RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (Full Version)

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TiNeedsHouseboy -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/10/2005 8:19:05 AM)

Your capacity to insert innuendo where there is none defies logic. It's the sort of dynamic that would keep a psychotherapist quite busy for some time to come during intensive psychotherapy sessions.

FYI: I have nothing against men in the least. In fact, I have enduring, significant relationships with men that have gone on for decades, with no end pending, short of end-of-life. Why? They find me nurturing, intuitive, and libidinally aware. In fact, I've just begun my 19th year with the man who sleeps in my bed nightly. I am still friendly with the man who I was involved with before him. And on and on it goes.... back to my boyfriend from 1971.

I'd have to do a headcount on Platonic male alliances. There are many.

Beyond that, despite the prevalence and popularity of humiliation among BDSM practitioners, I despise humiliation as a dynamic for my interactions. I don't accept doormats, or insecure partners, or those who require humiliation as part of their domination. My partners must be mensches in every sense of the word.

My friends and libidinal partners are never intimidated when I call a spade a spade. It's simply a channel to open a path to discussion, insight, and growth.

Time to look DEEPLY into your psyche and why my post disrupted your life. I would again stress that you read the book titled HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. You're continuing to mirror the psychodynamics analyzed in that book. It will help you to get a better grasp on your ability to relate to women, so that you won't need to create threads like this one, or throw tantrums like the one you're tossing about.

You're clearly trying to engage me in some sort of power struggle. Since I won't play your game, you've run to "mommy moderator" to try to spank me. It must be exhausting to live in your universe.

~ Ti ~



anthrosub -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/10/2005 2:02:39 PM)

Thank you for your thoughts.

anthrosub



nobullshit2005 -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/15/2006 11:20:47 AM)

I feel for those of you who have been slighted or received no responses to emails, especially after what appeared to be positive interaction.  I have always tried to reply to emails... until lately.  There seems to be an influx of passive aggressive males who cannot take a polite "I'm not interested but I wish you well in your search" for an answer lately.  Sure, they've always been around, but now they seem angrier and more aggressive.  

I posted one example on my collarme journal recently, if any care to read it.  It was from a male who said he was a slave.  he had interests that just don't do it for me, and I very politely said I wasn't interested.  Perhaps I should have ignored his original email since it was only a link to a pic of his torso, with not even a "Hello".  The nut did teach me to ignore some initial emails. Maybe he forgot to take his meds but its no excuse.



dicipline2 -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/15/2006 12:47:37 PM)

I feel for you anthro, but dont let that expierence sour you. Just jot it down as 'lesson learned' and go on. I have had the same expierences and you have to understand there could be many factors in why this happened.

1. As someone else posted, there are alot od male "slaves" that are on here just for kicks and have no intention in the least of being serious or they start right on in with the obscene pictures. Most dommes can differentiate between these morons and actual subs. however, true subs/slaves get written off on the same note.

2. There are some dommes who may just not be ready. They are in that gray area of crossing into S&M and just have not made the leap. They tend to become afraid if they think that they may actually have something which is careening them ever closer to that unsure world they are curious, but not definate about.

The best thing you can do is chalk it up as expierence and go on. It sucks and this is a very heart wrenching process, but the rewards are fantastic once you find someone who seems to match your interests.

Good luck!

P.S. 
some friendly advice,
dont wear your heart on your sleeve by making posts like this. you will often simply generate ridicule and be labeled a "whiney" slave and you sound like a person is who is actually real about BDSM.
I hope you find a Mistress soon..... :)



LASub4Real -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/15/2006 1:13:43 PM)

anthrosub, you're a smart guy:

That's not flattery, you've been on for a while and you've had some good posts.
If anyone cares to check that out, I'm sure that they will agree with me.

But you've come asking advice and I am going to try and give you some of a rather hard variety.

Courtship is a dance. There is some serious sizing up going on. Anything can happen which might give people pause, of change their minds, or dissapear them. BUT and this is a big but here, you can never ever, ever, ever, ever, let them see you sweat!!! Never! If someone doesn't want to talk to you, for whatever reason, no matter how wonderful and fulfilling the conversations have been up to that point, then just STOP. I know that you won't want to or feel like it but this isn't about how you feel. Just turn a switch on in your head called "resolve" and don't touch that keyboard to send another email.

Because NOTHING you do, no question you ask, no reminding, or urging, is going to change their mind. The greatest chance that you have is to show some backbone and resolve and go your own way without a backward glance. And WHY? Because nothing is as unattractive as DESPERATION!!! And even if you think that you are only insisting on common courtesy, civility, and the American way, it will come off as desperation believe me! Women hate that! Men hate that! Everybody hates that!

It's not that you're wrong. It's just that you're ineffective. You have to be strong, and confident, and damn independent, and self sufficient (YES even as a sub!). If you are that then your submission will mean something. Yes, even a submissive has to present some level of challenge and edge to his Domme. When I submit to someone it's not because "I have to," or "need to," it's because I choose to submit to her. We can never afford to be weak, needy, clingy, or even too insistant upon our rights. There is no better way than that to indicate to a Dominant that your submission is based more on your desperation than of her attributes and your respect for them.

