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After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 5:05:27 AM   
DaddyNiko


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline 		Please, do not ask me to out anyone. I am being ambigious to protect an innocent girl. You'll understand why after read this story.

I met this submissive a few years ago. We did not connect back then, but we kept in touch. After awhile, she met someone... a man who called himself a dom. Now what this so-called dom did was...

During a negotiated scene, he attempted to violate an agreed upon hard limit of hers and ignored her use of the safe word "RED". When she protested what he was doing and attempted to extract herself, he "punished" her for being willful and arguementative. During this abuse... she sustained several serious injuries.

As bad as this was, this same arsehole began to stalk her. About a month ago he contacted her and demanded that she agree to "give audience" to a domme friend of his that she had never heard of before... let alone met. This domme said she was "going to break her willful behavior". She is now under the protection of several prominant members of the local community including myself... and at 6-2, 240 lbs, I would dearly love for this prick to try something.

Anyway, the reason I posted this was to inform submissives that this type of person is NOT a dom. A true dome respects and even cherishes his/her submissive. This prick uses the lifestyle to abuse uninformed submissives. So please remember... you do not have to submit to anyone just because they say that they're a dominant. If you do decide to play with them... always use your safety-net. (someone standing by to receive your call with a code word only to be used in case of trouble). Be safe everyone.

< Message edited by DaddyNiko -- 3/31/2008 5:17:35 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 5:16:19 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyNiko

As bad as this was, this same jarsehole began to stalk her. About a month ago he contacted her and demanded that she agree to "give audience" to a domme friend of his that she had never heard of before... let alone met. This domme said she was "going to break her willful behavior".                                                                                                                                              


it is not clear if she did in fact meet with the Domme?

(in reply to DaddyNiko)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 5:21:25 AM   
DaddyNiko


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline 		Sorry...

She did not submit to either of them as she has been told not to even speak to them.

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 5:31:22 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		safety  nets only work when one is not bound and gagged--I do not poo poo them as many can tell you I work quite hard to instill them, however, there is that window of opportunity that even a safety net cannot protect---and sadly as a society it seems we are not getting smarter about protecting ourselves but dummer--our life has become a breeding ground for the psychos on both sides of the whip.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to DaddyNiko)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 8:02:18 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		and thus the reason many of think submissives picking mentors and trainers and lovers and almost anything day two of their exploration of bdsm is so fucking stupid.  If you are so pathetic as to need someone to hold your hand, you aren't ready to  pick who to allow to hold that hand.

Listening to others, talking with others, watching others are all great things and should be encouraged.

Picking someone to give you a "collar of stupidity/training/consideration/masterbation" is almost always a bad idea and in fact, anyone who wants to exchange information for control is almost always a bad sign, especially if that control involves sex, bdsm play or anything else from the submissive to the supposed "dom/domme/trainer/mentor/whateverthefuck" dipshit.

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 8:27:08 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Welcome to the boards and thank you for your post. She's lucky that many of you are looking after her.

This happens far, far too often and therefore, it seems to me, the caution you've provided bears repeating.

Tee

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to DaddyNiko)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 8:41:40 AM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		Thank goodness for communities like yours......

I also tell submissives, especially new ones that it is a good thing to take some one with them to play sessions for a while to help ensure safety. 
No responsible Dominant that I know would object and it helps them get a feel for and input from another person about the person they are choosing to play with.
Again she is lucky to have your community looking out for her .. I wish her well .....



_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to DaddyNiko)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 8:47:17 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet
I also tell submissives, especially new ones that it is a good thing to take some one with them to play sessions for a while to help ensure safety. 
No responsible Dominant that I know would object and it helps them get a feel for and input from another person about the person they are choosing to play with.



Are you serious?  What does the guy do?  Sit in the corner and read a magazine while I'm getting fucked?

_____________________________



(in reply to MissHarlet)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 9:03:58 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Aileen,

Come on, you know "real" bdsm never has sex in it...

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 9:08:14 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		OMG.  Have I been doing it wrong this whole time?  That's probably why I've had so much fun without the drama. 

_____________________________



(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 9:10:17 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		~raises her hand~

Been doing it wrong too. Shit.

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 9:50:41 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyNiko

Anyway, the reason I posted this was to inform submissives that this type of person is NOT a dom. A true dome respects and even cherishes his/her submissive. This prick uses the lifestyle to abuse uninformed submissives. So please remember... you do not have to submit to anyone just because they say that they're a dominant. If you do decide to play with them... always use your safety-net. (someone standing by to receive your call with a code word only to be used in case of trouble). Be safe everyone.


Seriously... if peeps don't know this already, they're not going to get a light-bulb moment here. Perhaps your "local community" should have more classes to educate the uninformed subs.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to DaddyNiko)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 10:26:44 AM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet
I also tell submissives, especially new ones that it is a good thing to take some one with them to play sessions for a while to help ensure safety. 
No responsible Dominant that I know would object and it helps them get a feel for and input from another person about the person they are choosing to play with.



Are you serious?  What does the guy do?  Sit in the corner and read a magazine while I'm getting fucked?


Im serious ... but then I also assume that not all first sessions are involving intercourse,,,,,that is obviously my point of view and the way I do things and did them when I started in the lifestyle years ago as a submissive .....(and Im not saying they never involved sex or intercourse..only that the first few didnt for me)  lol.. you have pointed out there might be some embarassment .. but you would be safer !!  and it doesnt have to be a guy friend .... ... I just said a friend ... or think I did ...

< Message edited by MissHarlet -- 3/31/2008 10:29:55 AM >

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 11:01:40 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		FR   some people dont care about their safey   they just want to be fucked with an audience

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to MissHarlet)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 11:08:03 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to DaddyNiko)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 11:25:24 AM   
angelbluewingsz


Posts: 324
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		well, if you are concerned with the boredom of your audience - either have them bring a partner as well or agree that you are not putting on a good enough show and spice it up a bit....

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 11:30:04 AM   
LilMissHaven


Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		I don't know I always go to muches or play parties with other subs.  But, then in my mind nothing is worse then a bunch of pissed off or offended females.  Not that I don't have Dom's in my area I trust I just don't want to feel as though I may owe them something later on down the road or to feel as though I may owe them something.

_____________________________

I must first learn to master myself, before I can truly be owned by one.

(in reply to angelbluewingsz)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 11:37:32 AM   
LadyPaige


Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I admit that I met my first Dom in private with no safety net.  I was lucky.  I know better now and I'd reccommend various methods from always having a first meeting in a public place, and before you play checking refrences (only from people you trust and respect), having them meet you at a local event where you can introduce them to people, or having someone go along.  At the very least have a safe call where you take a pic with your camera phone and e-mail it along with his licence number and your location to someone.  If they object to having a picture taken in a public place with their clothes on then don't play with them.  

(in reply to angelbluewingsz)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 11:50:44 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		So why doesn't she get an order of protection? She was seeing this guy, he did stuff she found offensive, she refused to see him ever again and he responds with threats. Very straightforward.

Go to the cops, they're used to this stuff. Have a lawyer accompany her if that would make her feel better.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to LadyPaige)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 11:53:19 AM   
LilMissHaven


Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

So why doesn't she get an order of protection? She was seeing this guy, he did stuff she found offensive, she refused to see him ever again and he responds with threats. Very straightforward.

Go to the cops, they're used to this stuff. Have a lawyer accompany her if that would make her feel better.


Sounds like the most sensible idea to me.

_____________________________

I must first learn to master myself, before I can truly be owned by one.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 20
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