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The end - 3/29/2008 9:06:42 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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Ok so ya'll probably know ive had a shit time emotionally recently (some do anyways) and due to a missunderstanding im now a bit not in a relationship, basically they thought I had ended it (i didnt realise) but the fact that they were rather quick to tell everyone/change profiles etcetc kinda was the final nail in the coffin thus proving that it was a wasted effort on my part. My question is these people know all my friends, they have already told them all actually and im not sure how to deal with it normally at the end of relationships i dont ever talk to the people again but if i go to events and stuff they will likely be there. Despite my bravado im actually a bit of an emotional mess a lot of the time and i dont know what to do, because i dont want to now stop talking to all these people or going to various things or whatever, but i know that a lot of people are gonna be saying its all my fault. umm yeah so thats it any advice?

< Message edited by colouredin -- 3/29/2008 9:08:44 AM >

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Post #: 1

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 9:09:58 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

think about yourself a little...and recover..
talk with friends..and don't listen to peopel that just accuse/blame you when they are not willing to listen to your side of the story.

besides that..it just sucks to be sad.. so I hope you recover fast.

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~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 2

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 9:15:17 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Give it time. The worst thing you could do is go around frantically trying to do damage control. Friends are friends. If they trust in your friendship, they will be around when you are ready to talk, and if they don't, then it doesn't really matter anyway.

When YOU are ready, you can go out to lunch with them or talk to them and give a public edited view of what happened- frankly something like "There were all sorts of communications issues and it needed to end" seems like the way to go here.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 3

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 9:16:34 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Relationships are never one-sided. There is always more than one story - and your friends and acquaintences, if they are the least bit mature, will know this and take everything said with a grain of salt. You just keep your head high, take the high road and stay silent unless someone approaches you with questions. Think of it like a divorce - never say nasty things about the other, just point out that there is more than one side to any human situation.

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 4

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 9:18:41 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Convince me of something, I fucking dare you!!!!!

Well, you see it enough out here, ain't nobody going to convince anybody of anything thru mordant speech.

Let it go first of all, it is what it is. I know it seems awkward, but swallow your little revenge, your wanting to blather, any of that fuckin scrap.

Go to your events, if you see them, brightly smile and if they want to talk, fine...be there but dont push any sort of agendas.

When people think what they think, and want to read you the riot act or whatever, politely and firmly with a smile, say that is not a subject that I will discuss with you.

No more need be said, no expansions, no arguements no nothing....

It will fade in time, and probably as bad as you are currently thinking about it emotionally in your head......well, I am going to have to minimize your feelings here, but nobody is staring at you, nobody talking behind your back, in short, nobody gives a glimmer of a fuck about your head drama.........

RELAX!!!!!!!!! <<<<CYBERCOMMAND!!!!!! OBEY!!!!!!!!

You know what you did, they know what they did, nobody else really knows, you got that young thing going on tho, and dramatis personae are always there to vulture your shit up..........

CAREFREE!!!!!! LET IT GO!!!!!!<<<<<CYBERCOMMAND!!!!! OBEY!!!!!!

Be your own pleasant scrubbed up pretty little pussy self and don't have another thought about it......

HAVE A GLORIUS DAY!!!!<<<<<CYBERCOMMAND!!!!!! OBEY!!!!!

MasterFearsomeTrainer

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 5

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 9:25:48 AM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline

damn Ron that like the longest post ive seen from you, yiou must really care!

colouredin, i realise youre probably a more sensitive person than i am, but just try to let it go.
shake it off. who cares about he said she said? let them say all they want, if someone comes to you with a sidewyas question, answer truthfully and let it go.
you dont have to stop doing or going anywhere, itll all fade away, maybe alot sooner than you expected.
think about what you want next, and what you can do for yourself right now!
(((XOXOXOXO)))

_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 6

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 9:29:44 AM

Kirren

Posts: 580
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline

I almost have to agree with the cyber commander up there. People will thing what they want to think and nothing that you can do will change that in anyway. But going around frantically trying to explain your side of it will only make things worse, in short you will look like a drama queen and you will look like you actually did something wrong.

