist. I really like it!...*pastes it to her private desktop to give out to others...;)

BikerDomRealTime -> RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom (3/29/2008 11:36:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YourDaddy123 What do you do when you've made a big mistake and betrayed a trust given to you. No not abuse in anyway, just broek a trust bond? Can a Master/Dom ever get it back or is it lost forever? I like to believe that if you admit your mistake to the one(s) that you made it to, appologize it for it, and ask for forgiveness, that they will give it to you as long as you don't keep making it over and over and over. I believe that our subs/slaves deserve to be told when we have made a mistake and that they have the capacity to foregive us or wrong doings. Just because we are dominant does not mean that we do not have to own up to our mistakes

MisterBeast -> RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom (4/5/2008 1:37:58 AM)
When it comes to mistakes, you need to own your mistakes, you need to own up to the things you have done wrong, and then learn from your mistakes and take steps to better yourself. It isnt about how you can justfy what you have done, when you screw up, you need to suffer the concaquences, reguardless if you are a dominant or submissive. When you show people that you can be accountable for the things that you do, then you can make mistakes and recover from them because the depth of your character will carry you through.

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125