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Return Collar - 10/5/2005 6:36:50 AM

PurrfectCuck

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/4/2005
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n

< Message edited by PurrfectCuck -- 10/7/2005 9:19:01 AM >

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 6:48:41 AM

MasterRobert1

Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
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If you're going by the old school rules, the collar rightfully belong to the Dom. It's His/Hers and you are simply wear their collar as a sign that you are under their control in some fashion. So, return the collar. It's the right thing to do.

Robert

(in reply to PurrfectCuck)

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 6:51:22 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PurrfectCuck

Once a slave is released, should she return her collar? Or should it be a "prize" for her to keep?

Sir Franck

While I don't use collars in the way many do, I'd wonder why one would want the collar back. It certainly could be seen as an insult to offer a collar to one person that was previously worn by another. As for collecting them, think about what it says about a dominant who has a number of collars. How good is he or she at maintaining a relationship?

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(in reply to PurrfectCuck)

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 6:53:03 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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Traditional history is that the collar is always the property of the master, who simply places it upon his/her property as a symbol of ownership. Thus, when the slave is no longer his property, the collar is returned to its rightful owner.

But if we want to forget that, it's rare that a sub WANTS to keep a collar from a former dom.

And it would be in VERY bad taste for a dominant to ever use the collar on someone else if it was a collar specifically made/bought for that relationship.

However, if you work it out in the end that the slave gets the collar, then go for it. In a previous relationship when I asked to be released, the dom made me take the collar saying it was a gift to me. I haven't worn it or thrown it out and have no idea if I ever will do either.

With the advent of collars becoming more about status symbols and substitutes/additions for romantic relationships rather than literal ownerships, it would behoove those involved to consider the emotional aspects of the situation and not solely the practical ones.

(in reply to PurrfectCuck)

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 8:55:56 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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All collars in my home are the property of the owner (Lady Neets, Myself or House Iron Bear). the slave does not remove the collar, the owner does and retains it for destruction.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to PurrfectCuck)

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 9:04:44 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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I believe the collar belongs to the Dominant. We don't reuse collars.

My issue is seeing an ex-sub wearing a collar we gave her while out with another Dominant because she treats it like a clothing accessory.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to IronBear)

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 9:18:25 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
My issue is seeing an ex-sub wearing a collar we gave her while out with another Dominant because she treats it like a clothing accessory.

I've debated that with the collar I was given. It really is a very pretty collar and others have told me I should wear it and use it, but I can't get over the symbolism of it and how it might just be tacky to wear it like that. Although the fact that she wears it when with ANOTHER dom of hers is definitely pretty tacky IMO.

But we can't put people down for not sharing our own values.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 9:56:22 AM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
My issue is seeing an ex-sub wearing a collar we gave her while out with another Dominant because she treats it like a clothing accessory.

I've debated that with the collar I was given. It really is a very pretty collar and others have told me I should wear it and use it, but I can't get over the symbolism of it and how it might just be tacky to wear it like that. Although the fact that she wears it when with ANOTHER dom of hers is definitely pretty tacky IMO.

But we can't put people down for not sharing our own values.

On the same thought, what I do get a kajira is a "Social Collar" to wear when we are out and the normal collar is deemed inappropriate. The social collar just as with her soft sleeping collar are things she can take if we split with my blessings (especially if we are friends after). It is nice to see or hear of her wearing it as an accessory. But that is just a personal thing I like to do..

< Message edited by IronBear -- 10/5/2005 9:57:37 AM >

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Iron Bear

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 10:29:27 AM

RainGod

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
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I have always assumed it was proper to give it back. I never really thought about there being an insult in giving a collar to someone that was previously given to another.

I guess the reason why is I have a certain collar which is so unique, it is the only one like it I've ever found. I have looked, so I could purchase another to match it, but no luck. It is black leather, with beautiful, tiny chrome Egyptian ankhs on it....(matches My intrest in Egyptology). It has three sets of small silver chains. I wish I had a pic of it to share...

I could never bear to destroy it. I has been given twice before over the eight years I have owned it. I really never thought of it as insulting. I guess I always considered it to be a part of Me... instead of some meaningless tag to be tossed when used.

Maybe I am just a sentimental old fool.

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Love is a razor & I walk the line on that silver blade... slept in the dust with His daughter her eyes red with the slaughter of innocence... The evil that men do lives on & on.
~ Iron Maiden

(in reply to IronBear)

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 10:34:18 AM

krikket

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Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
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i still have the one "collar" that was given to me a number of years ago, even though the relationship has now been over for a couple of years. i also have my old wedding ring, although i admit i've been broke enough several times to be tempted to hock it..lol. The simple fact is that i probably won't get rid of either one, although i'm not really sure why. I still have pictures of my partners (wedding, etc.) that i won't get rid of -- perhaps it's just something tangible that i can touch that reminds that there have been times in my life when i was loved.

i keep the pictures in a box, the wedding ring in my jewelry box, and the collar (which is a charm of gold handcuffs) in a small box in my dresser. i move both boxes when i clean, rarely give them a second thought, but i doubt i'll ever get rid of them -- but i'm the sort that keeps babies' hair and first booties too long after the kids are grown..lol.

