RE: Automatic respect?

RE: Automatic respect? (Full Version)

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Padriag -> RE: Automatic respect? (3/31/2008 8:04:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW I got it the first time and didn't need you to clarify. Maybe I didn't make that clear. Obviously you didn't make that clear since, based on your response, I was left with the impression some clarification was necessary. quote: Oh maybe now I am being a bitch, but that could just be a perception. Get my point? That's certainly one interpretation... and given that you would know best what your intention was I can only assume that was also your intent. So just to be clear, here's the point that came across... that you took my explanation as some personal insult or slight... which it wasn't, and chose to respond by being "a bitch", as you put it; rather than find out if someone who you don't know, and hadn't given offense to, was deliberately trying to offend you or if it was just a misunderstanding. The point you've gotten across is that you apparently aren't a very nice person yourself, you're a bit reactionary, possibly you've got an attitude problem and while you've gone on quite a bit complaining about how rude this other person is... apparently you can be quite rude yourself. So at the very least it appears this is a case of the pot calling the kettle black... and at worst, its a rude insolent person bitching about someone else, who is absent to defend themselves btw, possibly because she wasn't interested in tolerating you attitude either. quote: Your response could be perceived as snarky and condescending. Apparently that is how you took it. It was not its intent. I re-read my original post and thought perhaps I'd not been clear enough since I'm aware I can be obtuse at times... and given that your reply didn't indicate any specific understanding while still raising questions I choose to respond by restating my post in clearer and more direct terms. Simple as that. As before, how you choose to perceive things and respond to things is just that, your choice. For all I know you might actually be a really nice person who was just having a bad day when you wrote the above... or you could be exactly the sort of bitch you accuse this other person of being. Frankly, I'm rather tired myself and to be perfectly honest... since I don't know either of you nor care too.... I really just don't give a damn. That's not intended to be snarky, just the unvarnished truth... I genuinely just don't care at this point. You asked for some advice and thoughts, you have mine... take it or leave it, I care not. Hopefully we'll both have a better day tomorrow.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Automatic respect? (3/31/2008 8:16:51 PM)
Before you get all out of sorts I was being sarcastic and making a point. I'm not the one being reactionary here. Take your own advice before you jump all over someone. BTW I never responded to the rude person in a rude manner. Being rude is also a perception. You thought I was being rude by words you saw on a screen, and I wasn't. So my point was its the internet and it is a flat medium and anything anyone posts here can become perceived as anything but what the person wanted it to be. I don't flame people for posting their opinion I rebut and am blunt. You may see me as a bitch because I don't agree with you and won't. That is my right not to. I can see you point but don't agree.

OsideGirl -> RE: Automatic respect? (3/31/2008 8:38:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW Do you think a title, age and experience automatically give one respect? That and $3 will get you a latte.

KillaShack -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/1/2008 1:01:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JohnWarren quote: ORIGINAL: pyrobabe Master and I have a saying "The only way to be a great Master/Mistress, is to have served as a great slave first." Mistress Carol I've seen some very good tops come by that route, but I've also seen some remarkably lousy ones. The problem seems to be that some come out of it with the attitude "I don't have to communicate. I know what a bottom wants; I was one." Not a receipe for success. Much of this may come from the fact that this was the model adopted by those we refer to as The Old Guard. However, many see their "you must serve first" as a simple con job so that the old farts had plenty of young guys to fuck. I agree with John here… And id like to add my own 2 cents worth. 1. I don’t need to be sailboat to be a good sailor. 2. I don’t need to be a horse to be a good rider. 3. I don’t need to be a gun to know how to use one. 4. I don’t need to be a punching bag to be a good fighter. 5. I don’t need to be a pile sht to be full of crap. Being a good Dom is a skill. And like any skill the only way to be good at it is to practice it a lot. And to have someone who is good at it show you the ropes. chuckles* the pun is intended. As for the older gal who is demanding respect… See if she is lying. Ask her when she got off the plane last if she had to run and duck because there was sniper fire. And ask her if she had to skip her welcoming ceremony of was she able to smack a few subs on the arse as she walked or ran by.

parttimehotty -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/1/2008 6:33:39 AM)
i do try & respect my elders, really i do, but i don't care how old a person is, if they're a mean, old sob, thinking they can get away w/whatever they deem fit just because of their age, they have another thing coming. You EARN respect.

