RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (Full Version)

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colouredin -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 7:00:06 AM)

Yeah other one today is complaining that us subs are awful for not just wanting to be toys and wanting to be in a relationship.

Im thinking there may be one of your problems when it comes to meeting people.

Edited to add, the first part was in reply to KS's comment about threads, the second is to the op.
(happy now :P)



OmegaG -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 7:01:23 AM)

you are such a sweet talker Gemini



BossyShoeBitch -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 7:02:46 AM)

I just read his other threads...

No comment..



Floggings4You -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 7:02:50 AM)

I think there are many people on sites such as this who enjoy the fantasy of meeting someone and engaging in kinky behaviours--and who never intend it to be more than a fantasy.  You aren't ever going to meet these folks, 'cause they're never going to take their dominant hands out of their laps--or let go of the mouse with the other!  Even if they've read your reasonable advice--hell, even if they actually schedule a lunch meeting with you--it's all just part of the fantasy.  You'll still end up having lunch by yourself.
 
But, despite whatever it is that keeps so many people unwilling to join O/our reality (apparently preferring the fantasy), I've met far more 'real' (actual, living, breathing) people, face-to-face, than I've had times when I've been stood up.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BIllCT

The catch 22 of Bdsm is this, many people want to get involved in it or are in it, but, they are scared to meet anyone.
 
Ever notice people say, how about a coffee or dinner or a lunch, but then very few show up?
 
Well, it is called the catch22 of being in the Lifestyle, I can't take a chance in meeting you, how do I know your safe to meet, how do I know you won't touch me unless I say you can, etc.?
 
Well, some simple rules should apply folks,
1) Meet in a very public place with people around you.
2) Take a friend if you need too
3) Take a cell phone if you do not have a friend, or just take one to be safe.
4) Talk first before you decide you will scene or play and never do so on the first meeting.
 
Just Figured I would mention this catch 22 of BDSM and D/s, because I see so many people looking for partners fopr the lifestyle but many hesitating to meet, worried the people they meet may be problems.




kittinSol -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 7:05:09 AM)

Oi! Mind where you hit "reply" [:D] .



Gemini1766 -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 7:07:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

you are such a sweet talker Gemini
Thanks dear.
I am a sweety, mostly.

The mind is such a powerful thing. If you can remember to keep your fingers/mouth under control and use your mind to help you express your thoughts clearly, honestly, and in a productive way, you get a lot further than when you let your fingers/mouth run away and just sound off.

I'm feeling like doing a test now.



Gemini1766 -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 7:28:14 AM)

Test in progress. It seems to be working out nicely. Got a few responses so far and all are good. :)
Not only is it a test, but it gives people ideas on ways to meet others for the first time. I like it.



anonymousslave -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 8:00:20 AM)

Gotta think about something though...... how serious are the people about the type of relationship they are trying to get involved in if they can't even meet someone face to face?  If someone from work asked you out to coffee, would you go? Of course, cause that is a person... online it is just that, online.... a computer screen, not a person.. so it is a lot more difficult to find the people who are serious and do want what they are saying they want. Fear is one thing, but when they don't have the confidence in themselves to face their fears, then is it really worth it?



Leatherist -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 8:06:12 AM)

I don't sweat it-but I only bother with veterans-never total newbies. Maybe that is your real issue?



Gemini1766 -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 8:06:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: anonymousslave

online it is just that, online.... a computer screen, not a person..
So, you are saying that all of us here are AIs. We're not real, we're simply computer programs communicating very well like HAL9000 would.

Everyone here is REAL. The identity they present may not be quite accurate, but never-the-less real.
We have feelings, hopes, dreams, desires, fears, hates.... the whole gauntlet.



DesFIP -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 8:57:52 AM)

I didn't take a friend.
I didn't have a safe call.
I did get into his car on the first meet.
We didn't play but only because we ran out of time, I had a ferry to catch. We did wind up half naked in the back seat of the car in a deserted parking lot. Would have been fully interrupted but a cop car came into the parking lot at that moment.

Five years this August.



Lynnxz -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 9:36:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DS4DUMMIES


4. Never meet a man at a place your TomTom cannot find.





Hahahaha... This is one of my rules actually >.>

<3 Tomtom



akisha -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 9:41:03 AM)

Hmm first off... What the heck is a TomTom??

And regarding the OP. I've met lots of people from online both nilla and kinsters. I've probably broken every rule too lol.
I have never been stood up. There have been more then a couple meetings that lasted as long as it takes to drink a cup of coffee or Ice T then it was ya well have a good one and never talked to them again. lol My former Dom, our first date was 21 hours *grins* my current Dom, our first date lasted 10 days.

My Dominant now, I picked up at the airport and took him home *S* opps, my bad  hehe [8|]



peppermint -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 9:59:28 AM)

quote:

Hmm first off... What the heck is a TomTom??


A TomTom is a type of GPS unit, Global Positioning System....one of those little things we plug into our car and it tells us how to get from point A to point B. 



Lynnxz -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 9:59:57 AM)

TomTom = gps unit... that's only a rule because I consider my self ah... navigationally challenged...



dawntreader -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 10:00:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

LMAO. Aileen like someone would not show to meet you.


i am thinking the same thing!!! i would even show up and i am straight!

quote:

  Bill don't fret it. I sure that you will be able to con someone into meeting you.


i hope so for Bill's sake - he has been searching a long time and seems a bit frustrated [;)]



dawntreader -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 10:05:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DS4DUMMIES

Let me elaborate a bit on this......we're missing some key info here....

These are MY rules for safety :)

9. Don't ever go to the home of a man who seems very anal about making sure you are both out of the house by 2:45 PM.
10. Beware the Dom who explains away the women's clothing, toiletries, makeup, etc. in his house, as "..oh...that stuff belongs to my cross-dressing roommate. By the way, it's almost 2:45 and we need to get going..".

...Just common sense .... :)





DS4,

[sm=applause.gif]This was priceless! i love it - specially the quoted section above...just about had my lunch land on my keyboard!



darchChylde -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 10:13:11 AM)

i got in Ma'ams car the first night i met Her, also i ended up going to Her place (and She drove) less than a week later.

Good think that She's not some twisted sadist who wanted to tie me up and... ummm... oh, wait.

*darchChylde backs out slowly*



OmegaG -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 10:17:04 AM)

Ironically it seems that those who have had things work out well have done so by not following the rules......

I still think that a good instinct trumps any predefined set of "one-size-fits-all" rules.



LadyPaige -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 10:19:31 AM)

I'm big on safety too, mostly because the first Dom I played with (I'd played with Doms before, was just waaaaay long ago before I knew what a "Dom" was) chewed me out for not taking safety precautions with him and painted all kinds of gory pictures. 

And safety goes for men too.  Last summer when I was looking for a submissive male I met a guy here, met him in public, and eventually went to his place to play (I made a safe call, even sent a pic of him to my friend).  I bound him to a closet door using door straps and a spreader bar wearing nothing but a breakaway thong and a blindfold.  Then I asked him.  Have you told anyone about me? "No", So, no one knows I'm here? "No" I then put a ball gag in his mouth, removed his thong, and told him that I'd play with him while I waited for my friends to arrived with a truck to empty his house.  *Sigh* I had informed him that I found mind games to be delicious but he must not have appreciated it because although he enjoyed the session (according to the physical evidence and his verbal feedback) I never heard from him again.



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