RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (Full Version)

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Gemini1766 -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 10:46:26 AM)
LP, I bet he's more cautious ever since that meeting.

LadyPaige -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 11:00:03 AM)
Hope so. He's still listed here and logs in occasionally, so apparently I didn't totally scare him away.

Missokyst -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 11:06:04 AM)
I meet people all the time. I don't need to take a buddy with me. I do carry a cell, but these days most people do. Naturally any meeting will be in a public place. LOL it is difficult to imagine meeting anyone in a hotel room. Playing? Umm.. my policy is always to meet people as people, and not as potential play partners. That eliminates the expectation of play. Personally I find people freak out too much about meetings. If people would relax, and stop putting so much pressure on what may happen then they may actually meet someone nice along the line. Kyst

SteelofUtah -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 11:06:08 AM)
This is all about degrees of risk and the situations we promote here in CMLand. I meet ANYONE! Period. I also carry a CCW and am always prepared to use it. This thought process might scare a sub who I am wanting to meet. I.E. "He wants to meet me and might be carrying a Gun.....I think I'll just not show" This is not something that I get a lot only because I DO THE LEG WORK. I discuss If they are comfortable meeting me, Why and Why Not. I take the time and am willing to give them whatever information they need to be happy and content that I am EXATCLY what I say I am. However I feel for bi\|\|ct here. I know the feeling of doing the leg work and realizing that NOTHING I say or do is going to allow them to drop thier guard. In situations like this I Give up and walk away. I am sure they just think I am married or hiding something when in reality I am just done jumping through hoops and getting nowhere. I believe that all everyone has to protect themselves but there is a difference between PROTECTING YOURSELF and PROTECTING YOUR FANTASY. I know for a Fact that 6 of the people I contacted who said they had experince had NO REAL LIFE CONTACT. It was all online, that had never ones been in the presence of a dominant person in which they were the obect of thier attention. I know that they chose not to meet many people because it might not life up to the Fantasy or they didn't know if they would be able to really do all the things they said they would do. I see this ALL the time. The discussion is heavily situated in play and they see all these things as exciting and something that in Theroy they would like but when it comes to the actual experience they are met with the reality of the situation and it's actual timeline they BOLT and just ignore and disappear and this way the fantasy is preserved and they can give all sorts of excuses why they never showed or what the reason was. Dominant Personalities down help this situation either. From the Chest Thumper Dom's to the Lick My Boots Domme's who DEMAND IMMEDIATE Respect and Devotion before getting to know the individual at all and thier flamboyant behavior and outword bemeanor many people who want the Fantasy are met with or think they are actually meeting THIS kind of Dominant. So when they are ready to be vulnerable and let someone in on thier fantasy they are met with someone who tells them FLAT OUT. I don't care what you want I am going to take what I want and you are going to like it. When I meet someone new I have a Rule. NO SEXUAL OR PHYSICAL CONTACT PLANNED. If It happens GREAT, if not then I am still meeting someone who has shown interest. I know there are LOTS of people who SAY they are the same way but I have a MILLION stories where it was agreed to and then the Dom spent half the night convincing them to go and play. This lifestyle is a Waiting Game. If you aren't prepared to wait inbetween partners or until a partner is ready I think you will be met with lots of the "Little Girl/Boy Lost" Syndrome. If the person is worth playing with then they are worth getting to know, and if they are worth getting to know then they have worth as a PERSON and not just a TARGET. Slow down Yes, But don't Stop. There comes a point when you literally HAVE to throw caution to the wind and TAKE A RISK if you want to be involved in this lifestyle. Educated Risks are still risks but at least when everything is done nothing should have surprized you and you can be ready to put yourself back out there again. Steel

DS4DUMMIES -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 11:21:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gemini1766 @ DS4Dummies [sm=applause.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=mrpuffy.gif] lol....well...thank you....:)

anonymousslave -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 11:23:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gemini1766 quote: ORIGINAL: anonymousslave online it is just that, online.... a computer screen, not a person.. So, you are saying that all of us here are AIs. We're not real, we're simply computer programs communicating very well like HAL9000 would. Everyone here is REAL. The identity they present may not be quite accurate, but never-the-less real. We have feelings, hopes, dreams, desires, fears, hates.... the whole gauntlet. No I am not saying that. I am saying that anyone can say anything online when you don't have to see or hear the other person. It is a good place for people who are afraid of the world to hide and be anyone they want to be. But when reality sinks in they are too afraid cause real life and online are so different. We are still people. There is no tone in typed word.

