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RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 12:03:56 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet
I also tell submissives, especially new ones that it is a good thing to take some one with them to play sessions for a while to help ensure safety. 
No responsible Dominant that I know would object and it helps them get a feel for and input from another person about the person they are choosing to play with.



Are you serious?  What does the guy do?  Sit in the corner and read a magazine while I'm getting fucked?


I.m gonna beat my dick like it owes me money...

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 3/31/2008 12:04:27 PM >

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 12:08:28 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		Quick reply:

If she needs her local community to protect her from some demanding tantruming weenie she has far bigger issues to contend with than just the weenie.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to LilMissHaven)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 12:10:09 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet
I also tell submissives, especially new ones that it is a good thing to take some one with them to play sessions for a while to help ensure safety. 
No responsible Dominant that I know would object and it helps them get a feel for and input from another person about the person they are choosing to play with.



Are you serious?  What does the guy do?  Sit in the corner and read a magazine while I'm getting fucked?


I.m gonna beat my dick like it owes me money...

BadOne


..That's a funny.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 12:32:08 PM   
LilMissHaven


Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet
I also tell submissives, especially new ones that it is a good thing to take some one with them to play sessions for a while to help ensure safety. 
No responsible Dominant that I know would object and it helps them get a feel for and input from another person about the person they are choosing to play with.



Are you serious?  What does the guy do?  Sit in the corner and read a magazine while I'm getting fucked?


I.m gonna beat my dick like it owes me money...

BadOne


*falls out of her chair laughing* OMG thats funny how much do tickets to that show cost?

_____________________________

I must first learn to master myself, before I can truly be owned by one.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 12:35:19 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Gotta love people like this "diminant".  But as SimplyMichael noted, that is part of the problem too with submissives who do not spend time getting to know a dominant before going off to play with them.  Yeah, it can work sometimes and most likely, it does more often than not.  But then you run into the type like this "diminant" or the "psychomissive" such as the one I went and played with that I had no business playing with given the limited amount of time I spent getting to know her and it comes home. 

Can those you've known for awhile still turn out to be dim or psycho?  Sure...but you can do your best to make yourself aware and decrease the chances of it happening.

And as a side note...God, I love mentors on the opposite side of the whip who exchange information for control/collars of protection/consideration/molesterbation who also engage in sex and BDSM with their trainees cuz "how else will they learn to "take" a spanking properly?".  ~coughs, chokes~

(in reply to DaddyNiko)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 12:53:55 PM   
sirguym


Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline 		I have had girls come to me for human-pony and -puppy-training alone.

I tell them to set up a safe call, leave a note of where they're going, bring a friend or whatever.

Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't; but they are reassured that I tell them to anyway.

If they do turn up with a friend, and it has happended,  it has never been a problem.

I just give the friend a role, as a groom, to take photos, carry the gear whilst we play; make notes and write an account afterwards, whatever seems appropriate, it all adds to the fun.

And if they enjoy watching, that's fine, puppies and ponies love an audience!

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: After the Abuse... - 3/31/2008 1:02:35 PM   
SovereignSlave


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		Safety and security is a big pondering for me. One of my top concerns in this world is that a sociopath might find out I'm a submissive and assume that means I want to be raped. There's nothing I'd like less than someone taking initiative on that, but there's always a possibility that someone will take a predisposition of mine as extra incentive for violence. Not only do I worry about some guy of the street, but also that situation of a dom taking the situation wrong, not respecting boundaries - well, exactly what happened to this poor gal. What are the steps you take? and exactly how much should you know a dom before you get involved with them? How much does a BDSM personals site like this complicate the "truly getting to know someone" process - when most conversations quickly leap to "so, looking to be collared?"

(in reply to LilMissHaven)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: After the Abuse... - 4/4/2008 12:42:22 PM   
Dshome


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/22/2008
Status: offline 		Why not out the person?  Everyone has a responsibility to ensure thier own safety or at least take resonable messures to do so, but someone so far out of line and anyone who violates safe words and causes injury should at least have a harder time finding someone else to abuse.

(in reply to LilMissHaven)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: After the Abuse... - 4/4/2008 12:55:08 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dshome

Why not out the person?  Everyone has a responsibility to ensure thier own safety or at least take resonable messures to do so, but someone so far out of line and anyone who violates safe words and causes injury should at least have a harder time finding someone else to abuse.