MissSCD -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/1/2008 7:05:07 AM)
*Respect is earned. I find her background challenging. If she was in the life 45 years, I would be suspicious.* *Regards, MissSCD*

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/1/2008 10:32:54 AM)
ORIGINAL: pyrobabe Master and I have a saying "The only way to be a great Master/Mistress, is to have served as a great slave first." This folks has a lot of merit in my book,While there isn't a way for all to serve,there should have been a way if only for a short while, days,a week anything that gives the insight to this slave/submissive thing......I was sub for about a year at the age of 15,It didn't take long to flip her and her sister..While I very young back then,it still today gives me a better prospective on the submissive side...maybe in my old age I"LL just run away and become some sweet womans boy toy,her servant for life smile...Any thing that gives a new prospective into the subbie thang is a big healthy view...bounty

KillaShack -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/1/2008 2:49:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER ORIGINAL: pyrobabe Master and I have a saying "The only way to be a great Master/Mistress, is to have served as a great slave first." This folks has a lot of merit in my book,While there isn't a way for all to serve,there should have been a way if only for a short while, days,a week anything that gives the insight to this slave/submissive thing......I was sub for about a year at the age of 15,It didn't take long to flip her and her sister..While I very young back then,it still today gives me a better prospective on the submissive side...maybe in my old age I"LL just run away and become some sweet womans boy toy,her servant for life smile...Any thing that gives a new prospective into the subbie thang is a big healthy view...bounty BountyHunter… I agree with you. In fact, one of my favorite old quotes is “Don’t judge a person until you have walked a day in their shoes.” And this is similar to what you are saying. That being a slave gives you insight into one. I don’t have an issue with that. What I have an issue with someone saying that I will never be a good or great Master because I was never a slave. That’s just pure bull-pucky. Yes if I ever was to be a slave it would give me some insights I might not get elsewhere or it might be a quicker road to being good. But im not in this for a quick fix. Some folks are Doms and some are Subs and some like jumping back and forth. But some Subs and Doms have no desire to ever switch. I don’t need to become a native to go explore a new land. In fact… that takes the fun out of exploring. If im a native of that land I have no real need to explore it. And maybe I don’t wish to take an easier path. Maybe I wish to climb up the side of the mountain. We will both reach the top. But you have no right to say im not great because I took a different path. There are some things in this world where you have to be something else before you can become what you need to be. Butterflies and Frogs are a quick example. But a Master or Mistress is not one of these things. What I take offence to is someone telling me the only way ill ever be great master is to be a slave. Im sorry, but this is pure bull-pucky. You walk your road and I will walk mine. Just because I don’t walk to walk my road in your shoes doesn’t make me wrong. I will explore the world my way and on my terms. I will read books and do research. I just finished reading the Art of seduction and the 48 laws of power, both written by the same author. And they gave me some interesting insights. But I would never say something like…” You will never be a great master until you read these books and books like these.” That is just retarded. Everyone has a different road to greatness. Some folks can get there taking the same road. Others will get there a different way. But to say the ONLY WAY to get there is to take THIS road is just BULL-PUCKY!! Master Killashack P.S. I ask parden for my generous use of the word Bull-Pucky in this post. And also parden my hijacking of this thread. But when ever someone says this is the only way to do it or my way is the best way, I tend to get a little slap happy.

manwholuvs -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/1/2008 7:22:56 PM)
candisa very well put. respect is most definitely earned and not to be taken lightly for it is one of the most important cornerstones of a foundation. If the foundation is not strong then the structure or relationship is destined to fail. I for one am continually learning and through communications and actions one proves that they respect you and deserve your respect as well. If it is not mutual then that too is a sign that it is not true and real and will not survive. It is wise of you to take your time to learn about someone and then and only then do you choose to respect and trust them

