Odd things... (Full Version)

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Quadrum -> Odd things... (3/29/2008 12:04:25 AM)

I need an oppinion about this.

When i browse around collarme i see subs who say things like " i am a sub, NOT a slave i have a brain and tend to use it "

Which translates to " slave don't have brains "

Having a slave myself i though thats pretty insulting... Or am i wrong ?

Next to that, i sometimes go to a local bdsm community and notice that some dom's are being dominant against other doms.
Trying to boss them around. Which is naturally pretty insulting to the other dom.

Do any of you people do this ? And please tell me, why ???

Im totally confused. I respect any other dom, i am very yough. But appereantly people think that the older you are the more " dom power " you have. Its then not about being dom or sub. Its all about power in its whole ?



SteelofUtah -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 12:13:31 AM)

Welcome to the fold.

A few things you should know.

  1. A Jackass is a Jackass no matter how the present themselves
  2. a definition of sub and slave is as varied as the kink that they enjoy
  3. Pissing Contests are common just stay out of direct stream
  4. Thick skin comes in handy if you get hurt cause of something someone implies you will be speaning a LOT of time being Butt Hurt over nothing.

Thems the way things goes

Seriously take care and let it roll off your back if you do I PROMISE you, you will be a MUCH happier guy.

Steel



saradeanna469 -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 1:32:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quadrum

I need an oppinion about this.

When i browse around collarme i see subs who say things like " i am a sub, NOT a slave i have a brain and tend to use it "

Which translates to " slave don't have brains "

Having a slave myself i though thats pretty insulting... Or am i wrong ?



Being a sub myself and not a slave, I felt inclined to answer this.  I have actually had something similar to this on my profile although I didn't say anything about having a brain and using it.  I get inundated with emails from D's who want to invite me to live with them for 24/7 TPE contractual slavery where I will have no rights or limits and a high degree of protocol must be followed at all times.  I'm not into the protocol stuff and I don't really care to be controlled outside of the play-time.  I remembered selecting submissive when I created my profile, but it seemed that no one was paying attention to it so I decided to reitereate to anyone who read my profile description, that I was in fact only a submissive.  I know the definitions vary but to me, a submissive is one who seeks to be controlled only during scenes and a slave is someone who seeks to have their life controlled at all times.

As for the "I have a brain and tend to use it" remark, I don't agree with that at all and I agree with you that it is quite insulting.  Slavery is a personal choice, made by people who use brains to make choices... just like I made my choice not to engage in slavery.  I rather enjoy being able to freely speak my mind without fear of reprimand but some people get off on that.



MRandme -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 4:30:29 AM)

hmmm.

To the OP... people are people, inside the lifestyle or out. This means all the petty one-upmanship and jockeying for status and position are going to be present here and in other lifestyle arenas. AS the song says "High School never ends."  You get the bad with the good. 

Steel: Sir, You are quite correct.

saradean:  i'd say the majority of those who wrote you didn't bother to read the profile in the first place.  i noted that you said you were "only a sub" and i wonder at that as i do when people use the phrase "only a slave".  you are not 'only' anything.  One is not better than the other, nor all that different from each other. To my mind they vary only by degree of service. Indeed both phrases imply that we service-oriented are lesser than the Dominant types and again, i disagree with that. Not lesser, but different in our needs and desires.  Be proud of who you are and don't let anyone tell you that you are 'only' anything at all.

g



lunadancer -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 4:50:31 AM)

what about the ones who sometimes feel they are caught in between being a sub and a slave?



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 5:26:01 AM)

I think as usual people tend to put too much stock in a catch-all title and forget about the person behind it.
Whether you are a sub or a slave depends on how you define the word. Fox was a submissive when I met him and ha changed to a slave now. Angel was a slave when I met him. Difference? Definition. Thats all.
People often use the "I am a sub not a slave" line because there are a lot out there who equate slave with no limits, no say in anything service from day one and asume that becasue someone is a slave they will follow any dominant that gives them a chance to serve. While this isnt true, it does discourage a lot of people from calling themselves slaves outright.

AS for oneupmanship in the Dom world... thats exactly what it is. There are male doms who believe females cannot be dominant. They try and act as if we are misguided poor sols they need to correct when they meet us. I find it disrespectfu, but also rather humerous. Domlier than thou behavirs are never going to go away, so it you happen to see or be part of one, just walk away. If they want to know why, explain. I have, and its either changed how they act around me when they realize I wont stand for it, or they were insulted and I was rid of them. Eitehr way, I win.

