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Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 7:34:05 PM

PhoenixRed

Posts: 174
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

OK, I've responded to a number of threads here, but this is my first time posting a thought. Maueybe there is a question at the end....

Today I had to help My slave put down his 13 yr old dog. My dog happens to be the same age. I went over there with the intent of being the strong one, to support him. Well, ended up crying too, despite my attempts not to. My slave understood this was just a "human" moment, and it had nothing to do with our D/s relationship. I still had this nagging feeling that I was supposed to be the one in control, and to support him, with no emotion of my own. I am, after all, his Owner. Right?

I suppose it may be a moot point, and it has been discussed on the boards before, but sometimes I still feel that me having a "human weakness" is not the thing to do at the time in crisis, especially when it had much more of an emotional impact on him than me.

Guess there is really not a question, per se, here. Maybe I'm just down, and so used to supporting others that at times like this, I wonder...who supports me? Sorry all, but being an empath really sucks the donkey dick (and not in a good way, if there is one) sometimes. If you read this as trolling for sympathy, so be it. Tonight I'll take it.

_____________________________

Everyone deserves a break from the person everyone else expects them to be.
In the great experiment known as evolution, evidently there are some people who's ancestors were in the control group.

Post #: 1

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 7:39:32 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

You are still human, and if anything it probably touched him more that you showed true empathy. One of the questions asked just today is whether subs like their Dom/mes to show vulnerability, and the overwhelming response was YES. I'll bet your bond with your sub grows closer because of it.

_____________________________

(in reply to PhoenixRed)

Post #: 2

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 7:41:29 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Sometimes you have to let your submissive be your strength; and sometimes there isn't a strong one, and each has to draw strength from one another. Take the world as it comes and be who you are without worrying about images, relax and be comfortable with one another every now and again. Sometimes you need to just be friends for a little bit.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to PhoenixRed)

Post #: 3

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 7:44:42 PM

PhoenixRed

Posts: 174
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Thanks. I sure do hope so. It's been about 2 years since I have felt life slip through my hands into the other side. Maybe I'm just being over emotional myself. I'm the one that held the dog as he died. I may also be projecting my fears for my own dog, who is the same age. Who knows. Thank you again for the response.

_____________________________

Everyone deserves a break from the person everyone else expects them to be.
In the great experiment known as evolution, evidently there are some people who's ancestors were in the control group.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 4

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 7:46:47 PM

MamaDomme1

Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Sometimes you have to let your submissive be your strength; and sometimes there isn't a strong one, and each has to draw strength from one another. Take the world as it comes and be who you are without worrying about images, relax and be comfortable with one another every now and again. Sometimes you need to just be friends for a little bit.

^^^^He^^^^ copied my answer before I could get it typed out.

It is a beautiful thing when you can share that part of you. Being human isn't always a bad thing, nor a submissive trait.

We D-types don't always have to be big and strong.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 5

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 7:53:48 PM

DelilahDeb

Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

PhoenixRed,

Sympathy extended, nonetheless. For my money, if you have a relationship (friendship, lover, D/s, M/s, or just plain acquaintance) with someone and you accompany them on such a sad/glad errand, you'd be pretty tough not to sniffle a bit in sympathy as the critter lets go.

I did this unhappy task for my high priestess once, and paid the humane society fees for euthanasia as well (she couldn't afford it). I listened to her babble over the deteriorating condition of the cat, I made a few suggestions, and learned that she didn't know where to turn. I researched the question, priced euthanasia, and established where and when it might be available. I drove her, betoweled cat in her lap, to the shelter, walked through the paperwork and confirmation vet's evaluation with her, and (nervously) went on in with her and held her hand while she watched her one-woman cat quietly accept the gift of a passing. Sure, I cried. And I took my priestess home, and made sure she would be able to nap afterwards.

Empathy can suck, no question. The bright side? Empathy during a scene with a compatible sub! That energy just synergizes into a lovely hot ride. Considered a wake for the lost critter? A celebratory scene? whatever.

Delilah Deb

_____________________________

"All acts of love & pleasure are My rituals."
--from the Charge of the Goddess, a Wiccan teaching

(in reply to PhoenixRed)

Post #: 6

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 7:55:30 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MamaDomme1
^^^^He^^^^ copied my answer before I could get it typed out.

It is a beautiful thing when you can share that part of you. Being human isn't always a bad thing, nor a submissive trait.

We D-types don't always have to be big and strong.

