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RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 7:00:06 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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Yeah other one today is complaining that us subs are awful for not just wanting to be toys and wanting to be in a relationship.

Im thinking there may be one of your problems when it comes to meeting people.

Edited to add, the first part was in reply to KS's comment about threads, the second is to the op.
(happy now :P)

< Message edited by colouredin -- 4/3/2008 7:07:27 AM >

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Post #: 21

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 7:01:23 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

you are such a sweet talker Gemini

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Post #: 22

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 7:02:46 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

I just read his other threads...

No comment..

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Post #: 23

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 7:02:50 AM

Floggings4You

Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
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I think there are many people on sites such as this who enjoy the fantasy of meeting someone and engaging in kinky behaviours--and who never intend it to be more than a fantasy. You aren't ever going to meet these folks, 'cause they're never going to take their dominant hands out of their laps--or let go of the mouse with the other! Even if they've read your reasonable advice--hell, even if they actually schedule a lunch meeting with you--it's all just part of the fantasy. You'll still end up having lunch by yourself.

But, despite whatever it is that keeps so many people unwilling to join O/our reality (apparently preferring the fantasy), I've met far more 'real' (actual, living, breathing) people, face-to-face, than I've had times when I've been stood up.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BIllCT

The catch 22 of Bdsm is this, many people want to get involved in it or are in it, but, they are scared to meet anyone.

Ever notice people say, how about a coffee or dinner or a lunch, but then very few show up?

Well, it is called the catch22 of being in the Lifestyle, I can't take a chance in meeting you, how do I know your safe to meet, how do I know you won't touch me unless I say you can, etc.?

Well, some simple rules should apply folks,
1) Meet in a very public place with people around you.
2) Take a friend if you need too
3) Take a cell phone if you do not have a friend, or just take one to be safe.
4) Talk first before you decide you will scene or play and never do so on the first meeting.

Just Figured I would mention this catch 22 of BDSM and D/s, because I see so many people looking for partners fopr the lifestyle but many hesitating to meet, worried the people they meet may be problems.

< Message edited by Floggings4You -- 4/3/2008 7:03:54 AM >

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Post #: 24

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 7:05:09 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

Oi! Mind where you hit "reply"

.

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Post #: 25

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 7:07:42 AM

Gemini1766

Posts: 991
Joined: 3/7/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

you are such a sweet talker Gemini

Thanks dear.
I am a sweety, mostly.

The mind is such a powerful thing. If you can remember to keep your fingers/mouth under control and use your mind to help you express your thoughts clearly, honestly, and in a productive way, you get a lot further than when you let your fingers/mouth run away and just sound off.

I'm feeling like doing a test now.

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Post #: 26

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 7:28:14 AM

Gemini1766

Posts: 991
Joined: 3/7/2008
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Test in progress. It seems to be working out nicely. Got a few responses so far and all are good. :)
Not only is it a test, but it gives people ideas on ways to meet others for the first time. I like it.

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"TwistedKinkerBell's online male companion of a nearly intimate nature."

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Post #: 27

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 8:00:20 AM

anonymousslave

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline

Gotta think about something though...... how serious are the people about the type of relationship they are trying to get involved in if they can't even meet someone face to face? If someone from work asked you out to coffee, would you go? Of course, cause that is a person... online it is just that, online.... a computer screen, not a person.. so it is a lot more difficult to find the people who are serious and do want what they are saying they want. Fear is one thing, but when they don't have the confidence in themselves to face their fears, then is it really worth it?

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Post #: 28

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 8:06:12 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

I don't sweat it-but I only bother with veterans-never total newbies. Maybe that is your real issue?

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Post #: 29

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 8:06:14 AM

Gemini1766

Posts: 991
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anonymousslave

online it is just that, online.... a computer screen, not a person..

So, you are saying that all of us here are AIs. We're not real, we're simply computer programs communicating very well like HAL9000 would.

Everyone here is REAL. The identity they present may not be quite accurate, but never-the-less real.
We have feelings, hopes, dreams, desires, fears, hates.... the whole gauntlet.