Good friends will ask you what happened, they will be concerned for your emotional well being and they will ask if you would like to talk about it, but understand if you dont, and will be there when you are ready to.

The catty ones, the ones that really dont matter? Will snub you and talk shit. Simply tell them...there are three sides to every story: Yours...Mine...and The Truth.

Generally you may get alot of I dont want to be dragged into the middle of this...blah blah blah...simply smile and say...thats fine, I dont want to drag you into the middle of anything I was going to ask if you wanted to come over for some dinner, or go get some lunch or what ever.

The main thing to remember is this: Change a fools mind against his will and he will be of the same opinion still.

Keep your head up and focus on whats important to you. Itll all come out in the wash. Honestly.

_____________________________

Everything has been said before
There's nothing left to say anymore
When it's all the same
You can ask for it by name

Did I fail to mention...I am a BITCH?

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 7

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 9:32:21 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

i am sorry you are going through this, but you have to let it go. There is not a whole lot you can do at this point anyway. Can you control who your ex's talk to and what they say? No. Can you control what others think? Of course not. Any damage control you attempt will only have the "Methinks the lady doth protest too much" effect.
Hold your head high, where it belongs. Be good to yourself and move on.
And if at any point it is what you seek...remember the best revenge is living well.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 8

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 9:40:29 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Being rather familiar with the UK scene (Mostly the London scene admittedly, but not exclusivly)

The best advice I can give. Go to events anyway. Keep your head high, don't play victim nor get vindictive. Just get on with enjoying the events.... any storm in a teacup will soon pass.

Some out there thrive on drama... especialy when it isn't their business. Simply don't pander to them. Move on, with grace. Let your actions speak for you. If you don't rise to it they will soon be off frothing at the mouth over someone elses drama.

If there are some who start spreading rumours just remember that actual friends, friends who know you well won't accept crud about you simply because someone says so. If they do then they where not friends to start with.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 9

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 10:04:08 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

You already recieved some good advice...... I suggest take it.

but I will add to reinforce what was already said.

You are an attractive well-reasoned young woman... embrace yourself for abit... the mess will pass.

The storm will pass... as long as you don't seek to pander to the drama of the situation. Hold your head high.. don't get into the discussions of what happen or other such drama.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 10

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 10:06:45 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Ok so ya'll probably know ive had a shit time emotionally recently (some do anyways) and due to a missunderstanding im now a bit not in a relationship, basically they thought I had ended it (i didnt realise) but the fact that they were rather quick to tell everyone/change profiles etcetc kinda was the final nail in the coffin thus proving that it was a wasted effort on my part. My question is these people know all my friends, they have already told them all actually and im not sure how to deal with it normally at the end of relationships i dont ever talk to the people again but if i go to events and stuff they will likely be there. Despite my bravado im actually a bit of an emotional mess a lot of the time and i dont know what to do, because i dont want to now stop talking to all these people or going to various things or whatever, but i know that a lot of people are gonna be saying its all my fault. umm yeah so thats it any advice?

i haven't read the entire thread cos i just came in at the beginning and replying to you ....
you are so like me...are you sure you aren't an emotional masochist?
it hurts to finish....finishing is more unclear (in my humble opinion) in a bdsm relationship than in any other. In the vanilla world it's: he leaves, she leaves, has an affair, breaks the sacred vow, gets caught, gets the cop, carries the can, loses the house and the kids, splits the furniture, no going back, tears, revenge, advisory services, therapy for six sessions, group therapy for two years, Relate wtf?
blah blah blah de blah blah; I mean there's NO confusing it when the shit hits the fan vaniila-wise.....
but bdsm? ahhhh very shaky ground because we got shall we have one more.last play together things going on and oh you have no rights and by the way you released yourself stuff and oh i think you are a sadist and i'm hurting but that's ok as it's all part of the dynamic thing ...AND oh look well NOW we all got the same friends and everybody will see us but we won't be tohether but at least they will understand because I don't really ever talk about this
....OMG ...!!!!!
whatever the replies say: it's ok by me to talk about it on here and get as many involved as possible...because that's what we do isn't it? we do bdsm so who would know better than we do?
It hurts and time will tell.....if it's meant to be (bigger picture) then it will be and if it's not then it's not and I am not talking fatalistic victim stuff here but what's-best-for-you does really play a big part of the picture.
Big hugs big big hugs and i hope it helps.