Hehe, that's a lesson that i'm still learning; i don't always have to be the strong shoulder. It's not always easy for me to show my vulnerability, even to Ma'am. i've long been used to being the one who others went to for support, and i'm still getting used to it actually being ok to admit that i need it myself.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to MamaDomme1)

Post #: 7

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 8:06:07 PM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline

what a hard job it would be to never be able to show your
human. god imagining the stress of it makes my chest hurt.
personaly i wouldnt want to be with someone who felt thay
always always had to be stoic (sp).

_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 8

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 8:16:30 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

To the OP, if I may.....

Yes, you are struggling. Trust Me, Ive been there Myself, especially being an empath. We're supposed to know this and do that. A higher expectation is some matters.

Still, this is not to say that you do not feel certain things. I know that I do. It takes a very special sub to understand this.

My thoughts go with you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to domahpet)

Post #: 9

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 8:34:31 PM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

I’m so sorry to hear about the lose of his dog.

I just want to say that you are human. Since you are human, sometimes are strongest moments are the ones where we show emotion. And honestly I can’t think of a reason not to be sad over the lost of a pet. You cried shows that you’re human and that you care about him too.

Are weakness are also are times strength.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 8:49:16 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Wow, bonus points for being there for your sub! I have serious grief issues, and having to put down a companion animal? There just isn't enough valium for that. Sharing hard times is important, and ideally brings people closer together.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 11

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 8:50:56 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PhoenixRed
I still had this nagging feeling that I was supposed to be the one in control, and to support him, with no emotion of my own. I am, after all, his Owner. Right?

I suppose it may be a moot point, and it has been discussed on the boards before, but sometimes I still feel that me having a "human weakness" is not the thing to do at the time in crisis, especially when it had much more of an emotional impact on him than me.

The sucky thing about times of crisis is that "should" tends to go out the window...
i don't see at all why sharing an emotional moment with someone who's important in your life should be unacceptable... While i cannot claim to have a slave mindset, i think i would far be more troubled if my Dominant was unaffected by something so emotionally profound for me.
Cry together. Support each other. If the Dominance Police come by to bust you, tell them dave said it was ok

(in reply to PhoenixRed)

Post #: 12

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 9:37:36 PM

PhoenixRed

Posts: 174
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

*quick response to all you wonderful people*
I guess what is really vexing me the most (and for the Jewish among you, making me vaklempt [sp?]) is that one of his kids had a thing at school he had to go to 2 hrs later, so I had to go home. I wanted to be there all night, for both of us. Hey, I totally understand um's and family come first. He's going through a divorce and a custody thing right now, so I have to be "invisible" until August until this is resolved. I try to be there for him as much as I can...but I can only do so much. I do love the boy and he says he loves me. Thing is, big life events happen...I'm there for the "critical times" and then I have to "disappear" because he's not ready yet to introduce me to "everyone". So, I can only support him on a limited basis. Guess that's what the real frustration is.

I had to deal with death of animals a lot in my previous occupation. But, as he said today, "It never gets easier, no matter how many times you've had to do it". Truer words were never spoken.

_____________________________

Everyone deserves a break from the person everyone else expects them to be.
In the great experiment known as evolution, evidently there are some people who's ancestors were in the control group.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 13

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 9:44:34 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PhoenixRed

*quick response to all you wonderful people*
I guess what is really vexing me the most (and for the Jewish among you, making me vaklempt [sp?]) is that one of his kids had a thing at school he had to go to 2 hrs later, so I had to go home. I wanted to be there all night, for both of us. Hey, I totally understand um's and family come first. He's going through a divorce and a custody thing right now, so I have to be "invisible" until August until this is resolved. I try to be there for him as much as I can...but I can only do so much. I do love the boy and he says he loves me. Thing is, big life events happen...I'm there for the "critical times" and then I have to "disappear" because he's not ready yet to introduce me to "everyone". So, I can only support him on a limited basis. Guess that's what the real frustration is.

I had to deal with death of animals a lot in my previous occupation. But, as he said today, "It never gets easier, no matter how many times you've had to do it". Truer words were never spoken.

Personal opinion here: As long as you accept the situation as it is right now, and it appears that you do; you need to not only accept it for him, but for your own sake. Yes, frustration will go hand in hand in such a situation; but you have to remember that even when you cannot be together; he is taking your love and support with him, and you must remind yourself that his love and support is with you. No, it will not stop the hurting; but it can alleviate the pain, frustration and guild if you let it.

Run a hot bath, take off the SuperDomme cape and boots, dip into the tub and imagine him in your arms.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to PhoenixRed)

Post #: 14

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 10:03:16 PM

PhoenixRed

Posts: 174
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelilahDeb

PhoenixRed,

Sympathy extended, nonetheless. For my money, if you have a relationship (friendship, lover, D/s, M/s, or just plain acquaintance) with someone and you accompany them on such a sad/glad errand, you'd be pretty tough not to sniffle a bit in sympathy as the critter lets go.