I hope I haven't been too hard. I say it only because I believe that it will help.

LAsub




BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/15/2006 1:35:47 PM)

Just FYI:
This thread is a year old.   I don't know who revived it or why, since there are always newer threads on courtesy of people replying or not.   M



demistress -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/15/2006 2:43:20 PM)

Heh, thanks for pointing that out BTF!!!



MisPandora -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/15/2006 3:37:31 PM)

What I tend to forget from time to time is that the domina might be the only kink-minded person who has talked to this tragically lonely fellow (as opposed to the female, who gets those 5+ emails a day, or is routinely involved in the BDSM lifestyle and already has regular kink interaction.)  When he hangs on every word of hers, and she's quickly scanning to him to make certain he doesn't have any squick-factor or that he meets her initial suitability, it's already cascading into a potential "expectations not bilaterally met" situation.  I've had this happen where something untoward came out in a subsequent email that repelled me, and I've tried to say, "Hey, this isn't going to work for me."  I'm met with belligerence, hateful anger or tears and sobbing.  Maybe it's that folks get way too invested in a surface investigation of each other because they're here for fantasy exploration and they're not bothering to get to know the person first before immersing their brain into the equation?



MisPandora -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/15/2006 3:43:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

There is nothing more annoying than a guy that checks up on when you were online and matches that up with when you did or did not write and then calls you on it. Just beause I logged in to collarme doesn't mean I owe you an email.

Yep, that's kinda creepy and stalkerish.  I'd be more creeped out knowing that he knew my home and business address with demonstrated behavior like that!



WhiteRadiance -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/15/2006 4:02:00 PM)

Don't take it personally.  There are many out there who would be very proud to have you.  She must not be too smart.  Count yourself lucky. ;)



LTRsubNW -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/15/2006 4:44:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub

To add more clarity to what happened, the dialog was very positive and balanced. We were both talking about ourselves and each other. I learned enough about her that I now know her home and business address and have a photo.
 
Well now, you're damn near married.  I'd presume by this point you've moved her to your life insurance.
 
We may not have had time to get close but were getting personal at least. The last email I received from her stated she was going to spend the weekend on her boat and would write me upon her return.
 
Hell man...by this time I'd be thinking about naming children based on each others family names.

I emailed her a "have a nice weekend" message as we were both online at the same time when she sent me that last email. I waited until late Sunday afternoon, then sent a "welcome back" message for her to find upon her return. On Monday, I sent nothing and she never came online. Tuesday morning, she came online, read my messages but no replies. ("She's" a guy).
 
Tuesday night, I emailed her a message stating my concern and asked if she had lost interest, could she please let me know. She read that message as well...no reply. I sent one more and discovered I was now blocked.

I'm not vested in this person, she wasn't being harrassed or peppered with mail, and all indications were that things were going well. What got me was being blocked after asking for the simple courtesy of closure. I did everything with respect and got dumped on in return. But like others say...look at the bright side. At least I don't have to find out this is how she handles herself much later after more involvement.

anthrosub


(She's a guy).



lunamor -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/15/2006 5:11:02 PM)

I came into this thread only now, in a short time a lot has been said. As I began reading it, I was mentally preparing my response until I read Akasha's first post, and then her other comments. I'll just add this: what Akasha said, in spades - not only for the original poster but for all subs who make contact online with a dom.

Lunamor



lunamor -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/15/2006 5:15:54 PM)

" in a short time a lot has been said. "

Ooops guess it is an old thread, I didn't notice the year! [8|] Oh well sorry about that.



DivineDarkDiva -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/15/2006 6:38:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

Just FYI:
This thread is a year old.   I don't know who revived it or why, since there are always newer threads on courtesy of people replying or not.   M


Then the newer threads ought to be linked to this one.  :-)  I've enjoyed reading these posts, and have gained some insight in the reading.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/15/2006 7:01:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DivineDarkDiva
Then the newer threads ought to be linked to this one.  :-)  I've enjoyed reading these posts, and have gained some insight in the reading.
Linking ain't my job, I'll sit here and hope LuckyAlbatross will be by soon to help. 
Either way, I was simply pointing out the date to help out the folks responding as if the OP were dealing with this issue today.   M



DivaDuchess -> RE: Getting Ignored While Trying to Get to Know a Domme (10/17/2006 3:28:04 AM)

I ... OMG ... okay let's begin my train of thought again *deep cleansing breath*

I read everyone's posting, then went back to the original ... there were two that stood out.  The first one was the 'stalker' issue with online monitoring of where and when stuff, the other was the original posting where after a few days and some postings, the subbie was feeling ignored.  Generally the second condition with the 'I'm being ignored' turn into the feelings of 'Internet Stalker' ... or worse if there was an exchange of personal information ... let's hope not.

Take a deep breath there buddy ... it's an online thingy for gosh sake.  I met my current husband 7 years ago ... online.  I bought into 5 stepchildren and a very blended family, and there were WEEKS that we had no contact because REAL life takes presidence.  So ... knock off the whiny, crybaby stuff and go bowling or take a walk or something, anything.  Step away from the computer and be REAL.  Have you considered that she's ... testing you?  I do that ... all the time.





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