DV



lronitulstahp -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 5:34:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: saradeanna469

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quadrum

I need an oppinion about this.

When i browse around collarme i see subs who say things like " i am a sub, NOT a slave i have a brain and tend to use it "

Which translates to " slave don't have brains "

Having a slave myself i though thats pretty insulting... Or am i wrong ?



Being a sub myself and not a slave, I felt inclined to answer this.  I have actually had something similar to this on my profile although I didn't say anything about having a brain and using it.  I get inundated with emails from D's who want to invite me to live with them for 24/7 TPE contractual slavery where I will have no rights or limits and a high degree of protocol must be followed at all times.  I'm not into the protocol stuff and I don't really care to be controlled outside of the play-time.  I remembered selecting submissive when I created my profile, but it seemed that no one was paying attention to it so I decided to reitereate to anyone who read my profile description, that I was in fact only a submissive.  I know the definitions vary but to me, a submissive is one who seeks to be controlled only during scenes and a slave is someone who seeks to have their life controlled at all times.

As for the "I have a brain and tend to use it" remark, I don't agree with that at all and I agree with you that it is quite insulting.  Slavery is a personal choice, made by people who use brains to make choices... just like I made my choice not to engage in slavery.  I rather enjoy being able to freely speak my mind without fear of reprimand but some people get off on that.

it seems to me, that maybe you're a bottom with sub tendencies...i always wonder when being a Top or bottom became some sort of BAD thing...like people rarely embrace the roles.  Isn't there room in wiitwd for them too?



lronitulstahp -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 5:44:23 AM)

quote:

 I respect any other dom
  Respect should be given whether Dom, sub, anyone....at first.  But if there is a constant level of disrespect shown to you by the same "doms'...i see no reason why you shouldn't let your feelings be known.



RavenMuse -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 7:10:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quadrum
When i browse around collarme i see subs who say things like " i am a sub, NOT a slave i have a brain and tend to use it "

Which translates to " slave don't have brains "

Having a slave myself i though thats pretty insulting... Or am i wrong ?


It IS insulting but I read it as 'probably' not an intentional insult but rather as an indication that the person saying it hasn't the first clue as to what a slave actualy is.

Having been predominantly involved with TPE and M/s Dynamics for over quarter of a centuary I have somewhat a clearer view as to what a slave is, it is what I look for and frankly someone without a brain would be abysmal as a slave. For one thing it takes a bright girl to understand that level of Dynamic, it takes a great deal of self awarness to KNOW that it is truely what they are suited to (As opposed to the many who find the fantasy apealing but couldn't live the reality), it takes strength, not weakness to choose to give the entirity of what you are into the hands of a Master and work with Him to overcome every obstical life tends to put in the way. A slave submits her right to make the decisions, NOT her ability to think and contribute.

I believe the ignorance that many subs show toward slaves, in part, stems from insecurity. They see it as some kind of subby competition and are afraid that a slave is more submissive, therefore rather than looking at what a slave IS they attack and write them off as 'having no brain' so as to devalue the competition. When the truth is that there is no competition, simply compatability. There are many Doms out there that are very compatable with subs but wouldn't deal too well with the level of Dynamic of an M/s relationship. Horses for courses, and looking at it as some kind of competition is like compairing apples to oranges and asking which is better rather than accepting that some folks preffer apples so apples are 'better' for them and others perfer oranges.

quote:

Next to that, i sometimes go to a local bdsm community and notice that some dom's are being dominant against other doms.
Trying to boss them around. Which is naturally pretty insulting to the other dom.

Do any of you people do this ? And please tell me, why ???

Im totally confused. I respect any other dom, i am very yough. But appereantly people think that the older you are the more " dom power " you have. Its then not about being dom or sub. Its all about power in its whole ?


Here there are three different issues.

The way a Dominant is naturaly predisposed to act... I tend to be pretty direct, oft to the point of abruptness. I state My opinions very matter of factly.... but it is still just one persons opinion. However if someone is particularly touchy they can take offence....but only if they are predisposed to do so. Also when I am involved in a group project, I tend to isolate My part of it and do that part MY way. I am a problem solver (and in the work enviroment I have had a number of Management troubleshooter type roles). Once I have a clear idea of what objectives I have agreed to meet then either do what you are told or get out of My way and let Me do My job. That isn't disrespect of others ability but if *I* have been asked (And have agreed) to do something, then its My responcibility to ensure it gets done... ergo it will be done MY way. I recognise that modus operendi in other Dominants, am never insulted by it and if They are working in a way I don't agree with but it is Their responcibility... I get out of Their way and let Them get on with it.

