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Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/3/2005 2:38:17 AM

FelinePersuasion

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Joined: 11/20/2004
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I was trying to tell my mate who's not kinky some of my fantasies then he just stoped responding an then I felt all stupid and embarrased and I've come to the conclusion you know,

Somethings sound way better in our heads than we could ever explain them.

For example, treatment that wuold seem harsh to other veiwers but to you two is how he shows love. Because he loves you he fufils all of your kinks your desires and your curisoties even if it's harsh and midly "abusive"

And then what happens if you get what you thought you wanted, but it's not what you thought you wanted

< Message edited by FelinePersuasion -- 10/3/2005 2:44:56 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/3/2005 3:08:31 AM

Padriag

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Joined: 3/30/2005
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Its natural to have fantasies we live out only in our heads, things that don't quite sound as good when we try to explain them or do them. That's in part because in our heads reality works the way we want it too, we often skip the messy little details that cause problems in the real world. Fantasies are often metaphors for other things, sometimes we have a desire for something... a feeling, an emotion, something non-specific... that finds expression in the form of a specific fantasy. That fantasy is our own internal way of expressing to ourselves our own inner desires, something we may not have the language to express any other way... even to ourselves.

For example, there was a submissve woman I knew a few years back that had a fantasy of sleeping with my cock in her mouth at night and of having me piss in her mouth rather than go to the bathroom. As I listened to her describe it I tried to listen to her inner language, what was it she was really trying to express with this, what did this fantasy mean to her? After some conversation if did become clear, to her this was a deeply intimate act, something she could not imagine anyone else had ever done for me. Her fantasy then was really about wanting to do something very special and intimate for/with me that I had not done with anyone else, something unique to her. Once I understood that, finding something that fit that fantasy wasn't much of a problem (I had no desire at all to piss in her mouth). Had we lived out that fantasy as it was in her mind I think she'd have been disappointed to discover the reality wasn't quite the same as her fantasy. A case of getting what you asked for and then not wanting it.

I think anyone who has explored this lifestyle for awhile probably has at least one or two experiences with discovering they didn't really want what they asked for. Its part of the journey of self discover we all go through, learning about ourselves and what it is we really want.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 2

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/3/2005 3:46:45 AM

Detmastered

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Joined: 9/7/2005
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That is how they invented Tang.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 3

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/3/2005 4:46:48 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Fantasies are always a potential area for embarrassment when you share them. This is another area in which I spend time with in counselling sessions. There is not a great deal I’ve come across in Works on psychology, which is any practical value. I did spend time years ago researching this and then spent even more time sorting out the theory and areas which are not practical to come up with methods I can apply to client’s needs..

Effectively, I categorise fantasies into three primary groups..
1. Those who you want to share and act out and can be achieved.
2. Those who you want to share and act out and cannot be achieved with out a team of Hollywood scriptwriters, a movie set and actors.
3. Those which are better left or if discussed may need follow up counselling and even medical help (fantasies of killing some one for example).

Some I am able to help the client achieve whilst others I can but be a good, non-judgemental listening post. The final category is one which I do on the rare occasions look at bringing on other professionals if the client agrees to help deal with the problems as well as to ascertain the root of the issue.

It boils down to a simple method as regarding the OP…. Pick your listener wisely, chose one who will listen and understand and not be judgemental.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Detmastered)

Post #: 4

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/3/2005 5:36:05 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

Fantasies are always a potential area for embarrassment when you share them.

This is true. I have fantasies that I would never want to act on. True, my head goes there, I think about them, but they are just too intense and I know that I would never be comfortable acting on them.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 5

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/3/2005 8:05:14 AM

Synocense

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Joined: 8/8/2004
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True to the bone, very astute and congratulations on figuring this out : )

Syn

_____________________________

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 6

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/3/2005 8:30:33 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
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one of my last Master's biggest fantasy while having phone sex with me was him killing me in various unpleasant ways.

(in reply to Synocense)

Post #: 7

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/3/2005 9:04:01 AM

Evanesce

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Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

one of my last Master's biggest fantasy while having phone sex with me was him killing me in various unpleasant ways.

