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Request for Knowledge - 10/3/2005 9:44:39 PM   
Devan


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/3/2005
Status: offline 		Hello. My name is Devan and I have been studying the lifestyle on line and by reading many books for many months. I am a dominant and would very much like to become a Master.

How does a man learn to be a Master?

I am recently divorced and would like to take a submissive or slave, but know that until I Master myself, I surely cant Master anyone else.

D

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/3/2005 11:39:52 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		Sounds like you are on the right track.

I would encourage you to find the BDSM organization in your area, meet the folks there through a munch or other informal gathering, and see if it's for you.

There's nothing like hands on training on the road to Mastery.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Devan)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 2:29:43 AM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Devan
How does a man learn to be a Master?


That would depend on what you consider the requirements of being a Master.

There are no objective rules to the term. There are no cirtification boards. There is no accepted defininition within the community. There is no list of requirements or traits that make you a Master or not.

In other words, the term has no meaning outside of yourself and those who serve you. So you decide what you need to know to consider yourself one.


(in reply to Devan)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 2:35:49 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Good luck to you Sir, Sometimes even taking on a experiences slave or sub helps as they can work with you with past knowledge

(in reply to Devan)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 4:57:13 AM   
CanisMajor


Posts: 42
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Devan
How does a man learn to be a Master?


The advice you've received so far is good, particularly the advice to get out and meet some people in the local scene.

Two things that were the hardest for me to get over:

1) Figuring out what I liked and wanted, as opposed to conforming to the way the group thought. It turns out I'm a lot more into service and protocol than I am play as such. If someone had set me down in the first few months and told me that I didn't have to be exactly like everyone else, that would have helped. So now I'm telling you: figure out what you like. Run a mental check to make sure it is safe and realistic. Then go with it, even if your preferences are different from the other guys'.

2) Looking and feeling like an idiot. I'm guessing that in the next year or so, you are going to be doing some things you've never done before. That means you are going to trip up quite a bit. Don't let it get you down, it is part of the learning process. Don't let other doms and masters - who often look so self-assured and never admit to making such errors - make you think that you are uniquely incompetent. We've all been through the wringer on this, so, go out, do your thing, and when it doesn't work out exactly the way you've planned, have a laugh and move on.

Good luck!


_____________________________

The Big Dog

(in reply to Devan)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 6:09:39 AM   
Kasia


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CanisMajor
Looking and feeling like an idiot.

Well, this is the first time someone reads my mind on message board.
May I ask how long does it take to get out of that stage?

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to CanisMajor)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 6:35:41 AM   
target


Posts: 46
Status: offline 		Big Dog is dead on. One of the biggest pitfalls can be taking yourself too seriously. Have fun and learn with the knowledge that you're not perfect.
Find a mentor you are comfortable with.

(in reply to Kasia)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 6:48:53 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		You have the attitude down for the best start. (I don't know what I need to know, but I'm trying to find out).

You've gotten alot of really good advice so far, that I'm echoing here.

1. Define what you feel a master is, read the 907973419817 things that tell you what one is and is not thrash that all out, get rid of the platitudes and focus on what's real and workable for you.

2. While doing that talk to other people who exemplify what you think a Master should be, gather their thjoughts and use them to further refine your own definition.


3. The only real way to learn to be a Master is to define it for yourself and move towards the definition. Eventually you will discover you've been one for awhile and didn't even notice it had happened.

4. Being a Dominant for awhile while you work on the Master thing will make the journey easier to see as something you can do.

5. Don't confirm that you want to be a "Master" until you have a firm understanding of what that means for you. Hell you might find out along the way that you don't want to be a "Master" after all, that being a Dominant, or a Sadist, or a Daddy, or something else.
There is no need to self identify until you know who you are. You wouldn't accept someone else putting a lable on you that quickly, why would you do it to yourself?

Just a few thoughts

In Leather

Archer

(in reply to Devan)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 6:55:19 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia


quote:

ORIGINAL: CanisMajor
Looking and feeling like an idiot.

Well, this is the first time someone reads my mind on message board.
May I ask how long does it take to get out of that stage?



Well I've been at this for over 10 years and when I get out of the stage I'll let you know.
LOL

(in reply to Kasia)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 7:17:05 AM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Good attitude! You're right. You must master yourself first.

As for the learning part, ............ I don't think you will ever stop learning about being a Master. I've been a Dom for years and would not call myself a Master yet. I suggest that you continue to read and ask questions of people who know more than you do. You might also attend local BDSM clubs if you have any in your area and meet people there who can help you along.

Good luck.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to Devan)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 8:10:25 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Follow the Yellow Brick Road!

The Great Oz can grant you the wisdom you seek.

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to OscarHargraves)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 8:18:53 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Seriously, since I'm referred to as a "smart ass", here so often, I will offer my serious side of advice.

Obviously, you have recognized an inner instinct in you that needs to be fed, feed it.
You will learn more here, by simply reading the questions and answer's on all of the forums than you will by researching the subject, although that too helps.
Find like minded people in a group, if that is available in your area.
Some people train under a Master and if you can meet like minded people in your area and find a Dominant you respect and are comfortable with....ask.
Your instincts brought you to this point, so continue to follow them and trust them.
There is no recipe for the perfect Master, but only the desire to become who you think that may be.

Good luck, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 9:26:21 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

How does a man learn to be a Master?