The second is that many Dominants will and do react strongly to percieved bad attitude, regardless of who it is coming from. Being Dominant oft equates to not being that averse to confrontation. Therefore bad attitude oft gets a "who the hell do you think you are talking to?" attitude in responce. Case in point a few months ago I was introduced to a young lady who's first words to Me was "you may kiss my hand" in a rether imperious manner.... My responce was "you may kiss My arse" and proceded to ignore her from there, I simply didn't need to put up with bad attitude.

The latter is the Domly pissing contest. The "I am Domlier than Thou" crap usualy instigated by people who are actualy insecure about themself. Something of a childish game. The OTW approach tends to be found hand in hand with this, where someone is not saying "This is the way I see it/ do it" but rather "This is the way EVERYONE should do it.

The first two, whilst friction sometimes occurs, it is usualy a result of misunderstanding and is easily sorted. I have many Dominant friends at all different levels of Dynamic and whlst there are the occassional "WTF" moment from time to time, all that is usualy needed is clarification that they where simply saying "this is My way.... but if Your way works for You then thats cool too". The latter one however usualy reqires waiting till the person grows up a bit and stops being insecure.



DesFIP -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 7:19:05 AM)

It's a response to the mail we get, not to slaves. I rarely get mail that says "I am a dom from New Jersey/Wisconsin etc and you will kneel to me now on cam", unfortunately I have gotten mail saying  "I am MasterWhip/Flog/whatever and you will immediately come and give me my morning blow job". It's in response to those calling themselves master/lord/etc demanding a slave to have sex with all their buddies and the dog at the fire station that we say we aren't slaves, because those types aren't looking for subs.

Doesn't work though, because they don't read profile.



MisterStrongWill -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 7:57:16 AM)

Well your questions are all ones I had years ago. First the dom power structure same as anywhere else..you earn it newbies get no respect..meet enough people and become one of the fold.Oh and some doms are training other doms so just keep trying and find your strength and all will be cool.
Second thing sub/slave/brain..this is a dangerous area..the bitches hide behind these words, as well as the roses(who were used)  so that should tell what is what. The brain is a very dangerous organ and should be respected..My slave has one but does not choose to use she loves that I handle everything. From clothes to bills, family friends what we do where we go. This solves tons of problems.
LIKE she would say I am hungery..I say to Outback it is......not well what are you hungery for I don't know bs..
Chosing the right slave is a long ordeal.

PS I am always available for coaching or questions...feel free to drop me note



lronitulstahp -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 8:07:46 AM)

   
quote:

  When i browse around collarme i see subs who say things like " i am a sub, NOT a slave i have a brain and tend to use it "

Which translates to " slave don't have brains "

Having a slave myself i though thats pretty insulting... Or am i wrong ? 

   
quote:

I believe the ignorance that many subs show toward slaves, in part, stems from insecurity. They see it as some kind of subby competition and are afraid that a slave is more submissive, therefore rather than looking at what a slave IS they attack and write them off as 'having no brain' so as to devalue the competition. When the truth is that there is no competition, simply compatability. There are many Doms out there that are very compatable with subs but wouldn't deal too well with the level of Dynamic of an M/s relationship. Horses for courses, and looking at it as some kind of competition is like compairing apples to oranges and asking which is better rather than accepting that some folks preffer apples so apples are 'better' for them and others perfer oranges. 

i found that to be very insightful...perhaps other will repond to that part of the OP.



Arrrchibald -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 8:33:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lunadancer

what about the ones who sometimes feel they are caught in between being a sub and a slave?


Oh they're in trouble.  Especially around here.  There's a big sub and slave problem in my town. 

Doesn't matter if you say you're not with either one.  If you're wearing the wrong color on their street, you get mowed down. 

I blame the schools. 



lronitulstahp -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 8:38:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arrrchibald

quote:

ORIGINAL: lunadancer

what about the ones who sometimes feel they are caught in between being a sub and a slave?


Oh they're in trouble.  Especially around here.  There's a big sub and slave problem in my town. 