Oh, we play on that edge all the time. I LOVE it! But then, one of my biggest fantasies is to be placed in a coffin underground for a week or so. One day, when we manage to work out the logistics, that one might come true.

I don't think I've had a fantasy that I wouldn't want to come true... except for one I wrote a short story about, and that's only because the heroine actually dies (willingly) at the hand of her lover. Death for real is not an option.

Denise
the Kaptin's wench

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 8

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/13/2005 2:52:18 AM

sf-Sub

Posts: 61
Status: offline

Several fantasy sound great in your own head but in practice are either impractical or for other reasons just a great fantasy but not reality.

For instance I would love to have sex in a completely weightless environment like in the space station or space shuttle. To obtain this I must become a multimillionaire and travel to Russia. So for now I work towards that goal.  The ultimate sexual experience no top no bottom just space and flying my way with that special someone to a great orgasm in the sky. Odd, probably… Safe, could be made to be. Sane, yes and fun.

Now if safe, sane and consensual (the big three) were not all answered ‘yes’ then most likely your fantasy needs review... before the fantasy becomes practice. Additionally legal is another good one as well.

I agree with IronBear in that we can have different levels of fantasy (or types).

That some are just in the mind…while others should be worked through. Some people have a very active imagination and well some things are just not possible…or safe etc… and others discussed in an open, caring environment with mutual respect for the subject matter could be a great growing experience.

The most important thing is to clarify what is fantasy and what you may like as a reality or not.

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 9

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/13/2005 5:16:11 AM

JohnWarren

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Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sf-Sub
For instance I would love to have sex in a completely weightless environment like in the space station or space shuttle. To obtain this I must become a multimillionaire and travel to Russia. So for now I work towards that goal.  The ultimate sexual experience no top no bottom just space and flying my way with that special someone to a great orgasm in the sky. Odd, probably… Safe, could be made to be. Sane, yes and fun.

Ever SCUBA? Admittedly the water has to be relatively warm for the guy's "equipment" to work, but it was one of the great pleasures back when I lived on Grand Cayman.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to sf-Sub)

Post #: 10

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/13/2005 5:37:13 AM

ukknightslady

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Joined: 5/6/2005
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Do I then assume you werent wearing a rubber suit at the same time? lol,
Debs xx

(in reply to JohnWarren)

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RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/13/2005 7:11:24 AM

sf-Sub

Posts: 61
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SCUBA works but still a bit too much equipment…

However, yes a very… very… close idea.

So I take it you have done the SCUBA sex thing? Do tell. How did or didn’t it work out?

(in reply to ukknightslady)

Post #: 12

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/13/2005 7:22:30 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sf-Sub

SCUBA works but still a bit too much equipment…

However, yes a very… very… close idea.

So I take it you have done the SCUBA sex thing? Do tell. How did or didn’t it work out?

It took practice but it did work. The biggest problem was what we thought would be the most exciting: weightlessness. It was hard to overcome the old action-reaction law but we found that hooking our legs together worked well. The other thing was that it was hard to maintain neutral boyancy since we wanted maximum skin contact so that eliminated boyancy compensators. The solution was to go just a few pounds negative, find a sandy area without coral or urchins and sink to the bottom.

Oral was easier for her than for me because I had to take of my mask and sea water in the eyes is not conducive to sexy thoughts.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to sf-Sub)

Post #: 13

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/13/2005 7:26:22 AM

wolfinside

Posts: 74
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

As far as explaining fantasies, I think the big difference is who you are explaining them to.

If it is some vanilla person who tilts his head like a dog listening to you, it can be uncomfortable.

But if you are explaining it to the opposite sex, it (who also has that fantasy) it can be the hottest thing in the world.

As far as doing a new fantasy, what I find is that it is very different in real life than it was in my head, but not in a bad way, still wonderful, just different. And sometimes it is much better and fuller in real life.

Wolf

(in reply to sf-Sub)

Post #: 14

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/13/2005 9:26:15 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

If your mate made you feel stupid and embarrassed for sharing your fantasies, maybe he's not the right mate for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

I was trying to tell my mate who's not kinky some of my fantasies then he just stoped responding an then I felt all stupid and embarrased and I've come to the conclusion you know,

Somethings sound way better in our heads than we could ever explain them.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 15

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/13/2005 10:30:27 AM

mystictryst

Posts: 125
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline

I had a friend once who had a fantasy about taking a man up the behind (she was female), the fantasy drove her to distraction... It really became an obessession.. So, we found a willing guy with his own strapon... And she did it.

