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RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/6/2005 3:11:52 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

There are so many reasons why this can happen. They aren't *real* (yep, I know, controversial word usage), they lost interest, they gained interest in another, something was said that bothered them, they burn out fast with everyone they talk to, they are just (gasp) playing games on-line . . .

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 41

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/6/2005 3:25:24 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub

AAkasha,
Thanks for all that you said. I hear you and it all makes good sense...particularly the parts about how emails can come across and how a person's interest level plays a role in whether possible annoyances are overridden or not. I think I was fair in what I said in the last email she received before blocking me. Essentially I said I looked forward to hearing from her again at her convenience, then outlined what I thought were the possible reasons I hadn't heard from her even though she had already been online twice and read the two messages I sent while she was on her trip.

Since those emails said simply, "Have a nice weekend" and "I hope your weekend went well" I can't imagine how they could have started pushing any panic buttons but who knows, maybe they did. I even mentioned perhaps this was a test of sorts on her part as a Dominant. I tried to be clear I was not anxious or overly eager beyond the natural eagerness anyone would feel in wanting to continue what had so far been a very positive dialog.

anthrosub

I can't speak for all women, but I do think the way you explained that last email would set off warning bells to many. What you said was not "I look forward to hearing from you" (casual). It was an email that explained how you already analyzed why she could possibly be delayed and acknowledged you knew she was online and not writing to you. That's way too clingy! In fact, it's even a little creepy. If you are putting that much thought into analyzing the reasons why she may or may not have time to write, it's too clingy. It's desperate -- it shows you are extremely attached and also shows some dating immaturity in a lot of ways.

The fact that you said you thought it might be a 'dominant test' is also creepy. You are assuming she wanted to dominate you in that way (which is a weird way to do it) and trying to turn your hurt feelings around to say "maybe she's actually domming me and I should accept that." You are making "excuses" for her not contacting you, then explaining them to her. By staying how you are trying not to be overly anxious or overly eager you were being OVERLY EAGER and OVERLY ANXIOUS.

Just slow down. Don't analyze everything and definitely don't tell the women what you are analyzing. It's a big turn off and makes it sound like you don't have anything else going on in your life. Play hard to get a little. You can show interest ("look forward to hearing from you") without going into all that detail.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 42

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/6/2005 6:02:13 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

I, actually, have the exact same situation going on at this very moment. Now, I did not block the boy, and I have tried to explain to him why I feel pressured and why I feel he is being over anxious and has expectations he has no right to have.
I do get creeped out when I realize someone, and he freely admits it, is tracking My online time. This is not the first time this has happened, and it is not even that he is aware I have opened an email or not. He is tracking Me on the message boards.
Yes, sometimes I am very tired. Sometimes I am ill. Sometirmes I have had a lot going on and then I need time to regroup, decompress and just catch up.
Although I would not just block someone (I have seldom needed to block anyone), I would write a quick note questioning what I would perceive as neediness, desperation and pressure on the Domme.
I do feel that pressure, that pushiness, when a boy writes to Me in this manner. I have had emails waiting for Me when I arrived home after a hard day, questioning why I did not respond, when I had no time to respond and felt the email warranted more than a quick note. I am almost at the point where I will deliberately not open an email just because My schedule will not allow more than a "No thank you" reply, and I don't know if the email will deserve more than that.
What a position to be in! Worried about opening an email unless you have the spare time right then to answer. Yet, this happens too often for My comfort, and I am not sure how else to handle it.
This goes both ways, btw. I have been in correspondence with boys I felt had some character and possibility, and suddenly...nothing. Not only nothing..their name has gone black. The profile is even gone! I shrug and move on. I realize I have a bit of an upper hand here, as I do get a lot of mail, and most of it is not worthwhile. But sometimes, I am just tired, and I don't have the energy level to answer an email immediately. I need some time. When that time is not graciously offered, when My time is demanded, as if it is a right, for whatever reason, it gives Me pause, and usually is enough to end any interest I might have had. I don't think a few days is a big deal. I have found that even a few minutes seems to be a big deal to many.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 43

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/6/2005 7:34:09 PM

anthrosub

Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline

AAkasha,
Thanks once more for some sound advice. Everything in your post has merit. Now, don't take this as being defensive or argumentative but I'd like to add a couple more details to what you laid out. First off, as I'm sure everyone knows, Collarme shows when people are online and lets you know when your messages have been read or deleted. I didn't have to do anything to know these things. But as you said, I could show some restraint and be cognizant of how mentioning these details could rub someone the wrong way.

Next, my suggesting perhaps I was being tested, well I've had a couple experiences in the past where this is exactly what was being done. Not knowing her well enough, it was my way of saying her not writing could be anything for all I know...even that. Some of this stuff can be a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. It's hard to tell.