The tone of this evokes images of a BDSM version of a Shaolin Temple where one can become "A" master through years of intense study and meditation. In certain circles one can attain the title of master through decree by others at the top of the pecking order, but outside of those circles it seems that any knucklehead can become a master simply by claiming he is one.

Anyway, I'm just quibbling over a point of semantics. Others have given good advice; I'll just add that you'll become somebody's master as soon as one submissive accepts you as one. Whether or not that makes you "A" master is for you to decide.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to Devan)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 11:09:18 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I am recently divorced and would like to take a submissive or slave, but know that until I Master myself, I surely cant Master anyone else.


Devan,

Knowing "until I Master myself, I surely can't Master anyone else"; is a good first step. The next step would be to answer this question. WHY you would like to take a submissive or slave? Part of "Mastering" yourself is taking an honest assessment of who/what you are but also you need to ponder your expectations. Entering the lifestyle is analogous to doing to a Chinese Buffet. EVERYTHING looks good, exotic. But if you don't know anything you may end up putting raw squid eyes on your plate. Now down the road, raw squid eyes may end up being your favorite dish, but by spending a little time preparing for your adventure you will know how much of it you want to try the first time you pull up to the table.

You need to get out in the world. I'm sure that there are some lifestyle groups in Denver. Attend Munches, ask questions, then go back and assess if your lifestyle and relationship goals need amendment. Take your time. Learn as much as possible. The web is a great source for information.

NO ONE has your answer but you. You need to assimilate what you learn into your personality, your desires, your abilities, and even your economic situation. "Toys" are expensive. Consider making some yourself. But ultimately your physical abilities or the size of your "toy-box" is not as important as your mental preparation. Don't worry about trying to "look good" at a swinging a flogger. Be prepared to make mistakes, and when you make them, and they're silly or they make you look foolish - LAUGH. Don't keep your inexperience a secret. Start out with that honesty and you'll be respected by anyone you contact and eventually have a relationship.

Spend time on the "why". That answer will be your foundation. The more honest you are, the stronger that foundation will be.

HAVE FUN!

(in reply to Devan)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 12:11:44 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

How does a man learn to be a Master?

I am recently divorced and would like to take a submissive or slave, but know that until I Master myself, I surely cant Master anyone else.


Work on yourself. Be honest with any potential partners. You don't have to master the masses, you only need to master one. That in essence is gaining his or her respect.
Trust.
Don't be afraid to ask questions. As Lily stated you probably should find a group. Find someone you respect and pick their brain. From there you can go to parties and just observe, perhap's even participate.

You seem to be on the right path to me...so take it slow and easy. In time you will have the confidence you need.

(in reply to Devan)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 12:38:58 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline 		Hi!

Everyone is giving super advice! I would only like to add one thing.

If you are new to the lifestyle: why say you have "special skills" in things like electrical play, breath control, needle play, single tails..and other things that take knowledge, skill, even training?

Personally, I would not consider those to be skills of a new Dominant. They are "interests".. but skills?

Sorry, if I am wrong, but just something to consider because you may turn off someone who would otherwise be interested in meeting you.... seems like you are talking over your head.

Good luck and take care!

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 1:16:56 PM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello There,
My Master actually had a couple into BDSM for over 15 years take him under their wing and train him for ten years. They helped him learn their techniques and skills. I see others have mentioned getting yourself an experienced sub/slave to help you, but I just wanted to mention maybe a Dom/Master friend could be a Mentor to you also.
Here in the Washington DC area we have presentations through a gorup called Black Rose. Each week they present some aspect of the BDSM play or life and discuss the details of it. For example they've done ropes, fire play, whips, mumification, leather families etc. over the past few months. It's helped me to understand a lot of the safety protocols and tricks the experienced Masters found helpful. I'd say to try and find a group in your area like BR to attend presentations at as it's a valuable part of my training to go to these meetings and see things done first hand.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to Devan)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 3:51:41 PM   
CanisMajor


Posts: 42
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia
quote:

ORIGINAL: CanisMajor
Looking and feeling like an idiot.

May I ask how long does it take to get out of that stage?


I'll let you know when I've figured that out.

If you have a math or engineering background, I'll say this: I'm taking fewer and fewer opportunities to make an idiot of myself as the years pass, but the curve looks like it might be an asymptote. Maybe similar to a radioactive half-life. It may never descend to zero. And I kind of hope it doesn't; if everything always goes exactly the way I expect, life would be pretty boring.

_____________________________

The Big Dog

(in reply to Kasia)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 4:29:35 PM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Devan

Hello. My name is Devan and I have been studying the lifestyle on line and by reading many books for many months. I am a dominant and would very much like to become a Master.

How does a man learn to be a Master?

I am recently divorced and would like to take a submissive or slave, but know that until I Master myself, I surely cant Master anyone else.




You've taken your first steps, my advice is to now form a realtionship, Both of you travel along the path, always learning, and never be afraid to ask questions. I never told my slave to call me Master, instead I told her when she feels that I truely am then she can use the term. When she calls you Master for the very first time, it is one ofthe most fantastic feelings in the world. And you'll know you finally are a Master. Best of luck to you

(in reply to Devan)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Request for Knowledge - 10/4/2005 4:53:37 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Anyway, I'm just quibbling over a point of semantics. Others have given good advice; I'll just add that you'll become somebody's master as soon as one submissive accepts you as one. Whether or not that makes you "A" master is for you to decide.


This is interesting, HP. So is it your opinion that all one needs to be a Master is a willing submissive? Does that mean that Single Dominants don't qualify as Masters?

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 20
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