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Gemini1766 -> RE: Dominance, and Power (4/2/2008 11:41:44 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Most dominants make crappy leaders, too insecure and self centered to allow anyone else to share the limelight. That isn't a group, that is a cult. Others lead by fear or intimidation, another crappy way of getting your way. We have a word for all this...domineering. In a bdsm context, that isn't a complimentary word.
I would bet more well run bdsm groups are led by submissives than by dominants and that is truest of any group run by a single person. Groups run by a single dominant are almost always thinly disguised harems and or cults rather than well run groups.
The ability to allow others to share the limelight is a skill all too lacking in many dominants as is the ability to tolerate others points of view. Merc of Merc&beth is a great example of what I considere a great dominant to be. Everybody knows where he stands, his opinion is clear and his style is different than many, however as long as you are not full of shit, he can be great to hang around, even if his style is quite different than yours. He is an unabashed conservative and I am a left wing commie socialist pig and yet we get along great.
The one place we share common ground is that we both have a vision of OUR life and how it should be. We are concerned with ourselves but on some level could care less about how others do their lives. In short, to me, if you view being dominant as a zero sum game, the more others have the less I have, you are domineering. However, if you view your dominance as yours and it doesn't matter what others are doing, that is dominance as I see it.
Thus my issue with things like born again christians, old guardians, and gorians, they want to believe if you aren't doing it their way, you are doing it wrong. The difference is not subtle, we both believe that their way is right for them, the problem comes in when they want to tell me my way is wrong for me.
Our founding fathers were all great men, clearly towering in intellect and character during a a time of great men. They did not muscle each other out of the way, jockeying for the alpha male slot. Instead, they worked through their differences, compromised, and together created something not only greater than themselves but one that allowed everyone to follow whatever dream they had for themselves.
In short, some people lead followers, others lead with equals, which would you rather be?
I would not dream of arguing with what you say here, as it reflects much of what I believe.
One of my favorite leaders from the Second World War is General Omar Bradley. Fear was the haven of Patton, and his death is still questionable as accident or staged murder. Bradley on the other hand inspired. That is the man I look to for an example.
I lead because I am able. I follow because I recognize my limits. Am I better than anyone else, no. I just have strenghts where others have weaknesses, and weaknesses where others have strenght. Share the responsibilities, of course, I do not do it all alone. Even when I lead, those who follow me help make me the success I am. Just as when I follow, I help may the person leading that much more successful.
Power, I wield it always. It is how I wield it that matters.
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