akisha -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 11:38:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: peppermint quote: Hmm first off... What the heck is a TomTom?? A TomTom is a type of GPS unit, Global Positioning System....one of those little things we plug into our car and it tells us how to get from point A to point B. Thanks peppermint and Lynnxz. My boss has a GPS in his truck, he still calls me to find out how to find things in the city instead. lol

Gemini1766 -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 11:39:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anonymousslave quote: ORIGINAL: Gemini1766 quote: ORIGINAL: anonymousslave online it is just that, online.... a computer screen, not a person.. So, you are saying that all of us here are AIs. We're not real, we're simply computer programs communicating very well like HAL9000 would. Everyone here is REAL. The identity they present may not be quite accurate, but never-the-less real. We have feelings, hopes, dreams, desires, fears, hates.... the whole gauntlet. No I am not saying that. I am saying that anyone can say anything online when you don't have to see or hear the other person. It is a good place for people who are afraid of the world to hide and be anyone they want to be. But when reality sinks in they are too afraid cause real life and online are so different. We are still people. There is no tone in typed word. anonymousslave, we can only go by the words you type. And you typed those very words. Yes, one can claim to be anything they want online. Easiest when they make the claim in asyncronous chat, like here, where they have time to think about what they want to say so they can keep a facade up and not blow it. However, I've found that it is few and far between who can keep any such facade up for any real length of time. They nearly always goof and out themselves, and it's always little shit that gets them. I'm me. Pure and simple. I don't change who I am. At most I learn more about who I am as I grow. I have been in real time communications online with one person here in CM, and others from outside here but online. Some I have spoken with on the phone. All of them would be hard pressed to find difference between me here and elsewhere. Even my current partner, vanilla to the bone, would tell you I am who I represent myself to be. It's much easier to be real than to pretend. That way you never get caught in a falsehood.

akisha -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 11:46:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anonymousslave No I am not saying that. I am saying that anyone can say anything online when you don't have to see or hear the other person. It is a good place for people who are afraid of the world to hide and be anyone they want to be. But when reality sinks in they are too afraid cause real life and online are so different. We are still people. There is no tone in typed word. Wait a minute... I have never hidden on here, or online. I live in the middle of friggin no where and use online to actually connect with like minded people. My current Dominant and my previous Dominant, I both met right here in CM, then in person soon after. My pictures are all of me. I have used the same online nick name for about 12 years now on all the sites I belong to. and you'll notice if you ever find my other profiles that my pictures are the same the content of my profiles are the same. I'm very consistant. I have met many good freinds, many un-matched Domiants, etc etc etc. Yes there can be "tone" in typed word. Trust me, I can get my tone across quiet easily "muhahahahaha" [:'(] I have never be AFRAID to meet someone. I have cancelled meeting people cause they started giving off a freaky creepy vibe though. But that's called Common Sense and safety instinct kicking in. If something feels creapy, don't go!!!! Granted, some people to solely exist online to meet their fantasy kink needs. But don't be spouting off that all of us are. oh ya, you are online so that kind of includes you in the scared, fantasy living people by your own words does it not???????[8\|]

Poetryinpain -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 12:15:48 PM)
I ignored all the rules. Well, we did meet very briefly in a public place surrounded by other people. It was just long enough for him to say, "Hi, I'm L___." Then he called later and said, "Can you host?" I said yes, and we set a time for him to come over to my apartment. (I have transportation issues.) The idea was that we would talk, and if we felt comfortable we would play. We played. And we've played periodically ever since. It hasn't been a long time, but I do trust him, and we both enjoy our sessions. pip, chucking the rule book

scottjk -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 12:23:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Speak for yourself. I haven't followed a single one of your rules and have had no problem with people showing up or with my safety. Look at the common denominator in your issues...you? edited to add missing words Wow, Aileen. Feeling a bit hostile for some reason? His point was that meeting people isn't as dangerous as many posters would like you to think. It's easy to create fear. It's easy to talk about what could go wrong, or badly. It's easy to point to the news to validate that fear. It's easy to say, "Once is enough." It's hard to say possible is different from inevitable. He's pointing out that with sensible precautions, you can meet a lot of good honorable people without fear. It's sad to see that your only response is not support, but a sneering condescending reply that appears that you're only interested in an argument. I support what he says wholeheartedly, no one should allow fear to ensure that you never meet people and improve your chances of meeting some one you could spend your life with. Why so hostile about what he said?

