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~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 3:09:04 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		I was contacted by someone who was angry with me because I suggested that I am looking for a second girl in my home and that I want it to be permanent and that I am expecting them to be open minded and willing to experiment how this particular bond will work.

Now the reason I make this statement is because things just never quite work out as planned and so I wanted to make sure that a person who comes into our lives understood that there may be initail changes and at times constant upkeep till we are able to find a balance that works for us.

I was informed that this was Irresponsible on my part for wanting something that I hadn't thought through to completion. I deleted the e-mail and went about ignoring it when the idea came crashing back time and time again.

I am now completely convinced that so people HONESTLY believe that a relationship should just WORK, That from day one all the answers should be known and all they have to do is follow orders.

So My Question to all the Dom's, sub's, and yet to be properly defined. How do you see common sense as a necessity for your partner. I see the idea of expecting a turn key relationship as being a Lack of common sense, that believing that anyone can have all the answers to anything is just walking into an impossible situation looking for simplicity.

I look for someone who is just as willing to step back and try to find a better way rather than someone who is willing to just run face first into a wall they expect shouldn't be there.

So How Important is Common Sense and Realistic Expectations in your relationship or search?

As Always

Steel

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 3:14:17 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Oh very very important, however they are both rare. I know I am a total fantasit and Idealist, i loved disney as a kid, I think I still believe all the happily ever after stuff deep down which is always a problem. Thing is I know relationships take work but at the same time theres no rule book is there, what is communication? How do you know what to expect? If you over plan things then you end up disapointed but if you dont plan things you end up disapointed. If no one is willing to say right this is what I see it as, this is what I feel I want then no one knows where they stand, esp in poly.

My idealism isnt permenant though, I tend to see the positive right away and get caught up with it, i take people at face value then if something shakes that idea something changes my entire idea will crumble and collapse and I can never get it back, which is due to my youth more than anything, so really I guess I lack common sense and realistic expectations myself.


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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 3:14:42 PM   
dryon29


Posts: 6
Joined: 3/22/2008
Status: offline 		Extremely important so much so that i rate common sense slightly above actuall intellegence

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 3:14:48 PM   
AtlantaMistress


Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline 		It is critical - but goes back to the Trust & Communication I tend to preach about. It is through those things that a relationship is able to build, change, grow. No matter how good real relationships are - there is drama, and it is the ability to work through the problems that builds a strong and successful partnership. It is not easy, but most things in life that are really good are not.

I have no patience for stupidity. In general I say "patience is not high on my list of virtues", but although I try to be very open minded and non judgemental, it is those that lack common sense that annoy me to no end! I often tell those that seem to lack it to use their head for more than growing hair! UGH!!!


< Message edited by AtlantaMistress -- 3/31/2008 3:16:46 PM >

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 3:16:10 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		There has to be a balance for me. Of course things take work.. that's life. But sometimes it feels like people on here are so very quick to say things like 'omg leave, that relationship is dooooomed' etc which drives me a bit nuts.Then there is the other direction where someone thinks it should just slide into place. I think it is a mix of all that, that a person needs to know it can usually work out if work is put in to it.

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 3:18:17 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah at the same time it shouldnt ONLY be work, there should be moments when things just fit, if all you are doing is stressing and worrying and asking questions and re-establishing boundries then when are you actually being fullfilled by the relationship?

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 4:12:53 PM   
DragonLady5


Posts: 183
Joined: 3/19/2008
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline 		I think Common Sense and Realistic Expectations are extremely important in every type of relationship. And it's the things I see the least of among people.

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 4:14:50 PM   
DragonLady5


Posts: 183
Joined: 3/19/2008
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

There has to be a balance for me. Of course things take work.. that's life. But sometimes it feels like people on here are so very quick to say things like 'omg leave, that relationship is dooooomed' etc which drives me a bit nuts.Then there is the other direction where someone thinks it should just slide into place. I think it is a mix of all that, that a person needs to know it can usually work out if work is put in to it.

Excellent. Exactly how I feel. Now can you come beat that into my kids heads?

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 4:16:25 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Ummm I will if you feed me chocolate!