Finally, and forgive me for saying it this way as I'm not trying to toot my horn but I'm a highly intelligent person. I'm always thinking, it's what I do for a living and I've been that way all my life. This was one of the first "compliments" she gave me, so I had the impression that demonstrating my analytical skills wouldn't be taken as some sort of "creepy" activity on my part.

But overall, there is much value in your advice and I will take it and the lesson I've learned and apply it in the future.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 44

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/7/2005 5:13:04 AM

anthrosub

Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline

TiNeedsHouseBoy,
Your post is pretty irresponsible and borders on slander. Do you have even the faintest idea of what you just did? Do you make it a habit to take bits and pieces of information out of context and/or what you recall "seems" to be the truth and use them to profile someone you've never met? Maybe I should ask what axe is it you have to grind? Not that it would matter to you but you just lost my respect.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)

Post #: 45

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/7/2005 5:22:29 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub

TiNeedsHouseBoy,
Your post is pretty irresponsible and borders on slander. Do you have even the faintest idea of what you just did? Do you make it a habit to take bits and pieces of information out of context and/or what you recall "seems" to be the truth and use them to profile someone you've never met? Maybe I should ask what axe is it you have to grind? Not that it would matter to you but you just lost my respect.

anthrosub[/color]

Sometimes a gentle answer turns away wrath. You might do well to consider your pattern of responses to any post you feel is unfair.

An important question to keep in mind is "why am I here?" Once you have that firmly fixed in your mind, bring up the second question, "does this post further that goal."

It is entirely possible to win every battle and yet lose the war.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 46

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/7/2005 10:14:31 AM

TiNeedsHouseboy

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline

Yiminey! Touchy and obnoxious! You've created a mirror for the attitude you crafted in the Alt profile that was referenced.

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub
TiNeedsHouseBoy,

Such a challenging weakness in subbie talents: Poor attention to detail!

Unlike you, I am not my CollarMe or Alt or any other faux name. My name is Ti, pronounced "tie," not "tea." I have never once signed a post as "TiNeedsHouseboy." That's merely a registration name, which will hit the dirt as soon as I get around to creating yet another CollarMe name due to the server's propensity to corrupt ability to send/receive e-mail.

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub
Your post is pretty

Why, thank you. How lovely that you enjoyed that shade of blue.

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub
irresponsible and borders on slander. Do you have even the faintest idea of what you just did?

Oh, DO share with the group what I just did from your perspective. I know I can't be wrong about my Alt recollections. I just checked your CollarMe profile. The cage shot is sitting there in plain view. Clearly, my memories remain intact.

BTW, when you want to throw a tantrum, it always helps to grasp the definition of the accusation you're making. Here are the relevant dictionary definitions:

SLANDER - noun Law - the action or crime of making a false spoken statement....

LIBEL - noun Law - a published false statement that is damaging to a person's reputation; a written defamation. Compare with slander.

In other words, when referring to bulletin board posts, the correct noun is libel, not slander. Since you seem to value your intellectual capacity, use of correct vocabulary shapes others' perceptions about such abilities.

Where is the libelous statement? I described my reaction to/perception of your profile's text. I noted that you likely didn't even realize that your content was coming off as abrasive. I cross-referenced it to the behavior you described regarding your interactions with the prospective dominant female. In other words, I was addressing the query that motivated you to create this thread. In response, you threw a tantrum. Is there something plastic-fantastic about your DOMestic posts that's unnerving you?

I don't get it. Why did you start this thread? Was it to gain self-insights, travel a path of self-improvement, and make yourself the best person you can be in preparation for a prospective dominant woman?....

~ OR ~

Did you merely want everyone here to console you about the mean ol' domme who dumped you like a hot potato?... which would teach you nothing, and do nothing to further your search?

Here's an example of libel: Had I accused you of plagiarizing that serialized piece of erotica you posted to DOMestic, then you'd have grounds to kvetch.

I'm not much of an erotica reader, but it was a highly visual tale that could have been viable with further tweaking/editing.... to the point where someone like Sardax could have a heyday drawing pictures to support the story. Instead of obsessing over why contact was terminated (suggest you read the book titled He's Just Not That into You; though it's supposed to be advice for women about guys, you seem to manifest the behaviors described by the authors), "woe is me" posts, and hissy fits, it would behoove you to sublimate unmet BDSM needs into a productive, marketable book project.

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub
Do you make it a habit to take bits and pieces of information out of context and/or what you recall "seems" to be the truth and use them to profile someone you've never met? Maybe I should ask what axe is it you have to grind?

Axe to grind???? How can I have an axe to grind with someone who's hardly even a vague digital blip in my life?

YOU started this thread, not me. YOU solicited feedback. If the feedback breeds discomfort, look inside yourself for why that is, rather than lashing out.

Keep in mind that lashing out to externalize blame will do nothing to paint a positive picture of you to prospective Dommes who read this board.

