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What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 7:58:13 AM

BIllCT

Posts: 160
Joined: 9/14/2004
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When the relationship is based on D/s or BDSM amd you put aside the kinks and sex itself. what exactly do you expect between a Dom and Submissive or slave, when not playing?

Me I look for someone with common intrests and someone I can talk to and share different things with that are beyond the kink and sex. You know those quiet times when your both not into the sex or kinks of the lifestyle ya both cozy up and watch a movie or go for a hike or what ever. I think ya have to have more in common then just the kinks and sex, ya need to have both pysical and mental things in common. Anyone else expect less then what would be included in a vanilla relationship, in a lifetsyle one?

< Message edited by BIllCT -- 4/2/2008 8:04:41 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 7:59:52 AM

BIllCT

Posts: 160
Joined: 9/14/2004
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Please excuse the typos in the posting above, I apoligize, my fingers don't have eyes in em these days lol.

(in reply to BIllCT)

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RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 8:01:03 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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You can edit your post up to one hour after posting it.

Different people expect different things. I wanted it "all" some just want to play...depends on the people.

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to BIllCT)

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RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 8:03:24 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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ok blushes. this is the first I have seen that you can edit these post. How is it done please.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

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RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 8:04:57 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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Go to read your post, then at the top it has, reply, edit, quote and fwd. Just hit the edit button, and edit away!!

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~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 5

RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 8:05:30 AM

BIllCT

Posts: 160
Joined: 9/14/2004
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Thank blushes it helps when one can edit em lol!

(in reply to Dnomyar)

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RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 8:10:47 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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*lol* yvw! I love to be helpful, when I can.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to BIllCT)

Post #: 7

RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 8:12:47 AM

Leatherist

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Honesty and effort.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 8:16:37 AM

BIllCT

Posts: 160
Joined: 9/14/2004
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Honesty and effort and caring area ll a part of any good relationship, what I was saying is afte rthe sex and kinks wear off and your alone and tired or just spending normal time, don't you also expect all that is included in a vanilla relationship in your lifestyle relationship too?

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 9

RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 8:21:47 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
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count me in-- I wanted it all and felt I would be short changing both me and the person who I was talking to to settle for less.

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Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 10

RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 8:25:44 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
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lol... Seems "expectations" is the topic for this week.

FirmhandKY and I both talked about our expectations in a thread made over a year ago. In it, I wrote...

quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

In an ideal lifelong D/s relationship, all that we have to offer is mutually recognized, desired, accepted, and appreciated. To quote myself from a previous post...

...The peace comes by finding someone who has what you want, and wants what you have.

A year and a half later, I can't say that I'd answer any differently.

* Here's a link to the thread I quoted. It's a great thread.

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 4/2/2008 8:26:14 AM >

(in reply to BIllCT)

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RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 8:26:40 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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I expect different things from my mostly vanilla husband and my slave. In a lot of ways I think I expect more from Fox.

For example, I don't expect my husband to obey me; I damned well expect that from my slave.

From my slave I expect to have no financial burdens, he needs to pitch in to cover his expenses in the household but he does not support me financially. However, my husband and i have the responsibility to support each other financially. I worked while Tom got his Master's and if I don't get a job this season on the academic market, he'll support me until I do now that I have my PhD (funny, I could get more work as a grad student than after I finished).

Part of these differences is a matter of law -- legally Fox and I don't have a recognized relationship but Tom and I have legal rights and responsibilities. Part is my own definition and expectations based on the dynamic, slave, husband, etc.

All three of us all have a lot of overlap in interests, we have to or we couldn't get along and live together so well for several years now.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 4/2/2008 8:27:22 AM >

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(in reply to BIllCT)

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RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 8:45:40 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
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i kind of see it like this, that the D/s dynamic is in there all of the time, a dominant will always be a dominant and the sub will always be a sub, but that doesnt mean they dont do vanilla together. so kicking back on the sofa, walking around a gallery, going to a cafe, having a walk is all normal stuff done with two people who 'operate' a little differently to vanilla, but enjoy being together and sharing all aspects of life.

i dont see a D/s relationship being something you switch on and off though, it can wind down, chill and just be, infact i would say that almost certainly that is how it is for much of the time, but with the D/s always there keeping the dynamic in balance.

i mean i cant imagine chilling out on the sofa and Him lets say, wanting a coffee and me saying... make it yourself.

(in reply to OmegaG)

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RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 10:24:07 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BIllCT

When the relationship is based on D/s or BDSM amd you put aside the kinks and sex itself. what exactly do you expect between a Dom and Submissive or slave, when not playing?

Our relationship IS based on D/s - his dominance over me and my submission to him. Without that, we wouldn't be what we are. When not "playing" he still masters my life. If he did not master my life, he would not be my Master.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to BIllCT)

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RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 10:52:26 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
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My relationship is based on BDSM. Putting aside kinks and sex, we still have a relationship based on BDSM. We don't consider our sex life as BDSM based. In fact, it's really rather vanilla and has little to do with BDSM. Whether we are watching TV, having dinner with friends, surfing the internet, we are still Dom and sub.

