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Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 5:40:12 PM   
YourDaddy123


Posts: 20
Status: offline 		What do you do when you've made a big mistake and betrayed a trust given to you.  No not abuse in anyway, just broek a trust bond?  Can a Master/Dom ever get it back or is it lost forever?
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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 5:54:47 PM   
Noah


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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourDaddy123

What do you do when you've made a big mistake and betrayed a trust given to you.  No not abuse in anyway, just broek a trust bond?  Can a Master/Dom ever get it back or is it lost forever?


I'm not sure how far wrong you could go by seeking (in word and deed) forgiveness and accepting it as fully as it is offered, learning from the experience and moving on.

(in reply to YourDaddy123)
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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 5:57:02 PM   
Real_Trouble


Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline 		That's a rather broad question.  My answer: it depends.

It would depend on the personalities involved, the behaviors that were evidenced, the relative tolerances for it on both parts, and then how you approached the situation in terms of apologizing and repairing the broken trust.  Obviously, major breaches of trust are not simple to fix, but sometimes they can be fixed.

It varies.


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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 5:58:36 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I don't see what being a dom has to do with it.  Be an adult. As Noah said, seek forgiveness. Accept what is offered.  Whether or not you ever regain the trust is up to the injured party, and to your future behavior.

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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 6:00:49 PM   
ominousdominus


Posts: 445
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline 		Pretty heavy for your first post, man.

Trust is such a fragile thing, it is something I hold dear and something I don't treat lightly.

Having said that, I would need more information before I could answer your question. I don't know the transgression, it's going to depend on a lot of factors-

1 the level of betrayal or trangression, or at least how other person percieves it.  

2 the ability to forgive on the part of your partner and so on.

Bottom line......not enough info to accurately give an answer here OP.

Good luck and be well-OD


Edited to add- An apology is a good start usually.........if you mean it. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are human and not perfect, and that you are sorry..if you truly are.

< Message edited by ominousdominus -- 3/27/2008 6:03:09 PM >

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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 6:02:32 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		REgardless of Dom or sub, whether it can be fixed depends on how major a breach of trust it was and what caused it. If you ask for forgiveness, it is up to the other person to decide if they can trust you again or not. Some people forgive one infraction easily, but make sure you know a second will mean caling it quits. Others cant get around one. 
As long as you dont try and hide behind the "Im a Dom..." coverall shield you should be ok.

DV


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(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 6:06:35 PM   
Skully7000


Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline 		agreed... sometimes I think people forget that while yes there is a difference between Kinky and vanilla people...overall we are still people. I'm sure you watched TV or read some Books that have dealt with this issue... think about all the lessons and Morals... it might not happen overnight it might not happen at all... but if you and your partner can overcome this you both will be stronger for it... If not then no matter how long you cling to it the relationship will eventually end. and well congrats you killed the relationship. learn from it and become a stronger better person for it because there will be another relationship and if you didn't learn the first time you will wind up making the same mistake again.

good luck. Paitence. if you are serious about regaining the trust it will show. work towards it. be prepared to have to take some low blows. Also decide when to let the low blows slide b/c you deserve them and when to stand up as a person with rights and feelings.

Cheers and good luck
Skully

(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 6:08:07 PM   
ChemistryMaster1


Posts: 73
Joined: 3/26/2008
Status: offline 		Trust is more than a word, it is a special sacred place
It is earned daily – once lost so hard to replace
So I offer this thought - feel it in each embrace
Give all that you expect – love’s a terrible thing to waste.
 
 
 


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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 6:15:23 PM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I don't see what being a dom has to do with it. 

i do......(maybe it's the time of the month lol) but he don't seem too hot on asking for foregiveness (purely personal)....'cos he sees it as being undomly? (the bdsm equivalent of unmanly....way too sexist a word)
PS undommely is also therefore a possibility.


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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 6:21:25 PM   
YourDaddy123


Posts: 20
Status: offline 		[/quote]
i do......(maybe it's the time of the month lol) but he don't seem too hot on asking for foregiveness (purely personal)....'cos he sees it as being undomly? (the bdsm equivalent of unmanly....way too sexist a word)
PS undommely is also therefore a possibility.

[/quote]

Its not that see it as undomly i admit i made a mistake but to my lil ones eyes i was to be perfect and i tried to control a situation i had no right to control.  It was more a question so to see if others have tried agian when the trust was lost,, and if it worked out.  Its not that I am new to the lifestyle jsut been ut of it for a few years and now it seems i maybe trying to hard to make a good impression and thus really screwed things up...