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"TwistedKinkerBell's online male companion of a nearly intimate nature."

(in reply to anonymousslave)

Post #: 30

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 8:57:52 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I didn't take a friend.
I didn't have a safe call.
I did get into his car on the first meet.
We didn't play but only because we ran out of time, I had a ferry to catch. We did wind up half naked in the back seat of the car in a deserted parking lot. Would have been fully interrupted but a cop car came into the parking lot at that moment.

Five years this August.

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Post #: 31

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 9:36:23 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DS4DUMMIES

4. Never meet a man at a place your TomTom cannot find.

Hahahaha... This is one of my rules actually >.>

<3 Tomtom

(in reply to DS4DUMMIES)

Post #: 32

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 9:41:03 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

Hmm first off... What the heck is a TomTom??

And regarding the OP. I've met lots of people from online both nilla and kinsters. I've probably broken every rule too lol.
I have never been stood up. There have been more then a couple meetings that lasted as long as it takes to drink a cup of coffee or Ice T then it was ya well have a good one and never talked to them again. lol My former Dom, our first date was 21 hours *grins* my current Dom, our first date lasted 10 days.

My Dominant now, I picked up at the airport and took him home *S* opps, my bad hehe

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Post #: 33

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 9:59:28 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

Hmm first off... What the heck is a TomTom??

A TomTom is a type of GPS unit, Global Positioning System....one of those little things we plug into our car and it tells us how to get from point A to point B.

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 34

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 9:59:57 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

TomTom = gps unit... that's only a rule because I consider my self ah... navigationally challenged...

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Post #: 35

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 10:00:55 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

LMAO. Aileen like someone would not show to meet you.

i am thinking the same thing!!! i would even show up and i am straight!

quote:

Bill don't fret it. I sure that you will be able to con someone into meeting you.

i hope so for Bill's sake - he has been searching a long time and seems a bit frustrated

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Post #: 36

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 10:05:03 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DS4DUMMIES

Let me elaborate a bit on this......we're missing some key info here....

These are MY rules for safety :)

9. Don't ever go to the home of a man who seems very anal about making sure you are both out of the house by 2:45 PM.
10. Beware the Dom who explains away the women's clothing, toiletries, makeup, etc. in his house, as "..oh...that stuff belongs to my cross-dressing roommate. By the way, it's almost 2:45 and we need to get going..".

...Just common sense .... :)

DS4,

This was priceless! i love it - specially the quoted section above...just about had my lunch land on my keyboard!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

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Post #: 37

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 10:13:11 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

i got in Ma'ams car the first night i met Her, also i ended up going to Her place (and She drove) less than a week later.

Good think that She's not some twisted sadist who wanted to tie me up and... ummm... oh, wait.

*darchChylde backs out slowly*

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Post #: 38

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 10:17:04 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

Ironically it seems that those who have had things work out well have done so by not following the rules......

I still think that a good instinct trumps any predefined set of "one-size-fits-all" rules.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 39

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 10:19:31 AM

LadyPaige

Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I'm big on safety too, mostly because the first Dom I played with (I'd played with Doms before, was just waaaaay long ago before I knew what a "Dom" was) chewed me out for not taking safety precautions with him and painted all kinds of gory pictures.

And safety goes for men too. Last summer when I was looking for a submissive male I met a guy here, met him in public, and eventually went to his place to play (I made a safe call, even sent a pic of him to my friend). I bound him to a closet door using door straps and a spreader bar wearing nothing but a breakaway thong and a blindfold. Then I asked him. Have you told anyone about me? "No", So, no one knows I'm here? "No" I then put a ball gag in his mouth, removed his thong, and told him that I'd play with him while I waited for my friends to arrived with a truck to empty his house. *Sigh* I had informed him that I found mind games to be delicious but he must not have appreciated it because although he enjoyed the session (according to the physical evidence and his verbal feedback) I never heard from him again.

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 40

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