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub
Not that it would matter to you but you just lost my respect.

Here's the bare-bottomed reality for you to chew on: If your Alt profile had not been obnoxious, I would have sent you a friendly note, not because I think you would fit as my houseboy, but because I contact intriguing people. Unfortunately, any intrigue that you might have held evaporated due to the aura of abrasion you exuded.... which brings us back to the start of this thread.

It's time to look inward for why the prospective Domme shut you down.

~ Ti ~

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 47

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/7/2005 12:13:06 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

There are so many reasons why this can happen. They aren't *real* (yep, I know, controversial word usage), they lost interest, they gained interest in another, something was said that bothered them, they burn out fast with everyone they talk to, they are just (gasp) playing games on-line . . .

I agree with this. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 48

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/7/2005 2:39:08 PM

anthrosub

Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline

I could take the bait you're so transparently waving for all to see but I won't. Instead, I will address your posts with some genuine questions.

First of all, I've never spoken to you before so that rules out any sort of personal vendetta you could be harboring towards me. Do you have something against men in general and just look for someone to attack or riducule to get some sort of rise out of people?

Your first post was not simply about giving me some advice; I doubt anyone here would have gone to the lengths you did to try and humiliate me on the boards. Do you have a fetish for humiliating subs?

Taking my sentences apart and replying to them out of context as some sort of tease lends support to my contention that this is what you did in the first post. If you're so righteous, why are you engaging in this immature behaviour?

Slander vs. libel...very well. I think the readers (and you) got my meaning regardless, so I'll leave that as it stands.

Regarding the Alt profile and the cage picture (which for you, seems to be the anchor of your accuracy). The profile text you mentioned was written in February 2001 and was changed at least three times over the next two years. The specific text you're referring to was the original (more on that in a moment).

I built the cage in February, 2004 through March, 2004 so the photos could only have appeared no earlier than March, 2004. You're right about remembering the Alt profile text but dead wrong about the cage photo, so your credibility is not as airtight as you'd like people here to believe. Details...remember?

Now, back to the text. I think your message would have served both of us well if you had taken the time to contrast my old profile with the current profile. Why did you focus on something from 4 years ago? Motive?

My fantasy story. For the record, the reference to "secret cock garden" appears nowhere in the text. If you're going to reference something at least be accurate about it. There is a scene where a Dominant female doctor shows one of the primary characters (a new female Dominant member to the club) a room where she uses a special DNA in the form of a gas and vacuum cylinders to alter the genitals of male subs to their owner's specifications. This is a medical fantasy of course. She jokingly refers to it as her "cock garden."

The story is 29 chapters long. Why did you pick this particular detail to post about? There are a whole host of other details (how men should treat females respectfully for example). Was this contrary to your intent? By the way, I met my last Mistress as a direct result of writing that story and received many requests from other Dommes through DOMestic for a copy. I think it was received rather positively by most and let's not forget, it is after all a fantasy.

I've asked the Moderators to review this thread (and your value as a member). I was pretty upset this morning with your post, so I guess you got something out of it. But a few other members have already privately warned me of your track record, so I've put it all in perspective now.

Have a nice day!

anthrosub

< Message edited by anthrosub -- 10/7/2005 3:35:41 PM >

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)

Post #: 49

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/7/2005 3:06:13 PM

AbstractSavant

Posts: 149
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline

Wooo.

Crazy-go-nuts!

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 50

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/7/2005 6:15:00 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

anthrosub:

before you reply, remember: Dommes are evaluating you as you write.

Texas Maam

Indeed we are. And some of us appreciate Anthro's persistence in not being a push over and in stating his case clearly.

I have been pursued half ass by so many men that I say Anthro, don't doubt yourself and your approach. Go with what feels right.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 51

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/7/2005 6:35:35 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

And I agree wth LA, anthro. But, you already know that! *W*

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 52

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/7/2005 8:09:46 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

An important question to keep in mind is "why am I here?" Once you have that firmly fixed in your mind, bring up the second question, "does this post further that goal."

It is entirely possible to win every battle and yet lose the war.

Pearls before swine, My friend.

Keep casting them out here, though...they shine with eloquent lustre to those of U/us who choose to See!

Texas Maam

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 53

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/7/2005 8:58:47 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

And I agree wth LA, anthro. But, you already know that! *W*

Ditto!. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 54

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/7/2005 10:34:59 PM

AmanTei

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

WOW, lots and lots of excuses for the pretend Domina, huh? Simple stuff really antro, you ran into a wanna-be. To those Ladies who think that on line folks are not real, might I suggest some immeadiate therapy? Who the hell do You think Your writing to??? Who do You think is writing back? These submissives are not exsistancial ghosts here for when You are bored with what little "real" lives You obiviously lead, most are honestly seeking a Dom or Domina to complete themselves or to take them furter on the journey down the BDSM highway. Not real?? How much damage do You think you can do to someone in a months worth or Your type of "not real" entertainment?? What is this a movie?