ImpGrrl -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/4/2008 7:25:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer The only problem with not showing a level of respect automatically is the impression you give to someone who really has been around, done stuff, contributed to what you have today, etc. I know a woman who is adjusting to the idea of not being shown the level of respect she had become accustomed to. This woman had worked for a long time with a group that had provided one of two top level local play and education spaces, she had been involved in the start up of an event that had served for many as an eucational forum where they got there start. Burn out and other things had left her going private, later other things brought her back out and she floundered for awhile. all her "cache" built up respect for things she had done, the knowledge she had built up and shared etc, had disappeared as the folks she had been around to introduce and educate years ago were in many cases no longer involved in the community. Took her awhile to adjust to the idea that, Yes she had paid the dues, worked for the community but the community has a short memory sometimes. Years spent earning respect, for naught because young/new folks knowing nothing about what she had done years ago not giving her her due respect because the actions building that respect had been forgotten. Now she has made some adjustment but it still stings a bit for her to see some of the folks she remembers coaching a bit when they were new, and people she taught skills to years ago, being accorded respect from those same new folks who treat her as if she has to prove to them she deserves that added respect. So the other side of the Nobody gets respect from me untiol they prove it, is remember you are going to have to deal with the same thing. Write a book, present classes, mentor dozens of folks but that record means nothing because the new guy who just walks in can fall back on the You don't get his respect until you prove yourself to him. Paying one's dues in one "community" doesn't always mean much in another. And really - we're not "A community", we're a gathering, an overlapping, of many. So yes - a person should have to earn their way into every one of them, if they want to be a part of every one of them. No one should assume or expect respect, ever. Courtesy? Hell yes - assume and expect that, and if you're not accorded it don't waste your time. But respect is personal. Plus - what happened with the people that this person "raised up" - why aren't they helping soften her re-entry? If someone is truly respected - rather than just "known" - they will have plenty of leg to stand on when they re-enter their old stomping ground. Those they "raised up" will have the stories, will make introductions, will help foster the respect with the newer people. But it's still up to the person coming back in to understand that they are a stranger - and yes, they need to earn the respect of those who don't know them. PS - I don't know who you're talking about, am not trying to guess, and am not saying anything personal about them. Just my general "in theory".

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/4/2008 7:44:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW I have been visiting another forum and a dominant in the lifestyle has caused a stir. She is very adamant because she is 62 and has 45 years of experience that she is due honorifics and automatically is due respect. I know because she repeatedly states" I have 45 years of experience and should be treated accordingly." My thing is that she is very rude and condescending to others. She is not showing respect to others so why should she be given any? Do you think a title, age and experience automatically give one respect? Or should their actions towards others determine respect? I have not read all the posts..so forgive if by any small chance I am repeating...........I was raised back in the 50's-60's etc...and while I do not feel that anyone should be rude and condescending..I do feel that age should have a determining factor on being given respect..I have run across many an irascible old "biddy"..who would love to pop me with their canes..BUT!...my upbringing demands that the aged deserve the respect of their age..especially in a world so far from their own where NO respect is usually the norm...where the young may be seated on a bus while the elderly stand...where a door is not opened for the one with the cane, but allowed to slam in their face.Where because they may drive more slowly then the many, they receive the finger as a salute.So yes! why not?..would it hurt to give her respect?would it damage your ego?or would it possibly make you look as the one person with class, tact and an excellent upbringing?....And who knows..if shown respect , this elderly woman may mellow and show others respect and kindness as well....Pay it Forward.....Tempting

gypsygrl -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/4/2008 7:45:57 PM)
quote: She is not showing respect to others so why should she be given any? I have a real hard time respecting people who don't treat others with respect. It's like their disrespect rubs off on me.

gypsygrl -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/4/2008 8:27:09 PM)
quote: The only problem with not showing a level of respect automaticly is the impression you give to someone who really has been around, done stuff, contributed to what you have today, etc. Good point. Its kind of like pascal's wager: I've come accross alot of people who have made claims about having been in the lifestyle for decades or who grew up in it and what not. As far as I know, there's know way to really verify such claims (I say this as a philosopher and a historian). So, I'm left with a choice, either dismiss all of them as out of hand or give them the benefit of a hearing just in case one or two are telling the god honest's truth. It'd really suck if I missed out on the chance to hear it from someone who really was "there" just because I let my skepticism carry me away. Besides, there's always the possibility that I might learn something.