(in reply to Prinsexx)
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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 6:34:03 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I see a lot of people who say if the trust is broken that is that.  It has never been my position.  People are human, mistakes happen, life moves on.  You are either a person who can forgive, or you are not.  Most of my female relatives hold grudges for decades.  I have always chosen to forgive, though forgetting isn't as easy.  Can I trust again?  Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but I can always forgive.
No one is perfect, not even the dom.  Once people get over that hurdle the rest is cake.
Kyst

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(in reply to YourDaddy123)
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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 6:37:14 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Frankly, it depends on the sub.  I know a Master that broke His trust with both me and another sub.  I forgave Him, and our relationship has grown closer.  She didn't, then came crawling back begging for Him because no one else would have her.  He politely turned her away.

No matter our position in the lifestyle, and I have been both Mistress and slave, we are nothing but human and therefore imperfect.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying, "I'm sorry.  I screwed up."  Don't follow that with excuses, just leave it as is.  If the person doesn't come back then they have their own issues to deal with.  We ALL make mistakes, sometimes big ones.  I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I can promise that a sincere apology will at least help you, if not them.


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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 6:44:36 PM   
YourDaddy123


Posts: 20
Status: offline 		Well it seems she is atleast willing to meet for coffee tomorrow before work.....

(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 6:46:45 PM   
ominousdominus


Posts: 445
Joined: 8/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourDaddy123

Well it seems she is atleast willing to meet for coffee tomorrow before work.....


Well, that's a good start, we can ALWAYS learn from our mistakes. Good Luck-OD

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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 6:53:07 PM   
cuddlemesoft


Posts: 47
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline 		What kind of betrayal of trust are we talking? Did you lie? Steal? Misrepresent yourself? Did you fess up to the betrayal or did they catch you? Were you honest when confronted?

This will help us all understand the degree of the offense and what you should do about it.

(in reply to YourDaddy123)
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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 6:58:01 PM   
YourDaddy123


Posts: 20
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddlemesoft

What kind of betrayal of trust are we talking? Did you lie? Steal? Misrepresent yourself? Did you fess up to the betrayal or did they catch you? Were you honest when confronted?

This will help us all understand the degree of the offense and what you should do about it.


I tried to controll a situation that i should had just let play out, and not upfront when confronted as must people tend to react then think

(in reply to cuddlemesoft)
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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 7:01:32 PM   
cuddlemesoft


Posts: 47
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline 		Who were you trying to benefit by controlling the situation? Was it for your subs best interest or yours?

(in reply to YourDaddy123)
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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 7:07:06 PM   
YourDaddy123


Posts: 20
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddlemesoft

Who were you trying to benefit by controlling the situation? Was it for your subs best interest or yours?

Now that is a very interesting question there.. as i am thinking about the whole thing it was more a selfish act then hers...

(in reply to cuddlemesoft)
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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 7:08:16 PM   
MaximumPain


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourDaddy123

What do you do when you've made a big mistake and betrayed a trust given to you.  No not abuse in anyway, just broek a trust bond?  Can a Master/Dom ever get it back or is it lost forever?


Yep totally lost for ever. Trust is THE most important thing in any form of relationship. If you thought you could trust your neighbours dog and it took a chunk out of your leg i dont think you would ever be visiting that house again. Once trust is lost, its gone, end of, no hope.

(in reply to YourDaddy123)
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RE: Handling a mistake as a Master/Dom - 3/27/2008 7:09:52 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourDaddy123

Its not that see it as undomly i admit i made a mistake but to my lil ones eyes i was to be perfect and i tried to control a situation i had no right to control.  It was more a question so to see if others have tried agian when the trust was lost,, and if it worked out.  Its not that I am new to the lifestyle jsut been ut of it for a few years and now it seems i maybe trying to hard to make a good impression and thus really screwed things up...



Yes, trust can be regained, if the person seeking the trust is being open and honest and the person who was hurt is willing to forgive. 

I would advise forgetting about being perfect.  I understand being overeager to impress and to be "the One," but no one is perfect, not even a dominant.  It sounds like you overstepped your boundaries and you need to be clear with her that it will not happen again, and make your actions match your words.  Sometimes when relationships are being established things like this happen, and mistakes are made, but I do believe they can be overcome.

Best of luck to you.

(in reply to YourDaddy123)
Profile   Post #: 20
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