Emperor1956 -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 12:36:04 PM)
As a leaping off point, I think Aileen was "so hostile" because she, like many of us, are tired of people who "lay down the law" as to what one must and must not do. It sounds good -- "Oh he's so solicitious of newbies" -- but in fact it is self-serving drivel. My TomTom can't ever find my office. It has to do with being in an unincorporated area, carved out of a nursery and next to a forest preserve on a private road. Google Maps and Mapquest screw it up too. I guess I'm lucky that none of the delightful people I've met here know how to use those technologies. And...I get few Jehovah's Witnesses out here, too. Now what I don't get is the issue our oh-so-helpful OP dodges and BossyShoeBitch reinforces (although she may not have meant to): Do you meet someone without knowing enough about them to identify who they are? The implication here is exactly that -- hence the need for skullduggery, private eyes (WOW!) and such. I don't. I give my cell phone number, my address and usually my name, and I expect the same. That doesn't mean YOU have to do all that...but that's just what I do. And Lady Paige...I like how you think. E.

Floggings4You -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 12:43:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OmegaG Ironically it seems that those who have had things work out well have done so by not following the rules... Many O/others who have not abided by safe practices are simply no longer with U/us, and are thus unable to post at all. Their voices cannot be heard.

SteelofUtah -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 12:44:45 PM)
SlaveMaster is a PRIME example of why we should be safe. HOWEVER treating meeting like every dom is going to be SlaveMaster is just ridiculas. Steel

celticlord2112 -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 12:47:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BIllCT Well, it is called the catch22 of being in the Lifestyle, I can't take a chance in meeting you, how do I know your safe to meet, how do I know you won't touch me unless I say you can, etc.? This is the reality of dating/meeting people period. Lifestyle has nothing to do with it. The answer to all relationship questions that begin with "how do I know...." is usually a simple "you don't." Relationships are risky business, be they lifestyle or vanilla.

parttimehotty -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 12:53:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy This isn't limited to just the people who engage in BD/SM activities. This is an issue that is common for anyone who uses the internet to meet people, as well as anyone who uses personal ads to meet people, regardless of their lifestyle. joy Owned servant of Master David quote: ORIGINAL: BIllCT Ever notice people say, how about a coffee or dinner or a lunch, but then very few show up? Well, it is called the catch22 of being in the Lifestyle, I can't take a chance in meeting you, how do I know your safe to meet, how do I know you won't touch me unless I say you can, etc.? Exactly what i was going to point out, joy. Another point, BillCT, when i read your post, i had a very immature thought.....DUHHH!! Imagine that! Getting stood up is a possibility??? WOW!! Thanks for the heads up!!!!

OmegaG -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 12:55:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Floggings4You quote: ORIGINAL: OmegaG Ironically it seems that those who have had things work out well have done so by not following the rules... Many O/others who have not abided by safe practices are simply no longer with U/us, and are thus unable to post at all. Their voices cannot be heard. Well aren't you sunshine and light. The truth is that if you don't do stupid things with stupid people you don't end up on the evening news. There have been people that I've met and played with on the same day, there have been people I've met who shared a wonderful meal with me and we went our seperate ways and there are people who I would never meet no matter how "safe" I kept myself. Of course I have this rare trait of common sense.

Floggings4You -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 1:23:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Floggings4You Many O/others who have not abided by safe practices are simply no longer with U/us, and are thus unable to post at all. Their voices cannot be heard. quote: ORIGINAL: OmegaG Well aren't you sunshine and light. The truth is that if you don't do stupid things with stupid people you don't end up on the evening news. There have been people that I've met and played with on the same day, there have been people I've met who shared a wonderful meal with me and we went our seperate ways and there are people who I would never meet no matter how "safe" I kept myself. Of course I have this rare trait of common sense. Well, aren't you sunshine and light.

KatyLied -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 1:30:26 PM)
quote: As a leaping off point, I think Aileen was "so hostile" because she, like many of us, are tired of people who "lay down the law" as to what one must and must not do. It sounds good -- "Oh he's so solicitious of newbies" -- but in fact it is self-serving drivel. Exactly. And when it smacks of safety police protectors with their shiny badges it's ridiculous. Adults are free to assess the risk inherent in any given situation and act accordingly. According to how they feel about it. Not by the standards of a bunch of strangers on-line holding badges and safety manuals. We aren't a bunch of kids. ack spell edit

metamorpha -> RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM (4/3/2008 5:52:47 PM)
The original Catch 22: I can't be a pilot because I'm crazy, but I would have to be crazy to be a pilot. What is the Catch 22 in your idea?

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