cheers
jimini

< Message edited by krikket -- 10/5/2005 10:38:03 AM >

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(in reply to IronBear)

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 12:44:55 PM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: krikket

i still have the one "collar" that was given to me a number of years ago, even though the relationship has now been over for a couple of years. i also have my old wedding ring, although i admit i've been broke enough several times to be tempted to hock it..lol. The simple fact is that i probably won't get rid of either one, although i'm not really sure why. I still have pictures of my partners (wedding, etc.) that i won't get rid of -- perhaps it's just something tangible that i can touch that reminds that there have been times in my life when i was loved.

i keep the pictures in a box, the wedding ring in my jewelry box, and the collar (which is a charm of gold handcuffs) in a small box in my dresser. i move both boxes when i clean, rarely give them a second thought, but i doubt i'll ever get rid of them -- but i'm the sort that keeps babies' hair and first booties too long after the kids are grown..lol.

cheers
jimini

hence my reason for wanting them to have something as a rememberance. The oroginal or master collar if you will, gets returned and I destroy it. let's just say its part of the decollering ritual which symbalises the end of something.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 12:53:03 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
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ES:

quote:

But we can't put people down for not sharing our own values.

Spoilsport!

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 12:53:38 PM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
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I really dont know much about it, but I suppose it would be something like wedding ring....... I know that my ex husband was never so hurt in his life as he was when I took my wedding ring off my finger and gave him back.
My present husband is wearing a thick golden necklace I gave him for his birthday - he will not take it off at any circumstances, he says it protects him. If I ever saw him without it I would be deeply concerned about our relationship.

So I guess it just depends on how much and what those things mean to someone.

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 3:07:19 PM

FTopinMichigan

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Joined: 7/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
While I don't use collars in the way many do, I'd wonder why one would want the collar back. It certainly could be seen as an insult to offer a collar to one person that was previously worn by another. As for collecting them, think about what it says about a dominant who has a number of collars. How good is he or she at maintaining a relationship?

Ya beat me to the post, John!

I completely agree.

I don't like using collars, but for some reason, I find that most submissive men, that I meet, really enjoy them. I have found quite a few of them that come with their "own"...which is fine with me, but it's for fashion or play, and means nothing more than being functional. <Pet peeve of mine - for a man to put a collar on without asking, prior to a scene/play.>

In the traditional sense of a collar being given to a sub, from a Dom/me...just not my thang.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PurrfectCuck
Once a slave is released, should she return her collar? Or should it be a "prize" for her to keep?

Maybe the person that paid for the collar, keeps it. Or, who ended the relationship? The other keeps the collar. I would think neither person would want the collar, because it's a symbol now of a failed relationship. Hardly a "prize," in my book.

I don't believe that the number of 'notches' in a collar is anything to be proud of either.

Burn the collar!

(in reply to JohnWarren)

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 3:18:36 PM

JustaTop

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No relationship is ever a failure if you learned from it,and kept at least SOME good memories. I think I prefer to simply not bother with collars at all.

Why even bother with some trite symbol that is supposed to suggest a bond, in any case? It's a bit like contracts,a trite convention for the Unimaginitive. I prefer to simply be able to think of someone with a warm and happy feeling-someone who has added to my life-rather than subtracted from it.

I feel that many who are "into this" take themselves FAR too seriously.......especially with a dynamic that is at it's heart,so much more about feelings and some pretty irrational stuff.....why try to structure it to death?

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 3:25:00 PM

KatyLied

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From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

why try to structure it to death?

I understand what you are saying....but some people need that structure. It is security for them.

About reusing collars....I would find that plagued with bad juju. I would want my own, never used on another sub. But then I sometimes like to think I'm so special. lol

(in reply to JustaTop)

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 4:29:02 PM

Soulhuntre

Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PurrfectCuck
Once a slave is released, should she return her collar? Or should it be a "prize" for her to keep?

In my house my collars remain mine. They are badges of standing and place... if you see someone with my collar on (they are custom) then you can know they are in my service. When someoen leaves my service the collar is retained by me. An exception to this is "Estate collars" - those earned by people my peers and I train. When and if they complete that training to our satisfction they can take their Estate leather with them as a sign of that.

(in reply to PurrfectCuck)

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 4:31:47 PM

masterlash

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PurrfectCuck

Once a slave is released, should she return her collar? Or should it be a "prize" for her to keep?

Sir Franck

Personally, I give a collar out seldom. I do not want it back if I release a slave. I treat it as a symbol of my ownership of her. If I no longer own it, why do I want a meaningless symbol.

Frankly, I do not care what happens to the collar if I release a slave.

I also do not keep keys of a car I no longer own.

(in reply to PurrfectCuck)

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 7:16:18 PM

perfection20005

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From everything I have heard and read, it is to be returned to the Master who is releasing her.

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perfection

"I took one look at Him, and I knew He was my Master."

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RE: Return Collar - 10/5/2005 7:38:47 PM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
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I believe the slave should return it to the Master. At a time when this was actually an issue for me, I thought to give it to my next slave as a temporary collar. I changed my thoughts on that quite awhile ago, though. If one were returned to me, I would keep it in remembrance but put it away. Returned or not, it's not a big deal to me anymore. My mind is elsewhere.

Bob

(in reply to perfection20005)

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