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 4:20:48 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline 		"It takes a Mother to love a fool."

I am no ones mother. I will not endure fools. If the party in question in any way makes me think to myself "What the fuck is this girls problem?" I'm probably already 3/4 of the way to the next state. There are, as all us twue WTFevers know, there is only one book of rules, that applies to all, and leaves no margin of personallity or individualism. And ALL of us twue WTFevers refer to it regularly as the Bible of kink/bdsm/WTFeverelse.

Steel

I thought so much of your other posts... this one just... falls short. Not that you should care what my opinion is, fuck after all you rarely, if ever read my posts.

This one while is a no brainer for the "pro leage rookies," it does inspire me to wonder, just how stupid are these people that... well, I just can't even put into words the idiocy that spews from them. To expect a failsafe relationship with one partner is insane, to think it conceivable in a "multi partner/poly/poli/jesus is anyone else sick of all the additional fucking titles that must be included so as to prevent flaming or offending or leaving someone outs" relationship... that is no longer insane, that steps well and truly into the abyss of retardation.

There, Now that I have turned a crystal clear OP into the cumdrippings you see in my post, happy Posting.

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 4:21:21 PM   
DragonLady5


Posts: 183
Joined: 3/19/2008
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65
Ummm I will if you feed me chocolate!

Want some candy little girl?
*showing Easter basket full of chocolate bunnies*

Maybe we should start a "What will you do for chocolate" thread?

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 4:25:41 PM   
DragonLady5


Posts: 183
Joined: 3/19/2008
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
I am now completely convinced that so people HONESTLY believe that a relationship should just WORK, That from day one all the answers should be known and all they have to do is follow orders.

Where's the manual for that? I could use it.

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 4:27:23 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Common sense is very important to me, however I think everyone is entitled to "duh" moments.  Heaven knows I have enough of my own!  Where those "duh" moments fall on the balance scale is what's important to me.

Then again, there's always the question of how people define common sense. 

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 5:24:01 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

Steel

I thought so much of your other posts... this one just... falls short. Not that you should care what my opinion is, fuck after all you rarely, if ever read my posts.

This one while is a no brainer for the "pro leage rookies," it does inspire me to wonder, just how stupid are these people that... well, I just can't even put into words the idiocy that spews from them. To expect a failsafe relationship with one partner is insane, to think it conceivable in a "multi partner/poly/poli/jesus is anyone else sick of all the additional fucking titles that must be included so as to prevent flaming or offending or leaving someone outs" relationship... that is no longer insane, that steps well and truly into the abyss of retardation.

There, Now that I have turned a crystal clear OP into the cumdrippings you see in my post, happy Posting.


Somewhere I think you got the wrong Idea.

I have read maybe 10 of your current 343 Posts. Not because I don't like you but because it seems we usually post on different topics of I have posted before reading an entire thread where you may have posted. My previous comment was not a Bash on you simply a Fact, I have yet to read many of your posts.

I can see where you may have taken that personally but I assue you it wasn't a judgement.

Now on to your next part.

See this is exactly the issue. Everyone is so worried about looking stupid that this perpetuates this stupid behavior. We feel inclined to list Dom/Master/Top/CockMonger to appease people who would ignore the point of a post to grandstand. Because of this common sense dies. Point in Fact everyone is so afraid to segregate what it is that we do from something else that we do that people come to believe that things are SUPPOSED to work some certain way.

Common Sense dictates that there is no "Supposed" to in Human Nature we forge new bridges and new way all to get to an at times ellusive destination.

My Issue with this girl is that I believed she literally believed that a proper home is walking is and everything being perfect. I have yet to ever see ANY relationship work that way. Things change and at times they change DRASTICALLY, it is all part of the nature of things. To say someone is irresponsible because they leave an open invitation to change to me is part of the problem of people trying to make everything they say apply to everyone. What I say on these threads apply to ME and what I think and as far as that goes if you relate then it is because there is some similarity between what I do and what YOU do but by no means should anyone ever have to appease EVERYONE.

People offten comment that where I will at times make jokes I try very hard not to put down a Poster for any reason, I may be harsh in my judgement of the situation but I try very hard to post everything from a "MY" point of view standpoint and not a "This Should be done THIS way" standpoint.