Gee-Whizz! You don't like it when someone waistes your time either so get off... and if Your just into useing these submissives for entertainment for the moment then You need a reality-check!

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 55

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/7/2005 11:44:48 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

WOW, lots and lots of excuses for the pretend Domina, huh? Simple stuff really antro, you ran into a wanna-be. To those Ladies who think that on line folks are not real, might I suggest some immeadiate therapy? Who the hell do You think Your writing to??? Who do You think is writing back? These submissives are not exsistancial ghosts here for when You are bored with what little "real" lives You obiviously lead, most are honestly seeking a Dom or Domina to complete themselves or to take them furter on the journey down the BDSM highway. Not real?? How much damage do You think you can do to someone in a months worth or Your type of "not real" entertainment?? What is this a movie?

Gee-Whizz! You don't like it when someone waistes your time either

I always wonder too when people say online folks aren't real, because I am real, and though I take people online's statement's with a grain of salt, until/unless I find lies/inconsistencies, I consider the other person to be like myself, sincere.
Welcome to the boards AmanTei. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to AmanTei)

Post #: 56

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/8/2005 12:34:58 AM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AmanTei

WOW, lots and lots of excuses for the pretend Domina, huh? Simple stuff really antro, you ran into a wanna-be. To those Ladies who think that on line folks are not real, might I suggest some immeadiate therapy? Who the hell do You think Your writing to??? Who do You think is writing back? These submissives are not exsistancial ghosts here for when You are bored with what little "real" lives You obiviously lead, most are honestly seeking a Dom or Domina to complete themselves or to take them furter on the journey down the BDSM highway. Not real?? How much damage do You think you can do to someone in a months worth or Your type of "not real" entertainment?? What is this a movie?

Gee-Whizz! You don't like it when someone waistes your time either so get off... and if Your just into useing these submissives for entertainment for the moment then You need a reality-check!

Excuse me, but I would suggest therapy for anyone that finds virtual world too real.
I just dont interact with people well based just on typing letters, if I am to consider them real and of some importance to me, I have to see the look in their eyes, the body talk, hear the tone of their voice.

It doesnt mean I go around hurting someone or "playing" online. In fact, I dont do online anything I wouldnt do offline, I am not pretending or playing to be someone else. I am always the same person - the problem is that others are not. And that is why I dont take anyone for granted in virtual world. And I dont call them "real".

Thats me. You dont have to agree. Period.
But if you go around recommending a therapyst or reality-check to someone you dont know, I should say you are the one who needs reality check.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to AmanTei)

Post #: 57

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/8/2005 5:54:20 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AmanTei

WOW, lots and lots of excuses for the pretend Domina, huh? Simple stuff really antro, you ran into a wanna-be.

I find it interesting that when some men are rejected, the woman they relentless pursued, is now a "wanna-be" or accused of being a "man," just because she rejected him. Oh, and sometimes, she's just "too fat anyway!"

(If this was the case, why pursue them, and continue to complain when things don't work out, if they were so bad to be with in the first place?)

I find too many people take "online" initial contact far too seriously, and some even act as though they are in a committed relationship, when in fact they are in the "getting-to-know-you" phase ONLINE. "Real" to me happens when you meet face-to-face, not when you hit your e-mail button "to send."

Rejection does not equate to fake, wanna be or being the opposite sex. Sometimes...it just plainly means, "I'm not interested!"

Life with it....get over it....and move on. That's the best advice. Dwelling on it, or accusing the person of a multitude of things, will not do a thing for them, but it'll say tons about you.

K

(in reply to AmanTei)

Post #: 58

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/8/2005 12:27:13 PM

balletsissypa

Posts: 44
Joined: 12/11/2004
Status: offline

i feel your pain. i also understand some concerns about how long between emails before you got upset that you heard nothing. My particlar fetishes and kinks do not seem to hit a cord with many people so i no longer get bothered by it but i used too. i have -emailed several dozen people since having joined and have only heard back from 4. (none were interested) i have had almost all of them read. there are those who only get on like once every 3 to 6 months it seems. I have had pleanty that I have seen read but have never been responded too. So long that collar me has taken them out of my mail file. Go figure. When i first came to the board i had already had bad experiences with this on other boards so i e-mailed a couple and asked why. Was i impolite or disrespectful or miss some requirement. One said i had no face shot...which she never asked for so thats why she never replied and the rest said they were not interested so could not be bothered with a resposne. Its knda sad.oh well......thats my 2 cents.
kimmy

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 59

RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme - 10/9/2005 1:11:32 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

And I agree wth LA, anthro. But, you already know that! *W*
Ditto!. M

I haven't spoken before now on this thread, but double ditto!!!!

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 60

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