misbehavin -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/5/2008 12:30:58 AM)
Hello everyone...I just had to come out of the shadows for this one. As far as I am concerned, how I behave in any situation, is a measure of my own self respect. So, it may often look as though I am showing respect for someone, who may or may not actually deserve respect. However, I have decided that I always deserve respect from self. I have seen several times, in different walks of life, those whose bad manners when met only with good manners, were the ones who looked less than stellar. I am the person who most benefits from my good manners. When it is all said and done, I can still look at self in the mirror, knowing that my behavior was beyond reproach. [sm=2cents.gif] mis The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do.......John Holt

MasterOfMyRealm -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/5/2008 12:51:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sabis She was deeply and horribly offended that we did not all immediately begin deferring to her vision of the One Twue Way, So, it was Barbara Walters? :) Yeah, I can see that. -David

Leatherist -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/5/2008 12:53:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsygrl quote: She is not showing respect to others so why should she be given any? I have a real hard time respecting people who don't treat others with respect. It's like their disrespect rubs off on me. Kinda like scabies, huh?

LadyPact -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/5/2008 2:22:24 AM)
I don't give anyone automatic respect. What I will give is automatic courtesy, with the potential for respect. There are going to be a lot of people who will disagree with this, but it would be rather difficult for Me to either respect, or disrespect anyone who's primary contact with Me would have been through a chat room for a week or so. Sure, I could find them pleasant, or unpleasant, but somebody signing in with a user name, even if it is GrandPoohbahExaultedMasteroftheNinthRealm (or however NJ put it) isn't really going to effect Me one way or the other. They can claim all they want, but until I see something that comes through other than electronic means, it doesn't mean much. I'm the type who wants to see for Myself.

jmslilbytch -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/5/2008 7:09:48 AM)
Intial respect should be shown, at least to some degree, as I was taught that from a very young age. Overall respect is something that needs to be earned. I respect other people's opinions, they are their own. Just because I don't agree, doesn't mean that I am being disrespectful. It's all in how you communicate. Actions are a big part of communication, and as the old saying goes, "actions speak louder than words". Since this is the internet, we can't go by actions, only the written words. Whether or not someone is given respect on a forum is only determined by what the individuals on that forum believe who that person is by what they have said in their posts, or perhaps in chat rooms. It really isn't a lot to go on when you think about it. It's difficult sometimes to know someone when you have personal contact with them, even married to them, just watch Moment of Truth. Who really knows if she has 45 years of experience? Does it really matter? Doubtful. Anyone that demands respect on a forum has issues anyway, in my opinion. My solution would be to state my thoughts about what was written and forget it if the answer back was snide or rude. In other words, ignore them. Sooner or later, they'll get the message. Arguing and getting upset on the internet is pointless. Just my 2 cents worth. [;)]

TheChastiser -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/5/2008 7:33:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW I have been visiting another forum and a dominant in the lifestyle has caused a stir. She is very adamant because she is 62 and has 45 years of experience that she is due honorifics and automatically is due respect. I know because she repeatedly states" I have 45 years of experience and should be treated accordingly." My thing is that she is very rude and condescending to others. She is not showing respect to others so why should she be given any? Do you think a title, age and experience automatically give one respect? Or should their actions towards others determine respect? respect is earned not just freely given. i suspect she wouldnt get it if she didnt demand it? just tell her she is an ole bag and she must go out and earn some respect before some is given. Mike

Fitznicely -> RE: Automatic respect? (4/5/2008 7:36:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW I have been visiting another forum and a dominant in the lifestyle has caused a stir. She is very adamant because she is 62 and has 45 years of experience that she is due honorifics and automatically is due respect. I know because she repeatedly states" I have 45 years of experience and should be treated accordingly." My thing is that she is very rude and condescending to others. She is not showing respect to others so why should she be given any? Do you think a title, age and experience automatically give one respect? Or should their actions towards others determine respect? Curtesy is given, respect is earned. She should know better.

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