I did this unhappy task for my high priestess once, and paid the humane society fees for euthanasia as well (she couldn't afford it). I listened to her babble over the deteriorating condition of the cat, I made a few suggestions, and learned that she didn't know where to turn. I researched the question, priced euthanasia, and established where and when it might be available. I drove her, betoweled cat in her lap, to the shelter, walked through the paperwork and confirmation vet's evaluation with her, and (nervously) went on in with her and held her hand while she watched her one-woman cat quietly accept the gift of a passing. Sure, I cried. And I took my priestess home, and made sure she would be able to nap afterwards.

Empathy can suck, no question. The bright side? Empathy during a scene with a compatible sub! That energy just synergizes into a lovely hot ride. Considered a wake for the lost critter? A celebratory scene? whatever.

Delilah Deb

Thank you much. I agree with that last part, when I can be empathic during a scene, WHOOO HOOO! lol But today, in this circumstance, I ended up taking a lot of the pain from him, brave as he was that he didn't want to show it. After we buried the dog in the back yard, I came in and literally threw up in the sink after hugging him for a bit. Empathy sometimes has it's down sides, but I SO don't regret if I could take some pain from him. It's one of the things I'm good at with those I care about.

_____________________________

Everyone deserves a break from the person everyone else expects them to be.
In the great experiment known as evolution, evidently there are some people who's ancestors were in the control group.

(in reply to DelilahDeb)

Post #: 15

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 10:08:46 PM

PhoenixRed

Posts: 174
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Thanks, dave, I really appreciate your words. I'm so used to "fixing" everything and "making everything allright", that I just felt there was no real "ending" to it for either of us. He probably had that with his kids tonight, since they knew it was going to happen too. I guess I just feel kind of "left out" to fend for myself and deal with my emotions on my own now. Not the perfect relationship between him and me, I'll admit, but we're working on it. Thanks again.

_____________________________

Everyone deserves a break from the person everyone else expects them to be.
In the great experiment known as evolution, evidently there are some people who's ancestors were in the control group.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 16

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 10:15:27 PM

ricar00

Posts: 45
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline

i look at your emotion as real and genuine in a situation where one would be emotional, in this case of losing a pet. If i were your slave i would have more respect for you cause you were human and allowed yourself to just be who you were at that moment.
i have been in various situations were my domme/Mistress broke down and cried about something hurting in her life, and i felt wonderful being able to hold her, help her emotionally, yet retain my respect for her as my owner.
You should not feel guilty about anything in this case.

ricar00

(in reply to PhoenixRed)

Post #: 17

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 10:19:26 PM

hopelesslyInvo

Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline

i have a viewpoint or belief that many would probably find insulting, but in part with it; i would find it more comforting if you were to cry with me.

(in reply to PhoenixRed)

Post #: 18

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 10:19:59 PM

PhoenixRed

Posts: 174
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Personal opinion here: As long as you accept the situation as it is right now, and it appears that you do; you need to not only accept it for him, but for your own sake. Yes, frustration will go hand in hand in such a situation; but you have to remember that even when you cannot be together; he is taking your love and support with him, and you must remind yourself that his love and support is with you. No, it will not stop the hurting; but it can alleviate the pain, frustration and guild if you let it.

Run a hot bath, take off the SuperDomme cape and boots, dip into the tub and imagine him in your arms.

Thanks, darch. I really haven't tried to be Super Domme during all of this.....just me, whoever that is! lol. I have to accept the situation as it is right now...no real choice if I still want him to be Mine. Time will tell. I'm a patient person and willing to wait for him, because I think he's worth it. When we aren't together, I do dearly hope he takes the love and support I give him with him. He's working on the communication part of things...not something he's used to doing. Again. I'm being patient. No, won't stop the hurting, that I well know. Nothing less would be expected. I think those that I choose to love are worth the wait. YMMV.

_____________________________

Everyone deserves a break from the person everyone else expects them to be.
In the great experiment known as evolution, evidently there are some people who's ancestors were in the control group.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 19

RE: Sometimes, regardless of intent... - 4/1/2008 10:23:58 PM

PhoenixRed

Posts: 174
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelesslyInvo

i have a viewpoint or belief that many would probably find insulting, but in part with it; i would find it more comforting if you were to cry with me.

Oh frack, why the hell would that ever be insulting! Emotions are emotions, we all have them. If we can share them and help each other through the hard times, more power to all of us!

_____________________________

Everyone deserves a break from the person everyone else expects them to be.
In the great experiment known as evolution, evidently there are some people who's ancestors were in the control group.

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)

Post #: 20

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