In other words, we don't separate our lives between vanilla persuits and BDSM ones. I don't role play as a submissive, and he does not role play as a Dom. It is part of us, not a separate kinky thing regulated mostly to bedroom activities.

(in reply to BIllCT)

Post #: 15

RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 11:17:16 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

capability ,communications ,willingness to laugh as well as learn ,spontaneous ,honor ,respect .These are some things i desire but do not expect as a given nor would i demand .

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 16

RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 11:23:09 AM

charmdpetKeira

Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BIllCT

what exactly do you expect between a Dom and Submissive or slave, when not playing?

Truth, acceptance, respect, and responsibility; at all times.

k

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

(in reply to BIllCT)

Post #: 17

RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 11:24:22 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...don't you also expect all that is included in a vanilla relationship in your lifestyle relationship too?

absolutely not. the two don't co-exist in this slave's mind. for her, either a relationship is a vanilla one---with or without kink, or a lifestyle one, with or without kink.

some folks blend the two...but for this slave, a vanilla relationship is of no value to her, or the vanilla she would be in the relationship with.

does that mean this slave isn't directed to "play" vanilla-wife on certain occasions---no, as a matter of fact, we have created a persona for her to use for just those occasions...but that is a role, an act that this slave puts on, for Master's amusement. it is not her nature, the nature of our relationship, or what this slave "expects".

those times are few and far between, as Master is working on a plan to retire to our own lifestyle-friendly existance that would preclude the need to put on business attire, or interact with vanillas/relatives anymore than a few postcards from the edge...and the persona of "Mrs. Merc" will be nothing but a fond memory.

perhaps this could be a reason as to why this slave doesn't have vanilla "issues" with Master. there is nothing to fight about, there is no struggle for control, or to have things MY way, no reason to be angry with Him---it is ALL about Him, and He makes it ALL about US...this slave's expectations of Him are as a wonderful, responsible Master to His loyal slave, not as MY husband, and all the vanilla expectations that go along with that.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 4/2/2008 11:29:15 AM >

(in reply to BIllCT)

Post #: 18

RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 11:53:18 AM

MsHonor

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Joined: 8/15/2005
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(Well, hello, beth... shy finally shows me a thread here that I feel I have to post on, and next thing you know, I see you two's lights. Nice to 'meet' you, so to speak. ;-) )

My point of view is quite similar to beth's and some others already voiced. The difference between those who see a need for a "different kind" of relationship in "vanilla" moments, and those who do not, is the difference between those with a fetish and those who simply "are"... And no, I'm not saying there is anything "wrong" with either.

As I've said in many places at various times, I'm not the dominant because it's my turn to hold the whip, or because I was trained to be so, or because it turns me on. I'm the dominant because it's who and what I am, and, it seems, I was born this way.

Owning and having responsibility over a person is not, to me, something that begins or ends, or even specifically has anything exclusive to do with the bedroom. In all times and places where there has been slavery, there have been those who had close, personal relationships with their property, sexual and otherwise. The fact that they become as close and cherished as family or spouse doesn't alter the very basic fact that one is owner and one is slave... One is authority, and the other, property.

I expect to be able to discuss the morning news, poilitics, or philosophy. I expect pleasant companionship as I enjoy a night out at a restaurant or film, or as I enjoy curling up on the couch to watch television or a DVD. I expect respectful but honest and rigorous debate of ideas ranging from important to trivial. I expect someone who knows when they can joke with me, and when it would be inappropriate.

I expect that she will always, on a deep and basic level, remember that she is mine, and that she won't need the constant support mechanisms of props and theatrics to do so. For this reason, our relationship may often look, to the casual observer, like a perfectly "vanilla" one... However, if that obsverer is... Well, observant, then it will be obvious enough in short order which girl "wears the pants".

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 19

RE: What do you expect? - 4/2/2008 12:06:45 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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It depends on what the people involved are searching for. I am pretty clear about the fact that, while I may be open to a casual relationship with D/s and BDSM/sex involved with no expectations of long-term, I also make it clear that it is not MY preferred route. I want a long-term D/s relationship and, for me anyways, that would have to involve someone that I was interested in romantically also. I also make it clear that any casual relationship I would engage in would not preclude me from seeking someone who WAS into the long-term in the same manner that I am...romance and love and D/s/BDSM shared over the long-term.

But there are other D/s relationships that are long-term that are not romantic nor are they love-based. In some of these relationships, there are other interests besides the D/s and these interests are shared in some fashion though not in the same way that romantic couples do. And in some long-term relationships, the D/s and BDSM is first and foremost with little else in common except the attraction between the partners for this specific purpose.

(in reply to BIllCT)

Post #: 20

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