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RE: .What advice for the new - and not so new? - 4/2/2008 6:52:15 AM

DomMeinCT

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I'm with you on the newbie area and I'd liken it to two swimming pools: the kiddie pool and the adult pool. Who belongs in the kiddie pool and for how long? Do you ever grow "too old" for the kiddie pool if you like it and want to stay? And even though you might feel safer in the kiddie pool, they're both filled with water and carry the same dangers.

So dispensing with the analogy, I'd say some forum advice might include "know your forum" and know that different forums have different flavors and styles. Some are harder around the edges and require perhaps growing a thicker skin; others are more gentle. Either way, while you shouldn't fear taking part in them (great learning centers), but you'll probably not change the general tenor of a forum. It doesn't suit you, find another that does, instead of wasting time and energy being upset or angry.

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RE: .What advice for the new - and not so new? - 4/2/2008 6:52:53 AM

kittinSol

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If one doesn't expect too much, one can't be disappointed.

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RE: .What advice for the new - and not so new? - 4/2/2008 7:01:35 AM

LadyLynx

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this is perfect timing! I have just recently been meeting with a good looking,sweet guy who is interested in the lifestyle, so I will be fwding this thread to him.

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RE: .What advice for the new - and not so new? - 4/2/2008 1:01:07 PM

RCdc

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Em ya rock - thank you for those!

the.dark.

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RE: .What advice for the new - and not so new? - 4/2/2008 1:04:10 PM

RCdc

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Greetings LadyPact.
Thank you so much for your words and advice, and Master instructed me to send his regards to You and Yours.

the.dark.

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RE: .What advice for the new - and not so new? - 4/2/2008 1:05:34 PM

RCdc

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Greetings RavenMuse

Absolutely sound advise and good thoughts in there to contemplate - new or not! Thank you.

the.dark.

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RE: .What advice for the new - and not so new? - 4/2/2008 1:06:34 PM

ophelialocke

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Meet as many real life people who are active in, uh, activities as possible.
Try not to be insular. A great danger is in hooking up with loners who do not care about guidelines or safety.

I think it is an excellent idea to make early play sessions be in public with trusted people around.

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RE: .What advice for the new - and not so new? - 4/2/2008 1:07:09 PM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT

So dispensing with the analogy, I'd say some forum advice might include "know your forum" and know that different forums have different flavors and styles. Some are harder around the edges and require perhaps growing a thicker skin; others are more gentle. Either way, while you shouldn't fear taking part in them (great learning centers), but you'll probably not change the general tenor of a forum. It doesn't suit you, find another that does, instead of wasting time and energy being upset or angry.

Oh what a fantastic point! And one rarely given over. Thanks for that!

the.dark.

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RE: .What advice for the new - and not so new? - 4/2/2008 5:00:35 PM

chellekitty

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i don't know if this was burried in a longer posting and my adhd reading skills couldn't find it, but this one is very important to me...

if it doesn't sound right or feel right, don't do it!! you don't have to do anything you don't want to, even if the person that wants to do it is highly skilled in doing whatever it is...

i have seen some people very experienced in the lifestyle fall into this trap because they felt they should experience everything and "this" - whatever it was - was something new, and they came across someone who was highly trained and very skilled in doing it, yet they ignored that gut instinct that said that they shouldn't do it and they hated it...so, trust your gut...

chelle

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RE: .What advice for the new - and not so new? - 4/2/2008 5:12:27 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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fast repy

my advice for everyone:

BDSM doesn't mean Brains Surely Don't Matter. whether you're a dominant/submissive/slave, please your brains and listen to your gut instincts. if you make a mistake(believe me, i've made PLENTY), don't get mad ...rant or rave. learn and grow from them. remember there's alway a new day to start over.

don't get upset if no one responds and/or deletes without reading your messages. posting a thread about it is not going to win you brownie points in finding that special someone.

the neverending debate of sub v slave will never be settled but if you have to ask the peanut gallery for the umpteenth hundred time their opinion, expect flame throwing and tempers. so wear your CM-issued flame resistant suit and enjoy your bag of popcorn during the fights.