#1 reason would be because it's against TOS

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Dshome)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: After the Abuse... - 4/4/2008 1:19:01 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		"After the Abuse" I feel a good country/western song commin' on.




_____________________________



(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: After the Abuse... - 4/4/2008 1:31:00 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet
I also tell submissives, especially new ones that it is a good thing to take some one with them to play sessions for a while to help ensure safety.
No responsible Dominant that I know would object and it helps them get a feel for and input from another person about the person they are choosing to play with.



Are you serious? What does the guy do? Sit in the corner and read a magazine while I'm getting fucked?


Another way to deal with this is to either scene in public for a few times OR you can arrange for safe calls where you literally check in with someone who knows where you are and how to tell the police to get there.

Since many people don't have a public space or don't want to do public play I recommend safe calls. Someone who won't agree to a safe call is someone I'd run from.

On the top side of things, I myself will have safe call set up for me as well and I insist a new person meeting with me have one arranged for him/her. I've told potentials whose response to this condition was "I know you're safe, TammyJo" to take a hitch and give me a ring when he/she is living in reality.

I protect myself and my family and I expect a potential to do the same cause if he/she can't do it for him/herself, they probably aren't capable of then protecting me and mine. I don't risk my own safety and freedom or my family's for anyone not even if they appear to be the hottest sub on the planet. Since I damn well know I'm not the hottest dom on the planet he/she would be a fool to not have the same level of concern.

Yeah, I do feel very damn strongly about issue, thanks noticing.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: After the Abuse... - 4/4/2008 1:36:32 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

She is now under the protection of several prominant members of the local community including myself


I hope you and all of the protectors are trustworthy.  From the way you've spilled her drama to a group of strangers.  I'd say you are not.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to DaddyNiko)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: After the Abuse... - 4/4/2008 1:48:38 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

If you are so pathetic as to need someone to hold your hand, you aren't ready to  pick who to allow to hold that hand.

Listening to others, talking with others, watching others are all great things and should be encouraged.

Picking someone to give you a "collar of stupidity/training/consideration/masterbation" is almost always a bad idea and in fact, anyone who wants to exchange information for control is almost always a bad sign, especially if that control involves sex, bdsm play or anything else from the submissive to the supposed "dom/domme/trainer/mentor/whateverthefuck" dipshit.



claps and whistles

If you are not competant to make a sensible choice about a play partner, neither are you ready to make an informed choice about a mentor/whatever

especially as "abusive non-Doms" make a point of seeking out the girls too weak to take responsibility for themselves ... its like sale time in January... everything is there begging to be bought at any price .. it just doesn't want to be left in the shop

its sad, it shouldn't happen ... but it does ... girls ... use your spine it's there for a reason...make your own decisions and take responsibility for them ... if you cant, date someone nice and vanilla and safe .. and stick to a bit of slap and tickle on the weekends

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: After the Abuse... - 4/4/2008 1:55:00 PM   
UncleNasty


Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline 		I'm thinking about integrity. It is important to me - for me to act with integrity towards others and to accept nothing less from them.

Integrity has many layers. One layer is integrity with myself. When I am taken advantage of by another, or others, who lack integrity I have some options. One is to simply walk away and not engage with them again. Another is to seek out something that looks and feels like justice. Not punishment or revenge or persoanl gain, but justice. Sometimes those lines become obscurred so if and when I do this I consult with others I trust to try and gain an objection view. Fortunately as I've focused on integrity more over the past decade my needs for this have become less frequent.

Another type of self integrity is for self protection. Still another is for protection of others. In these circumstances the "rules" change considerably. If someone is "gunning" for me, or someone I care about, or sometimes even a stranger, then my attitude comes closer to "the gloves are off." In essence protection trumps my need to maintain integrity with those threatening people, self integrity kicks in hard. Yes integrity with self does include self protection.

Not knowing the details of your situation I'm not qualified to offer much in the way of opinion. If there were a Dominant in my community that was acting in seriously harmful ways towards others I would feel some obligation to rein them in, to stop them, to protect others in the community. At the end of the day it is not OK to hurt others in noconsentual ways.

Uncle Nasty


(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: After the Abuse... - 4/4/2008 2:13:04 PM   
CickleMyTock


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/19/2008
Status: offline 		Niko, Glad to read you're looking out for her.  Hopefully a dog will bite this guy's balls off and teach him a lesson

(in reply to LilMissHaven)
Profile   Post #: 35
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