Doesn't matter if you say you're not with either one.  If you're wearing the wrong color on their street, you get mowed down. 

I blame the schools. 

{{{giggle}}}} once went to the local dungeon all in black..got mistaken for a Domme all night...guess i should've brushed up on my Emily Post BDSM guide



ownedgirlie -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 10:43:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quadrum
When i browse around collarme i see subs who say things like " i am a sub, NOT a slave i have a brain and tend to use it "

Which translates to " slave don't have brains "

Having a slave myself i though thats pretty insulting... Or am i wrong ?



I used to find that insulting.  Now I find it ignorant.

As to the "Dom posturing" at events, no clue.  I have heard so many things about BDSM groups and events and parties that I am turned off from having any interest in them.  What I hear from others who are heavily involved has given me a picture of politicking, gossip, cliques, posturing, and competing with those who would otherwise be comrades, that I have no desire to participate.  When I first went sniffing around my local area for groups, the responses I received were unimpressive enough for me to snuff out what was left of my interest.



lally3 -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 12:07:49 PM)

it really seems to me that there are some highly intelligent people in this lifestyle, articulate and well grounded, including slaves. 

i used to go to a munch where this guy (Dom) used to act up as you describe.  some people found it amusing, others (saddos) looked up to him, mostly people thought he was a wanker.

i can only assume he thought it would turn the subs on and make him look the big man against the other doms, who, were well adjusted, mellow guys who just couldnt be bothered with him.

to be honest the Doms that freaked me out were the ones that lurked in dark corners talked to noone and stared at your ass all night.  shudder.



mstrj69 -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 12:20:34 PM)

   I want to say the dom posturing has to do with the time in the life and whom you know.  The newer you are the easier to intimidate.  Those who have been in it for a long time, do not care to intimidat any body be it dom or sub.  Is there a way around it, I think so.  I would say to the new people in the life, attend munches regularly and learn who has the most experience and then talk to them. 
The same goes for subs versus slaves and who has the brains.  From my experience, slaves have as much if not more brain power than submissives.  It makes no difference which has the higher IQ, if it is not used, then they are not useful to anybody who wants real service.  This life can not be 24/7 as the dom or master and possibly the slave or sub have to go to work and this eliminates the ability for both to be together 24 hours a day.



Masterssj -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 12:28:07 PM)

i agree that too many are caught up in titles , i hate using a title or being defined as one thing or another . to me i am what my Master desires me to be to him . my Master and i have had this discussion on who i am and what i am , and he understands my opinion on use of definitions and titles .  i  like every other s/s have a brain , no matter what title or definition i fall under , i am very independent and can care for myself , however , i choose to bring things to my Master to handle because he is my Master , i can handle my own bills and make decisions in tons of things , i have held employment in a job that is predominantly male oriented and of a dominant position so to speak , and am looking at going back into that employment but no matter how many brains i have or intelligence or whatever it is , i like every other s/s choose to give our submission to our Master and that does not nor ever will make us brainless ...  to me , i am his , period , what our relationship is , is what we deign it to be between the two of us , and what works for us no matter what the definition or title is , i belong to him , i pleasure him , he is my Master and i need him to be my Master, end of story ...  Masters  - sj



saradeanna469 -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 1:58:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

it seems to me, that maybe you're a bottom with sub tendencies...i always wonder when being a Top or bottom became some sort of BAD thing...like people rarely embrace the roles.  Isn't there room in wiitwd for them too?



I have thought about this a lot and I think you are right.  Time to update my profile.  Thanks



saradeanna469 -> RE: Odd things... (3/29/2008 2:14:02 PM)



quote:

ORIGINAL: Arrrchibald

quote:

ORIGINAL: lunadancer

what about the ones who sometimes feel they are caught in between being a sub and a slave?


Oh they're in trouble.  Especially around here.  There's a big sub and slave problem in my town. 

Doesn't matter if you say you're not with either one.  If you're wearing the wrong color on their street, you get mowed down. 

I blame the schools. 



LMAO [sm=biggrin.gif]

quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp
{{{giggle}}}} once went to the local dungeon all in black..got mistaken for a Domme all night...guess i should've brushed up on my Emily Post BDSM guide


I've been mistaken for a Domme on CM more than a few times because of my profile pics.  I don't understand why someone would only look at the pics and not read the description.



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