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RE: .What advice for the new - and not so new? - 4/2/2008 6:41:30 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
it did make me think to question, what would and do you believe are positive points for new BDSMer's to look into? What is your advice for them?

Several points/thoughts that have been good for me personally:

*Don't compare what you want/have to everyone else's relationship. What they have may work out great for them but it doesn't mean you have to do as they do or seek what they seek.

*Don't buy into the idea that you HAVE to go to munches/play parties/any type of public events to find someone or be "real." It's great for those who like such things but those who don't are no "less BDSM" or kinky. If it doesn't feel comfortable, don't be pressured.

*Hand in hand with that point....don't feel like you have to be part of some large touchy-feely BDSM "community." You and the one you seek/have can be just as committed, just as "real" (whatever that means to you) and just as "kinky" (whatever THAT means to you) all by yourselves without an audience or support group.

*Don't settle for less/other than what you seek because it doesn't feel "subly" or "slavey" when you assert yourself. As someone else wisely mentioned, UNTIL you are owned, you don't owe anyone anything. Don't be told what you want by someone who is not yet the One you've chosen to commit to or be owned by.

*Don't let distance hamper your potential relationship. Master and I and many, many others have found their owner/sub/slave from miles away. You don't have to search only up and down your own street. Be open to the possibility that the best partner for you may be halfway across the country or globe.

*Ignore others' definitions/standards of what "real" BDSM is. Define it yourself with your partner/potential partner(s). Only you two (or three or four

) have to live it.

*Live, love, and enjoy!!!!!!!

luci

*Edited for punctuation errors

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 4/2/2008 6:43:13 PM >

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RE: .What advice for the new - and not so new? - 4/2/2008 7:56:09 PM

TNstepsout

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There are no globally accepted rules for how to be a part of the D/s world.

Just because someone has chosen a title from a dropdown list, it doesn't mean they know what they are doing. If someone tells you something that doesn't feel right, then it's not right. Later you may realize that under the correct circumstances that it CAN be right, but if it doesn't feel right for you right now, then it's not.

Don't be confused by what long time D/s couples have as the ulitmate goals of their relationship and what is expected of you as a brand new Dom/me or sub. Some Dom/mes are impatient and want to race to the finish line and some subs want to please so badly that they allow themselves to be "rushed". Don't fall into that trap.

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RE: .What advice for the new - and not so new? - 4/2/2008 9:19:35 PM

SteelofUtah

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Thank you for asking this question Darcy and the dark.

Okay When I think of this question I think of THIS (Which Still makes me think every time I hear it. I listen to it every Sunday before I go to bed)

There are so Many things I think *I* personally would want the NEW to learn but all of them end up self serving somehow so I have thought about this question since I first read it Yesterday afternoon and this is what I cam up with.

Remember that no matter what, you could be wrong.
No matter what you come to know asFact, remember how easily Fact can become as thin as air.
Remember that as you grow your beliefs change and this lifestyle marks a new life for you and it will come with it's own growing pains.
Don't expect the world to make sense, just try to enjoy your place in it and make each day worth while.
If you aren't having fun it isn't worth doing.
Not everything worth doing will be fun.
Nothing worth having will come easy. But just because it's hard doesn't mean it's something worth having.
In the end, all that will really matter is that you were able to be true to yourself.
Remember always the popular answer isn't always the right one.
Don't Hate anything you don't fully understand

"Be careful who's Advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is form of Nostalgia, dispencing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth" (Baz Luhrmann)

I don't have all the answers but I spent a LOT of time doing things because I thought I had to. Luckily enough I ended up learning how to do things that made me happy before I was too old to enjoy the things I'm enjoying now.

In a nutshell?

Never think you know everything about anything.

As Always

Steel

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