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 11

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 10:08:52 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

You already recieved some good advice...... I suggest take it.

but I will add to reinforce what was already said.

You are an attractive well-reasoned young woman... embrace yourself for abit... the mess will pass.

The storm will pass... as long as you don't seek to pander to the drama of the situation. Hold your head high.. don't get into the discussions of what happen or other such drama.

oh why not?
Have a haeart: life is life and has dramatic moments. It's not like paint by numbers with a colour code for everything that comes next....

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 12

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 10:16:09 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

Give yourself some time, and remember as you look into the eyes of others--there are always 2 sides to the story--I usually find that the ones quickest to damage control have the least integrity--you are better off, for who knows that was being said--

and going to change profiles, pfffttttt LMAO--really people this is real life not highschool---have the balls to face life's challenges, success AND failure.

Hang in there dear, hold your head high, and move on.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 13

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 10:26:08 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Thanks ever so much everyone, I just feel a little bit lost at the moment, I know thats fairly pathetic. I think really the less that I talk to anyone about it the easier it will be to get over it anyways I hope, ta for all your advice and kind words :D

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 14

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 10:27:54 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Thanks ever so much everyone, I just feel a little bit lost at the moment, I know thats fairly pathetic.

i'd call it fairly normal

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 15

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 10:29:24 AM

UncleNasty

Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline

Different words to express things similar to what others ahve said before me here. They resonate with me, and I'm a big fan of the author.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Suess

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 16

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 10:38:22 AM

Phoenix2raven

Posts: 347
Joined: 10/14/2006
Status: offline

When the time comes and you want to attend a event don't worry about who is going to be there just go, be yourself and if they show up be polite say hello and turn your head. If that doesn't work say I'm not interested in talking with you please leave me alone. That's what I've used in the past to deal with the same situation. It worked for me because I was polite but very firm. When they freaked out in front of about 20 people and I kept my cool what happened was the people who were so ready to condemn me began to see I was the victim of them not vice versa. What I've learned from that practice is who my true friends are and who is only blowing smoke out their ass. Why would I keep people around who are so ready to condemn me. When I have friends who are ready to accept me for who I am, support me in the process and challenge me to grow? Actions speak louder than words and why should I give any energy to people who don't deserve to lick the shit of my boot. Good luck

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(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 17

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 10:41:54 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

You already recieved some good advice...... I suggest take it.

but I will add to reinforce what was already said.

You are an attractive well-reasoned young woman... embrace yourself for abit... the mess will pass.

The storm will pass... as long as you don't seek to pander to the drama of the situation. Hold your head high.. don't get into the discussions of what happen or other such drama.

oh why not?
Have a haeart: life is life and has dramatic moments. It's not like paint by numbers with a colour code for everything that comes next....

Life does indeed have it's share of dramatic moments...and getting caught up in the drama of them may or may not work for you.
However, for me the drama tends to be a distraction to my feelings and an impedence to the next task at hand: moving on.
Drama can be addictive on it's own and can color my thinking...but more importantly,
if I allow it, it gets in the way of doing and living.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 18

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 10:54:44 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
oh why not?
Have a haeart: life is life and has dramatic moments. It's not like paint by numbers with a colour code for everything that comes next....

Drama might make for a good TV soap but it is a crappy way to live.... and I am not a big fan of TV soaps either.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 19

RE: The end - 3/29/2008 11:11:34 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Lol im 21, my life is only drama, no seriously I am a fan of mary j blige and her song regarding drama, to be honest I think you are all right, i didnt act badly in this so I shouldnt be ashamed, lol its easy to say but im gonna try and be cool

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 20

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