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kindlytop -> married sub (4/2/2008 4:08:28 PM)
Ok, so I have had a wonderful time seeing a sub woman that is married (i know this) but not happily, yet has allways said she did not know what to do about her marriage. Now the husband, who has been absent because of his work for a number of years (only a few visits home per year) is coming home for good in a couple months. The last conversation with her about this went along the lines of "your perfect, I wish i was not married, but i hate to think i would just be giving up." Ok...is this a doomed relationship for me? The prospect of not seeing her, let alone not being about to try making a life with her is getting me down.

angelbluewingsz -> RE: married sub (4/2/2008 4:24:46 PM)
you knew it. Get screwed and just be happy. that's the problem with you men... never happy.

kinkypuppy2 -> RE: married sub (4/2/2008 5:48:17 PM)
One of the many issues about playing with a person who is committed to another.. Others are... 1. Trust (If they are being dishonest to their married partner how can YOU expect to be treated better. 2. Commitment So they are going to run out and Divorce their Married partner who of course is ALWAYS the one causing all the issues and get involved with you so they can do it again on you with someone else. 3. Oh, yes do anything to me but , Don't leave a mark my husband may find out...... You may or may not have known about it at first but you know as well as we do that it will not work out well.

CelticPrince -> RE: married sub (4/2/2008 5:49:52 PM)
quote: Ok...is this a doomed relationship for me? The prospect of not seeing her, let alone not being about to try making a life with her is getting me down. top, Simply put, it is out of your hands; just wait until he gets home and see what happens. He may come home with some baggage. CP

SirMIkeSD -> RE: married sub (4/2/2008 8:40:58 PM)
Move on. Mike

mzbehavin -> RE: married sub (4/2/2008 9:01:07 PM)
Sighs* Is she r/t or online? If shes online, its possible you could carry on but really, do you want to be the poisen that kills an already obviously floundering relationship? In my opinion, if you really love her and want the best for her, especially if theres lilones, you will encourage her to work on her marriage and step back. I have my reasons for thinking this. As i learned the hard way, the grass is actually dead on the other side.

SailingBum -> RE: married sub (4/2/2008 9:33:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kindlytop Ok...is this a doomed relationship for me? The prospect of not seeing her, let alone not being about to try making a life with her is getting me down. Married girls are like busses one comes along every couple minutes. Hop on another one. BadOne

LadyPact -> RE: married sub (4/2/2008 11:00:52 PM)
I am very much reminded of one of the best sig lines here on CM. "You knew the job was dangerous when you took it." When you got involved with a married person who's spouse didn't know, you had to understand that this was one of the possible outcomes. You knew the risk, and proceeded to accept that by pursuing the relationship. Now, the husband comes home to roost. You have no choice but to step back and let that relationship succeed or fail on it's own. It is the honorable thing to do. Edited for grammer.

TwistedLeather -> RE: married sub (4/3/2008 2:21:18 AM)
You took a chance, and it may not work out. It's in her hands now, but in all honesty my opinion is her marriage will eventually fall apart on it's own. Do you really want to be the one to have to sift through the pieces and scavenge what's left? The smart thing to do would be to give her space, and let happan what's going to happen. In all their time apart, i'm sure they've both changed and they're going to find out they're married to a stranger. They may be compatible and she'll be happy... or it'll be a wrecking ball event. In which case, watch out for shrapnel! (did i even spell that right?) Anyway, let her do what she needs to do and move on with life. If she comes back to you, it's on her own accord and best of luck.

RavenMuse -> RE: married sub (4/3/2008 4:42:34 AM)
You knew the situation when you got involved. Being involved with a married sub (Wether you consider it happy or not) ALWAYS entails a random factor that you are not in control of that can change at no notice. That is a risk You should have accounted for in Your decision as to whether to get involved at all. That is Your Own failing to blame no-one elses. Either move on or wait and see if there is anything to be salvaged once the new situation settles.