As I lay on the couch watching her, she looked over at me and rolled her eyes and make gagging motions.

In the end, she hated it... Couldn't believe how boring and unexciting it was for her. Although she had fantasized about it, in the end, it wasn't at all what she wanted... After acting out a few more of her fantasies, she decided that her fantasies were better in her head and has not since acted out anything else...

As for me, the fantasies I have will mostly remain in my head. I don't share them with anyone but Master, who readily indulges my thoughts, and although we've never acted them out, I know he would... But I have this niggling fear in my head about hating it, thus ruining the fantasy.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 16

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/13/2005 11:05:15 AM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

quote:

one of my last Master's biggest fantasy while having phone sex with me was him killing me in various unpleasant ways.

Oh, we play on that edge all the time. I LOVE it! But then, one of my biggest fantasies is to be placed in a coffin underground for a week or so. One day, when we manage to work out the logistics, that one might come true.

I don't think I've had a fantasy that I wouldn't want to come true... except for one I wrote a short story about, and that's only because the heroine actually dies (willingly) at the hand of her lover. Death for real is not an option.

Denise
the Kaptin's wench

I personally love the idea of being killed during sex. I am very much into edge play, and love to see how far I can push that line. I have written several stories where a woman is killed during a sex scene however, that man / men do not stop.

I have also thought many times about being buried in a coffin for a period only to be taken out of the coffin, my body dirty, limp and cold and having it used.

quote:

ORIGINAL: wolfinside

As far as explaining fantasies, I think the big difference is who you are explaining them to.

If it is some vanilla person who tilts his head like a dog listening to you, it can be uncomfortable.

But if you are explaining it to the opposite sex, it (who also has that fantasy) it can be the hottest thing in the world.

As far as doing a new fantasy, what I find is that it is very different in real life than it was in my head, but not in a bad way, still wonderful, just different. And sometimes it is much better and fuller in real life.

Wolf

I totally agree, although I have meet many "vanilla" people who are into the kink. I was once involved in this totally vanilla relationship and told him I fantasized about mmf or mmmf and for my birthday a few months later he suprised me with a mmf scene. This was not something he would have typically done, however; he liked the idea of making my fantasies come true and in the end he did enjoy himself as well.

I am very cautious now about sharing my fantasies with strangers, even my stories because some of them are boarderline well illegal in ways and I just do not think it always smart to put yourself out there like that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mystictryst

I had a friend once who had a fantasy about taking a man up the behind (she was female), the fantasy drove her to distraction... It really became an obessession.. So, we found a willing guy with his own strapon... And she did it.

As I lay on the couch watching her, she looked over at me and rolled her eyes and make gagging motions.

In the end, she hated it... Couldn't believe how boring and unexciting it was for her. Although she had fantasized about it, in the end, it wasn't at all what she wanted... After acting out a few more of her fantasies, she decided that her fantasies were better in her head and has not since acted out anything else...

I remember the first time a Dom asked me to stick fingers in his ass then to fuck him up the ass I about died. It just baffeled me, however; now it one of the things that I do enjoy doing. For me it about trust and yes the power I am being given.

Nika{Phoenix}

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 10/13/2005 11:06:03 AM >

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 17

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/13/2005 11:09:05 AM

oldnewbie2

Posts: 14
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline

i would just like to thank You all for discussing this very issue.
it is the entire reason that i am trying to seek out my first rt experience.
i have had fantasies, although i did not realize it, since i was a girl.
Now dont get me wrong, this is not about being...wierd or anything, its just that, when we are little girls, we are told these stories, these fantasies....you know, about sleeping beauty, and hansel and gretal, and rapunzel and snow white.'
They are innocent, get taken away, bad things done to them and then rescued.'When i was 12 i used to fantasize with my other girlfreinds at sleepovers about this "evil castle", and this "Evil Count", that took us there, tied us up and put us in dungeons, and caged us and kept us as prisoners, until handsome "knoghts" came and rescued us.