HerLord much of what you say comes with a knack for being Bluntly Eloquent. You are very matter of fact and I like that. I just don't read a lot of your posts not because I don't want to but because I don't often come across them.

Enjoy yourself, I always do.

As Always

Steel

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 5:34:56 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		No, but things must be thought through well too.
Obviously things don't 'just work' especially in a relationship such as this, but at the same time, this type of relationship in particular (imo) takes more planning and forethought due to possible problems.
You are right, though, that something like this, (especially at the beginning, and at other times in the relationship) would take a bit more...'feeling your way' and 'finding your way' with everyone allowed input.
I wish you well.

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 5:38:10 PM   
Gemini1766


Posts: 991
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline 		There is no such thing as common sense. IF it were common we'd all have it. Since not everyone does, it's not common.

Rational sense, emotional sense, intellectual sense... others as well. But no such thing as common. What you think should be "common sense" may work for you where you were brought up, that does not mean that it will work somewhere else the same way.

That said, ALL relationships require work, even good ones that have been ongoing for years. Communications being the largest part of that work.
There is no "happily ever after" except in books and movies.


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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 5:52:26 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It sounds like they misunderstood what you were saying. Now I'm not into poly but if I were, and if I got a letter inviting me to join a couple but saying they didn't have any idea what they were looking for, or aiming at, I'd give it a  pass. The details of how you get to your goal may change, but you ought to know what the goal is ahead of time.

Actually considering your past post wondering if it isn't time to end your relationship with your wife because of unresolved issues, I don't think a third is the brightest idea.

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 5:57:26 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

HerLord much of what you say comes with a knack for being Bluntly Eloquent. You are very matter of fact and I like that. I just don't read a lot of your posts not because I don't want to but because I don't often come across them.

Enjoy yourself, I always do.

As Always

Steel


Steel... I think I gave you the wrong Idea... I take it here that you understand I am... perhaps hostile or offended that you don't go out of your way to dig up all my postings and critique them with your cunning wit. I was alas attempting to be funny. I aint real good at it (that much should now be obvious.)

On that, I take nothing any one says here too personally. It goes with the theme of this very thread. I regard much of what people have to say as drivel at best. You among an ever growing list of others, I look for your postings to see if anything you say I can relate to. Much of it I do, others... notsomuch. This one started week (within a great context) and grew. Most of yours start out the gate strong, at least the ones I seen.

Any way, if I see more I can contribute I will.

And again, Thanx for sharing.
just my copper

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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 6:06:22 PM   
Poetryinpain


Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline 		All relationships require work - even platonic friendships. The idea that a happy home is just waiting for one to walk in, give a happy sigh, and settle down is ludicrous. Especially when there are three (or more) parties in the relationship, there are many dimensions of personality that need to be taken into consideration in building the family.

Common sense - very high on my list of desirable qualities.

pip, looking for a smart Dom


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RE: ~~The Ever Elusive Commonality of Common Sense~~ - 3/31/2008 6:18:52 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		DesFIP,

I understand your thinking here but you don't have the whole story about my wife and I, not to mention I think you misunderstood my other post as well because I was upset with my wife yes and there are times I am frusterated to no end with her. But it is something that we understand.

My choice to look for another girl was not mine alone it was just as much part of her decision as it was my own. Our reasons and things that come into account on this decision have not been shared here because they don't need to be. I post on certain situations, not on my whole life story so please forgive me when I say I understand your point but you don't know the whole story.

As far as the other part of your reply Yes we have a Goal and what we express to those interested is the idea that we don't know EXACTLY how all the pieces will fit so we want someone who is open minded to change and willing to work toward the greater good not just to get thier wants and needs met.

In this situation there will at times need to be sacrifice and the most of which will need to be comeing from me and so I am looking for those who are willing to work toward the greatter goal of Happiness and function rather just getting their wants and needs met and everyone else be damned. I don't have all the answers and I seek someone who will help me find them not throw everything away because I don't.

The Goal is a UNION and all to often I think I am meeting people who want a scripted reality television show.

As Always

Steel

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

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