Dnomyar -> RE: married sub (4/3/2008 6:36:43 AM)
Ditto what Sir Mike said.

kindlytop -> RE: married sub (4/3/2008 7:20:23 AM)
It started a year ago as an online flirtation, then went real time. A couple times a month (geographical issues). And I know she was seeing some one else before. Seems hubby just does not "get" the whole D/s thing. Yeah, I knew the situation headed in. Just have fallen a lot harder than i ever imagined. Enough so that the L word gets tossed between us.

Mercnbeth -> RE: married sub (4/3/2008 8:00:18 AM)
~ Fast Reply ~ That poor bastard! Working his ass off on the road, probably sending money home, now coming home to be with a cheating self centered bitch; who found a facilitator to scratch her itch. I "don't get" how anything good can be expected as a result when the people involved start off lacking integrity, providing evidence that they can't be trusted. But she wouldn't be able to do that without being enabled by the OP. The 'L' word? How meaningful can that be coming from the source? Oh yeah - can't do anything about her situation; because money, property, personal comfort is more important than personal integrity. Splitting up the family is another common excuse; because separating parents and not having such an idyllic facade can be detrimental to their upbringing. When reality comes to light it usually isn't as pleasant as finding out there is no Easter Bunny or Santa Claus. Learning your parents used you as an excuse to breach a vow starts you doubting you can trust anything or anybody. Everyone should be entitled to pursuing happiness. However, at minimum all the spouses and significant others should be informed. Were there something I was incapable and/or unwilling to do for my partner to satisfy a physical or emotional desire I'd not only encourage her but help here have that experience and life would go on. Without that disclosure, finding out after the fact, there would be no recovery possible from that breach of trust. Why would anyone start something like this when the best result possible is living, or being a part, of a long term lie?

kindlytop -> RE: married sub (4/3/2008 8:32:28 AM)
Well, "that poor bastard" had a year long affair with someone in his last year long stint home. Compleat with a restraining order against him to keep him away from then gal he was doing once that ended.

Mercnbeth -> RE: married sub (4/3/2008 8:38:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kindlytop Well, "that poor bastard" had a year long affair with someone in his last year long stint home. Compleat with a restraining order against him to keep him away from then gal he was doing once that ended. And your sub stays with him because....? It sounds they were made for each other. Tell me, do you consider yourself a cuckold for him or he for you? If you obtain your goal of "making a life with her" will you feel comfortable about taking any long business trips?

RavenMuse -> RE: married sub (4/3/2008 8:39:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kindlytop Yeah, I knew the situation headed in. Just have fallen a lot harder than i ever imagined. Enough so that the L word gets tossed between us. Then spot the bit you didn't account for. Always a possibility..your own fault and no sympathy for you there. It changes nothing. You haven't explicitly said the hubby was being cheated on (But after seeing M&b's responce it does look like he maybe is being, which IMO makes it even worse), but either way that isn't yours to deal with. she has to sort out her situation with him.... and you, like I said, either move on or twiddle your thumbs and wait to see what situation emerges. But if she is cheating.... if she can treat her supposed primary partner with such disregard, don't expect any better treatment from her in the long term. And if you knew she was cheating and went along with it.... you aren't the kind of person she'd be wise to trust the integrity of either.

AMaster -> RE: married sub (4/3/2008 8:42:37 AM)
The best and longest relationship I had (ten years) was with a married woman. In your case, it is clear that things are coming to and end. Feel sad, grieve if you must, then move on.

kittinSol -> RE: married sub (4/3/2008 8:46:15 AM)
- Fast reply - This is supposed to be a tolerant place, where we are not supposed to say "my kink is better than your kink", yet I read a lot of judgemental comments on this thread... it's not because the people involved sound a bit clueless that we can dish out morality lessons.

kindlytop -> RE: married sub (4/3/2008 8:50:37 AM)
oh, i think there is going to be some sadness on both sides. Yeah, there has probably been some cluelessness on both sides here.

DesFIP -> RE: married sub (4/3/2008 9:09:36 AM)
Givew them some space. They may be able to make the marriage work. They may decide there's insufficient intimacy left. They may decide to open it. But if you really care for her, allow her and him to decide without you pressuring her.

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