It was not until many years later, when a freind introduced me to Anne Rice that i read the Beauty Trilogies, and it just all made sense. My jaw dropped and i could not beleive it. THERE were my fantasies, taken to that extreme level, right there in print!!! I was so SHOCKED!!! and of course, um very horney after reading all that.

Being an avid and voracious reader...im a speed reader, although a lousy typist, EFG, i got introduced to other amazing peices of literature, the most head ringing, was De Sades
The Misfortune of Virtue". Intense and incredible. Much more palpable to me that His other works, which, (and THERE is a good example of fantasies that could never be done, poured out of His head and through His hand while imrisoned...of fantasies that will stay in the head..LOL)), than 120 days of Sodom, or half of Julliette, because some of that stuff just made me want to wretch and gag.

So then, of course i read the story of O, and a John Norman book, slavegirl of Gor, which, i have to say, i regularly Masturbated to ALL of these books...by poor wrist almost broke..*LOL*....

But these were fantasies, but i wanted to try them, but i was not sure.

Another freind introduced me to online chats, specifically Chatropolis Likes it Rough, where i first learned how to do cybersex, and then i moved on to Gorean Rooms. I was owned, v/t for a long time. Of course, there as well is fantasy. In BOTH places. Im not sure i could handle all that i did in v/t chats, and EEFINATELY just try to type out what the Doms are into in chatro, i would NEVER do half that stuff.

But all this has primed me for what i THINK i can handle, and has helped me to explore my limits. And that i think is why, going from fantasies, to the printed word, to v/t and then to hopefully a r/t experience, is a way to work through Your fantasies, and see what actually may be plausible for You.

As yet, i have not had my r/t experience yet, but i am looking foreward to it to say the least. I hope to find someone who will let me start slow and work up to things.
So, i hope that i can thank and mahalo to all You experienced Doms to understand these minds of ours...evil little purr..mahalo. EFG

(in reply to mystictryst)

Post #: 18

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/13/2005 11:20:23 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mystictryst

I had a friend once who had a fantasy about taking a man up the behind (she was female), the fantasy drove her to distraction... It really became an obessession.. So, we found a willing guy with his own strapon... And she did it.

As I lay on the couch watching her, she looked over at me and rolled her eyes and make gagging motions.

In the end, she hated it... Couldn't believe how boring and unexciting it was for her. Although she had fantasized about it, in the end, it wasn't at all what she wanted... After acting out a few more of her fantasies, she decided that her fantasies were better in her head and has not since acted out anything else...

As for me, the fantasies I have will mostly remain in my head. I don't share them with anyone but Master, who readily indulges my thoughts, and although we've never acted them out, I know he would... But I have this niggling fear in my head about hating it, thus ruining the fantasy.

This is always a risk when we try to play out our fantasies... they might not be as good played out.

This is where role-playing -- verbally or in writing can be fun. You create the fantasy world in your head and it plays out there in your head but its also interactive because you have another person to write or talk with.

Still difficult to do for many people I'm sure.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to mystictryst)

Post #: 19

RE: Fantasies that sound better in your head? - 10/13/2005 12:39:02 PM

nightjade

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/8/2004
Status: offline

I understand about not wanting to ruin a fantasy because it may not work in reality. However, *chuckles* for me personally it is just not working that way. Perhaps I lack a bit in the imagination department, or I have not pushed far enough into my fantasies to reach the non-plausable ones. I used to put it this way. "I am not sure if what sounds good in my head would translate to reality"

I have been working my way through my fantasies and found that what sounds good in my head, works just fine in real life thank you! *laughs* I would never have thought to actually want to be an exhibitionist. I am kind of shy. Don't interact well with strangers when we just meet. I hardly have a perfect body. But put me out there mostly naked in front of God and everyone and I am in Heaven. I am the most beautiful woman in the world. *shrugs*

I guess what I am trying to say is, just because something scares you doesn't mean the fantasy won't work for you. I am not advocating doing anything truly dangerous. I love the thought of breath play, . .but it just can't be done safely I am told. *pouts* Personally, I plan to keep working through my fantasies and see how far I can go. I have already surprised myself more than once.

*giggling incessantly about all the warped stuff in my itty bitty head*

jade

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 20

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